Chapter 7: Stupid Is As Stupid Does
“But *sob* I *sob* don’t *sob* want *sob* you *sob* to *sob* le-he-he-heave!” Madison cried with twin waterfalls flowing down her face. Her brown eyes looked like melted chocolate in a bowl of water. What a pathetic creature.
“Look Madison, I was only given one ticket so you can’t come with me and I have no intention of missing a tournament just to stay you. Get over it!” I said sternly.
“For serious! After getting that last ass kicking, I want to give some myself!” Axel added. We were in back Sunnyshore City where the ship to White City would pick me up along with the other Sinnoh participants on June 21st, one day from now.
“But Onii-chan!” she pleaded.
“No buts! You need to learn to stand on your own two feet without me. Just keep doing as I taught you.” I put my hand on her head and spun her around to view the horizon. “See that? That is the world. Tis most vast and is yours for the exploring and taking and all that other crazy nonsense I do.” I said philosophically.
Madison turned her head up to look me in the eye despite me still using it as an armrest. “I don’t get it.” she said. I removed my hand from her head as I threw both arms out to the side like I was about to hug someone.
“Neither do I, but it’s an answer that you must find alone.” I said emphasizing alone.
“Like dude! Check out that Infernape man! It’s like, totally gold man!” came a voice belonging to what sounded like one of three people, a surfer dude, a hippie, or a stoner. Then again, the last option could fit the first two.
“Dude, you are like, totally trippin’ balls. There are definitely like, two weirdo Infernapes man.” said another one. Yup, definitely stoners. There were two guys staggering up the boardwalk toward us, each one had a joint in his fingers. I put the back of my hand to my nose to keep from inhaling the smoke. Last thing I want to find out is what happens when a creature whose mind is already warped gets high.
“Who are those guys Onii-can?” Madison whispered to me.
“Those are what crawl out of the shallow end of the gene pool. Because human society frowns upon killing or letting natural selection eliminate those idiots, they are allowed to exist.” I explained.
“Excuse me, but what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Axel asked angrily as the potheads began examining him. He looked like he was about to make their already fried brains well done.
“Can I help you foolish Homo sapiens?” I inquired stepping forward between them and a soon-to-be-homicidal Infernape.
“Like dude, I think you got the wrong idea about us. We are totally not gay.” said Stoner1.
“Seriously dude, you need to like, be careful who you call homo. It could really offend someone.” Stoner2 commented. An amused grin slowly came over my face. They had no idea all I did was call them humans, nor did they deny being called fools. This could be fun.
“*snicker* You’re right. Please forgive me, I had no idea.” I said innocently with some sarcasm involved.
“It’s cool man. Forgive and forget right?” said Stoner2.
“Totally man. It’s all good.” Stoner1 said. “So dude, are we like, high off our asses or are those Infernapes really blond?” he asked. I began giggling at what I was about to tell them.
“Well there is only one, and yes Axel has gold fur, he was born that way.” I said. That much was truth. This next part is not. “You see my Aunt Dolores had blond hair. She was also into very kinky things. One night she had her way with a male Infernape named Sun Wukong and got pregnant. Several months later Axel was born as a Chimchar with his mother’s hair color.” I said.
“Da fuck!? Where the fuck did that come from!?” a bewildered Axel asked in both shock and disgust at my random comment. I’ll admit that story was kind of messed up.
“You mean Axel’s really your cousin because your Aunt Dolores did things she wasn’t supposed to?” Madison asked in as much shock as Axel. I slowly turned my head to with a WTF look on my face. She actually fell for that?
“Your naivety knows no bounds!” I stated in disbelief. “No he’s not my cousin. I was just screwing with these guys. The only truth in that sentence was that he was born with gold fur.” I clarified. Hell, I don’t even have an Aunt Dolores.
“So wait. You like, totally lied to us man.” Stoner2 realized.
“Uncool dude. I like, thought we were friends dude.” said Stoner1 sorrowfully. Give me a break, I only encountered these morons five minutes ago.
“That wasn’t very nice Onii-chan. You should apologize.” Madison told me. I looked down at her with a ‘like hell’ look on my face.
“What’s an Onii-chan?” Stoner1 asked dimwittedly. I rolled my eyes shaking my head.
“In weeaboo moon speak it means big brother but--”
“So wait! You’re like, that girl’s brother?” interrupted Soner1.
“I would have like never guessed. You two look nothing alike.” Stoner2 said in amazement. I sighed. What the hell, I’ll run with it. I put my finger to my lips indicating I didn’t want Madison to interrupt while I went on another tangent.
“Oh yeah, we’re siblings.” I said sarcastically. “Mom had blue eyes,” I said pointing to my eyes, “and Dad had brown eyes.” I continued pointing to Madison. Next I started playing with one of my spikes. “Dad also had spiky black hair,” I put my hand on Madison’s head “and Mom had brown hair…” I broke from my sarcastic rant when I saw her bangs. “With pink in it apparently…. Ok seriously, all this time we’ve traveled together I’ve never seen you dye your hair and yet it has remained pink as it’s grown! What the hell?” I questioned. “Pink is not a natural hair color!”
Madison smiled at me with a giggle. “I told you Onii-chan. I’m a Magical Girl!” she said coyly. I don’t believe this! She’s actually messing with me! What have I created?
“Dude I’m like, totally confused right now.” Stoner2 said blankly.
“Aw man I know. That guy’s sister, like, had some crazy ass monkey sex and, like, gave birth to a pink Infernape man.” Stoner1 stated not knowing what he was talking about.
“Shut up ignorant masses! Are you so high you can’t keep your facts straight, even if everything I said was false?” I shouted.
“Dude, I think he just like, totally insulted us.” reasoned Stoner1.
“Like, get him dude!” said Stoner2. Even if they were sober they’d be no match for me, but in this state it was like kicking a puppy. The two staggered over to me attempting to attack. I simply sidestepped them and pushed one into the other sending both potheads rolling off the boardwalk into the sandy beach next to the harbor.
“Weeee dude!” one of them cheered as they rolled. I clapped my hands together as if to wipe them off.
“Today’s lesson children; don’t do drugs.” I told a nonexistent crowd turning around. “Now where was I in my rant with you Madison?” I questioned trying to get back on subject.
“You were saying how I should learn to take care of myself alone.” she reminded with disappointment in her tone.
“Then a bunch of naked apes began checking me out.” Axel added.
“Right, right.” I said to myself getting back on track. “So I leave tomorrow, anything you want to know before I go?” I inquired.
“Will I ever see you again Onii-chan?” Madison asked sadly. I smiled at her knowingly.
“You’re a Magical Girl right? The power of friendship will always draw us back together. When that will be, I haven’t a clue! But it will happen one day.” I said optimistically. Whether what I said was true or not, I don’t know. The world really is a big place so randomly running into people again could take some time and luck.
“Then I should be ok. I’ll see Onii-chan again later!” she declared cheerfully. Good. I’m glad she went along with it. Madison then gave me a tight hug. “I love you Onii-chan.”
“Wha! What the hell is this!? This better not be a love confession! I am not a lolicon!” I yelled at her in annoyance.
“Don’t worry it’s not. It’s just the way this imouto feels about her Onii-chan. Do you feel the same way about me Onii-chan?” she asked.
“No not really. I mean, I…” I paused and looked down at her. Yeah, truth be told, I did like her as my adopted sibling. I really was going to miss this little weeaboo and her antics, annoying as they were. “It’s not like I’ll miss you or anything, Baka!” I said just to play along with her. The way Madison’s face lit up with joy at my statement made it worth it.
“Tsundere!” she cheered.
“I can’t tell who the bigger weeb is right now.” Axel teased. “But I won’t miss her either! Baka!” he added crossing his arms.
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The next morning Axel and I left Madison in Sunnyshore City as we boarded the SS Megiddo for White City. This tournament should be fun!
“But *sob* I *sob* don’t *sob* want *sob* you *sob* to *sob* le-he-he-heave!” Madison cried with twin waterfalls flowing down her face. Her brown eyes looked like melted chocolate in a bowl of water. What a pathetic creature.
“Look Madison, I was only given one ticket so you can’t come with me and I have no intention of missing a tournament just to stay you. Get over it!” I said sternly.
“For serious! After getting that last ass kicking, I want to give some myself!” Axel added. We were in back Sunnyshore City where the ship to White City would pick me up along with the other Sinnoh participants on June 21st, one day from now.
“But Onii-chan!” she pleaded.
“No buts! You need to learn to stand on your own two feet without me. Just keep doing as I taught you.” I put my hand on her head and spun her around to view the horizon. “See that? That is the world. Tis most vast and is yours for the exploring and taking and all that other crazy nonsense I do.” I said philosophically.
Madison turned her head up to look me in the eye despite me still using it as an armrest. “I don’t get it.” she said. I removed my hand from her head as I threw both arms out to the side like I was about to hug someone.
“Neither do I, but it’s an answer that you must find alone.” I said emphasizing alone.
“Like dude! Check out that Infernape man! It’s like, totally gold man!” came a voice belonging to what sounded like one of three people, a surfer dude, a hippie, or a stoner. Then again, the last option could fit the first two.
“Dude, you are like, totally trippin’ balls. There are definitely like, two weirdo Infernapes man.” said another one. Yup, definitely stoners. There were two guys staggering up the boardwalk toward us, each one had a joint in his fingers. I put the back of my hand to my nose to keep from inhaling the smoke. Last thing I want to find out is what happens when a creature whose mind is already warped gets high.
“Who are those guys Onii-can?” Madison whispered to me.
“Those are what crawl out of the shallow end of the gene pool. Because human society frowns upon killing or letting natural selection eliminate those idiots, they are allowed to exist.” I explained.
“Excuse me, but what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Axel asked angrily as the potheads began examining him. He looked like he was about to make their already fried brains well done.
“Can I help you foolish Homo sapiens?” I inquired stepping forward between them and a soon-to-be-homicidal Infernape.
“Like dude, I think you got the wrong idea about us. We are totally not gay.” said Stoner1.
“Seriously dude, you need to like, be careful who you call homo. It could really offend someone.” Stoner2 commented. An amused grin slowly came over my face. They had no idea all I did was call them humans, nor did they deny being called fools. This could be fun.
“*snicker* You’re right. Please forgive me, I had no idea.” I said innocently with some sarcasm involved.
“It’s cool man. Forgive and forget right?” said Stoner2.
“Totally man. It’s all good.” Stoner1 said. “So dude, are we like, high off our asses or are those Infernapes really blond?” he asked. I began giggling at what I was about to tell them.
“Well there is only one, and yes Axel has gold fur, he was born that way.” I said. That much was truth. This next part is not. “You see my Aunt Dolores had blond hair. She was also into very kinky things. One night she had her way with a male Infernape named Sun Wukong and got pregnant. Several months later Axel was born as a Chimchar with his mother’s hair color.” I said.
“Da fuck!? Where the fuck did that come from!?” a bewildered Axel asked in both shock and disgust at my random comment. I’ll admit that story was kind of messed up.
“You mean Axel’s really your cousin because your Aunt Dolores did things she wasn’t supposed to?” Madison asked in as much shock as Axel. I slowly turned my head to with a WTF look on my face. She actually fell for that?
“Your naivety knows no bounds!” I stated in disbelief. “No he’s not my cousin. I was just screwing with these guys. The only truth in that sentence was that he was born with gold fur.” I clarified. Hell, I don’t even have an Aunt Dolores.
“So wait. You like, totally lied to us man.” Stoner2 realized.
“Uncool dude. I like, thought we were friends dude.” said Stoner1 sorrowfully. Give me a break, I only encountered these morons five minutes ago.
“That wasn’t very nice Onii-chan. You should apologize.” Madison told me. I looked down at her with a ‘like hell’ look on my face.
“What’s an Onii-chan?” Stoner1 asked dimwittedly. I rolled my eyes shaking my head.
“In weeaboo moon speak it means big brother but--”
“So wait! You’re like, that girl’s brother?” interrupted Soner1.
“I would have like never guessed. You two look nothing alike.” Stoner2 said in amazement. I sighed. What the hell, I’ll run with it. I put my finger to my lips indicating I didn’t want Madison to interrupt while I went on another tangent.
“Oh yeah, we’re siblings.” I said sarcastically. “Mom had blue eyes,” I said pointing to my eyes, “and Dad had brown eyes.” I continued pointing to Madison. Next I started playing with one of my spikes. “Dad also had spiky black hair,” I put my hand on Madison’s head “and Mom had brown hair…” I broke from my sarcastic rant when I saw her bangs. “With pink in it apparently…. Ok seriously, all this time we’ve traveled together I’ve never seen you dye your hair and yet it has remained pink as it’s grown! What the hell?” I questioned. “Pink is not a natural hair color!”
Madison smiled at me with a giggle. “I told you Onii-chan. I’m a Magical Girl!” she said coyly. I don’t believe this! She’s actually messing with me! What have I created?
“Dude I’m like, totally confused right now.” Stoner2 said blankly.
“Aw man I know. That guy’s sister, like, had some crazy ass monkey sex and, like, gave birth to a pink Infernape man.” Stoner1 stated not knowing what he was talking about.
“Shut up ignorant masses! Are you so high you can’t keep your facts straight, even if everything I said was false?” I shouted.
“Dude, I think he just like, totally insulted us.” reasoned Stoner1.
“Like, get him dude!” said Stoner2. Even if they were sober they’d be no match for me, but in this state it was like kicking a puppy. The two staggered over to me attempting to attack. I simply sidestepped them and pushed one into the other sending both potheads rolling off the boardwalk into the sandy beach next to the harbor.
“Weeee dude!” one of them cheered as they rolled. I clapped my hands together as if to wipe them off.
“Today’s lesson children; don’t do drugs.” I told a nonexistent crowd turning around. “Now where was I in my rant with you Madison?” I questioned trying to get back on subject.
“You were saying how I should learn to take care of myself alone.” she reminded with disappointment in her tone.
“Then a bunch of naked apes began checking me out.” Axel added.
“Right, right.” I said to myself getting back on track. “So I leave tomorrow, anything you want to know before I go?” I inquired.
“Will I ever see you again Onii-chan?” Madison asked sadly. I smiled at her knowingly.
“You’re a Magical Girl right? The power of friendship will always draw us back together. When that will be, I haven’t a clue! But it will happen one day.” I said optimistically. Whether what I said was true or not, I don’t know. The world really is a big place so randomly running into people again could take some time and luck.
“Then I should be ok. I’ll see Onii-chan again later!” she declared cheerfully. Good. I’m glad she went along with it. Madison then gave me a tight hug. “I love you Onii-chan.”
“Wha! What the hell is this!? This better not be a love confession! I am not a lolicon!” I yelled at her in annoyance.
“Don’t worry it’s not. It’s just the way this imouto feels about her Onii-chan. Do you feel the same way about me Onii-chan?” she asked.
“No not really. I mean, I…” I paused and looked down at her. Yeah, truth be told, I did like her as my adopted sibling. I really was going to miss this little weeaboo and her antics, annoying as they were. “It’s not like I’ll miss you or anything, Baka!” I said just to play along with her. The way Madison’s face lit up with joy at my statement made it worth it.
“Tsundere!” she cheered.
“I can’t tell who the bigger weeb is right now.” Axel teased. “But I won’t miss her either! Baka!” he added crossing his arms.
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The next morning Axel and I left Madison in Sunnyshore City as we boarded the SS Megiddo for White City. This tournament should be fun!