Yo! Gardevoir here. I've been writing a lot about Mary Sues recently, having slipped into my old rage-against-the-sue-self. But today, I want to tackle some people who can be even more annoying than the mary sues themselves. What, pray tell, could that be? Why, the people who create them, of course! Or suethors, if you must. Now, of course, not everyone who creates bad characters is a bad person. In fact, I'd go as far to say that most aren't. Some suethors just need a gentle push in the right direction. Some suethors simply don't know that their characters are bad until people tell them. Some suethors are newbie writers, who are still testing the limits of characters and character development, and with time, and solicited constructive criticism, will improve. But what about the suethors who don't want to change? Who don't want to get better? Who, instead of taking criticism like adults, scream and cry and go on butthurt flaming rampages, and all because someone doesn't think that their precious OC is awesome? Here's a funny cautionary tale about one such suethor, written in the style of Jamie Rix's Grizzly Tales:
Sally Moribundus was your typical obsessive twelve-year-old Pokemon fan. She lived for the franchise. She played the games whenever she had a moment free, she watched the anime, she drew fanart, she cosplayed, in fact, she even had a collection of Pokemon plush toys, which had steadily taken over her bed. She ate, slept, and breathed Pokemon, and so did all of her bestest friends.
One Saturday morning, Sally was browsing a Pokemon fansite, as usual, when, on the thread she liked to frequent, someone posted a link. And that link happened to lead to a strange new website, or, more specifically, to a pokemon fanfiction on that new website, starring an OC, who went on a journey with Ash Ketchum. Now, Sally didn't care very much for reading, so she was about to click away, when she caught sight of something else. A comment.
Sally scrolled down with a flick of her finger, and lo and behold, there were lots of comments. Really good ones, like, 'You're the best writer ever!' and 'Please update soon!' and 'OMG, I need to know what happens next! You're so good!' And the cogs in Sally's twisted little mind began to turn. Sally didn't like reading, or writing. But Sally loved having her ass kissed by strangers on the internet, so, Sally got the bright idea to start writing her own fanfiction. So, that very morning, Sally made an account, opened a word document, and began her story.
She knew exactly what she wanted to happen. The character in the story she'd seen had been amazing. She was a troubled young trainer, who worked hard for the things that mattered to her, and through grit and determination, solved her problems. The readers loved her, so if she wanted people to kiss her ass more than the author of that awesome fanfiction, Sally was going to have to create a better character. Hard work? Determination? That was for suckers. No, Sally's character was going to be so pretty and perfect, that she could have whatever she wanted handed to her on a silver platter, oh, and she was going to be even more troubled, but of course, a good snuggling from her true love, Ash Ketchum, was going to fix that.
Sally typed the first chapter in a giddy frenzy, hitting publish before she'd even looked it over. Her character was named Yami no Tsuki Kokoro, and she was drop-dead gorgeous. Her starter was a shiny eevee. Ash Ketchum fell head-over-heels in love with her, and they got married at the age of thirteen. She won the league, with no effort, because she was so special. Legendary pokemon begged for her to catch them, because she was so special. People would give her gifts in the street, because she was so special. People, even villains, would literally bend down and kiss her ass, because she was so special. Yami No Tsuki Kokoro was the very best character in the world, Sally thought. Now, all she had to do was let the ass-kisses roll in.
The next morning, Sally checked the comments of her new story, expecting lots of kisses for her behind, but much to her horror, there was but one review. That one review said:
'Yami is a totally OP mary sue. You seriously need to tone her down. Getting married to Ash at 13, and being worshipped in the streets by total strangers? That's ridiculous.'
Sally was fuming. How dare that stranger on the internet say those nasty things about her precious character. How dare she not think her awesome. She needed to be punished.
Sally sent a long, angry private message to that reviewer, telling them that Yami was perfect, and she worked really hard on her, and how she'd better stop dissing her, or else she'd kill her. But it didn't work, for the reviewer replied:
'Dude, I'm not trying to attack you. All I'm saying is that your OC is a mary sue, and needs work done to her in order to be likeable.'
But that just made Sally even angrier. She replied:
'Yami is supposed to be SPECIAL! Everyone's supposed to like her! Which means that you can't hate her, because people who hate her are nasty bullies!'
The reviewer was still not phased.
'It's my opinion, dude. I'm allowed to not like your character. You put something up on the internet, you lose control of it, which means that people can say whatever they want about it, and not all of them are gonna give you butt-pats. If you just want those, take your story down, and put it on mommy's fridge instead.'
Now, Sally was really cross. She said a final, 'Fuck off and kill yourself!' before blocking the reviewer, and working on chapter two. Maybe the next one would get her some kisses for her hurt behind.
Sally awoke the next morning, to check her comments, and, to her horror, all of them were agreeing with the nasty reviewer. All of them said the same thing, that her precious OC was a horrible, special snowflake Mary Sue. And Sally was the angriest that she'd ever been.
She called her bestest friends, and told them she was being bullied by nasty people, who said that her precious OC sucked. And together, they organised a massive flame war against those nasty people, a fuck off here, a kill yourself there, an I hope you get cancer and die, an I'm gonna call the police, in fact, they did everything in the book, to make those nasty reviewers bow down and worship Sally, and make them realise that she was right.
After a few weeks of flaming, Sally got a new message from the admin of the site she was on, and it was to say that her story had been taken down, and her account had been banned. Why? Because she'd bullied other users.
Now Sally was at breaking point. Oh, how she cried. How she screamed and kicked and threw things. How dare she get banned. How dare the nasty site admin ban her, and not those reviewers? They were the ones who were telling her she sucked. They were the real bad ones. Not her.
Sally threw her tablet across her room and smashed its screen, declaring that she would never write fanfiction again. It wasn't like anyone would miss her, though, who would miss a colossal mary sue, and a tantruming suethor? Life on that site was peaceful, once again. In fact, some even celebrated her being banned.
Sally, meanwhile, decided to take her mary sue elsewhere. Elsewhere, to the land of roleplay...
Sally Moribundus was your typical obsessive twelve-year-old Pokemon fan. She lived for the franchise. She played the games whenever she had a moment free, she watched the anime, she drew fanart, she cosplayed, in fact, she even had a collection of Pokemon plush toys, which had steadily taken over her bed. She ate, slept, and breathed Pokemon, and so did all of her bestest friends.
One Saturday morning, Sally was browsing a Pokemon fansite, as usual, when, on the thread she liked to frequent, someone posted a link. And that link happened to lead to a strange new website, or, more specifically, to a pokemon fanfiction on that new website, starring an OC, who went on a journey with Ash Ketchum. Now, Sally didn't care very much for reading, so she was about to click away, when she caught sight of something else. A comment.
Sally scrolled down with a flick of her finger, and lo and behold, there were lots of comments. Really good ones, like, 'You're the best writer ever!' and 'Please update soon!' and 'OMG, I need to know what happens next! You're so good!' And the cogs in Sally's twisted little mind began to turn. Sally didn't like reading, or writing. But Sally loved having her ass kissed by strangers on the internet, so, Sally got the bright idea to start writing her own fanfiction. So, that very morning, Sally made an account, opened a word document, and began her story.
She knew exactly what she wanted to happen. The character in the story she'd seen had been amazing. She was a troubled young trainer, who worked hard for the things that mattered to her, and through grit and determination, solved her problems. The readers loved her, so if she wanted people to kiss her ass more than the author of that awesome fanfiction, Sally was going to have to create a better character. Hard work? Determination? That was for suckers. No, Sally's character was going to be so pretty and perfect, that she could have whatever she wanted handed to her on a silver platter, oh, and she was going to be even more troubled, but of course, a good snuggling from her true love, Ash Ketchum, was going to fix that.
Sally typed the first chapter in a giddy frenzy, hitting publish before she'd even looked it over. Her character was named Yami no Tsuki Kokoro, and she was drop-dead gorgeous. Her starter was a shiny eevee. Ash Ketchum fell head-over-heels in love with her, and they got married at the age of thirteen. She won the league, with no effort, because she was so special. Legendary pokemon begged for her to catch them, because she was so special. People would give her gifts in the street, because she was so special. People, even villains, would literally bend down and kiss her ass, because she was so special. Yami No Tsuki Kokoro was the very best character in the world, Sally thought. Now, all she had to do was let the ass-kisses roll in.
The next morning, Sally checked the comments of her new story, expecting lots of kisses for her behind, but much to her horror, there was but one review. That one review said:
'Yami is a totally OP mary sue. You seriously need to tone her down. Getting married to Ash at 13, and being worshipped in the streets by total strangers? That's ridiculous.'
Sally was fuming. How dare that stranger on the internet say those nasty things about her precious character. How dare she not think her awesome. She needed to be punished.
Sally sent a long, angry private message to that reviewer, telling them that Yami was perfect, and she worked really hard on her, and how she'd better stop dissing her, or else she'd kill her. But it didn't work, for the reviewer replied:
'Dude, I'm not trying to attack you. All I'm saying is that your OC is a mary sue, and needs work done to her in order to be likeable.'
But that just made Sally even angrier. She replied:
'Yami is supposed to be SPECIAL! Everyone's supposed to like her! Which means that you can't hate her, because people who hate her are nasty bullies!'
The reviewer was still not phased.
'It's my opinion, dude. I'm allowed to not like your character. You put something up on the internet, you lose control of it, which means that people can say whatever they want about it, and not all of them are gonna give you butt-pats. If you just want those, take your story down, and put it on mommy's fridge instead.'
Now, Sally was really cross. She said a final, 'Fuck off and kill yourself!' before blocking the reviewer, and working on chapter two. Maybe the next one would get her some kisses for her hurt behind.
Sally awoke the next morning, to check her comments, and, to her horror, all of them were agreeing with the nasty reviewer. All of them said the same thing, that her precious OC was a horrible, special snowflake Mary Sue. And Sally was the angriest that she'd ever been.
She called her bestest friends, and told them she was being bullied by nasty people, who said that her precious OC sucked. And together, they organised a massive flame war against those nasty people, a fuck off here, a kill yourself there, an I hope you get cancer and die, an I'm gonna call the police, in fact, they did everything in the book, to make those nasty reviewers bow down and worship Sally, and make them realise that she was right.
After a few weeks of flaming, Sally got a new message from the admin of the site she was on, and it was to say that her story had been taken down, and her account had been banned. Why? Because she'd bullied other users.
Now Sally was at breaking point. Oh, how she cried. How she screamed and kicked and threw things. How dare she get banned. How dare the nasty site admin ban her, and not those reviewers? They were the ones who were telling her she sucked. They were the real bad ones. Not her.
Sally threw her tablet across her room and smashed its screen, declaring that she would never write fanfiction again. It wasn't like anyone would miss her, though, who would miss a colossal mary sue, and a tantruming suethor? Life on that site was peaceful, once again. In fact, some even celebrated her being banned.
Sally, meanwhile, decided to take her mary sue elsewhere. Elsewhere, to the land of roleplay...
