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The Answer Is No!

by Shiny Blue Gardevoir

Shiny Blue Gardevoir Mary Sue, the most pretty and perfect pokemon trainer ever captures a super-kawaii shiny eevee! But what's this? The eevee, whom she put in a tiny metal ball doesn't want to be with her? Gasp! (THIS IS A JOKE FIC)
Mary Hime Rose Sakura Star Ashley Luna Dawn Sue was on her way to Geosenge Town, with her one true love, Ash Ketchum. Mary Sue had just become the Kalos Queen, the Kalos Champion, and Kalos Top Coordinator, even though she's only sixteen, and only has one pokemon, a shiny chespin, whom she wouldn't ever let evolve into an un-kawaii chesnaught! Anyway, as Mary Sue and Ash were walking through the tall grass, Ash spotted something amazing.

"Look to the right, my honey-baby-cutesie-wootsie-sugar-pie!" Ash said excitedly, pointing to a bush. (I know Ash is OOC here, but he acts that way because I--I mean, Mary Sue, is his one true love, so suck on that, Kelly from school! >:D)

"Yes, my love?" Mary Sue trilled, tossing her perfect naturally-pink ponytail, "What is it?"

"It's a shiny eevee!" Ash declared.

Mary Sue's eyes lit up as she observed the sparkling, grey creature. A shiny eevee! She was so going to capture it, because everyone knows that having an eevee on your team isn't cliché at all!

She got out one of the master balls from her bag, (Professor Sycamore gave her 100 master balls, which are pink and sparkly instead of purple, just because she's that awesome :3) and threw one at the eevee, instantly capturing it.

"All right!" she screeched in delight, "I just caught a shiny eevee!"

"You sure did, my true love!" Ash said as he gave her a huge kiss.


Later, at the pokemon centre, Mary Sue released her new eevee from its pokeball.

"Hi there, Eevee!" Mary Sue squealed, "I'm your new trainer! You're so kawaii, and someday, you're gonna evolve into a sylveon!"

"Two things, lady, first, I don't want to be a sylveon, I want to be a glaceon, and second, you imprisoned me in a tiny metal ball, and forcibly took me away from my sickly mother, whom I have to provide food for, and you expect me to evolve into sylveon for you, which can only happen when we develop a deep bond, unlike any other?!" the eevee spat, "Not a chance in Hell!"

Mary Sue was amazed. A talking shiny eevee?! This was the most awesome thing ever! Or it would be, if the eevee wasn't so rude.

"But I'm really nice!" Mary Sue insisted, "I'm Mary Sue, the champion, Kalos Queen, and Top Coordinator! I'm the best OC ever!"

The eevee rolled her eyes. "I don't care how perfect you think you are," the creature continued, "I don't want to belong to you, or any, 'OC', of which you speak. Now, If you'll excuse me"--

"NO! You can't leave me!" Mary Sue whined, "Just give being with me a try! Soon enough, you'll see that I'm really nice, and then you'll evolve into sylveon for me!"

"I said no," the eevee spat, "You can't have me! I'm a pokemon, a living thing, not some shiny toy for you to play with!"

Mary Sue's eyes widened, and her mouth gaped open. How dare the eevee behave like this! It was supposed to love her, and want to be with her forever! It was supposed to compliment her on her pretty pink hair, and her Hot Topic shirt! It was supposed to stroke the writer's--No, her--Ego, and make her feel good about herself! This was an outrage!

"But I really want you!" Mary Sue screeched, "I'm the self-insert an insecure thirteen-year-old girl, who wants all of the characters she likes to love her and think that she's the best! Please, just come with me for her sake!"

Having realised that reasoning with Mary Sue was proving pointless, the eevee did what it had to do to get away, and that was, attack.

She launched a shadow ball at Mary Sue, killing her and breaking the spell she seemed to have put on Ash Ketchum, which was making him act all OOC and go out with a girl who claimed to be sixteen, despite the fact that he was just ten years old, and said girl apparently did not find that weird in any way.

Ash Ketchum thanked the shiny eevee, and hopped on the next plane to Alola, where he hopefully wouldn't run into any more mary sues, and the eevee went back to her mother, and nursed her back to health. The end!
  1. Cloudswift
    ...I just reread this and accidentally hit "unlike" because I went to like it but I already had. XD It has been re-liked!
    Jul 5, 2017
  2. Skippidypowpow
    Very stable and no random plot holes.
    Jun 14, 2017
  3. The Snom Prince
    The Snom Prince
    Best story 10/10 XD
    Mar 12, 2017
  4. *that* gay guy
    *that* gay guy
    Well.... that just happened
    Jan 28, 2017