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Telling an Undertale: Someplace Really Special

by Mr.RMA

Mr.RMA After a hiatus that just kept going and going, I've returned to my written playthrough of Undertale... With basically a filler episode! Best comeback ever, you don't even have to tell me how important and not at all a waste of time this chapter was, I totally get it. |'D
But yeah, here's where our protagonist "dates" Papyrus. Fun times in store.
Part 5:

Just a few more memories from the past remained… or maybe there were more than just a few. I couldn’t exactly recall every little detail. After Papyrus was killed, things really started to blur for me. That was clearly the turnabout then, the point where the seeds of regret were finally sprouting in that sociopathic subconscious of mine. Likely things would start coming back to me when I pressed on, but, I think my fear of that was the reason why I turned immediately back to Snowdin. Something as silly as dating a sentient skeleton would be a fine distraction from all that. It’d make me feel like I didn’t have a bunch more skeletons in the closet to inevitably deal with… in a matter of speaking…

“So you came back to have a date with me!” Papyrus shouted gleefully as I approached him. “You must be really serious about this…” I… didn’t know how to respond to that. Aside from the fact that I seriously doubt the compatibility between a human and a… skeleton, I didn’t think I was implying particularly deep feelings, though from what I’ve come to know about Papyrus, I’ve learned it’s best to just let him go off on his little ravings, and considering what I did to him in the past, I wasn’t going to risk doing anything to upset him again.

“I’ll have to take you someplace really special…” he said with a contemplative look. “A place I like to spend a lot of time!” he shouted before rushing off into town, whilst I struggled to keep up, only for him to turn right back around and send us back in the direction of… “My House!” he proclaimed. An interesting choice… I’ll admit by this point I was really starting to wonder if I had made the right choice coming back, but, I wanted to be a human of my word, so, whatever he had planned I was just gonna have to bite the bullet… or frozen spaghetti, more likely.

Inside, the skeleton brothers seemed to have a fairly impressive little lounge of a house. Fairly basic in most respects, a coffee table, a pea green couch, a flat screen television, a smaller table with a singular book on it, and, what appeared to be a sock on the wavy blue and purple floor with a note attached… telling Sans to pick up his sock… and a simple reply of ‘ok’… then just a complete conversation history of Papyrus’s apparent struggle to get Sans to move his singular sock more than a couple of inches. This was shaping up to be a really odd family beyond the obvious undead reasons. Across from the living room there resided a small kitchen of sorts, but whoever designed this room in particular needed to seriously rethink their architecture knowledge, as the one and only sink in the place was inexplicably way up on top of a pantry, far within reach, especially of a shorty like myself, and I presume Sans would’ve had a hell of a time getting up there as well, though, something was telling me Sans was not exactly the picture of hygiene… and once again I had to question why I was even pondering the hygienic habits of a pair of skeletons…

“Impressed?” Papyrus asked once he noticed my befuddlement over the elevated faucet. “I increased the height of my sink. Now I can fit more bones under it!” Yep, should’ve guessed… At his offer to take a look, well, things got even more bizarre as a dog appeared to be chewing at one of the bones inside, and Papyrus was… less than pleased. The dog ran off before we could catch it, and Sans popped out of his room to play us a bit of incidental music, y’know, the kind that people in cartoons play when something of a comically misfortunate variety happens? And honestly, things were really starting to feel like an animated piece of slapstick at that moment, especially as Papyrus’s response inferred Sans had done this sort of thing before. Nonetheless I shook off that bizarre series of events and continued my look around the abode, observing Sans’ pet rock, covered in sprinkles in Papyrus’s efforts to ‘feed’ it, watching a game show of some kind that was Papyrus’s favorite (though it was rather unimpressive to be honest), checking the couch and finding some loose change, and taking a look at the one visible book in the house, a joke book, naturally. Despite my better judgement I decided to give it a read… finding a quantum physics book inside the joke book… and inside that was another joke book… and inside that was another quantum physics book, and I just stopped there. What the hell was this place? Seriously, the logic values these brothers seemed to jointly possess were terribly miniscule.

Hoping the second floor would offer something a little more on the sane side, I took note of a giant picture of a cartoonish sort of dog bone. “A classic image” Papyrus claimed, and one that always reminded him of what was important in life. Guess I couldn’t fault him too much for that, being what he was. Checking the first of two doors, it appeared to be covered in caution tape and a stop sign. Papyrus explained that this was his room, and once I was done observing the house we could go inside and “do whatever people do when they date…” Okay… I know the guy is probably innocent to a childish degree, but, that definitely brought the discomfort levels to a boiling point for a second there. Forcibly telling myself that he surely couldn’t have intended to throw such awkward and somewhat creepy implications to a small child, I distracted myself for a moment by looking over at the second door, one that had some strange, vibrant energy of some kind emanating from underneath it. Already knowing this was Sans’s room, I nonetheless decided to get a closer look, but he was keeping the place under lock and key, so, I figured Sans was probably just a more privacy-oriented sort of guy. That pretty much covered the house, though that left me with Papyrus’s earlier question. Still feeling like I needed to make things up to him for the past misgivings of mine, I decided, okay, sure, we’ll go inside his room… and I was just hoping to god I wasn’t making a big mistake.

Inside was most certainly the room of the average 9-10 year old boy, with a racecar bed, a bunch of action figures and a pirate flag. The pile of bones was a bit odd, but, then again, no, that wasn’t really an oddity in the context of the situation anymore. Apparently these bones were the ones he’d used on me in our previous fight. He saved them? That was… flattering? I suppose? I mean, these things could’ve easily killed me had I not been careful, so, hopefully it’s understandable that I was now looking upon them with just a bit of unease. Taking another look at the bed, Papyrus explained he had a desire to drive down a long highway if he ever got to the surface. An admirable sort of goal I guessed, he did say he appreciated the simple things. The pirate flag had an interesting backstory to it as well, apparently Papyrus’s superior had found it, not too surprisingly the skeleton man would want something that seemed to glorify his kind. Also, rather surprisingly in a place like this there was a computer, an older-looking one with a tower on the floor and a monitor, keyboard and mouse on a table beside it, but I didn’t pay that any mind at first, as I felt curiously drawn to the closet beside it… though that was rather anti-climactic as there were simply clothes in there… Don’t know what the hell I was expecting, but, there you go. More surprising was that Papyrus had apparently gotten onto the internet, social media and all… Apparently these monsters were way more advanced as a civilization than I initially thought… But then again I was spending a great deal of time fending for myself on a snowy mountainside full of dogpeople, so, you could understand why I didn’t expect this sort of thing upon my arrival.

Upon seeing everything there was to see in the room, I went back to Papyrus who asked if I was ready to “begin the date”… What, that wasn’t what this was supposed to be? Now I was starting to really get confused over what constituted as a date in this guy’s eyes, or lack thereof… Telling him I was ready, I simply waited to see what he was going to start with. Apparently he’d taken a book from the library to prepare himself, a “dating rulebook” if ever there was such a thing.

What followed was… beyond difficult for me to describe. It truly felt like I’d been thrust into the most anarchistic dating simulator ever invented, and out of sheer panic over just how this would all potentially come crumbling down on me, I just replied to Papyrus’s questions in a matter of which I expected would make him the happiest and hope for the best… But that just made it all the more bizarre, because then Papyrus started treating the whole thing like a competition.

“I, the great Papyrus, have never been beaten at dating, and I never will!”

You’ve never dated before, you said so earlier! I wanted to shout at him, but through it all I somehow kept my cool, even when he took off his costume to reveal clothing that looked like 90s vomit (Which of course I claimed to love when asked… apparently the right thing to say in order to win this ‘game’). I seemed to be doing well, but Papyrus told me we wouldn’t be going any further unless I found some “secret” of his, that he doubted I could uncover. So… I can’t really believe I’m admitting this… I ended up literally searching him for said secret… Eventually I found a present under his hat, embedded in the top of his skull.

“A present j-just for you!” he explained, and, well, even in these situations of complete and utter confusion I was a sucker for gifts, so, I opened it… Spaghetti… Why was I not surprised? Oh, but no, I was wrong actually, because Papyrus went on to explain how it was not just the average every day pasta I assumed it was, it was “Silken Spaghetti, finely aged in an oaken cask,” which he then cooked himself. I’d seen the last result of “Master Chef Papyrus’s” cooking… but I knew he wanted me to eat it… I’d suffered plenty of turmoil and torment already at this point, yet I was truly fretting this one single event… but I had to bite the bullet… so, yeah, I ate it…

The politest way to describe the taste of this supposed premium spaghetti was… well… indescribable, and it was plainly obvious on my face, and yet, what does Papyrus say in reaction?

“What an impassioned expression! You must really love my cooking! And by extension, me!” Oh good lord, this guy… but he looked so flattered by that that I couldn’t even really be that frustrated with him.

“Human, it’s clear now… You’re madly in love with me.” Okay, woah, now we were jumping to conclusions. Maybe I was playing this ‘game’ a little too well… which is certainly something considering I was just a kid, hardly old enough to even get the concept of dating at all. But nonetheless, Papyrus made it clear that he himself didn’t like me that way, and that he only went on a date because he thought that was the proper protocol since I’d ‘flirted’ with him. So, now in my confusion over the whole thing I just fed into Papyrus’s delusions further, but nonetheless he promised to keep being my “cool friend” and “act like this all never happened.” Hey, he didn’t have to tell me twice. He pleaded for me not to cry because he wouldn’t kiss me, pointing out the most obvious reason being he lacked the lips to do so, and that I’d someday find the “second best” person to settle with. So, that fever dream was coming to an end, but it wasn’t completely for nothing, I managed to get his phone number out of that whole ordeal, and there was a good chance, I felt, I’d need to contact him in the future…

With all that out of the way I saw myself out, though I took a moment to observe Sans’s locked room once more… There was just something about it that implied the shorter skeleton brother had plenty hidden away, and not just behind that door.

With all that said and done, I finally quit my procrastinating and headed eastward to meet what would soon be the last of the memories I had during my prior bloody visit to this whole place. The sound of rushing water coming from the waterfalls all around me drove me forward, despite the pits in my stomach from the growing uncertainty of whether I was really redeeming myself or not.
Psycho Monkey likes this.
  1. Psycho Monkey
    Psycho Monkey
    Worth the wait I'd say. It may just be a silly filler chapter but at least you're writing something, right? :)
    Aug 2, 2016