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Day 1 - A Fateful Encounter

Discussion in 'General Role Play' started by Zeebedee, Jun 5, 2010.

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  1. (OOC: Thanks to Linkachu's tip on the google cache thing I was able to recover this old RP that I did. I might get around to doing day 2 someday. Also, check here. My characters' bios are on the third post.)

    Zeebedee woke up in the slowpoke well with Oddish and Slowpoke sleeping on both sides. It was hard to tell whether it was day or night, being deep inside a cave. He checked his old, scratched poketch for the time; 4pm. Not as bad as one of his previous naps. He wasn’t late home yet.
    Oddish woke up from hearing Zeebedee’s drowsy yawns. Slowpoke heard too, but pretended to sleep on, being the disobedient prick he was. Zee picked up Oddish and returned slowpoke to his faded and dented pokeball after he had surfed them to the entrance. Zee started climbing up the weak rope ladder which seemed that it could snap any day now. He got out of the well and put Oddish down who was staring blankly at his empty pocket.
    "My wallets missing! What would I do without you Oddish?"
    Oddish looked all proud with herself and let out a cry.

    Zee and Oddish started climbing back down the well, but it snapped half way down. Oddish panicked, Zee Panicked, Slowpoke left his awfully unsecure pokeball and yawned. There wasn’t really much they could do, so they decided to look for the wallet and then, find some means of escape. Their initial search revealed nothing so they decided to go far into the well at their training spot. It took some time to convince Slowpoke to surf all the way back, but he was convinced when offered a Rage Candy Bar. They were his favourite. While they were swimming along the rocky cave they encountered a wild Magikarp. Most people would have just fled from such a pathetic Pokémon, but Zeebedee thought that every battle mattered.
    "Go Oddish! Use Razor Leaf!" Oddish, who was happily swimming alongside Slowpoke, jumped on his back and used razor leaf… Surprise, surprise; Magikarp fainted in one shot. Oddish was happy, Zeebedee was happy, Slowpoke reached land, dumped the passengers, ate the Rage Candy Bar and yawned.

    They started searching for the wallet, but were interrupted by a nearby yell.
    “Come on Charmeleon! Get up!” Zee walked over to the crevice that the noise was heard from and saw a red haired boy and his exhausted Charmeleon battling a wild Slowbro. Zee decided to help the Charmeleon out.
    “Oddish! Use Razor Leaf!” Slowbro’s attention turned from the red haired boy’s Charmeleon to the terrified Oddish and he started charging towards her. Oddish was too terrified to move and she stood no chance against this adversary.
    “Charmeleon! Get up and use Rock Smash!” Charmeleon charged at full speed and knocked Slowbro out. Too tired to stay up any longer, Charmeleon fainted. Zee looked at the stranger gratefully.
    “Thanks. Without you, Oddish was a goner.” The stranger looked angry.
    “What is your problem? If my Pokémon is unable to beat another one, he should faint; not be saved by some wuss’ freaking Oddish! Charmeleon deserved to lose there, but here, he’s forced to save your sorry ass!” Zee was far too shocked say anything.
    “Calm down. I’m just messing with ya’.” Zeebedee sighed in relief.
    “How did you get down here?” He asked “ I was just down here before and I didn’t pass you on the way out.”
    “Secret.”
    “What kind of secret?”
    “The Secret kind of secret.”
    “Wanna battle?”
    “Secr-I mean, sure”
    They chose the rules of the battle. 1 on 1. 2 Pokémon can be used. No switching out. No items.

    Round 1 – Oddish vs. Larvitar
    “Go Oddish!” Oddish walked on to the battle field and let out an excited shriek. This was her first trainer battle in months.
    “Come on Larvitar!” Larvitar did some stretched and got pumped, that is until he saw Oddish and fell under immediate infatuation.
    “Larvitar! Use Headbutt!” Larvitar was too in love to listen. “Honestly? … Oddish? … What’s wrong with you?”
    “Oddish! Petal Dance!” Larvitar didn’t care that he was having the shit beat out of him by flying petals; He was just happy to see Oddish’s dancing.
    “Larvitar! Snap out of it and use Headbutt!” Larvitar focused and used Headbutt, smashing Oddish into the wall.
    “Come back Oddish!”

    Round 2 – Slowpoke vs. Larvitar
    “Go Slowpoke! Use Amnesia!” Slowpoke yawned.
    “Ha! You’re training that pathetic excuse of a Pokémon? Larvitar! Use ThunderPunch!” Larvitar charged towards Slowpoke but fell asleep just before impact. Slowpokes Yawn had taken effect.
    “Now’s your chance Slowpoke! Use Iron Tail!” Slowpoke used Water Gun, knocking out Larvitar.
    “Seems your Slowpoke knows how to battle better than you do. Return Larvitar.”

    Round 3 – Slowpoke vs. 2
    “Go 2!” The trainer sent out a Porygon 2 that started glowing upon its arrival.
    “2 is using it’s Download to raise its power. You don’t stand a chance.”
    “Slowpoke can take on anything! Slowpoke! Use Surf!” Slowpoke went to sleep. The mysterious trainer fell to the floor in hysterics.
    “Haha-2!-Haha-U-Use-Hahaha-Thun-Ha-Thunder Bolt-Haha!” 2 did as instructed and wiped Slowpoke clean out.

    Mysterious Trainer Wins!

    “I’ve already taken my winnings from your wallet. Man, you’re poor. Here, take it.” The trainer threw the wallet at Zee’s feet.
    “See ya’ wuss!” The trainer ran further into the cave leaving Zee alone and ashamed in the dark.

    He had to swim through the cave himself, with Slowpoke unable to do it. When you’re splashed at by wild Magikarps, you know that you’ve hit the bottom. When he reached the exit, Zee was greeted by Kurt, the local Pokeball maker.
    “Where have you been boy? You’re parents are worried sick!” Zeebedee looked out the opening to see that an Escape Rope had been tied to the entrance as a makeshift ladder.
    “Come on boy. Let’s get you cleaned up.

    That night as Zee was looking through his wallet, he found a note that hadn’t been there before.

    Dear loser,

    Your trainer card is just screaming, “I’m a n00b,”

    Go get some decent Pokémon that don’t suck ass,
    Quill.
     
    #1 Zeebedee, Jun 5, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  2. Ky found himself in the middle of Dark Cave. He had been wandering around here, looking for some rare candies, but he got lost. He looked around some more, but no sign of the exit.
    I should have brought an escape rope, Ky thought. He was lost for sure. He had found some rare candies, at least.
    "Hey! Let's battle!"
    Ky looked to my right. Some obese hiker was yelling at me to battle him. He just continued walking.
    "HEY! I said let's battle!" the hiker yelled. Then he blocked Ky's path and said,
    "If you want to go on, you'll have to face me first!"
    Ky just said "I don't have any pokemon," and continued walking. He could see a light in front of him.
    Finally, the exit, Ky thought. He strolled out of the cave. Okay, which exit did I come out of? he thought. He checked his PokeGear's map. It said that he was on Route 46, right next to New Bark Town. Just where he had wanted to be. He walked the rest of the way to New Bark Town, telling all the trainers who wanted to battle him that he didn't have any pokemon, and made it to New Bark Town. He'd come here to get his first pokemon. He walked into Professor Elm's lab and saw three pokeballs.
    "Why, hello," Elm greeted Ky. "I assume you want a Pokemon?"
    "Yep," Ky replied.
    "Well, here we have three choices of Pokemon; Cyndaquil, Chikorita, and Totodile. Which is your choice?" Ky thought hard.
    "I choose... Totodile!"
    "Alright." Professor Elm handed him one of the three Pokeballs. Ky released the Pokemon inside.
    "Totodile!" it exclaimed, then hopped on Ky's head. It seemed to like the comfort of his hair. Ky decided he could bear it.
    "C'mon, Totodile. Let's go." Ky said. Ky walked out of the lab and into the forest. He sat down at the base of a tree and got 2 apples out of his backpack. He offered one to Totodile.
    "Want one?" Ky asked.

    "Sure, I'm starving!" Totodile said, taking the apple.

    "Holy crap..." Ky said in awe.
    "What?" Totodile asked.
    "You can freaking TALK?"
    "Um, yes. Why does that bother you?"
    "It's just... whoa. I've never seen a talking Pokemon."
    "Well, just pretend I'm a human, ok?"
    "I guess..."
    Ky and Totodile finished eating the apples, then Totodile hopped on Ky's head and they set out for the first Pokemon Gym. On the way there, Ky asked Totodile,
    "How the heck are you able to talk anyways?"
    "Well, I vaguely remember but... I remember being in my swamp, then, all of a sudden, something smacking me in the face, a bright light, then darkness. A while after that, more bright light, then I was in some kind of tube, then I felt a huge electrical zap, and I went unconscious. A while later, I found myself in the darkness. I was saying that it was really dark, then I realized I was speaking english. A while after, more bright light, and then I saw you."
    "Huh," Kyle said, "Interesting story. Well, here we are. Violet city."
     
    #2 AmethystDragon, Jun 6, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  3. Ok, Amethyst. Firstly, you changhed between first and third person views at one point. You were a bit blunt with certain parts (namely, the crotch kicking) which surrendered realism for cheap laughs. Also, it was far too fast and didn't really didn't go anywhere till near the end. Finally, Totodile needs a back story. Why can he speak? Not many Pokemon can do that and for one to just... know how to do it is a bit... unrealistic.

    I suggest that you get to work on a redux. I had lots of those problems when I did my first draft of Day 1, but my redux (the current one) had it all cleaned up. I know its still not that great, bit I'll get around to doing a second redux some time in the future. (Too lazy)

    I can tell that if you keep at it, you'll make a fair challenge for Quill in the future (SPOILERS! I got your part in the story all planned out.)
     
  4. Sorry about that, Zeebedee. I fixed all those problems, ok?

    EDIT: Wait, you have my story planned out? Huh. Well, I guess I'm fine with that.
     
  5. Yoshimitsu

    Former Moderator

    Zeebedee, you're in no position to be criticizing someone else's writing when your's is well below standard. This topic seriously needs to improve in quality, and quickly.
     
  6. By that logic, Simon Cowell shouldn't be able to judge American Idol. (I know he quit, its just an awesome comparison) You also aren't being helpful in the least. My judging at least had examples of improvement followed by an encouraging statement. You just said that my work was "below standard" and left it at that.

    Besides, I never said mine was good at any point. That's why I've been putting off doing a second chapter.
     
  7. Yoshimitsu

    Former Moderator

    I... you... that is...

    arrgghhhh

    You're the single most infuriating person in the world.

    I have told you in the past what you needed to do to improve your RPing, but I guess that's irrelevant since you're probably gonna say that what I told you is on the currently-inaccessible forums. So you can't take that stance against me.

    So I'll tell you now.

    Stop acting like a moderator, you're not one.

    Stop arguing with every criticism placed against you. They're said for a reason, you're just being too self-centered and arrogant to realise this.

    Stop criticizing people when you, yourself, can't even do it right first time.

    I should have locked this RP when you made it before the server change, but I didn't because I thought, "Oh, hey, he might get better if I say something to him". It didn't, you haven't improved and you've still got this "Holier than thou" attitude.

    I'm locking this, and alerting the other staff members. This isn't the first time someone's had an issue with your attitude.
     
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