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He Saw - A Drabble

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Teapot, Mar 16, 2009.

  1. Teapot

    Teapot Virtual Duck Enthusiast
    Staff Member Administrator

    OOC: An attempt to try a new style of writing. No idea how it worked. Comments and critique are, as usual, encouraged.

    ---

    "This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends"


    He could see everything from where he stood. He could see the white-tipped mountains that shone in the sunlight, symbols of the earth's majesty and power, he could see the green speckled fields that fed the world, and he could see the deepest black ocean, barren of life.

    He could see the black and the white, and he could see the rich and the poor, and he could see the men and the women, and he regarded them - their happiness, their suffering, their lives and their deaths - just the same.

    And he could see the beginning, and he could see the end. He could see war and he could see peace. He could see victories and losses. He could see those who sent men to their deaths, and he could see those who fought their own battles. He could see a man who had a dream, and a man who tore down walls.

    And he could see how the world would end. In fact, he was there.

    He laughed at the scientists, with their predictions. At the priests, with their lies.

    All wrong. All wrong.

    He watched, with emotionless interest, as a handful of people plotted the lives - the deaths - of millions of others. Their minds blanked, blocked, not daring to face the consequences of their actions, not daring to face what they were doing, to look their fate in the eye.

    And he watched as the lives of the innocent were lost in the white death that followed. He marvelled at how such heat could come from such coldness. How the spectacular light could lead to such darkness. And he walked among the survivors, unseen and unnoticed, and he saw the sadness in their hearts as they buried their loved ones. Killed by someone a thousand miles away.

    And, for the first time in milennia, he felt saddened. Saddened that these people had done nothing wrong, yet they had had their lives ripped from them senselessly. Concealed by a pack of lies.

    But he could do nothing. So he kept walking. Kept seeing, kept listening. He heard the children, helpless without their parents, thrust into a situation they neither knew about nor wished to be involved in. And he saw the elders, helpless without their children, only too aware of the horrors around them... and their own inability to act.

    And so he visited the leaders, safe in their beds. Warm. Uncaring. Asleep. They would wake up tomorrow and continue life as normal, with their shroud of ignorance around them, and their knowledge that they will not befall the same fate as the rest of the world.

    All wrong. All wrong.

    Because he would finally take action. Cleanse the world of it's evil and it's suffering. Allow all to make a new start.

    He could see how the world would end. In fact, he was the one who would cause it. His journey had purpose now. His steps had a purpose to them, a power that stretched beyond time and space.

    Soon, he reached the centre of everything. The giver of life and death and the force that kept the universe together. And he extended a hand, older than time, yet youthful and strong. His sleeve, and his robe, were pure white, laced with a material that shone with every colour of the rainbow, and was never the same, changing and forming into intricate and beautiful patterns and spirals, moving at the whim of time itself. His body was long, lean, thin - like his hand, it was aged beyond measure, yet strong.

    And, in one swift motion, he struck the source of everything. And the colours on his robe faded into nothing. The patterns that shimmered and swirled grew slow and stopped, and eventually... eventually, there was nothing. The seas and the lands and the mountains disappeared. The people disappeared, with their suffering and pain and ignorance gone with them.

    The world ended then.

    "Not with a bang, but with a whimper."
     
  2. That was nice. Leaving out the description of the protagonist physical appearance, for the most part at least, did help to concentrate on what was happening around. Without great detail, it comes across as being rather aloof, which I suppose is the point.

    Which came first though, the inspiration or the phrase?
     
  3. Magpie

    Magpie Feathered Overseer
    Staff Member Moderator

    Very nice and atmospheric. Like Tatile said, you do get across a sense of aloof-ness, which really works well. I especially like this bit:

    It has a nice flow to it, and stands out to me. In a way, it kind of drills home how powerless we really are against forces we can't control, even though we do our best a species to find an explanation for anything, be it science or religion.

    All in all, very nice. I enjoyed reading it, and I liked the style of writing very much. I liked how you didn't over dramatise the end of the world, like tends to happen, but just wrote like it was any other event. Cold, simple fact. Very nice indeed ^^
     
  4. Teapot

    Teapot Virtual Duck Enthusiast
    Staff Member Administrator

    The inspiration came first, and as I wrote the last paragraph or so, the phrase I used as the final line popped into my mind. I liked it enough that I decided to use it. :)

    [quote author=Silver Magpie link=topic=5754.msg93885#msg93885 date=1237292235]
    It has a nice flow to it, and stands out to me. In a way, it kind of drills home how powerless we really are against forces we can't control, even though we do our best a species to find an explanation for anything, be it science or religion.
    [/quote]That part is actually my favourite too, and was one of the first I thought of when this idea started rattling in my head. I did actually consider not using it for a time, but I couldn't resist. ^^;

    Thank you both for reading! ^^
     

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