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The Prelude

by UmbralHero

UmbralHero Sean's final encounter cut short
“Daichi, I choose you! Use Megahorn!” The Rhyhorn roars and charges headfirst into the door, smashing it to pieces. He cries victoriously and shakes the access pieces off his back. A dark figure stands behind the door, standing tall and menacing. His red Pokémon flanks him, its glinting pincers cutting the air in front of it.

“We’ve been expecting you, Sean.” The figure says. Daichi growls, and starts toward the man.

“Easy Dai’,” he says, stroking the beasts ridge. “Why are you doing this? You could send the world into chaos!”

“You have no idea, do you Sean?” the figure laughs, stepping over to a control panel. “The world has so much to learn. I'm just helping it along.” He smiles menacingly, and pulls the lever. Two more forms drop down from the ceiling and the lights flash on. A man and a woman in the signature Rocket uniform release their Pokemon, adding an Ariados and a Sneasel to the enemies roster.

“Scizor! Use Bullet Punch!” The insect flairs his wings and flies towards the Rhyhorn, throwing his claw forward and impacting harshly. Daichi slams into the wall before slumping in a heap on the ground. The Spikes Pokémon shakes his head and roars again.

“Daichi! Use Rock Blast! Now!” The Rhyhorn spins his horn, and a silver orb forms on the tip. He flings it towards the Scizor, but it evades it easily. Another ball comes hurtling forward and slams into it, pinning it to the wall. He gets hit again, and then again, and then again. After the final hit, the Steel-Type slumps to the ground.

“Now we’ve got ‘em! Use-“ his command is cut off short as the woman cover his mouth with a piece of cloth. His eyes roll back in his head and he falls to the ground. Daichi spins around and starts to charge at his partners assailants, rage in his violet eyes.

“Oh no you don’t! Go Ariados! Use Spider Web!” The spider shoots its web around it, restraining him completely. Daichi roars and struggles in vain, attempting to free himself.

“Alright Scizor. Take care of him.” Sean’s last sight is his beloved partner crying out as the Pincer Pokémon barrages the Rhyhorn. The sounds of his injured Pokémon are drowned out by a soothing lull as he drifts into unconsciousness.


This is a roughrough draft of roughness. Please critique and give feedback! In fact, I would barely call this a draft it’s so rough. It’s a series of events vaguely cataloged as the beginning of a larger story. So please, feedback. Okay.

MandyLandy62 likes this.
  1. UmbralHero
    First of all, thank you very much for responding! I'll look through it again for punctuation. Part of the point was for it to be hard to tell exactly what's going on, but if it's so obscure you can't understand it I had better revise that. I will look up the moves on Bulbapedia and try to give a better description of what happens. And I'll add a little more explanation. Thank you much!
    Sep 29, 2013
  2. ShinyZekrom009
    Ok...well, for one thing, I have no clue what's going on. There's no explanation of any kind, I don't know even know who Sean is, why this mysterious figure is attacking this guy, anything.

    Also, maybe a little more detail on the appearance of the moves would be nice.

    Other then a few minor punctuation errors, I have nothing else to say. You did a pretty good job, just a little more explanation without holding the reader's hand and a little more detail would make this so much better, in my opinion. :)
    Sep 29, 2013