To Save the Worlds Part 1

[pokemon+girfan615]

Well this is it. My first fanfic:

Jared put on his sword belt and put the sword in it."How can I be doing this?"he asked himself,"this is crazy!"he woke up his Grovyle,"We have to go."he told him.By the look his Grovyle gave him, he was asking why."I will tell you later"he said.He jumped out his window about 2 yards and landed safely on the grass below.Grovyle folowed.He started down the street and ducked in the bush when a car went by.And then he started walking again."I'm running away"he told his Grovyle.Grovyle gave him a supprised look.My parents don't need me and they don't want me so I left and besides I can fend for myself.Grovyle gave him an angry look."What its a true statment. Remember the time I got lost in the woods alone for 2 days I knew what to do!"Grovyle was speachless...well...lookless.And thats when they heard the sound.It sounded like tearing.Both Jared and Grovyle looked at each other and then at their feet.Right below them was a pitch black vortex.And then they fell through.


PArt 2 coming soon...and a big thanks to Shocari for telling me that I needed more detail.

 

[Shocari]

wow, I can't even begin to describe how...strange this is. First and foremost, I know ypu read pokemongod's fic because you posted there, but I can't help but wonder why you seemed to have skipped the posted advice. Tatile mentioned how "two paragraphs does not a chapter make"(i'm on my wii and can't use the compy to quote atm). Well, in any and all logic, if 2 paragraphs doesn't make a chapter, how can 1?

Also, there was a significant lack of detail, as in pokemongod's fic. What does that room look like? How far did he fall? What crazy thing might he be doing? There are many more things that were unsaid that leave us readers to imagine with the vast amount of vagueness you left. I mean, we don't even know what your character looks like!

Essentially, I'm gonna say this: make a decent-length chapter in Word or some other program(use fics who have decent amounts of replies so as to get a good feeling for the length), then copy/paste to here. USE DETAILS!!!!! We require detail so we know what the heck is going on.

Try these and any other tios given by other members, and this might turn out to be an okay fic.

 

[Linkachu]

To add to Shocari's post... Straight from the rules:

1) When writing chapters for fiction (Doesn't apply as much compared to poetry or such things that aren't as long), make sure each chapter is at least 3/4 to a full page in length in a Word Processing Document. We just don't really want to read a chapter composed of five lines. It really doesn't make the story flow that well.

You need to read the stickied rules on EVERY board before posting a thread. If you had, you'd know that this isn't acceptable for a chapter. I'm giving you another warning. Please heed it.