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A Dead Man Walking (Prologue)

by SS-I Never

SS-I Never "Not if we don't get caught."
This is my first written piece! I've been working on it for quite a while now, but I decided that I should probably post this here (and get me some points XD). This is not suitable for those who cannot handle mature subjects. If you enjoy this, I might make later installments. Who knows?
"Not if we don't get caught." Those words kept ringing inside my head and didn't seem to escape from my head. Why? Why!? WHY!?

I slam my fists against these stone, cold walls every single day, regretting the stupid decision I made on that fateful day. If only I weren't such a dolt, maybe if I listened to everyone else, I wouldn't be living in this hell hole.

But it's too late, I let my feelings get the best of me and I listened to him as if he were the only one who truly understood me. It was all a lie, though. I was just his tool thrown aside to the wayside. A pawn in his demented game of chess, and it seems I was the first piece to lose.

If only I could've said no. All of this would never have occured.
SS-I Never, Sep 5, 2018
Godjacob, DarkHydraT and DManArt&RP like this.
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  1. Satokuye
    Satokuye
    @SS-I Never well you're pretty good at taking criticism, I'll give you that. That's actually pretty important if you want to improve at... pretty much everything, so kudos to you!
    Sep 6, 2018
    SS-I Never likes this.
  2. SS-I Never
    SS-I Never
    @Satokuye I understand where you're coming from, but I honestly just wanted to keep it a mystery. If I reveal too much, it might ruined what I have planned. I plan for it to look cliché, but add my own twists here and there. If the story sucks, then that's okay. It's my first story and there will always be things I have to improve on.

    Though, I appreciate the criticism and don't feel like you shouldn't need to just because you don't know anything about the subject. Like, who goes up to a chef and tells them their cooking sucks but the chef shouldn't listen to them because they don't know how to cook?
    Sep 6, 2018
  3. Satokuye
    Satokuye
    I think you should've continued a little bit, the first chapter is really important as it's supposed to make people interested, and this one doesn't really say anything except that the MC got betrayed, which is nothing really original or new, and it kinda ruins the cliffhanger that you tried to go for with the last 2 sentences. So, we know he trusted someone and he got betrayed. Cool, but why should I think "damn, I want to know what happens next!"? I know nothing about the characters yet, I know nothing about the world they're in, I don't even know if the main character wants revenge or just to start a new life? I get it, the main focus was supposed to be that "If only I could've said no.". It's where people are supposed to go: "said no... to what?" But we know nothing that could make us care enough to ask that question.
    The entire text could've been changed to just "I trusted someone but he lied to me and now I'm locked up. Damn, I shouldn't have trusted him." and literally no information would've been lost.
    The real question now is... why am I even writing all of this? And the answer to that is that I am extremely bored and I decided to express my opinion on this.
    Then again, I know shit about writing, so maybe what I just said it's bullshit, who knows. My opinion, I guess.
    Sep 5, 2018
    SS-I Never likes this.