“That’s Dr. Peach to you.”
Hugo froze, only seconds into fulfilling his dream of meeting his personal hero and he had already made such a simple mistake.
Well, I was wrong. I’m not special, I already fucked up. Just called the greatest doctor alive by his first name like an idiot. Oh well, I had a good run. I think that the bridge I walked over on the way here had a pretty nice view…
Peach stuck out his right hand, snapping the boy out of his spiraling thoughts.
“Ah, yes, I’m so sorry sir~ I mean, Doctor Peach.” He returned the handshake, praying he used the proper amount of grip strength.
“Would you relax kid, I’m kidding. Call me Jimmy.”
“Oh haha, of course. Jimmy, duh. It’s nice to meet you Jimmy, I’m a big fan of your work. I mean your thesis on-”
“Would you cut that out?” Peach snapped at the boy, shedding his warm disposition. “I’m getting old and don’t have the energy for suck ups anymore. I offered to mentor you because, from what I’ve heard, you’ve got something special and my curiosity got the best of me. Now, maybe my staff is just incompetent, but much more likely there’s some merit to their words. So from here on out I want you to get it together, stop thinking of me as some big name and appreciate the opportunity to learn from someone with more experience than you… besides, how are you ever gonna become a great doctor if you’re this impressed by a weak old man?” He winked at Hugo, returning to his friendly nature, shifting the feeling of his words from a lecture into friendly and heartfelt advice from an elder. And, for the first time, Hugo was able to see his hero for what he really was: a person. He noticed the crows feet that stretched out from his gray eyes, complemented by the stress wrinkles beneath them- a sign of a life filled with both laughter and unspeakable hardships. He noticed the pink button up he wore beneath his white lab coat with a few suckers poking out of the pocket next to his pen, the old watch that ticked on his right wrist, the loafers that looked like Hugo’s but with years of wear and tear from rapidly tapping his foot as he methodically contemplated every possible treatment plan for each patient, and, most notably, the lack of a wedding ring on his left hand. This was not a god. This was a man who fully committed himself to his field, a man whose passion for his work redefined what the ideal of a doctor could be, and in doing so, had to forego many hardships, persevere through numerous tragedies, and made countless sacrifices just so he could make each patient a bit happier. He was running on fumes, but that was simply his nature, and he’d be damned if he made it anyone else’s problem.
“Okay… “ He nodded, holding back his urge to apologize yet again.
“Good.” James’s lab coat furled behind him as he sharply turned his heel and headed down the hall. “Now let’s go, we got patients to see.”
From there it was a dream, Hugo had shadowed doctors before but never one like this. It was as if he had gone from playing pickup street basketball to joining the USA 1992 olympic dream team. There was not a flaw in Peach’s work. He had outstanding rapport with each patient, making lighthearted conversation about their personal lives with details from the last time he saw them even if that was many years ago, and when the conversation turned serious, the doctor empathized with them, taking a solemn yet comforting tone as he assured them he would be giving his all to their case, giving them hope as they looked into his compassionate and determined eyes.
Hours felt like minutes to Hugo who thoroughly enjoyed every moment of learning, whether it was scientific or personally based, and before he knew it he was sitting down in a cafeteria eating lunch opposite the owner of the hospital as if they were colleagues.
“Oh that hits the spot.” Peach contently sighed as he bit the first chunk out of his loaded cheeseburger. “You know, the hospital I did my residency at just had this god-awful food. It was terrible, you’d finish a long morning of work and then what? For your break you’d be given an indigestible pile of garbage that was supposed to fuel you for the rest of the day. After going through that I swore if I opened a hospital the food would be delicious. The finance guys get on my case about wasting money on chefs, but I keep telling them that people work better when they’re happy and energized so they back off.” He took another bite and Hugo did the same.
Wow, this IS pretty great! The meat is tender, the lettuce and tomatoes taste fresh, and the bun is actually warm! Hugo quickly chewed his food and took a swig of water to clear his mouth. “Good call! This is a lot better than the last hospital I worked at. That place almost made me give up on medicine.”
James raised an eyebrow. “Wow, that food must’ve been really bad to get someone like you to consider quitting.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.”
“Speaking of which, why do you want to get into medicine?”
“Well, I think genetic editing is super interesting. Plus I wanna study the physics behind chemical reactions which in turn cause biological reactions. If you can study the source of everything like atoms all you need to do is engineer the process from the begi-”
“Nonono. Not that. What’s the real reason you want to get into medicine?”
“Oh…” Hugo gulped. Peach knew as well as he did that he was just rambling on in a programmed answer to appeal to older doctors. The real reason was personal, and wasn’t something he enjoyed telling people, but Peach… well, he seemed different. After only half a day of watching him with patients, some of which were going through the worst things imaginable, and being a rock for them to find shelter in, the boy felt he could already trust the doctor with everything.
“Well, the truth is I don’t really want to be a doctor, or at least I didn’t used to.” He mumbled while looking down and playing with his french fries in order to avoid eye contact during his moment of vulnerability. “When I was in eighth grade I was walking home from school and saw a car crash into another kid who was biking right in front of me. There were a few other people there but I was the closest one to him and I just froze. Obviously adults came and an ambulance arrived soon enough, so I kept telling myself it was okay that I didn’t do anything because there were more capable people, but when I got home that night I heard the news that the kid had died. I guess I want to be a doctor out of fear and regret. Knowing a person died and a family suffered because of my incompetence is the worst feeling in the world and I never want to experience it again… Anyway, why did you want to become a doctor?” With pink cheeks blushing from embarrassment, Hugo slowly looked up from his plate to see Peach smiling back at him.
“The same reason I guess. At a certain point you see enough family members die of disease that you think ‘Hey, maybe it’s time I do something about this.’”
Huh? Did I hear that right?
Hugo had grown so accustomed to the response of his story being something like “I’m so sorry you went through that” or “It’s not your fault” or some other corny words of comfort that told him they didn’t really get the point. He didn’t want to feel pitied or forgiven, and James was one of the first people to get that. They just sat there in silence, staring at each other. Both wondering if maybe they had each found the like minded individual they had been searching for. For James, it was a promising young protege whom he could help guide and trust to carry on his legacy, and for Hugo it was a mentor who made him feel understood, whose advice would actually mean something.
“You know, you’re probably picking the worst field if you hate that feeling. You can’t save every patient.”
“Yeah, but that’s not an excuse not to try.”
“Good answer.”
The duo stayed quiet for the rest of their meal, relishing in the mutual feeling of being seen for who they were rather than the accomplishments they had become known for. They probably could have basked in the presence of each other for an hour if it wasn’t for the ukulele song of Peach’s ringtone that broke the silence.
He pulled it to his ear and Hugo could hear the familiar murmur of the receptionist from earlier.
“Oh she is? I’ll be right in.” Peach replied and turned the phone off, quickly putting it back in his pocket before getting up to clear his tray. “Our two O’clock is early. I don’t wanna keep them waiting, this one’s gonna be a doozy.”
“Alright.” Hugo scarfed down his last bite and followed James to the cancer wing.
It didn’t take long before they arrived at the patient's room. Two parents stood outside. Hugo took a second to survey the group, hoping to pick up on any physical signs that would help him navigate the feelings of the family. The father looked like he had just come from work, wearing a plaid button up, had his black hair combed in an orderly fashion, and wore a stern expression that was likely hiding a bit of concern. Meanwhile the mother wore her feelings on her sleeve, bearing a worried frown beneath her blonde hair as she nervously chewed on her french tipped nails, threatening to have some of her lipstick smear on her fingers.
“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Finch.” Peach spoke formally and reached out a hand to greet each of the adults. “I’m doctor Peach. I have student shadow, is it alright if he joins us today?”
“That’s fine.” The wife replied in a soft voice.
“I’m Hugo, thanks for letting me observe.” He tried to mimic James’s tone, though the words didn’t feel comfortable leaving his mouth. He felt like he should’ve said more, but what was the right thing to say in that situation? It’s a pleasure to meet you? No, ideally they wouldn’t be in the hospital and we never would’ve met. He was damned if he knew, so he kept slightly changing his introduction until hopefully he’d find something that felt right.
“I understand nurse Carla ran a CBC test. She should be back with the results in a few minutes, but until then I’d like to get introduced to Kayla.” Peach knocked on the door a few times before slowly swinging it open, “Kayla, we’re coming in.”
Oh no
Perhaps Hugo should’ve figured it wasn’t going to be a pretty sight. A young couple in the cancer ward with a concerned look on their face, that could hardly mean anything other than tragedy. But this, this, was worse than he could’ve ever imagined.
Hugo had seen patients in critical condition, tubes funneling in and out of an unresponsive person barely clinging to life, but Kayla didn’t look like that at all. She had lost her hair from years of chemotherapy, her skin was pale and paper thin, and she looked like a little too tight of a hug could snap her little bones, but her soft blue eyes remained childlike and untainted. The little smile she bore seemed ignorant to the sickness that plagued her body.
Hugo’s eyes began to water, an involuntary reaction he got whenever seeing a child in such critical condition, but thankfully it was none other than Kayla who broke the silence before he got too lost in his own thoughts.
“Is Doctor Peach your real name? You sound like a worse Mister Peanut, but you don’t even have a cool top hat, cane, or that eye thingy. And why are you wearing pink? Don’t you know that’s a girl color?”
Pffffft what?!
The questions were delivered with the perfect combination of sass and genuine curiosity that only a child could pull off. Here she was in front of the greatest living doctor, the only man who could give her a chance at life, and she was teasing him.
The mother shot daggers at her daughter, the father gave Peach an apologetic glance, Hugo sucked in his cheeks to keep his lips from curling up in laughter, and Peach just stood for a moment with a single eyebrow raised just as stunned by the rest of them. Then slowly, his eyes began to squirt, his head tilted backwards, and his mouth dropped open as he let out a loud bellow.
“WOHOHOHOHO. You’re absolutely right! What a ridiculous name.”
The whole situation was delightfully absurd, and everyone else in the room couldn’t help but join in on the laughter after James broke the tension.
“I tell you what, how about you just call me Jimmy. And I can explain the pink shirt.” Peach pushed aside his lab coat and reached into his front pocket, pulling out a red sucker. “It’s cause it goes with the flavor of the day: strawberry!”
“Oooo yum!” Kayla snatched the candy from his outstretched hand. “Thanks Jimmy!”
“Of course.”
From there it was a pretty routine visit. James chatted with the parents and gathered more information on Kayla's treatment history, making jokes here and there to ease the nerves. It didn’t feel like they were in the presence of a terminally ill child, and in what Hugo decided to call the “Peach Effect” he could almost visibly see the weights being lifted off the parents’ shoulders as they trusted the doctor to take on those burdens. But, good things seldom last forever, and in a hospital you’re lucky if they even last an hour.
Knock knock
A gentle tapping at the door caused Peach’s ears to perk up. “That must be Carla with the test results, we’ll be right back.”
James nodded to Hugo to follow along with him and they shuffled outside the room, finding themselves face to face with the nurse, trails of tears evident on her dark skin. “Here…” She mumbled through sniffles “… I can’t believe it… she’s so young.”
Based on Carla’s reaction it already felt like the duo had been hit by a ton of bricks. With Kayla's cheerful attitude it was easy to forget that they were in the cancer ward. But as Peach opened the chart, Hugo couldn’t help but gasp as they were slammed with a harsh dose of reality.
That can’t be real, can it? Her white blood cell count is off the charts, she’s basically dead at this point. There must’ve been an error.
James’s silence was an answer enough, and for the briefest moment Hugo could’ve sworn he saw a flicker of fear in his eyes. “Thank you Carla. Hugo, wait outside for this.”
“No.” He shot back on instinct, quicker than he could even think. A doctor can’t just skip the sad parts. “This is important, I want to be there.”
“Alright. Let’s go.” It was the second time that Peach had said that to Hugo, only this time there was no life in his voice. Earlier he had led him into an exciting new world, this time he was guiding him to one of the worst imaginable tragedies.
“Kayla, why don’t you go with Carla and grab some ice cream from the cafeteria. Your parents and I have some boring adult stuff to talk about.” His solemn tone went undetected by the child, but almost instantly the Mother’s eyes seemed to water, and the father visibly tensed up.
“Okay Jimmy!” She cheered. Eager to get out of her boring appointment, she leapt out of her chair and scampered out of the room, grabbing Carla by the wrist who had just finished wiping her tears and putting on a brave smile.
“Mr and Mrs Finch, I’m so sorry…”
Punctuated by tears and gasps from the family members, James went on to explain their daughters condition, how the cancer had progressed to stage IV, possible failures with previous treatments, possible future routes they could take, and finally: the dreaded timetable.
“Based on what I’m seeing, normally she’d only have anywhere between a few weeks and a couple months. But- “
“But what!?” The mother spat out through a terrible mixture of grief and anger. “But you’re going to make her as comfortable as possible? You doctors come in here with your ‘I’m sorrys’ and telling me she’ll be comfortable. What the hell does that even mean!? You’re sorry? My daughter has cancer, who gives a damn about your apologies, those aren’t worth shit! Aren’t you supposed to be the best!? Everyone said go to the Peach clinic, they’re so great. Well, you’re just as useless as the rest of them!” Peach sat through the onslaught; his head tilted down as she scolded him. Hugo couldn’t even bring himself to be angry at the woman for berating his idol, it was an impossibly terrible situation to empathize with and he’d probably react just the same. “For Christ's sake say something. SHE’S EIGHT YEARS OLD AND SHE’S GOING TO D- “
She gasped and collapsed into her husband's chest, balling tears. It was an unfortunately common phenomenon. Everybody carries these silly little notions that they’re the exception, that, somehow, they’ll pull through. Hope. But at a certain point they lose it, and all that’s left is to turn and accept despair.
What a cruel concept: hope. Without it there wouldn’t be sadness or heartbreak. Nothing to lose if you have nothing to gain.
“You’re right Mrs. Finch. Your daughter is dying, and my pity isn’t worth anything.” Peach lifted his head and gazed directly into her red stained eyes. “But you didn’t let me finish. I was going to say I’m not ready to give up yet either.”
What? Hugo could hardly believe what he was hearing. It was Medicine 101 that you don’t give false hope, but here was Peach resting a comforting arm on her shoulder, staring with sincere eyes, and about to say the dumbest thing Hugo had ever heard.
“Don’t lose hope. I know it’s a lot to ask, but please, just stay strong just a little longer. It’s going to be okay, I’m going to figure something out.” Then the doctor did the unthinkable: he smiled. Right in the face of imminent death and despair.
This guy’s an idiot. An actual idiot. He got through the hard part, why is he doing this to them? Why make empty promises when it’s just going to hurt them more when he fails?
“Let’s give these two some space.” He gestured to Hugo to leave the room, and on his way out looked over his shoulder one last time. “I’d like to see you guys in here again at the end of the week, I’ll let you know what I’ve come up with. Hang in there, I need you to keep being brave for Kayla.” The parents nodded and the mother looked like she was trying to say, “thank you" but no sound escaped her lips.
Hugo trailed behind James as he led him through the hospital, so caught up sulking in his thoughts that he didn’t even realize that he was being led to the exit until he caught sight of the familiar orange couches.
“Where are we going? I thought I was supposed to be here until five.”
“You were, but that was a lot for today. I think it’s best if you go home, give yourself some time to process everything.”
“Oh… okay.” Hugo wanted to object but he knew Peach was right. Unlike the veteran doctor, he wasn’t going to be able to think of anything besides Kayla for quite some time. But he couldn’t leave just yet, no. There was something else he had to figure out if he was going to be able to sleep that night. He was angry with James and it needed to be addressed.
“Why did you tell them you could help her?” He blurted out. “I’m not a doctor and even I know it’s hopeless with a white blood cell count that high. How can you call yourself a doctor but still smile and lie to their face?”
“You know, you’re probably right.” James stopped. He placed an arm on Hugo’s shoulder and smiled just as he had done to the mother, only this time it was not out of sympathy. No, it was almost a look of pride. Confirmation that he had picked a pupil whose heart was in the right place. So close to getting it but just needed a little push of encouragement. “But when I was talking to Kayla and then I saw her mom crying I decided something: as long as I live, I’m not going to let her die.”
“But it’s not that simple. It isn’t your choi- “
“Isn’t it though?' He cut Hugo off. "The future is all fictional, nobody knows what’s really going to happen. We’re all just guessing based on our jaded perception of reality. So, if I believe I’m going to cure her then that future, that reality, still remains possible. Success is only out of reach when you give up hope. So have faith in me, okay? I’m going to need your help on this.”
Hugo nodded and left, unable to speak as he walked outside onto the sunny streets of Pi City. He drudged along the sidewalk, analyzing the interaction between Peach and Kayla's family over and over until he arrived at his apartment building with the only conclusion being that he still knew nothing.
The chirping of birds caused him to pause for a moment as he went to grab his keys and glance up at the rows of trees that lined either side of the walkway up to the apartment. Through their lush leaves and white flowers, he traced the source of the song to a little wooden nest containing tiny sparrow chicks. One after the other the mother bird nudged them out, and after tumbling through the air, they suddenly straightened out in an amazing moment where they learned to stop falling and start flying.
Maybe it is that simple. He thought as one of the birds began to soar higher and higher until he lost it in the sun. Maybe the only difference between falling and flying is faith. A newfound sense of determination flowed through him. He wasn’t sure if he totally bought into James’s philosophy, but he figured this whole “faith” thing was worth a shot. Worst case scenario he’d be back to where he started.
We’re going to save Kayla!
Hugo froze, only seconds into fulfilling his dream of meeting his personal hero and he had already made such a simple mistake.
Well, I was wrong. I’m not special, I already fucked up. Just called the greatest doctor alive by his first name like an idiot. Oh well, I had a good run. I think that the bridge I walked over on the way here had a pretty nice view…
Peach stuck out his right hand, snapping the boy out of his spiraling thoughts.
“Ah, yes, I’m so sorry sir~ I mean, Doctor Peach.” He returned the handshake, praying he used the proper amount of grip strength.
“Would you relax kid, I’m kidding. Call me Jimmy.”
“Oh haha, of course. Jimmy, duh. It’s nice to meet you Jimmy, I’m a big fan of your work. I mean your thesis on-”
“Would you cut that out?” Peach snapped at the boy, shedding his warm disposition. “I’m getting old and don’t have the energy for suck ups anymore. I offered to mentor you because, from what I’ve heard, you’ve got something special and my curiosity got the best of me. Now, maybe my staff is just incompetent, but much more likely there’s some merit to their words. So from here on out I want you to get it together, stop thinking of me as some big name and appreciate the opportunity to learn from someone with more experience than you… besides, how are you ever gonna become a great doctor if you’re this impressed by a weak old man?” He winked at Hugo, returning to his friendly nature, shifting the feeling of his words from a lecture into friendly and heartfelt advice from an elder. And, for the first time, Hugo was able to see his hero for what he really was: a person. He noticed the crows feet that stretched out from his gray eyes, complemented by the stress wrinkles beneath them- a sign of a life filled with both laughter and unspeakable hardships. He noticed the pink button up he wore beneath his white lab coat with a few suckers poking out of the pocket next to his pen, the old watch that ticked on his right wrist, the loafers that looked like Hugo’s but with years of wear and tear from rapidly tapping his foot as he methodically contemplated every possible treatment plan for each patient, and, most notably, the lack of a wedding ring on his left hand. This was not a god. This was a man who fully committed himself to his field, a man whose passion for his work redefined what the ideal of a doctor could be, and in doing so, had to forego many hardships, persevere through numerous tragedies, and made countless sacrifices just so he could make each patient a bit happier. He was running on fumes, but that was simply his nature, and he’d be damned if he made it anyone else’s problem.
“Okay… “ He nodded, holding back his urge to apologize yet again.
“Good.” James’s lab coat furled behind him as he sharply turned his heel and headed down the hall. “Now let’s go, we got patients to see.”
From there it was a dream, Hugo had shadowed doctors before but never one like this. It was as if he had gone from playing pickup street basketball to joining the USA 1992 olympic dream team. There was not a flaw in Peach’s work. He had outstanding rapport with each patient, making lighthearted conversation about their personal lives with details from the last time he saw them even if that was many years ago, and when the conversation turned serious, the doctor empathized with them, taking a solemn yet comforting tone as he assured them he would be giving his all to their case, giving them hope as they looked into his compassionate and determined eyes.
Hours felt like minutes to Hugo who thoroughly enjoyed every moment of learning, whether it was scientific or personally based, and before he knew it he was sitting down in a cafeteria eating lunch opposite the owner of the hospital as if they were colleagues.
“Oh that hits the spot.” Peach contently sighed as he bit the first chunk out of his loaded cheeseburger. “You know, the hospital I did my residency at just had this god-awful food. It was terrible, you’d finish a long morning of work and then what? For your break you’d be given an indigestible pile of garbage that was supposed to fuel you for the rest of the day. After going through that I swore if I opened a hospital the food would be delicious. The finance guys get on my case about wasting money on chefs, but I keep telling them that people work better when they’re happy and energized so they back off.” He took another bite and Hugo did the same.
Wow, this IS pretty great! The meat is tender, the lettuce and tomatoes taste fresh, and the bun is actually warm! Hugo quickly chewed his food and took a swig of water to clear his mouth. “Good call! This is a lot better than the last hospital I worked at. That place almost made me give up on medicine.”
James raised an eyebrow. “Wow, that food must’ve been really bad to get someone like you to consider quitting.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.”
“Speaking of which, why do you want to get into medicine?”
“Well, I think genetic editing is super interesting. Plus I wanna study the physics behind chemical reactions which in turn cause biological reactions. If you can study the source of everything like atoms all you need to do is engineer the process from the begi-”
“Nonono. Not that. What’s the real reason you want to get into medicine?”
“Oh…” Hugo gulped. Peach knew as well as he did that he was just rambling on in a programmed answer to appeal to older doctors. The real reason was personal, and wasn’t something he enjoyed telling people, but Peach… well, he seemed different. After only half a day of watching him with patients, some of which were going through the worst things imaginable, and being a rock for them to find shelter in, the boy felt he could already trust the doctor with everything.
“Well, the truth is I don’t really want to be a doctor, or at least I didn’t used to.” He mumbled while looking down and playing with his french fries in order to avoid eye contact during his moment of vulnerability. “When I was in eighth grade I was walking home from school and saw a car crash into another kid who was biking right in front of me. There were a few other people there but I was the closest one to him and I just froze. Obviously adults came and an ambulance arrived soon enough, so I kept telling myself it was okay that I didn’t do anything because there were more capable people, but when I got home that night I heard the news that the kid had died. I guess I want to be a doctor out of fear and regret. Knowing a person died and a family suffered because of my incompetence is the worst feeling in the world and I never want to experience it again… Anyway, why did you want to become a doctor?” With pink cheeks blushing from embarrassment, Hugo slowly looked up from his plate to see Peach smiling back at him.
“The same reason I guess. At a certain point you see enough family members die of disease that you think ‘Hey, maybe it’s time I do something about this.’”
Huh? Did I hear that right?
Hugo had grown so accustomed to the response of his story being something like “I’m so sorry you went through that” or “It’s not your fault” or some other corny words of comfort that told him they didn’t really get the point. He didn’t want to feel pitied or forgiven, and James was one of the first people to get that. They just sat there in silence, staring at each other. Both wondering if maybe they had each found the like minded individual they had been searching for. For James, it was a promising young protege whom he could help guide and trust to carry on his legacy, and for Hugo it was a mentor who made him feel understood, whose advice would actually mean something.
“You know, you’re probably picking the worst field if you hate that feeling. You can’t save every patient.”
“Yeah, but that’s not an excuse not to try.”
“Good answer.”
The duo stayed quiet for the rest of their meal, relishing in the mutual feeling of being seen for who they were rather than the accomplishments they had become known for. They probably could have basked in the presence of each other for an hour if it wasn’t for the ukulele song of Peach’s ringtone that broke the silence.
He pulled it to his ear and Hugo could hear the familiar murmur of the receptionist from earlier.
“Oh she is? I’ll be right in.” Peach replied and turned the phone off, quickly putting it back in his pocket before getting up to clear his tray. “Our two O’clock is early. I don’t wanna keep them waiting, this one’s gonna be a doozy.”
“Alright.” Hugo scarfed down his last bite and followed James to the cancer wing.
It didn’t take long before they arrived at the patient's room. Two parents stood outside. Hugo took a second to survey the group, hoping to pick up on any physical signs that would help him navigate the feelings of the family. The father looked like he had just come from work, wearing a plaid button up, had his black hair combed in an orderly fashion, and wore a stern expression that was likely hiding a bit of concern. Meanwhile the mother wore her feelings on her sleeve, bearing a worried frown beneath her blonde hair as she nervously chewed on her french tipped nails, threatening to have some of her lipstick smear on her fingers.
“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Finch.” Peach spoke formally and reached out a hand to greet each of the adults. “I’m doctor Peach. I have student shadow, is it alright if he joins us today?”
“That’s fine.” The wife replied in a soft voice.
“I’m Hugo, thanks for letting me observe.” He tried to mimic James’s tone, though the words didn’t feel comfortable leaving his mouth. He felt like he should’ve said more, but what was the right thing to say in that situation? It’s a pleasure to meet you? No, ideally they wouldn’t be in the hospital and we never would’ve met. He was damned if he knew, so he kept slightly changing his introduction until hopefully he’d find something that felt right.
“I understand nurse Carla ran a CBC test. She should be back with the results in a few minutes, but until then I’d like to get introduced to Kayla.” Peach knocked on the door a few times before slowly swinging it open, “Kayla, we’re coming in.”
Oh no
Perhaps Hugo should’ve figured it wasn’t going to be a pretty sight. A young couple in the cancer ward with a concerned look on their face, that could hardly mean anything other than tragedy. But this, this, was worse than he could’ve ever imagined.
Hugo had seen patients in critical condition, tubes funneling in and out of an unresponsive person barely clinging to life, but Kayla didn’t look like that at all. She had lost her hair from years of chemotherapy, her skin was pale and paper thin, and she looked like a little too tight of a hug could snap her little bones, but her soft blue eyes remained childlike and untainted. The little smile she bore seemed ignorant to the sickness that plagued her body.
Hugo’s eyes began to water, an involuntary reaction he got whenever seeing a child in such critical condition, but thankfully it was none other than Kayla who broke the silence before he got too lost in his own thoughts.
“Is Doctor Peach your real name? You sound like a worse Mister Peanut, but you don’t even have a cool top hat, cane, or that eye thingy. And why are you wearing pink? Don’t you know that’s a girl color?”
Pffffft what?!
The questions were delivered with the perfect combination of sass and genuine curiosity that only a child could pull off. Here she was in front of the greatest living doctor, the only man who could give her a chance at life, and she was teasing him.
The mother shot daggers at her daughter, the father gave Peach an apologetic glance, Hugo sucked in his cheeks to keep his lips from curling up in laughter, and Peach just stood for a moment with a single eyebrow raised just as stunned by the rest of them. Then slowly, his eyes began to squirt, his head tilted backwards, and his mouth dropped open as he let out a loud bellow.
“WOHOHOHOHO. You’re absolutely right! What a ridiculous name.”
The whole situation was delightfully absurd, and everyone else in the room couldn’t help but join in on the laughter after James broke the tension.
“I tell you what, how about you just call me Jimmy. And I can explain the pink shirt.” Peach pushed aside his lab coat and reached into his front pocket, pulling out a red sucker. “It’s cause it goes with the flavor of the day: strawberry!”
“Oooo yum!” Kayla snatched the candy from his outstretched hand. “Thanks Jimmy!”
“Of course.”
From there it was a pretty routine visit. James chatted with the parents and gathered more information on Kayla's treatment history, making jokes here and there to ease the nerves. It didn’t feel like they were in the presence of a terminally ill child, and in what Hugo decided to call the “Peach Effect” he could almost visibly see the weights being lifted off the parents’ shoulders as they trusted the doctor to take on those burdens. But, good things seldom last forever, and in a hospital you’re lucky if they even last an hour.
Knock knock
A gentle tapping at the door caused Peach’s ears to perk up. “That must be Carla with the test results, we’ll be right back.”
James nodded to Hugo to follow along with him and they shuffled outside the room, finding themselves face to face with the nurse, trails of tears evident on her dark skin. “Here…” She mumbled through sniffles “… I can’t believe it… she’s so young.”
Based on Carla’s reaction it already felt like the duo had been hit by a ton of bricks. With Kayla's cheerful attitude it was easy to forget that they were in the cancer ward. But as Peach opened the chart, Hugo couldn’t help but gasp as they were slammed with a harsh dose of reality.
That can’t be real, can it? Her white blood cell count is off the charts, she’s basically dead at this point. There must’ve been an error.
James’s silence was an answer enough, and for the briefest moment Hugo could’ve sworn he saw a flicker of fear in his eyes. “Thank you Carla. Hugo, wait outside for this.”
“No.” He shot back on instinct, quicker than he could even think. A doctor can’t just skip the sad parts. “This is important, I want to be there.”
“Alright. Let’s go.” It was the second time that Peach had said that to Hugo, only this time there was no life in his voice. Earlier he had led him into an exciting new world, this time he was guiding him to one of the worst imaginable tragedies.
“Kayla, why don’t you go with Carla and grab some ice cream from the cafeteria. Your parents and I have some boring adult stuff to talk about.” His solemn tone went undetected by the child, but almost instantly the Mother’s eyes seemed to water, and the father visibly tensed up.
“Okay Jimmy!” She cheered. Eager to get out of her boring appointment, she leapt out of her chair and scampered out of the room, grabbing Carla by the wrist who had just finished wiping her tears and putting on a brave smile.
“Mr and Mrs Finch, I’m so sorry…”
Punctuated by tears and gasps from the family members, James went on to explain their daughters condition, how the cancer had progressed to stage IV, possible failures with previous treatments, possible future routes they could take, and finally: the dreaded timetable.
“Based on what I’m seeing, normally she’d only have anywhere between a few weeks and a couple months. But- “
“But what!?” The mother spat out through a terrible mixture of grief and anger. “But you’re going to make her as comfortable as possible? You doctors come in here with your ‘I’m sorrys’ and telling me she’ll be comfortable. What the hell does that even mean!? You’re sorry? My daughter has cancer, who gives a damn about your apologies, those aren’t worth shit! Aren’t you supposed to be the best!? Everyone said go to the Peach clinic, they’re so great. Well, you’re just as useless as the rest of them!” Peach sat through the onslaught; his head tilted down as she scolded him. Hugo couldn’t even bring himself to be angry at the woman for berating his idol, it was an impossibly terrible situation to empathize with and he’d probably react just the same. “For Christ's sake say something. SHE’S EIGHT YEARS OLD AND SHE’S GOING TO D- “
She gasped and collapsed into her husband's chest, balling tears. It was an unfortunately common phenomenon. Everybody carries these silly little notions that they’re the exception, that, somehow, they’ll pull through. Hope. But at a certain point they lose it, and all that’s left is to turn and accept despair.
What a cruel concept: hope. Without it there wouldn’t be sadness or heartbreak. Nothing to lose if you have nothing to gain.
“You’re right Mrs. Finch. Your daughter is dying, and my pity isn’t worth anything.” Peach lifted his head and gazed directly into her red stained eyes. “But you didn’t let me finish. I was going to say I’m not ready to give up yet either.”
What? Hugo could hardly believe what he was hearing. It was Medicine 101 that you don’t give false hope, but here was Peach resting a comforting arm on her shoulder, staring with sincere eyes, and about to say the dumbest thing Hugo had ever heard.
“Don’t lose hope. I know it’s a lot to ask, but please, just stay strong just a little longer. It’s going to be okay, I’m going to figure something out.” Then the doctor did the unthinkable: he smiled. Right in the face of imminent death and despair.
This guy’s an idiot. An actual idiot. He got through the hard part, why is he doing this to them? Why make empty promises when it’s just going to hurt them more when he fails?
“Let’s give these two some space.” He gestured to Hugo to leave the room, and on his way out looked over his shoulder one last time. “I’d like to see you guys in here again at the end of the week, I’ll let you know what I’ve come up with. Hang in there, I need you to keep being brave for Kayla.” The parents nodded and the mother looked like she was trying to say, “thank you" but no sound escaped her lips.
Hugo trailed behind James as he led him through the hospital, so caught up sulking in his thoughts that he didn’t even realize that he was being led to the exit until he caught sight of the familiar orange couches.
“Where are we going? I thought I was supposed to be here until five.”
“You were, but that was a lot for today. I think it’s best if you go home, give yourself some time to process everything.”
“Oh… okay.” Hugo wanted to object but he knew Peach was right. Unlike the veteran doctor, he wasn’t going to be able to think of anything besides Kayla for quite some time. But he couldn’t leave just yet, no. There was something else he had to figure out if he was going to be able to sleep that night. He was angry with James and it needed to be addressed.
“Why did you tell them you could help her?” He blurted out. “I’m not a doctor and even I know it’s hopeless with a white blood cell count that high. How can you call yourself a doctor but still smile and lie to their face?”
“You know, you’re probably right.” James stopped. He placed an arm on Hugo’s shoulder and smiled just as he had done to the mother, only this time it was not out of sympathy. No, it was almost a look of pride. Confirmation that he had picked a pupil whose heart was in the right place. So close to getting it but just needed a little push of encouragement. “But when I was talking to Kayla and then I saw her mom crying I decided something: as long as I live, I’m not going to let her die.”
“But it’s not that simple. It isn’t your choi- “
“Isn’t it though?' He cut Hugo off. "The future is all fictional, nobody knows what’s really going to happen. We’re all just guessing based on our jaded perception of reality. So, if I believe I’m going to cure her then that future, that reality, still remains possible. Success is only out of reach when you give up hope. So have faith in me, okay? I’m going to need your help on this.”
Hugo nodded and left, unable to speak as he walked outside onto the sunny streets of Pi City. He drudged along the sidewalk, analyzing the interaction between Peach and Kayla's family over and over until he arrived at his apartment building with the only conclusion being that he still knew nothing.
The chirping of birds caused him to pause for a moment as he went to grab his keys and glance up at the rows of trees that lined either side of the walkway up to the apartment. Through their lush leaves and white flowers, he traced the source of the song to a little wooden nest containing tiny sparrow chicks. One after the other the mother bird nudged them out, and after tumbling through the air, they suddenly straightened out in an amazing moment where they learned to stop falling and start flying.
Maybe it is that simple. He thought as one of the birds began to soar higher and higher until he lost it in the sun. Maybe the only difference between falling and flying is faith. A newfound sense of determination flowed through him. He wasn’t sure if he totally bought into James’s philosophy, but he figured this whole “faith” thing was worth a shot. Worst case scenario he’d be back to where he started.
We’re going to save Kayla!