Chapter 33: A Day In The Life Of Axel
The first thing I noticed this morning when I woke up was that something wasn’t right. I was awake, but it was by my own volition. Normally I was woken up by my Trainer kicking me. A gentle kick of course, but it was still his foot to my ribs. I stretched out my long arms with a loud grunt as I fully woke myself up.
After getting up off the floor, I walked over to the bed where my human slept to see if he was still breathing. Brian looked so peaceful, sleeping face down in a puddle of his own drool. It would be a shame if some naughty monkey were to climb up on the foot of the bed and jump on him thus interrupting his restful sleep. Who would do something like that anyway? I would!
“ATTACK!” I yelled to give him fair warning. Granted I only gave him a second to react before throwing myself on top of him.
“Axel!” Brian shouted throwing his hand in my face to push me off getting his fingers in my eyes, nose, and mouth. I retaliated by grabbing a pillow and smacking him with it. The human then grabbed his own pillow and smacked me. I pushed him hard as payback. Bad idea. Brian started to fall out of bed so he grabbed me as leverage which ended up pulling both of us out of the bed. We both landed with a thud on the hard floor.
“Rude awakening. I was enjoying the comfort of my nice warm bed too.” lamented Brian rubbing his head.
“It’s what you get for slacking off.” I teased standing back up. “You know you’re in trouble if I wake up before you. Now feed me breakfast!” I demanded.
“And I’m the slacker?” he questioned sitting up. His entire body started jerking as if there was an invisible force shooting down his spine and travelling throughout his body. “It’s too cold to exist in this world.” grumbled Brian. He reached for his green backpack, but after determining it was out of arms reach, stretched out his leg to pull it towards him with his foot.
“I would have grabbed it if you asked.” I told him. Brian of course ignored me because his one track mind was telling him to get warm not hear what Axel has to say. My Trainer started throwing out random Item Balls until he found the one he was looking for. He pushed the button on it releasing a long sleeved black shirt.
I liked Item Balls much better than Pokéballs. Brian could store lots and lots of food for us in Item Balls. Pokéballs suck! I hated feeling my body getting all energy like and weird. And they were cramped too! That’s why I broke mine as soon as I got the chance. I Fire Punched it against a tree much too Brian’s annoyance. He tried to fix it with duct tape but my Pokéball still couldn’t contain me after that. I guess duct tape can’t fix everything. It does do a good job holding the straps to Brian’s worn torn backpack at least. Even then, he still carries his backpack in an Item Ball now for convenience. Those things rock!
“What are you doing now?” I asked. Brian was fully dressed now in everything but his gloves and boots and was staring intently at the T-shirt he had worn until today. I know he owns three exact copies of the same shirt, but even I can’t keep track of how often he changes his clothes.
“I’m trying to decide if I should wash this now or wait until spring.” he answered. Brian put the shirt to his nose and sniffed it. “Doesn’t smell like man-sweat to me, but why would it? What do you think Axel?” he said passing the shirt to me.
“Smells like you.” I responded after smelling it.
“Then in the Item Ball it goes!” he declared. Much like those portable prisons suck in poor unsuspecting Pokémon, Brian’s shirt turned red and was absorbed by the grey sphere. No sooner did he throw the ball back into his backpack I was in his face close enough that our foreheads were almost touching.
“Feed me!” I ordered.
“Baby!” he yelled back. “Alright, let’s go.”
While we ate, the humans discussed their plans for the day. Last night Raiden called us saying he would be back today so the humans decided to take the day off and plan something fun. Since it was the season humans call Fall, it was guaranteed that we wouldn’t do anything water related because it was too cold. That is unless those naked apes pick a hot spring.
“Brian, don’t let them pick a hot spring!” I requested.
“What’s wrong with hot springs?” Lloyd inquired teasingly. “They’re very nice and relaxing. It is much easier to approach a female when they’re comfortable.” I gave the Golduck an are-you-kidding-me look.
“Of course you would like it. That’s your element.” I started passing my hands through my flame. “See this? My fire and water don’t mix! I hate it! And I’m only interested in female Infernapes which would also stay away from water.”
“To each his own I guess.” shrugged Lloyd. Don’t get me wrong, Lloyd is a cool Pokémon and makes for interesting conversation when Brian is distracted, but he can also be pretty spacey sometimes.
“What about a day spa? It’s important we don’t get too stressed out.” suggested Chane.
“I could use a massage.” Eve considered as she rubbed her shoulders.
“And I love happy endings!” Zack added exuberantly.
“I like it!” Brian affirmed making the decision unanimous. He then turned to me. “Try not to get us kicked out this time Axel.” he whispered with a playful grin.
“Well don’t take me in the steam room then.” I warned. That was a crazy day that I would rather not repeat. I’m too big now to even attempt some of that stuff that I got away with before anyway.
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“Looks like we’ll finally be putting those paychecks of ours to good use.” Eve said when the team arrived at what I’m guessing to be an expensive day spa in Saffron City. I’ll let Brian deal with paying for it as long as it doesn’t come out of my food fund.
I’m not sure how humans found places like this relaxing. Sure there were some nice plants at the doorway and around the lobby, and the ambiance in the background was soothing, but what the hell was that nasty smell? Why couldn’t they just have a natural scent instead of those horrible artificial odors?
“Four people and nineteen Pokémon.” Zack told the receptionist. I’m sure he was disappointed that the person at the counter was a male wearing a white polo shirt and not a female he could mate with.
“Ok, but I have to let you know that people and Pokémon have different programs meaning they are separated from their Trainers for the day. Is that alright?” the worker asked everyone.
“Fine by me.” answered Eve without a second thought.
“W-will they be alright?” Chane questioned with concern.
“What say ye Axel?” Brian asked me.
“It means you get to go to the steam room and I stay out of trouble. Now hand over my partners.” I answered excitedly holding out my hands. It was like a field trip!
“Before we get started, I’m going to the bathroom.” stated Zack. Brian started snickering when Zack disappeared behind one of the doors at the far end of the hallway.
“What?” I inquired looked from the door to my Trainer.
“Look closely at the symbol on the door and remember how we humans are.” he answered with an amused grin. I turned back to the door and stared at it. The one Zack went into had a human shape with a wide triangle for a body. The symbol on the door to the left was just a human silhouette. Wasn’t the first one used to represent human females and the normal looking ones males?
“Ow! Ow! OW!!” Zack screamed as he was escorted out of the bathroom with his arm twisted behind his back by a female human who I’m guessing was security based on her blue uniform. Well that answers my question. “I’m sorry! My glasses broke and I haven’t gotten new ones yet. I’m far-sighted so I can’t see things within five feet of me.” he explained.
“In that case I’ll let you off with a warning. Don’t let me catch you in the women’s restroom again.” Ms. Security warned sternly. She released him and watched as he slunk back to us sheepishly.
“Using your disability as an excuse to go peeping? That’s sad.” Eve criticized shaking her head in disappointment. Zack smiled slyly at her claim.
“I have to use my advantages when I can right?” he replied not even bothering to deny the truth with us. So he really did know he was going in the wrong bathroom. That sneaky devil.
“I take it back Axel. Zack will be the one who gets us kicked out.” Brian said with certainty. The nice people in white polos and white pants all came out to escort us to our proper locations. They first took the Trainers to the area where we Pokémon would be left for our treatment. It was a big open room that could fit at least a dozen Wailords so there was definitely enough room for all of us to fit.
“Enjoy your spa treatment. I hope you all come out very relaxed.” Chane told her Pokémon nervously.
“We’ll be fine. Don’t worry about us Chane.” Izzy assured. I know don’t know if she can communicate with her Pokémon the way Brian and I do, but Chane did seem relieved by Izzy’s lack of concern.
“Be on your best behavior now children.” Eve instructed her team. The atmosphere of the spa became less comfortable with the appearance of Diva. I swear that thing is evil incarnate. And I’m not just saying that because she tried ripping out my heart or clawing out my brains that one time. Ok maybe I am.
“Oh we’re always on our best behavior Mother.” the fell spirit said sweetly. You could get a headache with that much sugar.
“What are they going to do to us Axel-senpai?” asked Riolu inquisitively.
“It’s called a day spa Rio. It’s something humans do when they want to relax and it is also relaxing to Pokémon as well.” I informed. I was almost always the one giving Riolu new information. He was the youngest member of all of Brian’s Pokémon and I was Brian’s first, not to mention a fellow Fighting-type so he looked up to me.
“See ya’s! Have fun!” Brian called to us as he and the others left.
“As you wish my liege.” Piloswine responded respectfully. Piloswine was an interesting case. He’s a quiet one who only speaks when spoken to unless he really has something important to say. We caught Piloswine when entering the Ice Path in Johto and he has been one of Brian’s most loyal Pokémon since.
“I hope they feed us.” yearned Snorlax rubbing his fat belly with one of his stubby arms. Snorlax is a gentle giant who thinks about food more than I do. We picked him up in Sinnoh as a Munchlax and he quickly evolved because of how happy eating made him.
“I highly doubt they plan on feeding us.” Aerodactyl shot down curtly. In short, he’s a jerkass. And I’m not just saying that because he teases me every chance he gets when we’re in the sky. Aero is grateful to Brian for giving him life, but he’s still blatantly rude to everyone. Even the human who resurrected him on Cinnabar Island from a tooth encased in amber isn’t immune to an insult here and there.
The sixth member of the team is Beldum, but I don’t exactly know how to describe it. Not only is it the newest of Brian’s Pokémon, but it also keeps to itself to the point where I have never even heard it speak. I don’t know if it has anything to do with Beldum’s previous owner being Strife Maxwell or not, but Beldum just seems off to me. Even right now it just floats around aimlessly while the rest of us socialize. Such a strange creature.
“Hey, shouldn’t there be people in here tending to our every whim?” questioned Diva conceitedly. While I didn’t agree with her, I did find it strange that the only nineteen creatures in the room were Pokémon. And not just that, we all belonged to a small group of people. Surely more Trainers had come here with Pokémon.
“Ah you’re too impatient Diva. Just sit back, chill, and enjoy each other’s company.” suggest Lloyd as he made himself comfortable on the floor. “So any of you ladies ever wanted to fuck a duck before?” he proposed nonchalantly.
“Ew.” Diva spat in disgust.
“Umm Lloyd. None of us are even in your Egg Group.” Lucy pointed out sounding unsure how to respond to that statement. I’ve noticed that Lucy is the one most like her Trainer out of Chane’s Pokémon. While all six share Chane’s kindness, Lucy is the shyest and most uncertain one.
“Best form of birth control out there.” he responded.
“You’re terrible.” said Izzy straightforwardly. Izzy and Jace are the most serious and protective ones of their team so I can only guess one of them was Chane’s first Pokémon. I’m not sure which one though as they both seem to share the leadership roles.
“You won’t know unless you try.” the Golduck persisted.
“If you don’t knock it off I will Mega Drain you Lloyd.” she warned.
“Kinky. Is that an innuendo?” At this point I was just giggling uncontrollably.
“If you want a plant, I’ll Leech your Seed.” offered Roserade. Now those giggles had become all out hysterical laughing.
“I fail to see the humor in this.” Jace said unamusedly. The difference between Jace and Izzy is that he’s a lot more stern while she’s more understanding. They almost reminded me of a mother and father.
“I can’t help it. I’m easily amused.” I said through laughs.
“I don’t understand what they’re saying Axel-senpai.” Riolu stated which silenced me instantly. Damn. I didn’t think I’d have to tell him about mating too.
“I’ll… tell you when you evolve.” I answered evasively.
“But I want to know now!” he pressed impatiently.
“You’re too young to know now! You’re not even a year old yet Rio!” I insisted assertively.
“Balderdash! I’ll tell the boy if you don’t have the spine.” Walrein volunteered.
“No you won’t!” I rejected firmly. “As the second in command for this team and Riolu’s primary guardian, I make all the strategic decisions when Brian isn’t around. And I say no one gives Riolu the talk until he evolves!”
“I agree with Axel. It should be the Trainer or one of the Trainer’s own Pokémon that teaches the younger ones such things.” Jace stepped in.
“Don’t waste your time with them Walrein. They’re beneath us.” Steelix scoffed.
“Why are you all such bullies?” Kermit asked defensively. He never got his answer because we were interrupted by a loud scream from Lloyd.
“This sucks!” he cried. He was tied up in roots that had emerged from a single brown seed planted on his chest. I spat a small Ember at the seed to burn it off for him.
“Ah thanks man. I had no idea Roserade had been literal when she said she’d leech my seed.” he thanked gratefully.
“Of course. You and I need to watch each other’s backs from the abuse we take from Eve’s Pokémon. And that goes for Chane’s and Brian’s other Pokémon as well.” I declared.
“So much hate for us. What did we ever do to deserve it?” Diva asked innocently.
“Nearly killed me.” I said flatly.
“Used Leech Seed on me when I didn’t deserve it.” Lloyd protested.
“Violently beat me up.” Riolu added.
“I still have a dent in my tail from you, Pipsqueak!” interrupted Steelix.
“Causing trouble for us even though we’re on the same side.” Izzy added.
“Don’t act high and mighty with us.” Luxray cautioned threateningly.
“She wasn’t. Izzy was just stating a fact.” interjected Celia.
“I wasn’t talking to you Bug!” the lioness snarled.
“Thus proves our point. Instead of trying to get along, you all start conflict.” Jace said matter-of-factly.
“You’re just too sensitive.” Roserade admonished. “Besides, it was Lloyd who started causing trouble.”
“Was not!” he denied. Actually it kind of was. He wouldn’t have gotten seeded and Rio wouldn’t have asked about mating if Lloyd had just kept his bill shut.
“Can’t we just get along?” Lucy pleaded.
“I wish we could Lucy, but some battles must be fought in the name of loyalty.” Piloswine affirmed.
“Alright! We’re gonna have a fight aren’t we?” anticipated Aerodactyl gleefully.
“Not yet we aren’t.” refuted Nidoqueen.
“All this because I asked one question?” panicked Riolu.
“No, I think this had been boiling over for a while Riolu.” Luna consoled.
“That’s right. They’ve been unfriendly since before Brian or Eve were even in Team Neos.” I reminded.
“Still holding that grudge Abu?” taunted Diva. What!? Abu!
“I think you have me confused with someone else. The name’s Axel. Got it memorized?” I said tapping my temple with my index finger.
“Whatever you say Abu.” she mocked with a wry zippered smile just for the sake of getting on my nerves. I snarled at her to show my agitation but didn’t go any further. Throwing a tantrum or a punch would just encourage all six of them.
“Our Trainers would be all over us if we got in a brawl, especially if the people who should be here walk in and find us at each other’s throats. That’s why I say Eve’s Pokémon stay over there, and everyone else stays over here.” I delegated.
“What about Snorlax-san?” Riolu asked pointing to the snoozing bear. I swear he could sleep through the apocalypse if given the chance.
“He’ll be fine. Let him sleep.” I said waving my arm at Snorlax. At that moment, I heard voices on the other side of the door to the room we were in. Finally. It’s about time we got our service.
“They’re right in here Sir. Nineteen Pokémon in total.” said one of the voices as the door opened. If I had a mirror, my reflection would show a WTF face mixed with an Oh Shit face because filing into the room were two people in the white uniforms like we were expecting, but with them was none other than our old pal Petrel Lambda, the Team Rocket Executive.
“Fuck me!” I blurted.
“You have got to be kidding.” said Diva unamusedly.
“They won’t service me.” Lloyd said blankly. Jace spread his wings wide, puffed up his chest and screeched loudly at Lambda and his accomplices. His smug look instantly dissolved when he saw us.
“They were supposed to be asleep! Why didn’t you fools turn on the sleep gas like you were supposed to?” he demanded.
“Look Sir! The Snorlax is sleeping on the vent!” one of the so-called spa people indicated pointing at Snorlax. Go Snorlax! Lambda got an annoyed expression on his face.
“Well how do you expect me to kidnap them if they are all conscious? I can’t take on nineteen Pokémon at once! No way!” he yelled.
“Hey shit face! Remember me?” I called to him walking up. It was worth it just to see his face turn white with terror.
“Th-th-that golden Infernape! I-i-is its Trainer here by chance?” stuttered Lambda shaking uncontrollably.
“Yes Sir. He and the people he arrived with are enjoying the normal service we give the Trainers to distract them from the theft of their Pokémon.” answered one of the people in white. “Why do you ask?”
“I need to get out of here! Forget the Pokémon! I want to live! I would rather face Lord Giovanni’s wrath than the claws of that demon!!” the Rocket Executive shrieked. Lambda looked like he was about to piss himself at the thought of what Brian would do to him. He wasted no time in fleeing the room.
“Sir, wait!” called one of the whities running after the cowardly executive. I decided it would be funnier to let Lambda run away in shame than to try and capture him. No harm came to any of us so I don’t even see a legitimate reason to tell Brian.
“We’re not getting a treatment, are we Senpai?” Riolu realized.
“Nope. So until our humans are done, I guess we’re just stuck here bored.” I said unable to think of other options. Steelix suddenly threw his large head mere inches from mine which not only pushed me back, but forced me to look into his hate filled red eyes.
“Why did you let the Rocket go? He’ll only cause more trouble for us in the future!” demanded the metallic serpent.
“Because attacking him would only provoke him to attack us. This way no one gets hurt, everyone is safe, and Brian and I get to enjoy terrorizing Lambda some more. The faces he makes when scared really are priceless.” I explained trying to push the metal head away from me.
“I respect Axel’s decision not to attack. I would rather avoid violence unless there is no other option than to fight.” Jace supported.
“But that was our enemy he let escape!” admonished Luxray.
“Then why didn’t you go to stop him from running away with his tail between his legs?” Lloyd countered. That basically shut up anyone who disagreed with letting Lambda go.
“The Rocket even said he couldn’t handle all of us and would probably have left anyway even without the previous trauma Axel and Brian inflicted on him.” stated Izzy. “As far as I’m concerned we won that battle.”
“Until he comes back with reinforcements anyway.” Nidoqueen said cynically.
“I know Hyper Beam, Fat Ass over there knows Hyper Beam, he and I incinerate their worthless existence. Simple as that.” Aerodactyl responded indifferently.
“But killing is wrong! We should at least try to fight them back.” objected Lucy.
“It was a hypothetical statement. Besides, I will kill if it’s a fight for survival.” I admit. “You can’t go easy on an enemy who is willing to use deceitful and underhanded tricks to come out on top.” I shot Diva a quick look with that last part.
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So there we all were, stuck in a room with nothing to do except talk to each other and all that seemed to do is invite disagreements and arguing. That left no other option than to sit in bored silence aside from the short lived conversations with our respective teammates. The silence was suddenly interrupted by a loud yawn from Snorlax after sleeping for half an hour.
“I’m hungry…” he grumbled.
“You’re always hungry fat ass. I doubt we’re even going to get fed since this was supposed to be a trap.” Aerodactyl deduced bitterly.
“No windows, no photosynthesis.” Roserade said dejectedly.
“Alright, I’m going hunting. I’ll go ransack the first place of feeding I come across, steal one of those metallic cart things, load it up with as much as it’ll hold, and deliver room service.” I proposed. I know I promised Brian I would be a good monkey and not do anything that might get us kicked out this time, but given the circumstances I say it’s worth the risk.
“Let me join you Senpai! I can feel people’s auras so we can avoid trouble.” requested my young protégé.
“I appreciate the gesture Rio, but I have a better idea for you. You’re in charge of all of Brian’s Pokémon while I’m gone.” I designated.
“I’m not taking orders from the infant.” refused Aerodactyl.
“You will or Piloswine will Ice Beam you.” I threatened. The prehistoric Pokémon screeched what sounded like ‘What!?’ while Piloswine nodded in compliance at his assigned duty.
“Huuuuuunngryyyyy…” Snorlax moaned.
“Patience!” I ordered. Now I know how Brian feels when I harass him for food. Not that that will make me stop harassing him for food or anything. “Be back soon.” I told everyone.
“Hold on! Let me come too. Celia has very specific dietary needs that you might not know how to shop for.” volunteered Izzy.
“There are a lot of us here, and I’m sure Snorlax is a big eater, so you might need an extra pair of arms to push another cart.” Lloyd suggested. I would have rather gone alone, but they both did have some valid points for tagging along.
“Fine, fine. You are both welcome to come.” I allowed. I couldn’t believe I was about to say this next sentence, but I threw it on the table anyway. “Do you want to join us Diva?” I invited. The Banette gave me a shocked look.
“What?” she questioned suspiciously.
“We might need you to look through walls in search of munchies and people. Besides, you know what your team likes to eat better than we do.” I explained. I wanted to gag, but as much as I disliked her, we still needed her services.
“Fine, I’ll go with you. But I get first dibs.” agreed the specter.
As it turned out, Zack is an avid fan of spy movies so Lloyd picked up a few tactics from them that will help us sneak to the kitchen unnoticed. I decided it would be best to follow his lead as I was originally just going to rely on audacity and walk right in as if I belonged there.
To exit the room, Lloyd and I did barrel rolls into the hall as that is how you’re supposed to go from one hiding spot to another. We then pushed ourselves as flat against the wall as we could.
“What are you two doing?” Izzy inquired with a concerned look on her face.
“We’re being stealthy. You have to do ridiculous gestures when sneaking about because otherwise guards will see you.” explained the Golduck.
“Yeeeaaaahh…” Diva trailed. She closed her eyes quickly vanishing from sight. “I can make myself invisible. It’s a better form of stealth than your childish antics anyway.” she admonished.
“She’s just jealous of us.” I taunted. “Coming Izzy?” I asked. The Breloom rolled her eyes as she dropped down and barrel rolled toward us. It was expertly done as expected from a fellow Fighting-type. Izzy sighed as she reluctantly pressed herself against the wall with us. I felt a horrible chill as I’m guessing Diva passed us by.
“Coming?” the invisible demon asked us.
“Right behind ya! I think…” Lloyd said running zigzags down the hall.
“Are you sure that’s how it works?” I called to him.
“Every time!” he called back. I just shrugged as I followed suit. What did I know about spy movies? I had only seen the end of one with Brian and that’s it. It was already half way over when we turned it on late one night.
“I hope we find some cool stuff to hide behind, because we are totally exposed in the open hall like this.” Lloyd criticized. I looked around for anything we could use as cover for our espionage. I noticed a row of potted plants at the edges of a doorway up ahead.
“There’s something!” I pointed out.
“Good eye my fine mammal friend.” he thanked. “Where ever you are Diva, could you look in there for us to see if they have anything to eat?” he called to her. While we waited for her response, the three of us barrel rolled and crouched behind the plants. It was so awkward considering there were three of us in such a small area.
“No food here, but there are humans getting ready to come out.” warned Diva professionally. At least they won’t be able to see us hiding behind this bush. As soon as the door opened, three spa employees walked out and just our luck, they turned to walk the direction we were!
“Hey! What are Pokémon doing here?” one of them questioned before even passing us. Impossible! You mean they actually saw us hiding here?
“Sleep please!” Izzy requested the humans. I quickly covered my faces with my hands as I realized she was about to release her Spores. With a shake of her head, a fine blue powder scattered from the mushroom on her head. The employees’ eyes began sagging until they collapsed unconscious.
“Good work Izzy.” I complemented once it was safe to breathe again. “Alright, let’s keep hunting.” I said. As I got up, Lloyd fell face down on the floor. I can’t believe that duck! He fell asleep! I gave him a hard punch to the back of the head.
“Wake up you lazy bum! This isn’t the time for a nap Lloyd!” I yelled at him giving him a few more whacks.
“Ow! That hurt!” he yelled waking up and rubbing his head.
“Serves you right for sleeping on the job.” I scolded.
“My apologies Lloyd. I thought you would have covered your face like Axel did.” Izzy apologized. “Are you still with us Diva?” she called out as she turned her head side to side looking for signs of the invisible ghost.
“I never sleep.” said Diva matter-of-factly from where ever she was hiding. Makes sense to me. she must have what the humans call the Insomnia Ability. After moving the spa people out of the way, Lloyd, Izzy, and I barrel rolled from our hiding spots and continued to zigzag down the hall. That is, until we came to the lobby; a wide open space where we were vulnerable and had two forks to choose from. Made worse because we were immediately spotted by the two people at the front desk.
“Call security!” the female one ordered.
“Cover your face Lloyd.” advised Izzy. I also took the hint in time for the Breloom to scatter more spores from her mushroom head. The employees fell forward smacking their faces to the desk. They were going to have some nasty headaches when they woke up. Now the big question was which fork should we take; the one closest to the desk or the one directly ahead of us?
“Take cover!” called Lloyd dramatically pointing at the desk. After a barrel roll from each of us, we pressed up against the desk and wall to decide our next plan of action.
“All in favor of going down that hall?” I proposed pointing to the one closest to the desk.
“It’s the least obvious choice. That means it must be it!” Lloyd assumed.
“Works for me.” agreed Izzy.
“Fine, whatever.” Diva said boredly. Then it was settled! The three of us that were actually visible jumped over the desk, barrel rolled, then zigzagged up the chosen hall. Man this was fun! I’ll have to do random covert espionage with Brian sometime.
Delicious scents soon came to my nose meaning we had chosen the right path. We would be there soon! Though we couldn’t see her, Diva was checking every room we passed in search of a cafeteria or kitchen to raid.
“Here!” she called to us. The Ghost-type reappeared in front of a pair of large grey double doors on our left. Based on all of the tasty smells coming from there, I knew it was the place.
“Alright guys, up until this point we did things Lloyd’s way and it worked. But now we do things my way!” I declared. I delivered a powerful kick to the doors sending them flying wide open followed by my umpteenth barrel roll of the day to get inside. “Thank you! Fuck you! The Pokémon have arrived!” I announced imitating that awesome introduction Brian gave at Cinnabar.
“What the hell?” cried one of the chef’s in shock of our presence.
“Nice one Abu.” Diva complemented sarcastically.
“We could have been a bit more discreet.” Izzy said hesitantly.
“Too late! Steal everything!” I command jumping on a table and grabbing the vegetables that were being cut up. I wasn’t really paying attention to the kind.
“Get them!” ordered another chef coming at me with a cleaver. I kicked him in the face then used his head as a stepping stone to jump off the table. Lloyd meanwhile was raiding the freezer while smacking cooks away with his tail.
“I’ve got a cart!” stated Diva delightedly. She must be enjoying this chaos we’re causing. Hopefully not by too much. I put my kleptoed veggies on the cart and attacked the oven next. I was the only one who could resist the heat and not get burned when stealing the steaks. I also ransacked the hot boxes which had pork cutlets, chicken, and more steak all while knocking around the cooks who got in my way. Some of them were even repeat offenders who didn’t learn the first time.
“Oh good, they do have honey. Celia will like this.” Izzy said over the confusion as she loaded the bottle to another pilfered cart.
“Sweet! They have Krabby cake! This really is the best spa in Saffron City!” cheered Lloyd elatedly as he stole a tray of the uncooked seafood. I’ll cook that later if anyone wants me to.
“You can’t take those! Those are for the guests!” shouted one of the chefs.
“I’m sure Zack would love to meet you, but we gotta eat too.” Lloyd apologized pushing her away. Just to distract them, I blew a few Embers on the stove to ignite all the burners.
“Get the fire extinguishers!” a cook demanded. This was great! I grabbed a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of mustard and squirted them all over the floors and chefs.
“Damn monkey!” cried another one.
“Alright, we got what we came for, let’s go!” I told my partners as I threw the now empty bottles at people. I grabbed a cart full of our spoils then ran to the exit with everyone else. Still, this isn’t the awesome way I wanted to leave. I turned around placing my thumb on my nose. “Bye bye Boo!” I taunted waving my fingers at the chefs. That was much better.
“You are such a troublemaker.” scolded Izzy as we ran down the hall.
“I learned from the best.” I admit proudly. Life wouldn’t be half as fun without shenanigans and hijinks. I suddenly heard vengeful yelling coming from behind us. I turned around to see the cooks we harassed joined with security chasing after us. Each was armed with their weapons of trade: cleavers and knives on the cooks, tazers and beating sticks on security. At least there were no guns.
“Oh shit!” I cried. “Fun faster!” Easier said than done. It was nearly impossible for me to control the cart I was pushing while running at my top speed.
“Get them!” the crowd of enemies behind us hollered. Eep! Since we can’t run as fast thanks to the carts, they were quickly gaining on us.
“No choice then. I will sacrifice myself for the good of the team!” Lloyd volunteered with dramatic somber. “Farewell my friends!” he said standing firm with his arms out to block the mob.
“Knock it off Lloyd! You still need to push your cart!” Diva chastised.
“No. Let him go. A man must be willing to sacrifice his own life to protect his people from starvation and invasion. I promise you my friend, I will always tell the legend of Lloyd the Great Hero! For generations to come!” I praised on the verge of shedding manly tears. With that I grabbed my cart and Diva reluctantly took control of Lloyd’s so we could get this hard earned meal to our comrades back at the bunker. From behind me I heard the entire exchange between Lloyd and the mob.
“Don’t let them get away!” commanded a human.
“You shall not pass!” Lloyd vowed with emphasis on each syllable of his sentence. I turned around for a brief instant to at least watch his fall only to see the Golduck blast the floor with an Ice Beam making all the humans slip and slide all over the place, even into each other.
“Alright Lloyd!” I commended.
“Oh you haven’t seen anything yet Axel!” Lloyd put his hands to his face. “Confusion!” he yelled. The humans all screamed before falling unconscious. Point ours.
The four of us returned intact and triumphant to our awaiting team members. I told Snorlax that if he wanted to eat he had to sit in front of the door so no one could intrude. Riolu would tell us if he sensed our Trainers approaching so that we could still let them in. Everyone seemed to be in a much better mood now that we were feasting. Even the rift between Eve’s Pokémon and the rest of us seemed smaller if only by a little bit thanks to Diva assisting us.
“Axel-senpai, Chane-sama is coming.” Riolu notified after finishing an apple.
“Just Chane?” I questioned. As Rio had just shoved half a sandwich in his mouth, he only nodded in response. “Alright Snorlax, move aside.” I requested.
“I was comfy.” he sighed getting up and then slumping down away from the door just in time for Chane to knock on the other side. Izzy opened the door and greeted her Trainer with a hug.
“Hello to you too Izzy. I wasn’t expecting… you…to… What is all this?” Chane asked in justifiable concern and confusion to our situation as she entered the room. I myself was a bit confused because the last time I was at a spa, Brian wore only a towel or a robe yet Chane was fully dressed.
“Bitches wouldn’t feed us so we helped ourselves to their kitchen.” I said straightforwardly.
“Be civil Axel.” Jace scolded. “Things weren’t exactly as we expected here Chane.”
“I see. So they aren’t really that nice to the Pokémon at this place. I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” she apologized regretfully. The six of her Pokémon went to her as comfort to show her they were fine.
“It’s not your fault sweetie. You couldn’t have possibly known about this.” Luna told her.
“But still, I feel like I let you all down. We got to get unstressed, but all of you just sat here with nothing to do.” said Chane guiltily.
“That’s not true. We got to scare people and wreak havoc. I call that something.” I said. Then again, she probably didn’t understand a word of it.
“Well I guess if everyone had fun, it’s ok.” she said.
“Did you hear me speak?” I questioned curiously.
“No, Chane is very empathetic. She feels your emotions rather than your words.” Kermit explained. Well that made sense.
“Brian-sensei, Eve-sama, and Zack-sama are coming now too.” Riolu announced. Oh boy. We’re going to have some explaining to do. A minute later, the three remaining Trainers came walking through the door, each was wearing a white robe.
“Axel. Explain to me why we were told about a small band of Pokémon, one of which being a golden Infernape, rampaging through the building.” demanded Brian in annoyance.
“Service here sucks. No one came to do activities with us and no one came to feed us so we took matters into our own hands.” I explained. I grabbed a Krabby cake from the cart then ignited my hand to cook it. “Krabby cake?” I offered.
“Krabby cakes are tasty.” he caved accepting my gift. “But you aren’t off the hook yet.” he warned taking a bite.
“What are you doing here anyway Chane and why are you dressed?” Eve questioned.
“Well… um… I wanted to check on the Pokémon and I wasn’t really comfortable walking around a public place mostly undressed.” she answered timidly.
“But you have a nice body. You shouldn’t be trying to hide yourself.” Zack advised. I agreed with that. Humans were way too caught up in wearing clothes. Granted those things keep them warm this time of year because they don’t have fur all over their bodies, but there are plenty of Pokémon that are completely hairless and still endure the cold. Humans can be sensitive about the strangest things sometimes.
“Is that steak?” Brian inquired pointing to one of our conquested carts.
“Yup! Last one too. Shall I cook it up for you?” I proposed.
“Do that and all will be forgiven!” he said practically salivating.
“You’re letting him go just like that?” Eve protested.
“They were left here all alone for hours. I can understand them doing what they did.” Chane defended. I passed the warmed up steak to Brian.
“Besides, they got us steak and Krabby cakes! That makes up for everything!” Brian cheered rubbing his hands together. “Wait, where are the fork and knife?”
“Haha! You pitiful creature!” Aerodactyl mocked.
“Pokémon don’t need such things so we didn’t steal any.” I said. Brian just stared at me blankly.
“I’m going to go get my stuff. I’m sure I’ve got some kind of utensil somewhere.” he mused leaving the room.
“We’re as good as kicked out anyway, so I think I’ll finish the day by walking into the women’s locker room pretending to be lost before gathering my stuff.” Zack announced. “Coming Eve?”
“I’ll wait until after you get thrown out.” she said uncaringly basically allowing him to do as he pleased.
“Zack you can’t!” Chane forbade.
“Try and stop me then.” he dared running off followed by the females. I have never met a creature, Pokémon nor human, that needed to mate as badly as him.
“Go Zack!” Lloyd encouraged.
“Mmmm… smells tasty.” said Snorlax lumbering over to the plate of steak before picking it up between his claws. Oh damn, I didn’t realize he was still awake!
“No Snorlax-san! That’s Sensei’s food!” cried Riolu trying to grab it from the giant bear. All Riolu succeeded in doing was getting picked up along with the meat. The puppy kicked his legs trying to pull back.
“Just let go Riolu! It isn’t worth you getting eaten too!” I called. Riolu let go landing on his feet just in time for Snorlax to scarf down the last piece of steak. I am so not getting dessert tonight.
--------------
Luckily Brian was in a better mood than I thought he’d be. Sure he was mad at Snorlax for eating his steak, but he knew it was a bad idea to leave food out around the Pokémon so he let it go. Besides, he channeled all his anger at the front desk by complaining about how we Pokémon were mistreated. When they didn’t give the humans a refund due to the trouble me and the rest of my crew caused, Brian stole one of their chairs and threw it through a window just because he could.
We then had to run like hell because security was ready to arrest us. The important thing was that Brian got to relax for a day and had fun pulling a prank again. He’s been far too tense lately with work compared to how he was before. That’s why I had no intention of telling him about Lambda.
When we finally got back to the penthouse in Celadon City we were staying in, Raiden was already back waiting for us.
“Where have the four of you been?” he asked calmly.
“Enjoying our day off.” Zack said in high spirits. When Zack had come out of the female’s locker room he said something about having been to the Promised Land and seen heaven. I have no idea what that means, but apparently that and his happy ending, whatever that is, were the highlights of his day.
“Well that is always beneficial. Have the missions I left you with been successful?” inquired Raiden.
“About that Master Raiden. Things went fine, but I think they might have gone smoother if you had a second-in-command to take charge when you aren’t around.” Brian proposed. “During your absence we took turns running things, but it would be helpful for you to name a number two so we don’t have to have daily elections.” Oh Brian. I can see right through you. You’re trying to subtly convince him to make you his second. I hope you get the position!
“I will think about it.” Raiden answered uncaringly.
“Well in that case, may I also suggest that we go to Hoenn for the winter? We might lose moral if it’s cold.” requested my Trainer tactfully.
“The answer is no. Unless we’re given orders from above, we stay in Kanto to subdue Team Rocket’s efforts.” refuse Raiden.
“Awww. Poor baby got rejected. I guess the little boy is just gonna have to stop being a little wussy and endure the cold.” Eve taunted in a childish tone.
“Don’t pick on him! I don’t really like the cold either.” defended Chane.
“Or are you just saying that to protect your crush?” Eve ridiculed. Chane’s face started turning red. What a silly accusation. I have seen no signs of willingness to mate from her or Brian.
“I-I do not!” she denied. As I thought. If they wanted to mate, they would have groomed each other or something.
“Please be silent. Assassination is a very exasperating job, so if there is nothing more to say then I will go to bed. I suggest the rest of you get some sleep as well. There is always work to be done.” instructed Raiden leaving us for his room.
“Come on then Axel.” Brian called over waving me to our room.
Hopefully we can put an end to Team Rocket soon. Maybe after making the world a better place, things can go back to the way they were. I much prefer good times and fun battles over the high stressed life or death situations we find ourselves in now a days. Deep down, I’m sure Brian feels the same way.
“Right behind ya Monkey.” I said.
The first thing I noticed this morning when I woke up was that something wasn’t right. I was awake, but it was by my own volition. Normally I was woken up by my Trainer kicking me. A gentle kick of course, but it was still his foot to my ribs. I stretched out my long arms with a loud grunt as I fully woke myself up.
After getting up off the floor, I walked over to the bed where my human slept to see if he was still breathing. Brian looked so peaceful, sleeping face down in a puddle of his own drool. It would be a shame if some naughty monkey were to climb up on the foot of the bed and jump on him thus interrupting his restful sleep. Who would do something like that anyway? I would!
“ATTACK!” I yelled to give him fair warning. Granted I only gave him a second to react before throwing myself on top of him.
“Axel!” Brian shouted throwing his hand in my face to push me off getting his fingers in my eyes, nose, and mouth. I retaliated by grabbing a pillow and smacking him with it. The human then grabbed his own pillow and smacked me. I pushed him hard as payback. Bad idea. Brian started to fall out of bed so he grabbed me as leverage which ended up pulling both of us out of the bed. We both landed with a thud on the hard floor.
“Rude awakening. I was enjoying the comfort of my nice warm bed too.” lamented Brian rubbing his head.
“It’s what you get for slacking off.” I teased standing back up. “You know you’re in trouble if I wake up before you. Now feed me breakfast!” I demanded.
“And I’m the slacker?” he questioned sitting up. His entire body started jerking as if there was an invisible force shooting down his spine and travelling throughout his body. “It’s too cold to exist in this world.” grumbled Brian. He reached for his green backpack, but after determining it was out of arms reach, stretched out his leg to pull it towards him with his foot.
“I would have grabbed it if you asked.” I told him. Brian of course ignored me because his one track mind was telling him to get warm not hear what Axel has to say. My Trainer started throwing out random Item Balls until he found the one he was looking for. He pushed the button on it releasing a long sleeved black shirt.
I liked Item Balls much better than Pokéballs. Brian could store lots and lots of food for us in Item Balls. Pokéballs suck! I hated feeling my body getting all energy like and weird. And they were cramped too! That’s why I broke mine as soon as I got the chance. I Fire Punched it against a tree much too Brian’s annoyance. He tried to fix it with duct tape but my Pokéball still couldn’t contain me after that. I guess duct tape can’t fix everything. It does do a good job holding the straps to Brian’s worn torn backpack at least. Even then, he still carries his backpack in an Item Ball now for convenience. Those things rock!
“What are you doing now?” I asked. Brian was fully dressed now in everything but his gloves and boots and was staring intently at the T-shirt he had worn until today. I know he owns three exact copies of the same shirt, but even I can’t keep track of how often he changes his clothes.
“I’m trying to decide if I should wash this now or wait until spring.” he answered. Brian put the shirt to his nose and sniffed it. “Doesn’t smell like man-sweat to me, but why would it? What do you think Axel?” he said passing the shirt to me.
“Smells like you.” I responded after smelling it.
“Then in the Item Ball it goes!” he declared. Much like those portable prisons suck in poor unsuspecting Pokémon, Brian’s shirt turned red and was absorbed by the grey sphere. No sooner did he throw the ball back into his backpack I was in his face close enough that our foreheads were almost touching.
“Feed me!” I ordered.
“Baby!” he yelled back. “Alright, let’s go.”
While we ate, the humans discussed their plans for the day. Last night Raiden called us saying he would be back today so the humans decided to take the day off and plan something fun. Since it was the season humans call Fall, it was guaranteed that we wouldn’t do anything water related because it was too cold. That is unless those naked apes pick a hot spring.
“Brian, don’t let them pick a hot spring!” I requested.
“What’s wrong with hot springs?” Lloyd inquired teasingly. “They’re very nice and relaxing. It is much easier to approach a female when they’re comfortable.” I gave the Golduck an are-you-kidding-me look.
“Of course you would like it. That’s your element.” I started passing my hands through my flame. “See this? My fire and water don’t mix! I hate it! And I’m only interested in female Infernapes which would also stay away from water.”
“To each his own I guess.” shrugged Lloyd. Don’t get me wrong, Lloyd is a cool Pokémon and makes for interesting conversation when Brian is distracted, but he can also be pretty spacey sometimes.
“What about a day spa? It’s important we don’t get too stressed out.” suggested Chane.
“I could use a massage.” Eve considered as she rubbed her shoulders.
“And I love happy endings!” Zack added exuberantly.
“I like it!” Brian affirmed making the decision unanimous. He then turned to me. “Try not to get us kicked out this time Axel.” he whispered with a playful grin.
“Well don’t take me in the steam room then.” I warned. That was a crazy day that I would rather not repeat. I’m too big now to even attempt some of that stuff that I got away with before anyway.
-------------------
“Looks like we’ll finally be putting those paychecks of ours to good use.” Eve said when the team arrived at what I’m guessing to be an expensive day spa in Saffron City. I’ll let Brian deal with paying for it as long as it doesn’t come out of my food fund.
I’m not sure how humans found places like this relaxing. Sure there were some nice plants at the doorway and around the lobby, and the ambiance in the background was soothing, but what the hell was that nasty smell? Why couldn’t they just have a natural scent instead of those horrible artificial odors?
“Four people and nineteen Pokémon.” Zack told the receptionist. I’m sure he was disappointed that the person at the counter was a male wearing a white polo shirt and not a female he could mate with.
“Ok, but I have to let you know that people and Pokémon have different programs meaning they are separated from their Trainers for the day. Is that alright?” the worker asked everyone.
“Fine by me.” answered Eve without a second thought.
“W-will they be alright?” Chane questioned with concern.
“What say ye Axel?” Brian asked me.
“It means you get to go to the steam room and I stay out of trouble. Now hand over my partners.” I answered excitedly holding out my hands. It was like a field trip!
“Before we get started, I’m going to the bathroom.” stated Zack. Brian started snickering when Zack disappeared behind one of the doors at the far end of the hallway.
“What?” I inquired looked from the door to my Trainer.
“Look closely at the symbol on the door and remember how we humans are.” he answered with an amused grin. I turned back to the door and stared at it. The one Zack went into had a human shape with a wide triangle for a body. The symbol on the door to the left was just a human silhouette. Wasn’t the first one used to represent human females and the normal looking ones males?
“Ow! Ow! OW!!” Zack screamed as he was escorted out of the bathroom with his arm twisted behind his back by a female human who I’m guessing was security based on her blue uniform. Well that answers my question. “I’m sorry! My glasses broke and I haven’t gotten new ones yet. I’m far-sighted so I can’t see things within five feet of me.” he explained.
“In that case I’ll let you off with a warning. Don’t let me catch you in the women’s restroom again.” Ms. Security warned sternly. She released him and watched as he slunk back to us sheepishly.
“Using your disability as an excuse to go peeping? That’s sad.” Eve criticized shaking her head in disappointment. Zack smiled slyly at her claim.
“I have to use my advantages when I can right?” he replied not even bothering to deny the truth with us. So he really did know he was going in the wrong bathroom. That sneaky devil.
“I take it back Axel. Zack will be the one who gets us kicked out.” Brian said with certainty. The nice people in white polos and white pants all came out to escort us to our proper locations. They first took the Trainers to the area where we Pokémon would be left for our treatment. It was a big open room that could fit at least a dozen Wailords so there was definitely enough room for all of us to fit.
“Enjoy your spa treatment. I hope you all come out very relaxed.” Chane told her Pokémon nervously.
“We’ll be fine. Don’t worry about us Chane.” Izzy assured. I know don’t know if she can communicate with her Pokémon the way Brian and I do, but Chane did seem relieved by Izzy’s lack of concern.
“Be on your best behavior now children.” Eve instructed her team. The atmosphere of the spa became less comfortable with the appearance of Diva. I swear that thing is evil incarnate. And I’m not just saying that because she tried ripping out my heart or clawing out my brains that one time. Ok maybe I am.
“Oh we’re always on our best behavior Mother.” the fell spirit said sweetly. You could get a headache with that much sugar.
“What are they going to do to us Axel-senpai?” asked Riolu inquisitively.
“It’s called a day spa Rio. It’s something humans do when they want to relax and it is also relaxing to Pokémon as well.” I informed. I was almost always the one giving Riolu new information. He was the youngest member of all of Brian’s Pokémon and I was Brian’s first, not to mention a fellow Fighting-type so he looked up to me.
“See ya’s! Have fun!” Brian called to us as he and the others left.
“As you wish my liege.” Piloswine responded respectfully. Piloswine was an interesting case. He’s a quiet one who only speaks when spoken to unless he really has something important to say. We caught Piloswine when entering the Ice Path in Johto and he has been one of Brian’s most loyal Pokémon since.
“I hope they feed us.” yearned Snorlax rubbing his fat belly with one of his stubby arms. Snorlax is a gentle giant who thinks about food more than I do. We picked him up in Sinnoh as a Munchlax and he quickly evolved because of how happy eating made him.
“I highly doubt they plan on feeding us.” Aerodactyl shot down curtly. In short, he’s a jerkass. And I’m not just saying that because he teases me every chance he gets when we’re in the sky. Aero is grateful to Brian for giving him life, but he’s still blatantly rude to everyone. Even the human who resurrected him on Cinnabar Island from a tooth encased in amber isn’t immune to an insult here and there.
The sixth member of the team is Beldum, but I don’t exactly know how to describe it. Not only is it the newest of Brian’s Pokémon, but it also keeps to itself to the point where I have never even heard it speak. I don’t know if it has anything to do with Beldum’s previous owner being Strife Maxwell or not, but Beldum just seems off to me. Even right now it just floats around aimlessly while the rest of us socialize. Such a strange creature.
“Hey, shouldn’t there be people in here tending to our every whim?” questioned Diva conceitedly. While I didn’t agree with her, I did find it strange that the only nineteen creatures in the room were Pokémon. And not just that, we all belonged to a small group of people. Surely more Trainers had come here with Pokémon.
“Ah you’re too impatient Diva. Just sit back, chill, and enjoy each other’s company.” suggest Lloyd as he made himself comfortable on the floor. “So any of you ladies ever wanted to fuck a duck before?” he proposed nonchalantly.
“Ew.” Diva spat in disgust.
“Umm Lloyd. None of us are even in your Egg Group.” Lucy pointed out sounding unsure how to respond to that statement. I’ve noticed that Lucy is the one most like her Trainer out of Chane’s Pokémon. While all six share Chane’s kindness, Lucy is the shyest and most uncertain one.
“Best form of birth control out there.” he responded.
“You’re terrible.” said Izzy straightforwardly. Izzy and Jace are the most serious and protective ones of their team so I can only guess one of them was Chane’s first Pokémon. I’m not sure which one though as they both seem to share the leadership roles.
“You won’t know unless you try.” the Golduck persisted.
“If you don’t knock it off I will Mega Drain you Lloyd.” she warned.
“Kinky. Is that an innuendo?” At this point I was just giggling uncontrollably.
“If you want a plant, I’ll Leech your Seed.” offered Roserade. Now those giggles had become all out hysterical laughing.
“I fail to see the humor in this.” Jace said unamusedly. The difference between Jace and Izzy is that he’s a lot more stern while she’s more understanding. They almost reminded me of a mother and father.
“I can’t help it. I’m easily amused.” I said through laughs.
“I don’t understand what they’re saying Axel-senpai.” Riolu stated which silenced me instantly. Damn. I didn’t think I’d have to tell him about mating too.
“I’ll… tell you when you evolve.” I answered evasively.
“But I want to know now!” he pressed impatiently.
“You’re too young to know now! You’re not even a year old yet Rio!” I insisted assertively.
“Balderdash! I’ll tell the boy if you don’t have the spine.” Walrein volunteered.
“No you won’t!” I rejected firmly. “As the second in command for this team and Riolu’s primary guardian, I make all the strategic decisions when Brian isn’t around. And I say no one gives Riolu the talk until he evolves!”
“I agree with Axel. It should be the Trainer or one of the Trainer’s own Pokémon that teaches the younger ones such things.” Jace stepped in.
“Don’t waste your time with them Walrein. They’re beneath us.” Steelix scoffed.
“Why are you all such bullies?” Kermit asked defensively. He never got his answer because we were interrupted by a loud scream from Lloyd.
“This sucks!” he cried. He was tied up in roots that had emerged from a single brown seed planted on his chest. I spat a small Ember at the seed to burn it off for him.
“Ah thanks man. I had no idea Roserade had been literal when she said she’d leech my seed.” he thanked gratefully.
“Of course. You and I need to watch each other’s backs from the abuse we take from Eve’s Pokémon. And that goes for Chane’s and Brian’s other Pokémon as well.” I declared.
“So much hate for us. What did we ever do to deserve it?” Diva asked innocently.
“Nearly killed me.” I said flatly.
“Used Leech Seed on me when I didn’t deserve it.” Lloyd protested.
“Violently beat me up.” Riolu added.
“I still have a dent in my tail from you, Pipsqueak!” interrupted Steelix.
“Causing trouble for us even though we’re on the same side.” Izzy added.
“Don’t act high and mighty with us.” Luxray cautioned threateningly.
“She wasn’t. Izzy was just stating a fact.” interjected Celia.
“I wasn’t talking to you Bug!” the lioness snarled.
“Thus proves our point. Instead of trying to get along, you all start conflict.” Jace said matter-of-factly.
“You’re just too sensitive.” Roserade admonished. “Besides, it was Lloyd who started causing trouble.”
“Was not!” he denied. Actually it kind of was. He wouldn’t have gotten seeded and Rio wouldn’t have asked about mating if Lloyd had just kept his bill shut.
“Can’t we just get along?” Lucy pleaded.
“I wish we could Lucy, but some battles must be fought in the name of loyalty.” Piloswine affirmed.
“Alright! We’re gonna have a fight aren’t we?” anticipated Aerodactyl gleefully.
“Not yet we aren’t.” refuted Nidoqueen.
“All this because I asked one question?” panicked Riolu.
“No, I think this had been boiling over for a while Riolu.” Luna consoled.
“That’s right. They’ve been unfriendly since before Brian or Eve were even in Team Neos.” I reminded.
“Still holding that grudge Abu?” taunted Diva. What!? Abu!
“I think you have me confused with someone else. The name’s Axel. Got it memorized?” I said tapping my temple with my index finger.
“Whatever you say Abu.” she mocked with a wry zippered smile just for the sake of getting on my nerves. I snarled at her to show my agitation but didn’t go any further. Throwing a tantrum or a punch would just encourage all six of them.
“Our Trainers would be all over us if we got in a brawl, especially if the people who should be here walk in and find us at each other’s throats. That’s why I say Eve’s Pokémon stay over there, and everyone else stays over here.” I delegated.
“What about Snorlax-san?” Riolu asked pointing to the snoozing bear. I swear he could sleep through the apocalypse if given the chance.
“He’ll be fine. Let him sleep.” I said waving my arm at Snorlax. At that moment, I heard voices on the other side of the door to the room we were in. Finally. It’s about time we got our service.
“They’re right in here Sir. Nineteen Pokémon in total.” said one of the voices as the door opened. If I had a mirror, my reflection would show a WTF face mixed with an Oh Shit face because filing into the room were two people in the white uniforms like we were expecting, but with them was none other than our old pal Petrel Lambda, the Team Rocket Executive.
“Fuck me!” I blurted.
“You have got to be kidding.” said Diva unamusedly.
“They won’t service me.” Lloyd said blankly. Jace spread his wings wide, puffed up his chest and screeched loudly at Lambda and his accomplices. His smug look instantly dissolved when he saw us.
“They were supposed to be asleep! Why didn’t you fools turn on the sleep gas like you were supposed to?” he demanded.
“Look Sir! The Snorlax is sleeping on the vent!” one of the so-called spa people indicated pointing at Snorlax. Go Snorlax! Lambda got an annoyed expression on his face.
“Well how do you expect me to kidnap them if they are all conscious? I can’t take on nineteen Pokémon at once! No way!” he yelled.
“Hey shit face! Remember me?” I called to him walking up. It was worth it just to see his face turn white with terror.
“Th-th-that golden Infernape! I-i-is its Trainer here by chance?” stuttered Lambda shaking uncontrollably.
“Yes Sir. He and the people he arrived with are enjoying the normal service we give the Trainers to distract them from the theft of their Pokémon.” answered one of the people in white. “Why do you ask?”
“I need to get out of here! Forget the Pokémon! I want to live! I would rather face Lord Giovanni’s wrath than the claws of that demon!!” the Rocket Executive shrieked. Lambda looked like he was about to piss himself at the thought of what Brian would do to him. He wasted no time in fleeing the room.
“Sir, wait!” called one of the whities running after the cowardly executive. I decided it would be funnier to let Lambda run away in shame than to try and capture him. No harm came to any of us so I don’t even see a legitimate reason to tell Brian.
“We’re not getting a treatment, are we Senpai?” Riolu realized.
“Nope. So until our humans are done, I guess we’re just stuck here bored.” I said unable to think of other options. Steelix suddenly threw his large head mere inches from mine which not only pushed me back, but forced me to look into his hate filled red eyes.
“Why did you let the Rocket go? He’ll only cause more trouble for us in the future!” demanded the metallic serpent.
“Because attacking him would only provoke him to attack us. This way no one gets hurt, everyone is safe, and Brian and I get to enjoy terrorizing Lambda some more. The faces he makes when scared really are priceless.” I explained trying to push the metal head away from me.
“I respect Axel’s decision not to attack. I would rather avoid violence unless there is no other option than to fight.” Jace supported.
“But that was our enemy he let escape!” admonished Luxray.
“Then why didn’t you go to stop him from running away with his tail between his legs?” Lloyd countered. That basically shut up anyone who disagreed with letting Lambda go.
“The Rocket even said he couldn’t handle all of us and would probably have left anyway even without the previous trauma Axel and Brian inflicted on him.” stated Izzy. “As far as I’m concerned we won that battle.”
“Until he comes back with reinforcements anyway.” Nidoqueen said cynically.
“I know Hyper Beam, Fat Ass over there knows Hyper Beam, he and I incinerate their worthless existence. Simple as that.” Aerodactyl responded indifferently.
“But killing is wrong! We should at least try to fight them back.” objected Lucy.
“It was a hypothetical statement. Besides, I will kill if it’s a fight for survival.” I admit. “You can’t go easy on an enemy who is willing to use deceitful and underhanded tricks to come out on top.” I shot Diva a quick look with that last part.
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So there we all were, stuck in a room with nothing to do except talk to each other and all that seemed to do is invite disagreements and arguing. That left no other option than to sit in bored silence aside from the short lived conversations with our respective teammates. The silence was suddenly interrupted by a loud yawn from Snorlax after sleeping for half an hour.
“I’m hungry…” he grumbled.
“You’re always hungry fat ass. I doubt we’re even going to get fed since this was supposed to be a trap.” Aerodactyl deduced bitterly.
“No windows, no photosynthesis.” Roserade said dejectedly.
“Alright, I’m going hunting. I’ll go ransack the first place of feeding I come across, steal one of those metallic cart things, load it up with as much as it’ll hold, and deliver room service.” I proposed. I know I promised Brian I would be a good monkey and not do anything that might get us kicked out this time, but given the circumstances I say it’s worth the risk.
“Let me join you Senpai! I can feel people’s auras so we can avoid trouble.” requested my young protégé.
“I appreciate the gesture Rio, but I have a better idea for you. You’re in charge of all of Brian’s Pokémon while I’m gone.” I designated.
“I’m not taking orders from the infant.” refused Aerodactyl.
“You will or Piloswine will Ice Beam you.” I threatened. The prehistoric Pokémon screeched what sounded like ‘What!?’ while Piloswine nodded in compliance at his assigned duty.
“Huuuuuunngryyyyy…” Snorlax moaned.
“Patience!” I ordered. Now I know how Brian feels when I harass him for food. Not that that will make me stop harassing him for food or anything. “Be back soon.” I told everyone.
“Hold on! Let me come too. Celia has very specific dietary needs that you might not know how to shop for.” volunteered Izzy.
“There are a lot of us here, and I’m sure Snorlax is a big eater, so you might need an extra pair of arms to push another cart.” Lloyd suggested. I would have rather gone alone, but they both did have some valid points for tagging along.
“Fine, fine. You are both welcome to come.” I allowed. I couldn’t believe I was about to say this next sentence, but I threw it on the table anyway. “Do you want to join us Diva?” I invited. The Banette gave me a shocked look.
“What?” she questioned suspiciously.
“We might need you to look through walls in search of munchies and people. Besides, you know what your team likes to eat better than we do.” I explained. I wanted to gag, but as much as I disliked her, we still needed her services.
“Fine, I’ll go with you. But I get first dibs.” agreed the specter.
As it turned out, Zack is an avid fan of spy movies so Lloyd picked up a few tactics from them that will help us sneak to the kitchen unnoticed. I decided it would be best to follow his lead as I was originally just going to rely on audacity and walk right in as if I belonged there.
To exit the room, Lloyd and I did barrel rolls into the hall as that is how you’re supposed to go from one hiding spot to another. We then pushed ourselves as flat against the wall as we could.
“What are you two doing?” Izzy inquired with a concerned look on her face.
“We’re being stealthy. You have to do ridiculous gestures when sneaking about because otherwise guards will see you.” explained the Golduck.
“Yeeeaaaahh…” Diva trailed. She closed her eyes quickly vanishing from sight. “I can make myself invisible. It’s a better form of stealth than your childish antics anyway.” she admonished.
“She’s just jealous of us.” I taunted. “Coming Izzy?” I asked. The Breloom rolled her eyes as she dropped down and barrel rolled toward us. It was expertly done as expected from a fellow Fighting-type. Izzy sighed as she reluctantly pressed herself against the wall with us. I felt a horrible chill as I’m guessing Diva passed us by.
“Coming?” the invisible demon asked us.
“Right behind ya! I think…” Lloyd said running zigzags down the hall.
“Are you sure that’s how it works?” I called to him.
“Every time!” he called back. I just shrugged as I followed suit. What did I know about spy movies? I had only seen the end of one with Brian and that’s it. It was already half way over when we turned it on late one night.
“I hope we find some cool stuff to hide behind, because we are totally exposed in the open hall like this.” Lloyd criticized. I looked around for anything we could use as cover for our espionage. I noticed a row of potted plants at the edges of a doorway up ahead.
“There’s something!” I pointed out.
“Good eye my fine mammal friend.” he thanked. “Where ever you are Diva, could you look in there for us to see if they have anything to eat?” he called to her. While we waited for her response, the three of us barrel rolled and crouched behind the plants. It was so awkward considering there were three of us in such a small area.
“No food here, but there are humans getting ready to come out.” warned Diva professionally. At least they won’t be able to see us hiding behind this bush. As soon as the door opened, three spa employees walked out and just our luck, they turned to walk the direction we were!
“Hey! What are Pokémon doing here?” one of them questioned before even passing us. Impossible! You mean they actually saw us hiding here?
“Sleep please!” Izzy requested the humans. I quickly covered my faces with my hands as I realized she was about to release her Spores. With a shake of her head, a fine blue powder scattered from the mushroom on her head. The employees’ eyes began sagging until they collapsed unconscious.
“Good work Izzy.” I complemented once it was safe to breathe again. “Alright, let’s keep hunting.” I said. As I got up, Lloyd fell face down on the floor. I can’t believe that duck! He fell asleep! I gave him a hard punch to the back of the head.
“Wake up you lazy bum! This isn’t the time for a nap Lloyd!” I yelled at him giving him a few more whacks.
“Ow! That hurt!” he yelled waking up and rubbing his head.
“Serves you right for sleeping on the job.” I scolded.
“My apologies Lloyd. I thought you would have covered your face like Axel did.” Izzy apologized. “Are you still with us Diva?” she called out as she turned her head side to side looking for signs of the invisible ghost.
“I never sleep.” said Diva matter-of-factly from where ever she was hiding. Makes sense to me. she must have what the humans call the Insomnia Ability. After moving the spa people out of the way, Lloyd, Izzy, and I barrel rolled from our hiding spots and continued to zigzag down the hall. That is, until we came to the lobby; a wide open space where we were vulnerable and had two forks to choose from. Made worse because we were immediately spotted by the two people at the front desk.
“Call security!” the female one ordered.
“Cover your face Lloyd.” advised Izzy. I also took the hint in time for the Breloom to scatter more spores from her mushroom head. The employees fell forward smacking their faces to the desk. They were going to have some nasty headaches when they woke up. Now the big question was which fork should we take; the one closest to the desk or the one directly ahead of us?
“Take cover!” called Lloyd dramatically pointing at the desk. After a barrel roll from each of us, we pressed up against the desk and wall to decide our next plan of action.
“All in favor of going down that hall?” I proposed pointing to the one closest to the desk.
“It’s the least obvious choice. That means it must be it!” Lloyd assumed.
“Works for me.” agreed Izzy.
“Fine, whatever.” Diva said boredly. Then it was settled! The three of us that were actually visible jumped over the desk, barrel rolled, then zigzagged up the chosen hall. Man this was fun! I’ll have to do random covert espionage with Brian sometime.
Delicious scents soon came to my nose meaning we had chosen the right path. We would be there soon! Though we couldn’t see her, Diva was checking every room we passed in search of a cafeteria or kitchen to raid.
“Here!” she called to us. The Ghost-type reappeared in front of a pair of large grey double doors on our left. Based on all of the tasty smells coming from there, I knew it was the place.
“Alright guys, up until this point we did things Lloyd’s way and it worked. But now we do things my way!” I declared. I delivered a powerful kick to the doors sending them flying wide open followed by my umpteenth barrel roll of the day to get inside. “Thank you! Fuck you! The Pokémon have arrived!” I announced imitating that awesome introduction Brian gave at Cinnabar.
“What the hell?” cried one of the chef’s in shock of our presence.
“Nice one Abu.” Diva complemented sarcastically.
“We could have been a bit more discreet.” Izzy said hesitantly.
“Too late! Steal everything!” I command jumping on a table and grabbing the vegetables that were being cut up. I wasn’t really paying attention to the kind.
“Get them!” ordered another chef coming at me with a cleaver. I kicked him in the face then used his head as a stepping stone to jump off the table. Lloyd meanwhile was raiding the freezer while smacking cooks away with his tail.
“I’ve got a cart!” stated Diva delightedly. She must be enjoying this chaos we’re causing. Hopefully not by too much. I put my kleptoed veggies on the cart and attacked the oven next. I was the only one who could resist the heat and not get burned when stealing the steaks. I also ransacked the hot boxes which had pork cutlets, chicken, and more steak all while knocking around the cooks who got in my way. Some of them were even repeat offenders who didn’t learn the first time.
“Oh good, they do have honey. Celia will like this.” Izzy said over the confusion as she loaded the bottle to another pilfered cart.
“Sweet! They have Krabby cake! This really is the best spa in Saffron City!” cheered Lloyd elatedly as he stole a tray of the uncooked seafood. I’ll cook that later if anyone wants me to.
“You can’t take those! Those are for the guests!” shouted one of the chefs.
“I’m sure Zack would love to meet you, but we gotta eat too.” Lloyd apologized pushing her away. Just to distract them, I blew a few Embers on the stove to ignite all the burners.
“Get the fire extinguishers!” a cook demanded. This was great! I grabbed a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of mustard and squirted them all over the floors and chefs.
“Damn monkey!” cried another one.
“Alright, we got what we came for, let’s go!” I told my partners as I threw the now empty bottles at people. I grabbed a cart full of our spoils then ran to the exit with everyone else. Still, this isn’t the awesome way I wanted to leave. I turned around placing my thumb on my nose. “Bye bye Boo!” I taunted waving my fingers at the chefs. That was much better.
“You are such a troublemaker.” scolded Izzy as we ran down the hall.
“I learned from the best.” I admit proudly. Life wouldn’t be half as fun without shenanigans and hijinks. I suddenly heard vengeful yelling coming from behind us. I turned around to see the cooks we harassed joined with security chasing after us. Each was armed with their weapons of trade: cleavers and knives on the cooks, tazers and beating sticks on security. At least there were no guns.
“Oh shit!” I cried. “Fun faster!” Easier said than done. It was nearly impossible for me to control the cart I was pushing while running at my top speed.
“Get them!” the crowd of enemies behind us hollered. Eep! Since we can’t run as fast thanks to the carts, they were quickly gaining on us.
“No choice then. I will sacrifice myself for the good of the team!” Lloyd volunteered with dramatic somber. “Farewell my friends!” he said standing firm with his arms out to block the mob.
“Knock it off Lloyd! You still need to push your cart!” Diva chastised.
“No. Let him go. A man must be willing to sacrifice his own life to protect his people from starvation and invasion. I promise you my friend, I will always tell the legend of Lloyd the Great Hero! For generations to come!” I praised on the verge of shedding manly tears. With that I grabbed my cart and Diva reluctantly took control of Lloyd’s so we could get this hard earned meal to our comrades back at the bunker. From behind me I heard the entire exchange between Lloyd and the mob.
“Don’t let them get away!” commanded a human.
“You shall not pass!” Lloyd vowed with emphasis on each syllable of his sentence. I turned around for a brief instant to at least watch his fall only to see the Golduck blast the floor with an Ice Beam making all the humans slip and slide all over the place, even into each other.
“Alright Lloyd!” I commended.
“Oh you haven’t seen anything yet Axel!” Lloyd put his hands to his face. “Confusion!” he yelled. The humans all screamed before falling unconscious. Point ours.
The four of us returned intact and triumphant to our awaiting team members. I told Snorlax that if he wanted to eat he had to sit in front of the door so no one could intrude. Riolu would tell us if he sensed our Trainers approaching so that we could still let them in. Everyone seemed to be in a much better mood now that we were feasting. Even the rift between Eve’s Pokémon and the rest of us seemed smaller if only by a little bit thanks to Diva assisting us.
“Axel-senpai, Chane-sama is coming.” Riolu notified after finishing an apple.
“Just Chane?” I questioned. As Rio had just shoved half a sandwich in his mouth, he only nodded in response. “Alright Snorlax, move aside.” I requested.
“I was comfy.” he sighed getting up and then slumping down away from the door just in time for Chane to knock on the other side. Izzy opened the door and greeted her Trainer with a hug.
“Hello to you too Izzy. I wasn’t expecting… you…to… What is all this?” Chane asked in justifiable concern and confusion to our situation as she entered the room. I myself was a bit confused because the last time I was at a spa, Brian wore only a towel or a robe yet Chane was fully dressed.
“Bitches wouldn’t feed us so we helped ourselves to their kitchen.” I said straightforwardly.
“Be civil Axel.” Jace scolded. “Things weren’t exactly as we expected here Chane.”
“I see. So they aren’t really that nice to the Pokémon at this place. I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” she apologized regretfully. The six of her Pokémon went to her as comfort to show her they were fine.
“It’s not your fault sweetie. You couldn’t have possibly known about this.” Luna told her.
“But still, I feel like I let you all down. We got to get unstressed, but all of you just sat here with nothing to do.” said Chane guiltily.
“That’s not true. We got to scare people and wreak havoc. I call that something.” I said. Then again, she probably didn’t understand a word of it.
“Well I guess if everyone had fun, it’s ok.” she said.
“Did you hear me speak?” I questioned curiously.
“No, Chane is very empathetic. She feels your emotions rather than your words.” Kermit explained. Well that made sense.
“Brian-sensei, Eve-sama, and Zack-sama are coming now too.” Riolu announced. Oh boy. We’re going to have some explaining to do. A minute later, the three remaining Trainers came walking through the door, each was wearing a white robe.
“Axel. Explain to me why we were told about a small band of Pokémon, one of which being a golden Infernape, rampaging through the building.” demanded Brian in annoyance.
“Service here sucks. No one came to do activities with us and no one came to feed us so we took matters into our own hands.” I explained. I grabbed a Krabby cake from the cart then ignited my hand to cook it. “Krabby cake?” I offered.
“Krabby cakes are tasty.” he caved accepting my gift. “But you aren’t off the hook yet.” he warned taking a bite.
“What are you doing here anyway Chane and why are you dressed?” Eve questioned.
“Well… um… I wanted to check on the Pokémon and I wasn’t really comfortable walking around a public place mostly undressed.” she answered timidly.
“But you have a nice body. You shouldn’t be trying to hide yourself.” Zack advised. I agreed with that. Humans were way too caught up in wearing clothes. Granted those things keep them warm this time of year because they don’t have fur all over their bodies, but there are plenty of Pokémon that are completely hairless and still endure the cold. Humans can be sensitive about the strangest things sometimes.
“Is that steak?” Brian inquired pointing to one of our conquested carts.
“Yup! Last one too. Shall I cook it up for you?” I proposed.
“Do that and all will be forgiven!” he said practically salivating.
“You’re letting him go just like that?” Eve protested.
“They were left here all alone for hours. I can understand them doing what they did.” Chane defended. I passed the warmed up steak to Brian.
“Besides, they got us steak and Krabby cakes! That makes up for everything!” Brian cheered rubbing his hands together. “Wait, where are the fork and knife?”
“Haha! You pitiful creature!” Aerodactyl mocked.
“Pokémon don’t need such things so we didn’t steal any.” I said. Brian just stared at me blankly.
“I’m going to go get my stuff. I’m sure I’ve got some kind of utensil somewhere.” he mused leaving the room.
“We’re as good as kicked out anyway, so I think I’ll finish the day by walking into the women’s locker room pretending to be lost before gathering my stuff.” Zack announced. “Coming Eve?”
“I’ll wait until after you get thrown out.” she said uncaringly basically allowing him to do as he pleased.
“Zack you can’t!” Chane forbade.
“Try and stop me then.” he dared running off followed by the females. I have never met a creature, Pokémon nor human, that needed to mate as badly as him.
“Go Zack!” Lloyd encouraged.
“Mmmm… smells tasty.” said Snorlax lumbering over to the plate of steak before picking it up between his claws. Oh damn, I didn’t realize he was still awake!
“No Snorlax-san! That’s Sensei’s food!” cried Riolu trying to grab it from the giant bear. All Riolu succeeded in doing was getting picked up along with the meat. The puppy kicked his legs trying to pull back.
“Just let go Riolu! It isn’t worth you getting eaten too!” I called. Riolu let go landing on his feet just in time for Snorlax to scarf down the last piece of steak. I am so not getting dessert tonight.
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Luckily Brian was in a better mood than I thought he’d be. Sure he was mad at Snorlax for eating his steak, but he knew it was a bad idea to leave food out around the Pokémon so he let it go. Besides, he channeled all his anger at the front desk by complaining about how we Pokémon were mistreated. When they didn’t give the humans a refund due to the trouble me and the rest of my crew caused, Brian stole one of their chairs and threw it through a window just because he could.
We then had to run like hell because security was ready to arrest us. The important thing was that Brian got to relax for a day and had fun pulling a prank again. He’s been far too tense lately with work compared to how he was before. That’s why I had no intention of telling him about Lambda.
When we finally got back to the penthouse in Celadon City we were staying in, Raiden was already back waiting for us.
“Where have the four of you been?” he asked calmly.
“Enjoying our day off.” Zack said in high spirits. When Zack had come out of the female’s locker room he said something about having been to the Promised Land and seen heaven. I have no idea what that means, but apparently that and his happy ending, whatever that is, were the highlights of his day.
“Well that is always beneficial. Have the missions I left you with been successful?” inquired Raiden.
“About that Master Raiden. Things went fine, but I think they might have gone smoother if you had a second-in-command to take charge when you aren’t around.” Brian proposed. “During your absence we took turns running things, but it would be helpful for you to name a number two so we don’t have to have daily elections.” Oh Brian. I can see right through you. You’re trying to subtly convince him to make you his second. I hope you get the position!
“I will think about it.” Raiden answered uncaringly.
“Well in that case, may I also suggest that we go to Hoenn for the winter? We might lose moral if it’s cold.” requested my Trainer tactfully.
“The answer is no. Unless we’re given orders from above, we stay in Kanto to subdue Team Rocket’s efforts.” refuse Raiden.
“Awww. Poor baby got rejected. I guess the little boy is just gonna have to stop being a little wussy and endure the cold.” Eve taunted in a childish tone.
“Don’t pick on him! I don’t really like the cold either.” defended Chane.
“Or are you just saying that to protect your crush?” Eve ridiculed. Chane’s face started turning red. What a silly accusation. I have seen no signs of willingness to mate from her or Brian.
“I-I do not!” she denied. As I thought. If they wanted to mate, they would have groomed each other or something.
“Please be silent. Assassination is a very exasperating job, so if there is nothing more to say then I will go to bed. I suggest the rest of you get some sleep as well. There is always work to be done.” instructed Raiden leaving us for his room.
“Come on then Axel.” Brian called over waving me to our room.
Hopefully we can put an end to Team Rocket soon. Maybe after making the world a better place, things can go back to the way they were. I much prefer good times and fun battles over the high stressed life or death situations we find ourselves in now a days. Deep down, I’m sure Brian feels the same way.
“Right behind ya Monkey.” I said.