My series Update 1

[depiro27]

I'm working really hard making this storyline so please bear with me...if you like it feel free to post comments (if you can tell me how to make a transparent backround in a "dummies" way its appreciated). Here it is so far (yes there will be blood & gore, swearing, Drama(yay), and fantasy violence so please hide your kiddies eyes j/k.

Omg its kinda big umm...if its too big plz just tell me I'll try to edit it. Sorry I can't edit the image

Here is the second part of this series...umm if its not to much to ask I need some inspiration...I'm starting to doubt myself. If you think I should keep posting this series just tell me through a post or a PM

 

[Snapdragon]

Um, it's a good start, but you might want to refine it a teensy bit.

1. Too much negative space. That 3/4 view doesn't lend itself to comics very well. I'd recommend using a background big enough that you can cut a square out of it; it's just awkward seeing the same completely whole backdrop tiled over and over with nothing dividing it.

2. Clutter. Your sprites are tiny, but you have tons of dialog. The way it is now, it's more short story than comic. You can space backstory out over more than one comic. xD It might also help to blow the sprites up by 200%, so we can see them better.

3. In medias res is a wonderful literary tactic, but, uh... I think you're throwing a bit too much at us right now. This kind of fits in with the second comment, but you've crammed a lot of stuff into this in a pretty awkward way.
I mean... I'm assuming this is a modern setting, due to the presence of cars and such, but I'm a bit confused about how much realism you're including. Neither Jax's girlfriend(?) nor the dinosaur in Link's hat are the slightest bit upset at the guy for trying to kill somebody. On the contrary, they like him. There's also the fact that it's apparently cool for somebody to get convicted for attempted murder, but get out on bail a week later. I guess it's okay, though, if they hit him hard enough to knock him out for a week straight. :/

Basically... practice your writing, and remember you don't have to tell the entire story to us in one massive update -- strike a balance between art and text, and you'll have a good comic.

 

[depiro27]

lol all that your commenting is how the story is supposed to be the dinosaur with a "link" hat is really a bangaa a species in final fantasy and I want the charactors to be small more room for talking that way but don't worry you'll find out why they still like Jax in the next comic (yes she is Jax's girlfriend but *hint* he used a weapon against her) you'll have to wait and see ;D. I am however taking your advice on the panels I did think it looked funny myself so...yeah.