the paper bag kid (rant)

hi im a 15 year old who has depression and anxiety and a type of form of dyslexia (not seeing the words backwords kind) i take alot of medication and i'm pretty tired half of the time from not getting enough food/water,the meds,and of being afraid 24 hours everyday of the year and just been going threw depression almost my whole life so far. i honestly feel like a monster and im not a strong person at all and not capable of takeing care of myself. theirs always the dark shadow creeping over me with that smile on its face telling me how such of a bad person i am and such a disappointment to my family and friends. i really wish i could have a bright light to guide my friends and other people out of the darkness they are in and escape but then theirs that dark evil thing behind that light and making it fade away "PLEASE STAY WITH ME" it says "I CAN HELP YOU SURVIVE" "ILL SHOW YOU THE SICK PEOPLE TO STAY AWAY FROM" "LISTEN TO YOURSELF TRYING TO SAYS WORDS TO HELP OTHERS WHEN YOU DONT BELIEVE IN IT YOURSELF" "YOUR GONNA DIE ALONE" "CUT YOUR SELF" "KILL YOURSELF" "ELIMINATE ALL WHO ARE WRONG " "THAT IS NOT CANDY YOU CANT EAT IT" "YOU ARE SICK OF THAT FOOD NOW I DEMAND IT!" man im so tired and just done with this filthy world we live in. i really cant see why people think this world is a good place. its because they have good experiences with life and talking to people. its sad really. this world is killing people who actually deserve to be in this world. and leaving off the people who are just toxic.