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Ruins Of Blackthorn: Season 1, Chapter 4 - Orev

by Staroid

Staroid This is not one of my favourite chapters,
I decided to trust the wolf-warrior Lycaon. It was the simple presence of him that made me feel comfortable. It was like I had a friend. Just as I turned to get my sword that had fallen to the ground once more, a swarm of creatures surrounded us - Niths. I was then approached by a dragon. Its cobalt eyes gazed at me, and then it roared.
"Be off with you, beast! I have had enough trouble and confusion today!" I said, angering the mighty beast. It let out a beam of ice, missing me by a few inches. Slashing my sword at its great wings, Lycaon then walked over to assist me with slaying the dragon.

It let out another beam of ice.

A sharp pain struck my chest from deep within. One hand reached for the stability of a tree while the other clasped my chest in agony. It took me a moment to gather my thoughts, or at least gather enough of them to think a little clearer. I took a deep breath and shifted my focus, determined to swallow the pain and keep going. But after a few more moments of pure focus, I managed to block out the pain enough to make it nothing more than a minor annoyance.

Me and Lycaon slashed at the dragon until it was too tired to move. I pinned it's wings down while Lycaon chanted a spell, leaving it unconcioud. Iy left behind a white cloth with a strange symbol on it.
"Pick it up," a voice from behind me had said, making me turn around. The figure had grey eyes and tawny hair, fading into grey from old age. Lycaon bowed at the figure. "It is I, Orev, your father. This cloth is one of the three relics of Blackthorn. It will help you defeat Erebus once and for all. You are the true heir to the throne."
I looked aghast at my long lost father, then finally replied, "Father, how will we do that? Will you assist us?"
"Ah, Orev, each town of Blackthorn has its own relic. The cloth of the city of Blackthorn lives in the hearts of dragons. You had slayed a dragon, so the cloth had fallen into your hands. The city of Criolord has a relic - the Silver Flake. I will keep the relics you find, and I shall return them to you. I cannot assist you, but this dragon can," he said, casting a spell on the sleeping beast. It woke immediately and glanced at Orev. Then, it lowered its head, attempting to tell us to mount him.
"Let's go b- no, you are not a beast anymore. You are my ally. Perhaps you need a name? How about Cobalt, like your eyes?" I said. It nodded in approval. "Okay - let's go Cobalt! To Criolord!"
33v33_lover and Mr Fishykarp like this.
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  1. Staroid
    Staroid
    @Mr Fishykarp I didn't intend for the dragon to seem to be defeated, I meant for the dragon to become unconscious and lose its memory. Lycaon is a skilled Swordsman and a mage, henforth that would be easy.
    Yes, I understand about the relics part.
    Thank you for the critique!
    Jun 22, 2017
    Mr Fishykarp likes this.
  2. Mr Fishykarp
    Mr Fishykarp
    Fishykarp here, to critique.

    This story is quite good as a whole. The plot itself is great, a great idea and overall just great. I enjoyed your descriptions and your idea of changing the POV every chapter.
    Of course, I see a few issues. For one, the buildup of the dragon in the previous chapter didn't really live up to it's reveal here, defeated in a few mere sword swings while built up to be nigh-unstoppable in the last chapter. It would have been interesting to see a way for the heroes to get around it's ability to dodge, perhaps by pinning down it's wings or something. It is also very convenient that Erebus decided to insert one of the three magical relic thingies into the dragon, and that the old king just happened to return with dragon-taming-magic. Though you kind of did fix that plot hole with the "Any Dragons" thing (makes me wonder why Erebus didn't send a hydra or something).
    Aside from that, this chapter and the story in general are quite good. I enjoy, like I said before, your descriptions of everything. They really form an imagine in my mind of this massive ferocious dragon. While I spoke earlier about how just "Slashing at the Dragon" wasn't the best killing, I did enjoy the description of the fight. The entire "Three Relics" seem like an interesting plot device and I see much potential for them as plot devices with story and big dragon monster things to kill.

    Great read, would recommend.
    -Mr Fishykarp-
    Jun 22, 2017
    StarBlitz likes this.