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The Kid with White Eyes

by Imperfect World

Imperfect World Makenna is a girl on a Pokemon Journey, trying to deal with her recent disability. But as she meets the new kid on the street, she realizes that her disability isn't truly as stressful as she's making it.

Contest Judges: @Lunar Emperor @AuraVolt97 @Mr Fishykarp

I know this is probably a dud in the challenge, but I like it.
Makenna was twelve years old, living in the region of Kalos, Santalune City. She was sitting on the park bench feeling near her eyes, still disappointed about her recent discovery. She had a disease, called Retinitis Pigmentosa, a disease that she was born with, that slowly ate away her eyesight as she got older. When she was little, her eyesight was fine, but as she got older, her sight went blurrier, and darker, which is why they gave her some glasses to help. They helped a bit, but not much. About a month ago, she couldn't see any longer, and the acne faced girl had a meltdown. Later that month, she received a service Pokemon, Medicham, who was supposed to help guide her around. Makenna loved her new service Pokemon, although she was unable to see it. And although she was worried, her mother convinced her that Makenna should go on a Pokemon Journey with Medicham, and be like most kids who decided to do so. So Makenna did. And now she was sitting on a park bench with Medicham, talking to it, and telling him how she felt.

"It feels like I'm falling into a deep dark whole, that's impossible to crawl out of. No edges or sides I can grab on.." Makenna said to Medicham, finally opening her now white cloaked eyes.

"Medicham..." the Pokemon said meditating, as if to tell her to relax.

"Sometimes I wish I was never born..." she continued, as she fixed the headband on her head.

"Medicham." her service Pokemon said, as if it were to say that he was here to help her through it all.

"I trust you'll help me..." Makenna said, trailing off into thought.

I swear there is no one like me...a girl with white eyes, who can't see anything but black...a girl who I'm sure people stare at...luckily I can't see them...

As Makenna went on with her thought's, there was a small thump on her legs.

"Sorry!" said a female voice, who's S' were said roughly, sounding like th's instead.

Makenna immediately closed her eyes, hiding the white.

"It's fine." Makenna said, trying to turn her head in direction of the voice.

If Makenna could see the girl in front of her, she'd notice that she was completely different from Makenna. She was shorter than normal, but Makenna was very tall. The girl before her had long caramel hair in a ponytail, and Makenna had short brown hair in a ponytail. Makenna and the girl both wore glasses, and Makenna wore a headband, unlike the girl who bumped into her. The girl was wearing an orange sweatshirt, and black sweatpants, with black and white sneakers, and one hand was in the tail of an Aipom. Makenna was wearing a red shirt, that was almost too small, some black sweatpants, and red and orange sneakers. The girl also had teal glasses, like Makenna, except hers were red. The girls face was dotted with freckle's, and Makenna's face was dotted with pimples.

"I'm Lily." the girl said, as she held out a hand aimlessly.

It was so close to Makenna's face, that it almost hit her, but Medicham had put a hand in front, to block it from her face. Lily, however, shook his hand instead, as if not to care about whose hand she was shaking.

"I'm Makenna." the twelve year old girl said, as she gave a small smile, which most people complimented, trying to make her feel better for her eyesight, but Lily said nothing.

"I hope you have some sort of place to go." Makenna mumbled, so quiet it was hard to hear.

"Why?" Lily said, Makenna surprised she heard. "Isn't it okay if I offer to sit next to you?" Lily continued, seeming a little sad.

"Sorry, go ahead." Makenna said, a little embarrassed.

Lily, then stumbled to sit down, being cautious with every step, Aipom pulling her to the bench. She sat down and decided to strike conversation.

"I'm surprised you haven't made fun of me...you're the first person to ignore it." Lily said, seeming a bit sad, thinking about all the people who have called her names.

"I'm confused. What do you mean?" Makenna asked, as a perplexed look came across her face.

Medicham slapped his forehead silently, but then looked up, realizing he couldn't act this way, and had to stop. Makenna couldn't see, so it wasn't her fault she was clueless at the moment.

"It's my eyes. I was born with my eyesight gone, and I still haven't mastered how to correctly function with it. My mom says my eyes are icy white, and beautiful, but I guess I'll never know what I truly look like..." Lily said, a sad tone in her voice.

Makenna thought about what Lily said. Born without eyesight. That's when Makenna opened her eyes.

"I can't see either. But, I wasn't born with it. I had it grow over time." Makenna said, a small smile on her face.

"Really? Are you just saying that to make me feel better?" Lily asked, as she looked up, not seeing anything.

"Truly. I swear it." Makenna said.

Medicham then nodded, before realizing that no one could see him nod, so he slapped his forehead again, embarrassed, but Makenna and Lily didn't notice him.

"I believe you. I guess I'm not the only kid in the world without eyesight." Lily said, a small smile forming on her face.

"I thought the same thing." Makenna said. "I guess it was a little dumb for us to think we were the only kids without sight."

"You're right." Lily said, before standing up, and tightening the straps on her backpack. "Well...later." Lily said, as she started to walk away.

"Wait. Do you mind if I talk with you more?" Makenna asked, as she stood up, motioning for Medicham's hand.

"Don't mind at all." Lily said, as she stopped and waited for the sound of Makenna's footsteps.

Then they were off, chatting like the best of friends, comparing likes and dislikes, and whatnot, as they decided to travel together for many years.
Leeon, Mockingchu, Eis and 4 others like this.
Tags:
  1. Leeon
    Leeon
    You did OUTSTANDING @Yellowanimas ! Thank YOU for the story. I will be reading more.
    Jan 15, 2019
    Yellowanimas likes this.
  2. Imperfect World
    Imperfect World
    @Leeon No, I’m not a actually blind, but I really tried to connect with the characters so I could describe them better. Thanks so much!
    Jan 15, 2019
    Leeon likes this.
  3. Leeon
    Leeon
    I disagree with every one else's comments. I don't care about grammatical stuff. It was worded GREAT and easy to understand. OH MY GOD YELLOW! This story is REALLY GOOD! Serious question: You're not blind right?! or do you know somebody who is? Because I felt like you REALLY FELT how Makenna and Lily felt! This story is AWESOME! I LOVE how it was about 2 Pokémon trainers! Medicham was cute! NICE WRITING!
    Jan 15, 2019
    Yellowanimas likes this.
  4. Imperfect World
    Imperfect World
    @Lunar Emperor I agree with the relationship process, and I should slow it down more, even though I get into a rush with things like this. Thanks for the tips.
    Sep 9, 2017
    Lunar Emperor likes this.
  5. Shiny Blue Gardevoir
    Shiny Blue Gardevoir
    Alrighty, without repeating too much of what has already been said, I must agree with the others when I say that your story had a heartwarming ending. I liked that the main character found a friend who faced similar difficulties, however, one thing that really got to me was the speed of which the characters' relationship progressed. I would have liked it if they had gotten to know each other a little more, and found more in common with one another than being blind, and it seems a little unrealistic that they'd agree to travel together for years, considering that they have just met.

    But overall, I like this story. It's a decent, well written story, with a heartwarming premise, and I think that it'll be a strong contender in my contest.
    Sep 9, 2017
    Mr Fishykarp and Yellow.anime like this.
  6. Imperfect World
    Imperfect World
    Sep 9, 2017
    Mr Fishykarp likes this.
  7. Fishykarp
    Fishykarp
    I agree with @AuraVolt97, it was a great story with a heartwarming ending. Your descriptions were good, though I feel you could cut down on them in places. Like Aura said, a deeper exploration into the characters' emotions and feelings would be good, however, the story as a whole was amazing.

    I rate it 8 Magikarp out of 10
    Sep 9, 2017
    Yellow.anime likes this.
  8. Imperfect World
    Imperfect World
    Sep 9, 2017
  9. Skippidypowpow
    Skippidypowpow
    On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give this a seven and a half. I loved how the story had a good moral, and I loved your choice of words in many places. However, in some places, the use of commas was a bit too much to be grammatically correct. If you were to rewrite this, I would suggest to look more into the mindset of the characters in the story and cut down on the commas. Other than that, I think you did fantastic!
    Sep 9, 2017
    Mr Fishykarp and Yellow.anime like this.