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Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Reptileon, Nov 19, 2006.

  1. Pirates!

    Out in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean, there lay a large ship. It was a stormy night, as the waves shattered hard against the bow of the ship. From outside of the boat you could hear singing:

    "Ho Ho Ho Ho, a pirate life to be,
    We kill, we drink
    We wipe the ocean from
    A pirate's life to be!"

    "That's enough!" The door from the bottom of the ship few wildly open. The singing stopped; all the faces stared attentively at the captain.

    Now, the Captain was not an ordinary pirate; the Captain's name was Miss Jones. She was round as a prune, with black oily hair; she wore a tight skirt, which looked as if it was going to rip down the backside. Her one leg was a peg that was screwed with rusty screws, which barely held together; her left eye had a patch. Her face was wider than a pie. When she smiled, you would only see three gold teeth, and they were heavily plastered and glued on, and would fall out periodically. She also wore two pistol muskets on her belt, which barely held because of her wide tummy. She had a green parrot named Pete standing on her left shoulder.

    "There is a ship crossing the ocean tomorrow. It is filled with over 3000 pounds of gold!" she screamed! "It is heavily guarded by British Pirates, but we will destroy them all!"

    "Aye, aye, Captain!" the crew roared.
    As she took one step, she lodged her peg leg into one of the planks, making her flip upside down, showing her under panties! The crew desperately laughed.

    "Shut up, " she ordered, "or I'll have your throats for dinner!"
    "Sorry captain," said the crew as they tried to hide their laughs.
    "Mr. TumTum!" Miss Jones howled, "Unscrew my leg!" "Yes, Captain." Mr. Tum Tum was Mis Jones best man, we was skinny as a rail, but had the strength of Mis Jones her self.
    "Men hoist the sails! We need to catch that ship," she squealed.
    "Aye, aye, Captain."

    She charged into her chamber, hopping on one leg.
    "You heard the Captain," said Mr. Tum Tum, "We have to catch that ship!"
    The whole crew started right away. Miss Jones sat on her table screwing her peg leg back on.
    "Ah, here it is, " she said, as she picked up a map from the table.

    Captured Ship

    Early the next morning, Mis Jones lurched over her bed,

    "Get up get up squeaked the parrot Pete"
    Mis Jones instantly grabbed her pistol, KBOOM! A bullet few past and hit parrot Pete's tail feather blowing it off. Mis Jones leaped out of bed to indulge, a tall glass of grog. Ah! She said, she ripping a piece of a leg, from a chicken left over from the night before, she bit so hard that not surprisingly her middle gold tooth flew out on to the table. "Not again she roared." She, then lumbered to her shelf to grab the glue, she plastered it all over her gums. Slamming her tooth back in her mouth. Then she grabbed Pete, ripping one of his back tail feathers out. Screech!! Pete screamed, "What was that for he said." "I need it to pick my teeth she muttered." "Ship ahoy!" Miss Jones jolted to the deck,
    " Hand me my scope, ahhh that's the ship prepare the cannons, and raise the flag!"
    "Eye I captain."

    " Sir we have incoming pirates"

    "Prepare for battle men!" Said the Captain of the British ship.
    "We are in firing range, Mr. Tum Tum announced, to the crew"
    Well then fire!!!!!! Blurted Mis Jones, destroy their sails I want the ship in one piece! She screamed. Boom! Boom! The cannon balls smashed the British sails. Ah! As two men flew off the ship. All bored! Mis Jones yelled, She then grabbed a rope jumping in the air, swinging to the British ship, Kerplunk as she slammed into three guards, knocking 4 troops over the boat. Boom! As she landed on the deck of the ship, she landed so hard on the deck that her two legs pierced threw the deck, Help!!! Am stuck she squeaked. "Eye Aye Captain" Mr. Tum Tum grabbed her, trying to fight a British guard at the same time, ouch!! Some one is poking me legs! Blurted Miss Jones!! Am trying as fast as I can Captain, shing! As Mr. Tum Tum slashed a guard in the gut, you seadogs Mr. Tum Tum yelled.
    "Attack men, said the General of the ship"

    Ah ha, as miss Jones propelled her self up to her feet, swoosh! Slamming another troop in the face. She then fierily grabbed the gun from her tight belt, and pointed it directly at the General of the ship, Boom! As the bullet few and hit the sword of the General flinging it out of his hand, Ah! He yelled, this calls for a challenge," The DUAL of INSULTS the general howled! Ah! Ha, miss Jones hissed, I was hoping you would say that. The whole crew of both ships watched carefully, Miss Jones Hopped into the middle of the ship, while the General jumped off the deck grabbing a rope, swinging through the crisp thin air, and landing in front of her. "How about we make a deal, first demanded the General," "okay what shall it be?" Miss Jones slyly said. "Whoever wins this dual of wits, shall have command over my entire crew, if I win you will be slaves to me!" He then slashed his sword at miss Jones. Saying "Your the ugliest women ever created!" He then took 2 steps while slashing his sword at her. " That doesn't count the ones you've dated!" Miss Jones yelled, taking 4 steps.

    To be continued....
    #1 Reptileon, Nov 19, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2014

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