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Crush a wish!

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[size=8pt]Granted, but by the time someone gets their hands on one, you've grown to an immense size (too many moist maggot-cakes). So, when you become the FIRST VICTIM, no one suspects anything when you die of a heart attack.
Woe is you.

I wish L was my dog.[/size]
 
Granted.

An evil/mad scientist decides to create so many cakes and slice them up that there are so many pies that everyone and everything gets squished/suffocated by pies.

I wish that I wasn't weird. :p
 
Granted, but now your stuck doing the same thing over and over again for eternity

i wish pokemon platinum was already out
 
Granted, but you would eventually become bored with the changes/updates to Pokemon you just stop playing all the games completely.

I wish my insomnia would go away.
 
Granted, your personalities argue with each other and you are induced into a comma due to the mental stress.

I wish I had a Wii console.
 
Granted. You get 1 1/2 more interesting 3 word books to read. (That counts as a crush, right?)

I wish that Chaotic would FINALLY finish beta.
 
granted but you die playing after two hours and you are extremely disappointed because you got beat miserably

i wish i was more outgoing
 
Granted, but then everyone hates outgoing people.

I wish Yu-Gi-oh GX would finish the damn Into The Shadows saga and have Jaden finally beat Yubel!
 
Granted. Jaden does, but then the next arc/season/what ever has the exact same plot with someone different (but more annoying).

I wish that sleeping in didn't make you tired.
 
Granted, but everybody hates him and he goes to Mars so the rest of the cast can live in peace.

I wish that I could see to the bottom of the sea!
 
Granted, but then you lose the ability to move your neck to see upwards.

I wish I could actually write this stupid college paper.
 
You do write it, but as you said it's stupid. But your teacher/professor/what ever loves it and it gets to be everywhere but you still hate it.

I wish that summer was longer.
 
Granted. But a scientist finds you, and keeps you in a mueseum.

I wish I could breathe both underwater and above water.
 
Granted, but now you have to live in water! (soggy socks, what a bad sensation!)

I wish I could write down more than a vague definition of 'structural functional approach'.
 
Granted, but you kill yourself using them.

I wish America had it's own culture, not culture stolen from other cultures.
 
Granted, but American culture is all patriotic and political (Waytogo, Secad. I hate politics)

I wish I could've seen The Dark Knight last night.
 
Granted, but all there is to eat is rotten waffles and bear meat.

I wish I knew exactly why my friends that are girls think I'm like a big teddy bear. (I can understand my gf, but..)
 
Granted, but you also learn the stuff they thought about you that you didn't want to know.

I wish I could get my work done!
 
Granted. They are so powerful that you hear everybody's mind at one time and your head asplodes.

I wish my gerbil wasn't so retarded.
 
Granted, but then your cat becomes retarded.

I wish I had wings like Maximum Ride, without the drama, evil scientists, and the negative stuff.
 
Granted, but then your cat becomes retarded.
HA HA! I don't have a cat! But you rubbed it in that I don't...

Granted, but then a tiger eats your wings off and you have to go into surgery and get big scars. Then in the future they figure out how to put them back on but your body rejects them and you get depressed.

I wish that I had a cat.
 
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