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Of Absols and Infernapes

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Jenova, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. (OOC: This is pretty much my first Pokemon story. The characters in this story are mostly Pokemon so whenever you see one of them say something, it's not in human speech. The fact that Kimzie has 8 Pokemon on her team should be ignored. The Giant Swellow doesn't count as a Pokemon on her team. Criticism is appreciated. Enjoy! ^_^)

    [size=12pt]Chapter 1 - Harley[/size]

    "Hey you guys look, we FINALLY caught an Absol. I'll name this girl Harley for all that trouble she did to us."

    It was weeks since Kimzie had been waiting to capture an Absol. It was her favorite Pokemon and it was the only Dark-type Pokemon she wanted in the whole world. When she was younger, her friend William would secretly send his mother's Absol out to her whenever her birth parents confined her at home. The Absol would use the move Perish Song to knock out her parents and then help Kimzie escape outside. That is until, her father captured a Shiny Heracross and killed the Absol.
    Since that tragic day, Kimzie promised herself that she'd find an Absol to help children of the same fate have some form of happiness in their life. After her parents' death, she became a trainer. For years she'd fly to Sandgem Town and visit Athena, William's older sister. Athena would usually tell her what Pokemon was swarming in what area. And now, she finally found an Absol of her own, caught right on Route 213.

    After reaching Pastoria City and hitting the Pokemon center, Kimzie then used her Giant Swellow to fly to Eterna Forest where she and her Pokemon camped in as a treat. "Here you go. Since you all helped me recruit the newest member of our group, as a reward for getting the new member of the team, we're camping out here," Kimzie said as she released all her Pokemon out.

    "You guys can play until suppertime. Be sure to introduce yourself to Harley and be friendly! Run along now," she said as she playfully "shoo"-ed them away.

    After leaving their trainer, the pikachu cleared his throat. "Ahem, now. Let us introduce ourselves to the new one," he said with an authoritative voice, "Absol, you may speak."

    The newly-caught Absol shyly walked to the pikachu and faced the other Pokemon. "M-my name is H-Harley..." she answered shyly. "Nice t-to meet you a-all..."

    "Well now young Harley," the pikachu said, "I am Big Bang. As you can tell, I am the leader of our group. Welcome. If you will, everyone..."

    The blissey spoke up first. "My name is Sakura and I am the assistant healer. It is very nice to meet you," she said in a soft voice.
    "Nice to meet you Sakura," Harley said.

    A meganium then smiled and lowered her head down as she preformed an gesture similar to how humans curtsy. "And my name is Grace. I am the main healer in this little...troupe, you may call it?

    "[size=10pt]I'm Burkhard[/size]," said a low, dark, deep voice, causing Harley to jump up. The voice then laughed with each booming chuckle even more frightening than the next, causing the ground to shake. Suddenly, a large garchomp appeared out of nowhere. "Welcome aboard!" Burkhard said. "Hope I didn't frighten you there!"

    "Oh no, i-it was a very e-exciting experience for a g-greeting..." Harley said nervously. As tough and scary Burkhard looked, he looked like the type of Pokemon that was friendly, inside and out.

    Then, a lopunny walked towards Harley and bended her knees down to meet eye contact with her. "Hiya! My name is Specula, but feel free to call me Aya-Aya, if you will. I know we're going to have a great time together as companions!" Harley was then briefly entranced by Specula but then recovered to her senses. "Pleased to meet you Miss Specula," Harley replied.

    Specula bounced back as a messy-haired lucario walked up to Harley. "I'm Travis! Hope we can be friends!" he said. For a steel type Pokemon, his smile and voice warmed Harley's mind. He was someone she could rely on, like an older brother. She just nodded.

    "I think that's everyone," Big Bang then said. "Everyone except-"

    "[size=10pt]Did someone call the king?[/size]"

    A bundle of white and flames jumped from a tree. It was too fast for Harley to identify what exactly was it, but she could make out an infernape tail sticking out of the blur. The mysterious flaming thing was kicking several trees, one tree after the other, causing flowers and leaves to scatter down. The flaming thing then thew a projectile at Harley which she caught, only to reveal it to be a red rose.

    Finally, the flaming thing stopped kicking the trees and performed a somersault in the air, only to land elegantly on its feet, and right in front of Harley. It was definitely an infernape, alright. The infernape smirked and said, "Hello, Harley. My name is Dray, nice to meet your acquaintance. I know we're going to get along just well."

    Harley blushed a deep color. Suddenly, something odd was happening inside of her. She didn't feel shy anymore. Her true nature was coming out. Harley then changed from a timid Absol into a seduced madhouse. "I...Want...Your...Eggs..."

    "What?!?" exclaimed Dray who was taking a few steps back. He really didn't expect such an odd reaction out of her. Harley was walking towards him, grinning even more crazily than imagined.

    "[size=10pt]GIMME YOUR EGGS!!![/size]" Harley said, now chasing the frightened Dray.

    The rest of the teams just sighed and watched. "And I thought we would have an absol that would calm him down," Big Bang said. Travis and Burkhard nodded in unison.

    "Oh well, it's kind of cute, the two little Pokemon running around in young love. Makes me remember of my old days as a Chikorita and a Bayleef, right girls?" Grace said, smiling away at the ruckus Dray and Harley were creating. Specula and Sakura nodded in unison.

    "[size=9pt]How can she call this chaos love?[/size]" the boys silently said to themselves.

    "Well, of absols and infernapes, I think those two fit perfectly. They just need to learn to get along like a couple," Grace said.

    Although she tried to make everything sound positive, they all knew of all the absols and infernapes in the world, those two can go wrong in a lot of ways.
    Sad to say for Dray, Kimzie is unaware of this and will never be aware of it.

    [size=12pt]END OF CHAPTER 1[/size]
  2. Heh, this could be interesting. Let's see where this 'I want your eggs!' thing goes.
  3. It's good, a nice premise. You have few 'accidents', mainly with new speech being on the same line as a previous' speakers (for a second I was really confused that the Pikachu had once been a Bayleaf). I think a little bit more description could go long way and also that the introduction sequence was a little forced, but then, they usually are anyway.

    Mating is usually an issue brought up that often (I don't think) so this should be an interesting story. Nothing quite like being chased around with someone screaming 'I want your eggs'.
  4. [quote author=Tatile link=topic=5863.msg95941#msg95941 date=1239264968]
    It's good, a nice premise. You have few 'accidents', mainly with new speech being on the same line as a previous' speakers (for a second I was really confused that the Pikachu had once been a Bayleaf). I think a little bit more description could go long way and also that the introduction sequence was a little forced, but then, they usually are anyway.

    Mating is usually an issue brought up that often (I don't think) so this should be an interesting story. Nothing quite like being chased around with someone screaming 'I want your eggs'.

    Thank you guys ^_^
    Sadly important dialogue (such as introductions, at least) is a little on my weak point as I usually start out obsessed and determined on a story and its characters, but never on the actual beginning plot line.
    So thank you for that correction, I'll edit it later.

    And after reading the chapter, I did find that Burkhard, Sakura and Dray's introductions seem to be rushed, since it seems to me that Harley chased Dray faster than being spammed with Maple Story n00bs asking for "mesoz" in Scania's channel 1. And if anyone here had ever been on Scania, they would know that's mainly impossible.
  5. (OOC: Okay, let's get this show on the road! However this is mostly about Big Bang so sadly the "I want your eggs" gag is a delayed until the next chapter.
    Please disregard the fact that pichu, pikachu, and raichu cannot be found in Eterna Forest. Also on a side note, Big Bang's mother was a Raichu but she was about the size of a pikachu, which is why Big Bang is a midget of a pikachu.)

    (Note: If you are not in the mood for sappy stories, or pathetic attempts of one, then please do not read.)
    [size=12pt]Chapter 2 - Big Bang's Berries[/size]

    It's been 2 days since Harley had joined the team and already life as they knew it was in chaos. Harley and Dray were still running and all the other members of the group were still seated on the ground, looking at the dismantlement of what used to be a part of Eterna Forest. If it weren't for the fact that their trainer told them that they would be heading to her villa soon, things would not be looking up. But even with the good news, Big Bang's (the leader of the group's) piss was coming to a boil.

    "Ugh, when are they going to stop?" Big Bang with an irritated expression, arms crossed. "But," he thought,"as long as they don't touch that special plant then it's alright."

    Now the plant that Big Bang was talking about was an Aspear berry plant. But what exactly made it so special to him? Years ago, back when he was still a wild Pichu, Big Bang belonged to a clan that was ruled by his Uncle Tonnerre of the Pichu Evolutionary Line. Many strong Pikachu and Raichu were seen scattering about in Eterna Forest, defending their habitat against trainers and their tamed pokemon, otherwise known to them as "human tyrants and their pet slaves".

    Of course, with every dominating clan comes a clan base. In the Clan Base, nursing females are often seen tending to the newly born Pichu while some males get left behind to train the ones that would never survive a minute out in the tall grass. Only the very prestigous (or the ones that knew Volt Tackle) and gifted ones were able to then train themselves out in the wild. And one of the few Pichu that were able to was Big Bang. Of course, being a small Pichu at the time, Big Bang was usually never seen without the presence of his mother. Though even with this small detail, everyone saw Big Bang as a young aspiring prodigy and no matter what he did, his clan often praised him.
    Because Big Bang was in training, his mother always went out on walks while gathering food, which sometimes took a long time and for Big Bang, a lot of workouts. Although Eterna Forest was plentiful of berries that gathering Raichu and Pikachu can pick to their heart's desires, they were often seen picking sour and bitter berries, to strengthen their electric power, although the sour berries were never really eaten by anyone. However unlike his other clan members, Big Bang preferred those unwanted sour berries. The other clan members thought it was because of the fact that his mother had the scent of Aspear berries.

    And they were right. Although his clan had many Pichu, Pikachu and Raichu, "special" or not, she was different than his uncles, cousins, and brothers. She was the only person who felt his pain when he was always struck down to near death by humans and their slave Pokemon. She would comfort him, often with an Aspear berry to show that she would always be with him at times of need. But to Big Bang, it didn't matter if it was times of agony or just times of peace, being by his mother was everything he wanted and everything he needed.

    However, that all changed one simple day when Big Bang was out foraging berries with his mother as usual. As they were going home to the clan base, Big Bang noticed that there were fewer Pichu playing around and that the locals were not to be found. It was then that he and his mother found a pile of Pichu, Pikachu and Raichu corpses. A shiny Gabite was standing on top of the corpses, holding a dead Raichu with one hand, smirking. Big Bang suddenly realized that the Raichu was none other than the clan leader, his Uncle Tonnerre.
    Realizing that Big Bang couldn't fend off the Gabite in that situation, his mother then told him to run far away from the base. Although he was reluctant to do so, Big Bang ran off as fast as he could, leaving his mother.

    "I'm such a coward," Big Bang thought as he ran. "Mother is not much a fighter and yet she is willing to face that huge bastard Pokemon. " Big Bang then stopped for a second and took a moment to let his thoughts progress.
    "MOTHER!!!" he shouted as he quickly ran back.

    But it was too late. As soon as he got to the Clan Base, the first thing he had seen was his mother lying on the ground in a bloody mess.
    "Mother..." he said softly as he crouched down and stroked her long tail. His mother then looked back at him, smiled weakly, and released her small fist, revealing an Aspear berry for him.

    "Don't cry," she said weakly yet tenderly, "I'll always be with you like a mother should be. I have felt your pain, dear. It's only natural that I receive some pain for your hardships." With that, she then closed her eyes and died.

    "Mother...Why..." Big Bang said as he cried silently.
    Suddenly he felt someone's footsteps, looked up and saw a human male. The human was shorter than most of them he encountered, and had an evil look on his face. But little did he know at the time, that human was going to be the cruel trainer that would bring him to the deepest depths of hell.
    In fury, Big Bang suddenly charged at the human with full speed. It was then that he used what many Raichu and Pikachu hoped their Pichu would know...Volt Tackle.
    The human could only look at Big Bang in awe as the enraged Pichu came closer and closer with great agility.


    The boy shut his eyes and opened them slowly again as he saw his Shiny Gabite trying to block the attack. "Alright, Hard-Core! You're getting a poffin after this! Go, pokeball!"
    Suddenly, a round object was lobbed at Big Bang. It then opened and sucked him into it.
    It was then that he was sent to another dimension, a small enclosed one.

    "LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Big Bang yelled as he banged his head and arms against the walls of the realm. However, the walls and ceiling became smaller and smaller as he then has no choice but to surrender.
    Suddenly, he was sent back into the normal world. He then knew what had happened; he was captured as a slave. He remembered his Uncle Tonnerre telling stories of such realm and how that you know that you're captured when you're sent back to the normal world but your heart feels like it's been pierced through by a steel spike as soon as you're back. And that feeling was within him at that very moment.

    And yet little did he know, he was going to have to endure the worst years of his life from then on.

    It was only after 2 years of suffering that Big Bang was finally traded to a new trainer...Kimzie. Although he had doubts that the female human would do any better as his other master did, he found elements in Kimzie that reminded him of his mother. After much traveling (although unbeknownst to Kimzie), Big Bang was finally reunited with his clan's base. For a long time, he found his old childhood home. He then recognized a scent near a section of tall grass.
    "Mother's grave," he thought to himself.
    He then took the Aspear berry which he had preserved for so long and planted it on top of where his mother's corpse was buried. Since then, Big Bang's Aspear berry grew into a large plant where every 2 years, he would collect 5-15 berries, leaving a few to be used as gifts to his mother.

    However as soon as he thought about the Aspear plant, Dray and Harley suddenly crashed into it, leaving others in dismay. Knowing the history and purpose of that plant, the others gasped and looked at Big Bang, eyes wide open and jaws on the ground. "This cannot be good," they thought as they waited for Big Bang to respond.

    Big Bang merely looked at the fallen plant. It was too much to grasp all at once. After a few minutes of silence, Big Bang grabbed Dray and Harley by their necks. "DAMN YOU KIDS!" he yelled in fury. He then threw the two pokemon and hurled them all the way to the other side of Eterna Forest. In a fit, Big Bang then ran off.

    "Big Bang!" cried out Sakura, but Burkhard restrained her from following the pikachu.

    "He needs to be left alone," Burkhard said, "he is in great pain as of now. He'll come back and make things better after he snaps out of it." Sakura was reassured by the wise Garchomp's words and simply nodded.

    Meanwhile at the other side of Eterna Forest...

    "Ugh, what the heck did I land on? What the - Aspear berries?" the awakened Infernape said. The blood that was rushing to his head was slowly coming back down. And then it hit him. "Aspear Berries!? WHAT THE HELL!?!? DID I, DID BIG BANG- DAMN IT ALL!" Dray shouted in a mixture of rage and shock. Even he remembered how important was that tree...plant...huge organism that gives off fruit. As Dray started biting his nails, he then turned around.
    "HARLEY!" he yelled as he then ran towards the unconscious Absol.


    To Be Continued...
  6. Big Bang's history seems a little rushed, more of an explination than an exploration, if you get what I mean. I'm guessing that the Gabite is the reason there are no Pichu, Pikachu or Raichu in Eterna Forest? :D

    Still, I'm not a big fan of how you emphasise your speech. I really don't feel that increasing the the text size is all that necessary, given that you have already bolded it and used an exclamtion mark. I'd suggest using italics on stressed words instead of bolding and size increase, but that is just my opinion. Also, really only one exclamtion and/or question mark is needed, '!?' is fairly common, but using '!?!?' just comes across as being a tad redundant. I mean, you've already shown it to be a stressed, yelled or angry question, there's really no need to do that again. The same applies to the exclamtion marks: you've already shown it to be a shout (several times, in fact, with the bolding and size increase), so there's no need to do it again.

    Other than that it's not bad so far. A nice little introduction into one of you character's histories as well as showing how single minded Dray and Harley can be (though in Harley's defence she didn't know about the importance of the Aspear berries).
  7. Alright then, new chapter's up! (Although it's pretty much stepped aside, considering how no one's commenting xD)
    And I can imagine a lot of people mad at me for the Vespiquen's accent ;_; Also, I am aware that you can't catch Vespiquen or Combee in Eterna Forest, so just bear it with me.

    Chapter Three - Sicily and Vera

    As Dray stood in front of Harley's unconscious body, a plethora of thoughts rushed in his mind. What part of Eterna Forest where they located? What should he do as of now? What's going to happen when their mistress finds out? All those questions filled his mind, and they were all left unanswered as each one raced by. Suddenly, Dray looked at Harley's corpse and saw that she had a flesh wound on her hind leg.

    In normal circumstances, Dray would simply pick up Harley and ask Grace or Sakura to heal the Absol. But sadly, Dray was no where near the presence of the two. Luckily for Dray, a trainer walked by.

    "Ooh! An Infernape and an Absol! And one of them fainted! This must be my lucky day!" said the trainer as he reached for his pockets. The human then revealed a poke ball and a Kadabra sprung out. "Go Avada! Get that Infernape!"

    Dray looked at the opposing Pokemon with pleading eyes. "Please, don't attack me or my friend over here. We need assista-"

    "Too late for words, monkey Pokemon!" The Kadabra said with telepathy. Suddenly, the Kadabra charged at Dray, swishing the air with its spoon. This caused the spoon to glow pink, and the movements slashed Dray's arm. Dray slid against the grass, wincing at the slight pain.

    "We don't want to harm anyone! My friend's unconscious and she's injured; if I don't get help now, she might die!" Dray yelled as he tried to explain to the opposing Pokemon.

    "Feh, who cares about your stupid friend? Leave her there, better her than you, right?" the Kadabra said.

    "Urgh, you bastard!" Dray shouted at him. Dray then charged at the Kadabra and punched the Psychic Pokemon with great damage. The Kadabra then tumbled on the grass, before revealing to be defeated.

    "Avada! No!" the trainer said with great shock. "My only Pokemon!" Dray then noticed the trainer running away from the scene, and spotted the human‘s long headband and water bottle.

    "It would make a great bandage for Harley's wound…" Dray thought. The Flame Pokemon then jumped on the tree branches and started to chase after the human, leaping on each of the following branches. The trainer noticed the Infernape and began to run faster. However, Dray managed to outrun the human as he blocked the trainer's path, took the items, and began to run away.

    "Hey you! That's mines!" the trainer said as he began to chase after Dray. But it was no use. By the time the human turned around, Dray was nowhere to be seen. All the human could say was, "…What the fuck…"

    Meanwhile, as Dray managed to get back to Harley, he ripped the headband in two. He then crouched down and began to bandage up and tie Harley's hind leg with one part. Dray then began to bandage up his wound, as well. Dray then opened the bottle of water, and allowed the water to slide down Harley's mouth. After Dray had done so, he looked at his surroundings. Trees. And lots of it. As Dray looked up, he saw that nightfall was soon approaching.

    "Well," the Infernape said, getting up, "I better start a fire to keep us warm." Dray then jumped into the trees and began to gather wood. It was a good thing that Dray remembered human skills his trainer had taught him like foraging, he thought, for it actually became to be of use to him. After Dray then saw a family of Caterpies and Butterfrees and a family of Wurmples, Silcoons, and Beautiflies associating with a Vespiquen and her colony. Dray jumped down from the branch he was standing on to approach the family. "Excuse me, but I'm lost. Do you guys know which part of Eterna Forest am I at?"

    "You are ze city Pokemon, are you naut?" the Vespiquen said in an accent that somehow sounded as a mixture of French and German. She and the others stood their ground.

    "City Pokemon?" Dray asked, confused.

    "Ze Pokemon vho follow ze humans, calls zem veir masters or mistresses," the Vespiquen replied.

    "In that case, yes, I am a City Pokemon. Me and my friend were…separated by our team and Mistress Kimzie, and my friend's unconscious," Dray said with a reluctant tone.

    "Vell zen, I suppose zat changes everything!" the Vespiquen said in glee. She then turned to the Caterpies, Wurmples, and Silcoons. "You there! You all shall make ze silk blankets! Hurry up, for ve do naut have much time!"

    The family nodded and began to make a net make entirely of silk on the tree branches. "You there, ze Butterfly Pokemon! Vhen they are done, you shall use ze move," the Vespiquen said before she pondered about the uses of the Beautiflies. "Er…Vat vas ze, er, move zat you vere all accustomed to, ze move zat, er, cuts ze things?'

    "Silver Wind?" one of them answered.

    "Ah yes, ze Silver Vind. You do zat vhen ze silk blanket is done," the Vespiquen replied. She then turned to Dray. "Bring zis friend of yours, us Pokemon need to stick zegether. Just leave your zings here."

    Not knowing if he should trust the strange Pokemon, Dray nodded and did as he was told. Moments later, Dray went back to the bug Pokemon's location and placed Harley on the ground.

    "Ah, you have arrived! Zis is your little friend, is she naut?" the Vespiquen asked.

    Dray replied, "Yes, this is Harley. She's unconscious, and she has a wound on her leg. I already ba-"

    "I see vat you have used human methods to stop ze bleeding," the Beehive Pokemon said. "Very clever of you, Flame Pokemon. I take it zat your, vat's her name, Mistress Kimzie had something to do with it?"

    "Yeah, our Mistress teaches us these things in case we got lost…like right now," Dray replied.

    "Vell, zis human taught you vell, zen," the Vespiquen said as she looked at Harley. "Hmm? Someone iz approaching." Everyone turned around to find a Misdreavus smirking. "Vera," the Vespiquen said with a scoff. "Vat in ze vorld are you doing here?"

    "Is that any way to treat an old friend, Sicily?" the Screech Pokemon said, seeming to be in high spirits because of the Beehive Pokemon's irritation.

    "You know you are naut velcome in zis area. Vhy have you come to us?" Sicily said, her arms out in front of Dray and the others.

    "Well Sicily," Vera began to explain, "I felt a delicious dream in your vicinity coming from a scared Pokemon. And you do know that the night's my territory to feed in, after all."

    Dray turned to look at Harley and noticed that her legs began to twitch a little, as if she was dreaming about something indeed terrifying. "H-Harley…" Dray whispered to himself.
    "Ooh, who's this young beefcake over here?" Vera said as she flew past Sicily's body and gazed upon the Infernape. The fur on Dray's back stood up faster than he could say holy flaming shit. As the Misdreavus licked her ghostly lips and circled around Dray, she then snapped out of her phase. "Why do I have a feeling that I forgot something? Oh yeah, it's feeding time!"

    Suddenly, a swarm of Nincadas, Murkrows, and Hoothoots appeared. Sicily, Dray, and the bug Pokemon froze in terror as Vera grinned evilly.

    "Dray, grab your friend and run away from here!" Sicily exclaimed. "You both are her targets!" Obeying the Beehive Pokemon, Dray lifted Harley up in his arms and began to run as Vera commanded the swarm to go after them.

    "H-Harley, I don't know if you can hear me," Dray said as he jumped from branch to branch, "but if we get out of this situation alive, promise me that you're going to explain to me why the hell do you attract trouble so much."

    [size=11pt] To Be Continued…[/size]
    #7 Jenova, May 10, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2014

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