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A Fallen World

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Sem, Feb 8, 2007.

  1. Sem

    Sem The Last of the Snowmen
    Former Administrator

    Right, this is the prologue to my newest fic. Its none pokemon related so I hope it works out and doesn't make me want to ingest a box of nails. I hope to finish this fic so if I get lazy, please, please, bug me to death about it.


    Four soldiers walked out into the cold air. They were making their way to the keep of the castle, making sure that whatever it was they were carrying got there as safely and as quickly as possible. The full moon shone down on them, lighting their way. Few clouds were in the sky and it was cold. Spring had just begun, but winter still had one last night for the people to endure before all traces of the cold season faded away into memory for the time being.

    The door of the keep opened as the guards approached. They rushed in and the door closed behind them. Up a stairwell they went and down the hall. The keep was dark, only torches illuminated the inside of the building. The walls were cold, as was the floor. They passed few windows, the moonlight changed color in the stained glass. A few more doors down and they came to a very large door. It was open and people were waiting inside.

    "Quickly! Place him on the bed." One said. The guards did so, then two of them left, the other two stayed. A woman in exquisite, dark purple robes went over, leaned on the bed and cried.

    "I'm going to have to ask you to get up; the doctor and healer need to look at him." The woman looked up, tears streamed from her eyes. Her long dark brown hair was graying. Her face showed signs of the aging process in an early stage.

    "O-oh… Of course." She said sadly. Her lip quivered and she reluctantly got up. She walked over to one of the remaining guards and stood by him. She rubbed her hands as she asked. "What happened, Arro?... What has happened to my husband?" She put her hand up to her mouth and fought tears as she look at the man lying on the bed. A doctor was checking every inch of his body for any sign of what was wrong. A healer stood on the side, preparing something in a small bowl with herbs and various potions.

    "His Majesty was out for his nightly walk as usual, he was out in the garden when he suddenly collapsed." Other people listened as the royal guard explained. "Silaf and I asked the other guards to quickly help us carry him… We came as fast as we could, we knew the cold air would not be good for him."

    "I told him it was too cold to go out tonight! I told him to remember that he was still a bit ill from his sickness… but, he was so stubborn as usual." The Queen covered her face. The healer bent over the King and poured a liquid down his throat. She then turned around.

    "He will be fine Your Highness, please do not worry." She tried to comfort the Queen.

    "He most likely fainted my Queen, you will see him awake in the morning." The doctor added.

    The Queen sighed and smiled a bit. "Thank you. This news gladdens my sad old heart." Running was suddenly heard out in the hall. A guard came into the room, panting.

    "Your Highness! Something has happened to Prince Sapik!" he said. Then a new wave of tears flowed from the Queen's eyes as she hurried to her son's chamber, Silaf followed as did the healer. Her robes flowed behind her as she ran. Through the dark halls they ran until they burst through the doors of another room. There on the bed lay the prince, he was shaking uncontrollably and coughing up large amounts of blood. He looked as if he was in terrible pain. Another doctor was with Prince Sapik.

    "Your Highness, this started just recently. I sent word to you as soon as he started shaking." The Queen rushed to her son's side and tried to calm him; she held his hands in hers and began to speak to him in calming tones as he continued to have seizures. The healer had begun creating another potion when Sapik stopped shaking. His coughing stopped soon afterwards. The doctor placed his hand on the Prince's neck. "I… I'm sorry Your Highness… Your son is dead."

    Silaf had fallen ill two days before. He was out hunting with a few of the nobles. They drinking water by a stream in a small clearing tucked inside the forest. As they drank a magnificent looking deer walked into the clearing. It was the largest deer Sapik had ever seen. Its body shone like gold in the sunlight, its eyes looked like crystals of amber, and its antlers were large and sharp, able to kill a man. Prince Sapik silent drew his bow and aimed. The others watched the animal and waited for Sapik to fire, but that moment never came. They turned and saw that he had dropped his bow, and was on the ground clutching his chest. The deer ran away into the safety of the woods while the guards carried the prince to his horse. He was in worse condition when he finally got back to the castle. His breathing became labored, and he was too dizzy to do anything on his own.

    His condition slowly became better as the days passed, but it seems that the disease had ultimately won in the end.

    The queen's head fell onto the blood stained blankets. Silaf kneeled next to her. "My Lady, I think it is no coincidence that the king and prince became ill at the same time… You must send word to the other doctor immediately. Horror came upon the Queen's face as she realized this; she rushed out of the room back to her husband's room. She never thought of the possibility of an attack on the royal family, but she couldn't even imagine what would happen if the whole family was dethroned. The kingdom would fall into chaos and other nations would try and take the throne, which meant war for the leaderless people. If she could tell the doctor he could be saved. Luck did not shine on her however, she saw the doctor pull a sheet over the King's face as she entered.

    "F-forgive me Your Highness." He said, his face grim. The Queen fell onto the floor where she stood and was silent. Her husband was gone, as was her son. Both were cruelly taken from her in the same hour.

    "Mother!" Her head slowly turned and met the face of her other son, her only son. "I came I soon as I heard, what has happe-" He stopped as he saw his father lying lifeless on the bed, a sheet covered his body.

    "They're dead Sorek… Your father and brother." She responded, lifeless. She stood and embraced her son and then held his face in both her hands. His face bore no blemishes and his skin was smooth. He was barely into his twenties. "I love you, my son. Don't die too. Don't leave this old woman to wallow in her misery all alone for the rest of her days."

    "N-no mother." He said. A tear formed in one of his blue eyes. Her hands combed through his blond hair repeatedly. "I will be with you." he said.

    "You are the King now." She grabbed his shoulders and looked at him. "We will hold a ceremony tomorrow along with the burial of your father and brother."

    "I… I couldn't accept that responsibility… not now." He responded gazing past her to the bed.

    "But you mus-"

    "And why think about it now? We must grieve for my father and brother. I can't grieve and hold the weight of an entire Kingdom at the same time."

    "The people will need someone to look to for comfort; they will feel unsafe without a ruler. They will look to you, they expect it of you."

    "We shall see, but not now. Please mother. At least give me this night to grieve."

    "Of course my son, go." He nodded and forced a weak smile, and then he walked out of the room into the darkness of the hall.

    An announcement was made to the people of this terrible tragedy in the morning. Throughout the day the people came and paid their respects to the deceased royals. The bodies were buried in the castle's cemetery before the fifteenth hour. The ceremony was held soon after, and Sorek was crowned King. The queen stood by him as the High Priest placed the crown upon the Prince's head. The king's personal assistant and advisor, Boith stood on the
    other side of Sorek.

    "May Sorek be blessed along with the entire Kingdom. May we prosper like never before. "The Priest walked down the steps and bowed as Sorek stood as did everyone else in the room. Then the High Priest lifted his arms and said in a loud voice. "All hail King Sorek."


    Sorek then sat on the throne and began to speak. "I am not my father, nor will I ever be. But I hope that the people will love me the same. I shall care for the people and attempt to do more than my father could ever dream of. But this can only be accomplished with your trust and support. Let us together as people build ourselves a better world, and may we prosper under the High Priest's blessing, and the blessing of God. May The Eight watch over us and protect us."

    Everyone clapped and cheered; scribes went out into the city and told the people of what the King said.

    "He will make a fine King, Your Highness." Boith said as food was passed around and the feast began.

    "He will… I know he will." Responded the Queen. Her face was cold and ashen.

    "Do you still grieve my Queen? Surely you must feel an ounce of joy at this moment?"

    "Aye, I do. But my worries outweigh my joy…"

    It was later the next day in the afternoon that Arro and Silaf approached the Queen with results from a search of the castle. They showed her a plant that was wrapped in cloth. "This is what the soldiers found in one of the bedrooms." Arro said, holding it out to the Queen. She stared at the plant; she smelled it and touched the leaves. It smelled of vanilla, the leaves were fine, smooth, and circular. It had little white flowers; the petals were slim and curled outward. She looked up at them.

    "This is an Oziar plant… This is found in the mountains, and is a rare plant…" She looked at it again. "This is what killed my husband… This is what killed my son…" She looked sadly at the plant, a single tear rolled down her wrinkled cheek. "Such a beautiful little plant, who knew it could cause so much madness."

    She put a hand over her eyes, rested her head against the back of the chair and was silent for a moment. "Where… Where did you find this?" she asked, giving the plant back to Arro and Silaf. Both of them looked at each other and sighed.

    There was a gathering in the throne room that night. King Sorek sat on the throne, his mother stood beside him. Omelo, the kingdom's top ranking general, was there along with the royal scribe, Saefa as well.

    Arro and Silaf came into the room dragging somebody. They came with in a few feet of the King and threw the man down on the ground in front of him.

    "Get up, dog." The Queen said. The man did so and looked up. It was Boith. He had been stripped of his robes and wore a dirty and torn robe made of uncomfortable, itchy material. He looked a bit beaten. "What is this we found in your chamber, Boith?" she asked, throwing the Oziar plant at him. He studied the plant.

    "It looks like an Oziar plant…" he responded, his hands shook as he held it, his voice quivered.

    "Indeed." She said, glaring at him. "And what was it doing there in your chamber may I ask?"

    "I… I don't know Your Highness. Surely you know that I would never do any harm to the royal family." His eyes were wide as his gaze drifted between the King and Queen.

    "Aye, but now two of them are dead and we find Oziar in your possession…"

    "I… I don't know how it got there My Quee-" Boith was cut off.

    "You're trying to kill all of the royals in hopes of getting the throne! Jealous wretch! You will pay for your greed!" The queen lifted a hand and from it came a bright flash and a blast of purple energy. The magic hit Boith and sent him flying back several feet. She walked after him and continued attacking. He hit the back wall and slumped into a heap on the floor. She raised her left arm above her head and large amounts of energy gathered above her palm and created a giant orb of purple energy.

    "You shall see God in only moments, traitor. I trusted you so deeply; I never thought you would do this... I suppose this teaches me to take care whom I put my trust in." Boith gasped and wheezed on the ground. He clutched his chest, which was racking him with pain. The magic had left a scorch mark and smoke rose from it. As she was about to deal the final blow she was interrupted.

    "Cease!" The magic dispersed and the queen turned around to see Sorek coming to her. "Don't do this, mother." He stared at Boith, "He must be dealt with in the manner that is custom. Not only has he filled us with sorrow but the people as well. Do not deny them their right to let out their anger."

    "O-of course… Forgive me. I was just filled with so much rage." She pointed a finger at Boith, "Look at what this man has done to our family, to the whole kingdom… He robbed them of such a wonderful King. King Sailis was loved by all… It takes a great evil to do something like this…"

    Sorek nodded and returned to the throne, followed by his mother. Boith was brought back up to the foot of the throne. "In the names of King Sorek and Queen Asilis of the land of Isyrdi, I hereby declare that Boith Athos be executed on the noon of tomorrow. Take him back to the dungeon."

    "Please, Your Majesty! You must know that it was not me!" Boith cried out and struggled as he was dragged away. "I am innocent!" The doors closed and the room emptied of all except Sorek and Asilis. Sorek leaned on an elbow and covered his eyes with his hand.

    "Why do I feel like I've done something wrong, mother? I've known Boith for years; you've known him twice as long as I have. Why would he do this now?"

    She sighed sadly and responded "Greed leads to many evils, my son. We should be grateful that we found him out before he could finish his corrupt deed."

    "I suppose, but it still feels wrong." Sorek sighed.

    "Sleep, Your Majesty. Things will better themselves by morning." She held his face and smiled as best she could in an attempt to comfort him, and then she walked out of the room.

    The following day the people of the city gathered in the square to watch the execution. Boith was dragged into the square at noon. Dogs were released to chase after him; they bit him and tore at his flesh. He wore nothing to further his humiliation. Curses were shouted at him, things were thrown at him as he was led to the guillotine that sat in the center of the square. The dogs were sent away and his head was forced through the opening, a large man with a mask shouted to the crowd. He lifted his right arm as he shouted, his left hand held the rope.

    "Behold the murderer who is before you! It was this man who killed our beloved King Sailis and Prince Sapik!" More shouting echoed through the streets and more things were thrown. "But look at him now! He has been humbled to below a beggar, below the pigs and rats! May he and his family be forever cursed for the evil he has done to the royals, and the whole Kingdom!" The people roared and cheered. Boith begged for his life, claiming he was innocent. The masked man released the rope he was holding and the blade fell.


    King Sorek looked away, as did a few others. The man grabbed the severed head and held it in front of the body and then the crowd. It was well known that even after decapitation, it took a few moments for the mind to fully die. And so in these seconds the head was held in front of its own body and then the crowd, so that the person was truly put down to the lowest level until the moment he passed.

    The executioner threw the head into a basket and let the dogs feast on the corpse. The crowd slowly dispersed, and the people returned to daily life, as if the gruesome sight they witnessed never occurred.

    A dark figure stood away from the crowd and hid in the shadows of a nearby alley. Another dark figure approached. This one appeared to have wings, dark and torn. The winged being spoke to the other being.

    "The advisor has been taken care of as you can see." The voice was smooth and soft, almost calming, yet sickening at the same time. "Our allies rejoice at the spilled blood of the innocent. The second part will be completed soon."

    The other figure smirked and spoke. "Good, it is all going according to plan then."

    "Don't feel bad, my son." Queen Asilis caressed her son's hand.

    "I have the feeling Boith was innocent." Sorek sighed deeply.

    "Even if he was, which I do not believe, it is too late now. You should not think about what you can not change. It will distract you. You must think about the whole Kingdom now. They will look to you and trust you. If you are anything like your father, whom I know you are, no matter how much you deny it, they will love you and the land will continue to prosper."

    "Your words are soothing to me, mother. I am glad to have you with me, to help me carry the weight of a whole kingdom."

    "I am glad you are with me as well. I love you and I will support you in all that you do." She smiled warmly and kissed his forehead. "Do not worry about these things now, it is late. Rest now and I shall see you in the morning." Asilis walked to the door and smiled again before she closed it.

    "Yes, tomorrow is a new day." King Sorek said as he fell asleep.

    "It grieves me deeply to tell you that King Sorek, the only heir to the throne died in his sleep last night." A man said to the people of the city. "The burial will be held today, please come and pay your respects, and help console our grieving Queen."

    Asilis was like a rock during the burial, silent, too saddened by past days to even shed a tear, there were none left. Many people offered their condolences and support. She gratefully accepted them. Sorek was buried next to his brother and father. What happened no one knew. Only that the servant in charge of keeping Sorek's room found him dead on his bed. He looked peaceful, almost as if he really was just sleeping. A faint smile was on his face, something no one had seen since before the deaths of his father and brother.

    "He was too young!" Asilis cried out finally. "What shall I do now with no family, no heirs?" Despite her state of being she went to the crowning ceremony in the evening with a sad and broken heart.

    The High Priest dressed in his white robes placed the crown upon Asilis' head and stepped back. "Though it has been many generations since our people have felt so much sadness. The Queen is a ray of hope that pierces the darkness. May land continue to prosper under her rule, and may she rule for many years and be blessed… All hail Queen Asilis!"


    Asilis sat and said "I don't want to take this crown when only yesterday it rested upon the head of my son and the head of my husband two days before. But I will take it nonetheless, because the people need someone to look to. I shall try everything in my power to be that person. And though I am growing older by the day, I will not abandon you soon." Some people clapped silently, most were quiet.

    The past few days had been so grim. The streets were silent; nature itself seemed to sadden itself over the loss as well.

    As the feast began everyone began to talk and whisper amongst themselves. It was far more silent than the last feast, for the spirit of despair still clung with the people. Asilis was deep in thought and paid no attention to the different conversations. Outside was the winged figure looking into the window, gazing at the people eating and Asilis on the throne. "All according to plan."

    Yeah, like always I felt that went a bit too fast. I'm always stuck between making sure I try not to bore people with details, but at the same time make things go not so fast and boring... ._. Anyway, tell me how I did, constructive criticism is welcome.
    #1 Sem, Feb 8, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2014
  2. I want to see more! This is really good and I knew the Queen was involved, I just knew ^_^

    As for the constructive criticism, I found it not to draggy and not to short either. Good work ;)
  3. StellarWind Elsydeon

    StellarWind Elsydeon Armblades Ascendant
    Staff Member Administrator

    What can I say? I've seen better, and I've seen worse. I could honestly tell what was going on a mile away.

    Except for the twist at the end, with the Queen actually being the mastermind behind it all >>.

    What did this lack? Description, most of all. The scenes need to be fleshed out. I know it's just a prologue, but it's like... a quick narrative of stuff that happened.

    I'm interested to know in what directions you'll take this later, though. Keep up teh writing.
  4. Sem

    Sem The Last of the Snowmen
    Former Administrator

    Right then, edited the Prologue and added stuff, stook some away. But I think its better overall. 1st official chapter on the way. ^^

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