Hey everyone, I have felt in the last few weeks I needed to make this piece. No, it's not Chapter 13 of The Esoteric Odyssey or Part 2 of The Immortals. But I'll get to that. Eventually...
Hello. My name is Glenn. I'm an 18 year old guy living in the busiest part of the United States. I can't even get to school 10 miles away without running into traffic. Like extreme traffic. If you think your traffic is bad then consider 8 mile backups to get onto a one lane off ramp. Yeah it sucks. Also inflation around these parts are horrible. 1 gallon of gasoline is about $4.29.
Anyways I go to community college not too far from home and I don't have a major yet. I don't know what I want to do yet. As a matter of fact I don't really know what I'm good at in terms of pursuing careers. Im basically in a crisis for my future.
On top of that I've burdened myself with much too many commitments. School, work, managing a Discord Server, The Esoteric Odyssey, The Immortals, scouting, and the list goes on. I finally earned my Eagle Scout Award two weeks ago though. But that doesn't end the stress I've brought upon myself. I work for Amazon 4 evenings a week from 7:30pm to like 1am. I barely get any sleep between school and work and I literally have no time for myself. I'm also hosting a Minecraft Realm but I haven't been on in like a week.
My best friend has engulfed herself in the flames of commitment as well. She's going to a State college nearby and is always busy with Band, car shows, and family stuff. I really miss her but we never have time to see each other. The kind of thing that keeps me up at night.
Our relationship is kinda complicated. She's had a crush on me since our 8th grade year, which was like 5 years ago. I kinda liked her too but I was "going out" with someone else at the time, so I buried those feelings at the time. About 2 years ago I admitted my love for her on Valentine's Day (yay!) and that's when she told me about her crush on me. I was excited at the time but learned very quickly that she wasn't ready for a romantic relationship. We were both 16 at the time, so I just figured it had something to do with her parents. So I told her I would always be there for her if she needed someone to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, etc. I also told her I was here when she was ready.
Last year I took her to my first high school dance, the Winter Ball. She didn't want to do any dancing or anything (later finding out she didnt know how to, welcome to the club) so we sat down and talked. I felt terrible because I thought she didnt have a good time, even though she said she did. I knew her too well to know that she was trying to make me feel better. I tried to ask her out again that Valentine's Day and she claimed she had family plans. On Valentine's Day? Her parents already knew about our friendship, so this actually bothered me a lot.
We did some talking here and there, then I started my Instagram account. After following her I saw it. The picture I had been dreading. My best friend on a cruise ship, looking like the most beautiful human being to walk this earth. But her date on the Grad night I immediately recognized. He was in our band class in Middle School, and he was one of those dumbasses who got in everyone's business, super loud, and not exactly ... Bright.
We didn't talk for a few months. I was straight up hurt. But I'm really good at not showing my internal hurt to the general people, unless they knew me really well. I didn't spend much time with my family during that period because I was working at a Boy Scout Camp for the summer.
Then I passed my Eagle Board of Review and became an Eagle Scout on September 18th, 2019. I had something that dude didnt have. Something everyone with a brain holds as a high honor. I texted her. No response for like 3 days. Then we started talking again. We talked about how we were doing such as commitments and stuff. Lucky for me that dude wasn't actually her boyfriend, but someone who asked her to Grad Night. So I felt a little better.
Ive been trying to plan a "date" with her for the last 2 months. But she always claims to be super busy, and I have a slight suspicion she's avoiding me. Maybe shes with another guy and doesnt want to hurt my feelings. She denies this obviously, but it still crosses my mind.
So back to me, over the last few months I have felt this... Emptiness inside. Like I forgot something. There was something missing in my life.
Last week I learned something mindblowing about myself. I'm a huge gamer and Nintendo fan. I spend a lot of time on the internet. But why? Why do I love occupying myself this way? Its loneliness. I spend so much time with personal commitments as listed above, I don't spend much time with the ones I love. My parents drive me nuts as usual. My younger brothers are a handful, but I'm working on a more personal bond with them. However all they want to do with me is play video games with me. Thats pretty much all they think about. It's kinda sad honestly but they're 7 years old. What did I expect?
I play video games to bury my emotions. My hurt. My loneliness. I surf the web not because I'm bored. Its because I can't sleep at night. My mind travels at the speed of sound with all the stuff happening in my life and I can't shut it down.
My friend Mark is a great guy. However he is usually so attached to video games that's all he wants to do when we hang out. Ive tried asking him for advice or tried talking to him at a more personal level. He always tells me he's not the one to talk to about these kind of things.
My friend Skylar I've only known since June, but he's an absolute goofball and I love him for that (not in a romantic way). But he works and has classes when I'm available and vice versa. We spent some time hanging out yesterday, but there were just too many people around to really talk.
That leaves her. The girl of my dreams. We're still friends, but how long will that really last? Does she still have those feelings for me like I do for her? What does this make me?
Through all this sh*t going through my mind all the time and everything happening around me, I honestly lack the motivation to get back up and keep going. For pretty much anything.
Oh also today I found out my car is not registered with the state government, so if I get pulled over my car will be impounded. So my mom had to drive me to school and is gonna drive me back for the next two weeks. And to work and back at the late hours. She also works 36 hours a week, and she has ammonia along with one of my younger brothers currently. So if I get sick I don't know what I'll do
.
So in case you were wondering why I haven't released my fanfiction and my story yet, here you go. All the sh*t going through my mind every day.
Hello. My name is Glenn. I'm an 18 year old guy living in the busiest part of the United States. I can't even get to school 10 miles away without running into traffic. Like extreme traffic. If you think your traffic is bad then consider 8 mile backups to get onto a one lane off ramp. Yeah it sucks. Also inflation around these parts are horrible. 1 gallon of gasoline is about $4.29.
Anyways I go to community college not too far from home and I don't have a major yet. I don't know what I want to do yet. As a matter of fact I don't really know what I'm good at in terms of pursuing careers. Im basically in a crisis for my future.
On top of that I've burdened myself with much too many commitments. School, work, managing a Discord Server, The Esoteric Odyssey, The Immortals, scouting, and the list goes on. I finally earned my Eagle Scout Award two weeks ago though. But that doesn't end the stress I've brought upon myself. I work for Amazon 4 evenings a week from 7:30pm to like 1am. I barely get any sleep between school and work and I literally have no time for myself. I'm also hosting a Minecraft Realm but I haven't been on in like a week.
My best friend has engulfed herself in the flames of commitment as well. She's going to a State college nearby and is always busy with Band, car shows, and family stuff. I really miss her but we never have time to see each other. The kind of thing that keeps me up at night.
Our relationship is kinda complicated. She's had a crush on me since our 8th grade year, which was like 5 years ago. I kinda liked her too but I was "going out" with someone else at the time, so I buried those feelings at the time. About 2 years ago I admitted my love for her on Valentine's Day (yay!) and that's when she told me about her crush on me. I was excited at the time but learned very quickly that she wasn't ready for a romantic relationship. We were both 16 at the time, so I just figured it had something to do with her parents. So I told her I would always be there for her if she needed someone to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, etc. I also told her I was here when she was ready.
Last year I took her to my first high school dance, the Winter Ball. She didn't want to do any dancing or anything (later finding out she didnt know how to, welcome to the club) so we sat down and talked. I felt terrible because I thought she didnt have a good time, even though she said she did. I knew her too well to know that she was trying to make me feel better. I tried to ask her out again that Valentine's Day and she claimed she had family plans. On Valentine's Day? Her parents already knew about our friendship, so this actually bothered me a lot.
We did some talking here and there, then I started my Instagram account. After following her I saw it. The picture I had been dreading. My best friend on a cruise ship, looking like the most beautiful human being to walk this earth. But her date on the Grad night I immediately recognized. He was in our band class in Middle School, and he was one of those dumbasses who got in everyone's business, super loud, and not exactly ... Bright.
We didn't talk for a few months. I was straight up hurt. But I'm really good at not showing my internal hurt to the general people, unless they knew me really well. I didn't spend much time with my family during that period because I was working at a Boy Scout Camp for the summer.
Then I passed my Eagle Board of Review and became an Eagle Scout on September 18th, 2019. I had something that dude didnt have. Something everyone with a brain holds as a high honor. I texted her. No response for like 3 days. Then we started talking again. We talked about how we were doing such as commitments and stuff. Lucky for me that dude wasn't actually her boyfriend, but someone who asked her to Grad Night. So I felt a little better.
Ive been trying to plan a "date" with her for the last 2 months. But she always claims to be super busy, and I have a slight suspicion she's avoiding me. Maybe shes with another guy and doesnt want to hurt my feelings. She denies this obviously, but it still crosses my mind.
So back to me, over the last few months I have felt this... Emptiness inside. Like I forgot something. There was something missing in my life.
Last week I learned something mindblowing about myself. I'm a huge gamer and Nintendo fan. I spend a lot of time on the internet. But why? Why do I love occupying myself this way? Its loneliness. I spend so much time with personal commitments as listed above, I don't spend much time with the ones I love. My parents drive me nuts as usual. My younger brothers are a handful, but I'm working on a more personal bond with them. However all they want to do with me is play video games with me. Thats pretty much all they think about. It's kinda sad honestly but they're 7 years old. What did I expect?
I play video games to bury my emotions. My hurt. My loneliness. I surf the web not because I'm bored. Its because I can't sleep at night. My mind travels at the speed of sound with all the stuff happening in my life and I can't shut it down.
My friend Mark is a great guy. However he is usually so attached to video games that's all he wants to do when we hang out. Ive tried asking him for advice or tried talking to him at a more personal level. He always tells me he's not the one to talk to about these kind of things.
My friend Skylar I've only known since June, but he's an absolute goofball and I love him for that (not in a romantic way). But he works and has classes when I'm available and vice versa. We spent some time hanging out yesterday, but there were just too many people around to really talk.
That leaves her. The girl of my dreams. We're still friends, but how long will that really last? Does she still have those feelings for me like I do for her? What does this make me?
Through all this sh*t going through my mind all the time and everything happening around me, I honestly lack the motivation to get back up and keep going. For pretty much anything.
Oh also today I found out my car is not registered with the state government, so if I get pulled over my car will be impounded. So my mom had to drive me to school and is gonna drive me back for the next two weeks. And to work and back at the late hours. She also works 36 hours a week, and she has ammonia along with one of my younger brothers currently. So if I get sick I don't know what I'll do
.
So in case you were wondering why I haven't released my fanfiction and my story yet, here you go. All the sh*t going through my mind every day.