1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Miscellaneous: The Untimely, Yet Happily Awaited Death of Mary Sue

by Skippidypowpow

Skippidypowpow My story of the murder of a Mary Sue. We need to find all of them, and kill off the entire race. Go forth, and mercilessly slaughter them with your arm blades.
Mary Jane Anita Starlight Yvonne Dazzzleglitter Sue had everything she could ever ask for. She had conquered every Pokémon League in the world with one eye closed and with tape over her mouth, won the Grand Festival in Hoenn, Sinnoh, and Kalos, became the Pokémon Champion of every region, had every Pokémon known to man (and they were all shiny), was a model at age 4, and dated all of the boys in her high school at once. She always was the popular girl, and always got perfect grades in school despite always going clubbing and getting drunk every night. All of her teachers loved her, and everyone kissed her ass, which some people claimed was so perfect that it caused them to break up with their current girlfriend and try to get with Sue. She led a perfect life. She resided in Alola, living in an exotic mansion inside of the volcano at Wela Volcano Park, which happened to be the priciest house in Alola. Hell, she didn't even buy it. Her university, which also happened to be the most prestigious and pickiest school in the world (which accepted her application upon getting despite it being three weeks late) loaned her all of the money they planned to use to revamp its Pokémon Research facility so that she could buy it. She married Ash Ketchum, a world-renowned Trainer who starred a in live-action TV series called... well, the title changed all the time for branding purposes, but that's beside the point. She married Ash Ketchum, who was the highest-paid actor and Pokémon Trainer in the world, making over $1,000,000,000 a year without breaking a sweat. And they had a wonderful baby boy, who had the build of Dwayne Johnson despite barely being able to walk. He figured out how to solve the quadratic formula at a month old, and can beat up a semi-truck by blinking at it. His name is Gary Oak, because f*** canonical characters, ammirite? She's pregnant with a baby girl, and Ash isn't even her biological father. Yeah, that role belongs to some rapist she met at the bar last Friday.

Despite all of this, nobody seems to mind. Nobody cares that some sex-crazy, 28-year-old woman who has affiliation with every major person on the face of the planet holds every title known to man. Nobody cares that she's literal perfection and that she's devoid of all basic traits that make an OC likeable and help the reader become invested in the story. Nobody cares that she breezed through her education without even trying when she was hungover half the time. Nobody notices that she isn't flawed, whatsoever, and is literally the most powerful entity that will ever exist.

Except for one. One who had the power to erase her. To hold the backspace button for 60 seconds and destroy her. Forever.

*********************************************************************************************************

One day, Mary was chilling in her mansion, cuddling with Ash and watching some TV show on her 128-inch, plasma-screen, inch thick TV. They were making out again, because they were literally inseparable. Then, out of seemingly nowhere, there was a faint knock on the 20-foot high door to their room, which was made of pure marble and had windows as high as the door and as wide as the TV. Mary and Ash ignored it, assuming that they had hallucinated. But, they were never wrong. Ever.

The knocks became louder, proving my point. Mary stopped the TV, trying to show some attention to the worthless peasant who was about to come in to praise her endlessly. "Hey, servant boy, open the door," Mary yelled rudely. A servant dressed in a nice suit opened the door, and Mary's jaw dropped in utter horror. It was him. Her creator.

"Hello," a deep, menacing voice grumbled. "I've been waiting a long time for this."

Ash instantly stood up, wearing nothing but boxers. "Listen here, ya weirdo, if you're gonna erase this perfect plotline from existence, I'll stop at nothing to keep it the way it is," he exclaimed with determination.

"Oh, really?" the creator asked menacingly, whipping out his laptop. "We'll see about that," he added.

Mary screamed in pure terror. She knew what was going to come, and she knew that she was powerless. "B-b-b-b-b-b-but... I was perfect! I had the perfect life, I was the ideal female physique, and I was the most powerful entity in existence!" She cried in desperation.

"But I, as your creator, realize that you have done something so vile, so malicious, and so unforgivable at my own hands," the creator retorted somberly. "And I'm here to destroy what I've created."

"The hell are you talking about?" Sue interrogated.

"You disturbed the Pokémon canon, you retard!" the creator yelled. "And pretty damn bad as well. You're the only Pokémon Champion anyone faces if they choose to fight for your title, you're always a competitor at the Grand Festival Finals, and you're a slut for crying out loud! I can't go on knowing that you're in my arsenal of characters! It's for everyone's benefit!" he yelled.

"No, it's not!" Sue cried. "All of my perfection will vanish from the world, and nobody will forgive you! You'll have death threats, hate comments, and even lose followers if you kill me off!" she sobbed, crying rivers out of her eyes. She wiped her red, puffy face, now fuming. "You know what, creator, go on and do it. Kill me off. You'll regret it, but do it," she commanded.

"That's... kinda why I'm here," the creator stated awkwardly. "But, ok." He began clicking away on his laptop, and soon, was holding down one button on his keyboard.

Soon, everything that Mary Jane Anita Starlight Yvonne Dazzzleglitter Sue worked so effortlessly to build, was gone. First to go, was the mansion. She found herself, half-naked, on a pile of sharp rocks. Mary cried out in pain and sorrow, regretting her bold statement. The creator ignored this, still holding down the same button. Next, her stomach became flat. She had lost her second child, and the rapist supposedly died too. Her cries continued, as her prized possessions, her trophies, her medals and ribbons, all faded to dust. Soon, Gary Oak vanished too. It was just her and Ash left.

"PLEASE," Mary pleaded, heaving and crying. "DON'T DO THIS TO ME! YOU'VE ALREADY TAKEN AWAY ENOUGH, BUT I'D RATHER DIE IN A SHITHOLE THAN LOSE ASH!"

"Ok," the creator affirmed, typing away at his keyboard. Soon, Mary found herself in a pile of literal Mudsdale crap. "You got what you asked for," he added, smirking.

Mary found herself gagging endlessly. The foul substance piled on top of her, and she couldn't breathe. "You little motherfu-" Mary had suffocated to death... in a literal shithole.

Ash moved on in life, having the memory of anything involving Mary erased from his head. He went to university again and got his master's in Pokémon Sciences, becoming aid to Professor Oak in his olden ages. He met a beautiful woman there named Serena, and they got engaged upon graduation, marrying a year later. However, Ash was infertile due to his past with Mary, but he thinks it's the fact of being punched in the crotch excessively by bullies in middle school. They adopted two wonderful children named May and Brendan, and they lived a happy life.

As for the creator... Well, he became highly praised for killing Mary Sue. He went on to join the M.S.S.a.S.S., or the Mary Sue Search and Strike Squad, where he served as Mission Coordinator for five years before being murdered by a very devilish Mary Luna Gemglow Mewbeam Sue. His name was honored forever, and nobody did give anymore shits about Mary Jane Anita Starlight Yvonne Dazzzleglitter Sue ever again.

So, kids, if you have a perfect O.C. who's a total jackwad and has no real personality or any interesting character development, don't bring it here, or me and my squad of Mary Sue Murderers will find you and slowly torture you and your O.C.

*********************************************************************************************************


"Tell us about Gary Stu, Mr. Roberts!" said Johnny.

"Heck you, Johnny!" Mr. Roberts cried.
Mockingchu likes this.
  1. Skippidypowpow
    Skippidypowpow
    @Shiny Blue Gardevoir

    YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    BOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
    Mar 14, 2019
    Shiny Blue Gardevoir likes this.
  2. Shiny Blue Gardevoir
    Shiny Blue Gardevoir
    >_< @ZRoberts555 you are indeed a proficient Sue-slayer, young grasshopper
    Mar 14, 2019
  3. Skippidypowpow
    Skippidypowpow
    Mar 14, 2019
    Shiny Blue Gardevoir likes this.