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The Rise of Team Neos: Chapter 24: Secret Secret Service

by Psycho Monkey

Psycho Monkey Brian and Axel return to Arka Squad just in time for another mission! This one promises to be theirr most challenging yet!
Chapter 24: Secret Secret Service

Ecruteak City was by far one of, if not THE most beautiful cities in Johto. The way the houses and buildings have remained unchanged since feudal times was amazing. Seeing both older and younger people roaming the streets in kimonos and other traditional wears gave a very cultural feeling as if I had gone back in time. If it wasn’t for modern conveniences like the cab I was riding in, I would have thought I really was in the past.

“So where ‘m I takin’ ya?” inquired the driver in a scratchy voice. Doubtless this man was a smoker when not driving.

“If I’m not mistaken, I’m supposed to meet up with some friends at the Phoenix Hotel.” I answered casually. At least I think it was Phoenix Raiden told me. It was only yesterday morning that he had told me about it. Had I not been so concerned about my damn flight being delayed, I would have probably remembered it better. The dumb shits working air traffic control ended up rerouting those who were originally going to Ecruteak City to Olivine. Rather than deal with those morons again, I just camped out for the night and flew here on Aerodactyl this morning. I only rented a cab because I didn’t know where the hotel was.

“Oh I know that place. The one on Tin Drive? Yeah, it’s a real fancy joint, lot o’ rich and important people stay there. Yer friends must be loaded.” the driver commented. Someone sure as hell is if that place is as exclusive as this guy says. But at least I now know I have the right place. “So is this yer first time in Ecruteak?” he asked.

“Third actually. The first time I was here was when I won the Fog Badge. As for my second, I was just passing through. With all of the beautiful places in the world, it’s hard to decide which one to visit. Even more so when there is still a lot of the world I haven’t seen yet.” I said.

We’re only here now because we’re on the job.” Axel put in. Sad but true. After making a turn, we had to stop at a stop sign to let three pedestrians get across the street. Instantly I recognized the trio as they walked past the cab.

“Let me out here instead. Those are the friends I was talking about.” I requested. I paid my cab fare, got out of the back door with Axel, and ran across the street to join Zack, Chane, and Eve. They obviously heard me coming because they turned around as I caught up to them. “Yo!” I greeted with a mock salute.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Baby Brian. We thought you ran away ‘cause you got a wittle booboo.” Eve teased.

“You mean you thought that.” Chane corrected defensively. “W-welcome back.” she said to me cheerfully.

“So where did you go?” asked Zack inquisitively.

“To make sure I was fit for duty.” I said tapping my temple with my index and middle fingers. “As it turns out, I’m more than ok. I just need to learn some self-control is all.”

“I’m not sure I follow, but that’s good. It just means that you get to join us for the mission we’re on right now.” Zack declared. Wait a second. They were on a mission at this very moment?

“Our mission: Go shopping!” clarified Eve. I think I just felt several of my precious brain cells die off. Was this a joke? Could the fact that Raiden wasn’t with them mean that this was a self-imposed mission? The girls probably wanted to go shopping, and poor Zack got dragged along for the ride. Now that I was here, Axel and I were getting dragged down too! While there is a lot of cool stuff that we could probably buy here, shouldn’t we be doing something more productive?

“Y-you look concerned. Is th-there something wrong? M-maybe you aren’t f-fully recovered after all.” analyzed Chane.

“No, I am fully recovered. I’m just trying to contemplate why we’re shopping.” I said dryly. “I mean, what purpose does it serve?”

“We’re shopping for formalwear so that we can be incognito at tonight’s party.” said Zack excitedly even doing a freakish dance to go with his statement.

“A party.” I said flatly. Eve shook her head in disappointment at me.

“Because you were crying in your emo corner, you missed the mission review. Basically, the Johto Prime Minister’s son Johan Kaiser is vacationing here in Ecruteak and is staying at the Phoenix Hotel. Raiden got a call from a Lieutenant, who is also going to meet us here, saying that there is a strong possibility that Team Rocket is going to attempt to kidnap the pampered brat and hold him for ransom. Our mission, of course, is to keep that from happening. To get close to Kaiser, we need to get into that party, and to get into that party, we need to dress the part.” she explained.

Now that was a mission! A pretty damn serious one too if a lieutenant was getting involved. I am so glad I came back in time for this. Kicking Rocket ass is one thing, but attending a rich people’s party to do it is just icing on the cake. I have always hated rich people because they think having money makes them better than everyone else, but I love raiding rich people’s parties because they’ve got shrimp and all kinds of other good food. But most importantly shrimp! On top of that, with me being there, they’re spending their money on a commoner!

“Well why the hell are we just standing here? Let’s go shopping!” I proclaimed ridiculously loud. Random passer-biers even turned to stare.

Woo. Shopping.” moaned Axel sarcastically. The monkey absolutely hated clothes shopping because he saw no point in it. Even I found the idea trivial as I only needed the few clothes I already had to survive, but it helps to have formal attire for occasions like this. Even better because it’s not my money I’m spending! Because it’s for the mission, it gets paid for by Team Neos. Point mine.
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“What do you think Axel? Sexy, yes?” I asked the Infernape coming out of the fitting room in a solid black suit, with a black dress shirt and a red tie underneath. On my feet were shiny black dress shoes. I put my hands together as if I were holding a gun and made some badass 007 poses. “The name’s Xelbu. Brian Xelbu.” I introduced in a fake accent. My monkey started laughing at me.

Nice monkey suit!” he mocked falling to his knees with laughter.

“Well I’m glad you like it, because I’m getting one for you too.” I responded with sarcastic seriousness. Axel lifted his head up immediately putting an end to his hazing.

No! You can’t! I won’t allow it! I hate clothes! No! No! No! No! No!” rejected the Infernape frantically. I smiled deviously as I began searching the rack for a smaller sized version of the suit I had settled on.

“Nice Brian! You look like you belong in the mafia.” Zack complemented. Just one look at Zack had me nearly hyperventilating from laughter at the thorough amusement his outfit provided. He wore very tight light pink pants that ended just before his ankles to show off his pointy white boots. His frilly white shirt took the average V-neck to the extreme by ending halfway down his torso leaving most of his chest exposed. And have I mentioned the frills on the sleeve? This is probably the coolest suit I’ve ever seen a guy wear that I would never put on myself.

“That is amazing Zack. I love you for this.” I said appreciatively almost in tears from the sheer awesomeness.

“That’s right, I’m a pimp! But sorry to disappoint, I have eyes for women only.” he said immodestly with his eyes closed while waving his hand at me as if telling me to go on with the complements. That motion alone had me and Axel laughing our asses off. “Oh now you’re just making fun of me.” said Zack pretending to be hurt.

“Not at all. You just broke my mind.” I panted. I took a deep breath to try to settle myself. “Alright, let’s go pay for these pimp suits so we can meet back up with the girls.” I suggested.

After changing back into our normal attire, Zack and I paid for our chosen clothes, Axel’s included, and left the only men’s formalwear outlet store that sold non-traditional clothing that we had found. I also made sure to buy a new pair of fingerless gloves while I was out because of how naked my hands had been feeling the last few days.

We decided to grab some lunch while we were waited for Eve and Chane to finish their spree. I could almost understand why females take forever searching for the perfect outfit for the perfect occasion. I get that way when I want something badass: it had to have the right amount of badassery while still being comfortable and easy to move in. It also has to be cheap because the life of a Trainer does not leave much room for a stable source of income.

“So how cute do you think their dresses will be?” Zack asked over sushi at a really nice restaurant we found. I couldn’t answer right away while my mouth was stuffed with a delicious crab roll. Why must people ask questions while the person they’re talking to has food in their mouth?

“I’m sure they will be very pretty.” I replied after swallowing. “I am equally certain that no matter what they wear, you will be turned on.” I added stuffing a squid roll in my mouth. Mmm… tasty.

“Yeah I will.” Zack nodded knowingly.

“Can I get you gentlemen anything?” inquired the waitress coming back to our table.

“Can I have a date with you?” solicited Zack. I practically choked on my sushi at such an offhand request. Has this man no shame?

“Excuse me?” she said taken back. Here it comes, almost like clockwork. He hits on a female, she rejects him, he says something crude, and she gets pissed at him.

“What? You’re a beautiful woman, I’m a handsome guy. Can’t you feel the chemistry between us? Back in college, chemistry was my best subject so I know it when I feel it. Are you free tomorrow night?” he flirted shamelessly. To my dismay it was actually working! The waitress was actually giggling at his ridiculous come-on!

“Alright, you have yourself a date.” she accepted. WHAT!?

“Great! I’ll come pick you up at seven tomorrow night.” Zack claimed confidently. As she left the table, I just stared at Zack trying to figure out how he did that. I didn’t even notice I had dropped my chopsticks until I heard them hit the floor.

“How did you do that?” I asked perplexedly.

“I asked.” he relied simply.

“No! Every time I’ve ever seen you hit on a girl it ends in disaster for you. How was this one different? Besides the fact they aren’t a sociopath, a shrinking violet, and our enemy?” I demanded still confused.

“Well you see, the dating world is like a slot machine. Even if you lose the first time, or the second time, or the third time, keep playing and you’ll eventually win. You may even score big.” explained Zack. I just shook my head. This would just have to be categorized as one of the greater mysteries of the world that I cannot understand. I picked up my chopsticks and quietly got back to my sushi.
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It’s not fair that I couldn’t eat with you! I cry speciest!” protested Axel after lunch. Like the rest of my Pokémon and Lloyd, Axel was forced to dine in a separate room much to his dislike.

“There was nothing I could do about it, so hush.” I told him straight-forwardly. It wasn’t my fault that the restaurant didn’t allow humans and Pokémon to eat together.

When we reunited with Chane and Eve, we went straight back to the Phoenix Hotel to get ready for the party. I was taken back by the beautiful architecture of the hotel once we arrived. The place was essentially a giant four story golden pagoda with gold statues of the Legendary Bird Ho-oh adorning the entrance. Before I could even see this palace, we had to first go through a tall gate on Tin Drive to enter the walled off property. Next, we walked down a bricked walkway and across a wooden bridge over a Magikarp pond to arrive at the front door. I can definitely see why this place is exclusive to rich bastards.

The inside was just as impressive if not more so. The floor was lined with a very expensive looking wine colored carpet, the lobby was gigantic, and the hallways could easily fit four people walking side by side with room to spare. Axel being the fifth had to walk behind me until we got to the elevator and took it to our floor.

“D-do you think the lieutenant has arrived yet?” asked Chane as we walked to our room.

“I hope the lieutenant is a she. I love a woman with power! They can be so… naughty.” Zack mused pushing on his glasses.

“If it is female then hopefully she’s like me so that she can put you in your place the moment you try anything Kaguya.” Eve warned without remorse. Now there’s a scary thought: two Eves. Something like that would be the source of my worst nightmares.

Zack unlocked the bright red door ironically numbered 250 allowing us into our room. Like everything else, our room was amazingly huge and fancy with that just being the entrance. Behind a set of sliding paper doors in the back of the room I could hear talking which obviously meant there was another room behind there where Raiden was having a conversation with someone, presumably the lieutenant.

“My Master! Your humble vassal has returned to your service!” I announced sliding open the door. Raiden gazed up at me from his Tatami mat with an unsurprised look on his face as did the small guy with short brown hair who he was sitting with at a table. And by small, I mean this guy had to be between three and four feet tall.

“Oh. There you are.” Raiden answered indifferently.

“Hey Raiden, who’s the kid?” inquired Eve insensitively entering the room behind me.

“Who the fuck are you calling a kid you dumb blonde?” demanded our guest in a semi-deep voice jumping off of the floor. I barely noticed Eve’s annoyance as I could hardly contain the pleasure and excitement about what I had just learned. I should have noticed sooner by the stubby limbs to torso ratio. A giant smile appeared on my face while my legs uncontrollably bounced my body up and down.

“You’re a midget!” I cheered followed by a happy giggle. I love midgets! I always wanted to meet one!

“What the hell was that!? Do not use the ‘M’ word on me bastard!” shouted the midget angrily. He must be very sensitive about his height.

“Everyone, I would like to introduce to you Lieutenant Charles Deter. He will be the one in charge of this mission.” explained Raiden once everyone else entered.

“What? They actually let midgets into Team Neos, let alone promote them to lieutenants?” asked Eve. I honestly couldn’t tell if she was being serious or just screwing with Lt. Deter. Knowing her, probably the latter.

“Call me midget one more time and see what happens! Come on! Anyone? Anyone?” challenged Lt. Deter. Eve took the dare by crouching down in front of him so that they were the same height.

“What’s wrong? Little Charlie doesn’t like being called midget? But what can you do about it Midget? Nothing because you’re a midget.” she mocked rubbing her hand vigorously though his hair like he was a child. Eve then rose to her full height and looked down at our superior. “Look at this. I’m two feet taller than you. Like a midget can do anything to me.” she ridiculed laughing at him.

By this point Deter really looked like he was going to flip out. His face was bright red with rage, both of his fists were clenched, and he was grinding his teeth. Finally, Lt. Deter let out a furious battle cry as he ducked and ran under Eve’s legs. Once behind her, he elbowed her in the back of the knees causing her to lose balance and fall forward. He then lifted his leg literally kicking her ass. I started pointing and laughing at Eve’s humiliation.

“Eve just got her ass kicked by a mi-- I mean lieutenant.” I corrected before I received the same twisted fate.

“Anyone else want to call me a midget?” Charles taunted aggressively. He looked around the room at the three of us remaining intensely. “That’s what I thought.”

“Ya know Eve, I can see your panties from this angle.” Zack pointed out tilting his head to the side so he could get a better view.

“Don’t look!” Chane told Zack trying to block his gaze.

“I’m not looking, I’m peeking.” he defended with a wide grin.

“Dammit Kaguya!” yelled Eve turning around on the floor into a sitting position so Zack couldn’t peek. Zack let out a loud depressed sigh so that everyone knew just how let down he was.

“Third Seat Raiden Arka. I am very disappointed in the personal squad you selected for yourself. They appear to be nothing but squabbling monkeys.” Deter chastised.

Hey I resent that!” yelled Axel shaking his fist. Why is he blaming all of us when Eve and I are the one who screwed up? In my defense I didn’t know he hated being called a midget though.

“Lt. Deter, I apologize for my squad’s behavior. The four of them are excellent Trainers worthy of Team Neos. The problem comes in that neither of them have any social skills.” Raiden apologized.

“Well see to it that they don’t fuck up this mission. If anything goes wrong, there will be five demotions in store for the lot of you.” warned the lieutenant trudging out of the room.

“What ever possessed you to do such a stupid thing Eve?” Raiden asked with his left hand over his eyes. Eve didn’t answer; instead she averted her eyes with a submissive grunt. “Well anyway, take a seat everyone so that I can get you all up to speed.” said Raiden making room for everyone around the table. He pretty much repeated what I had found out earlier while adding that the party stated at six o’clock which was two hours from now. Raiden also informed us just how important this mission truly was.

“As you all already know, Johan Kaiser is the son of Johto’s Prime Minister. If he is protected from Team Rocket by Team Neos and comes out unharmed, then that puts Team Neos in good standing with the Prime Minister. As a reward for protecting Johan, those among our ranks who have been arrested could get pardons. That is not all, if all goes well, then Team Neos may have the support of the entire Johto Region which will further our goals faster than ever before. In short, it is to our advantage that nothing goes wrong tonight.” explained our superior. “Now go prepare yourselves. I want all of you to be ready when Lt. Deter returns.”

With the meeting adjourned, I went to the room that I was told was mine to get ready. Preparations included my first shower in three days since I had been travelling so much. That killed half an hour because of how nice the water felt. After that, I got fully dressed in my awesome new suit. Then I had to fight Axel to get him to wear his. My attempt at telling him that it would be funny to screw with the rich people because they would never expect a Pokémon to wear clothes failed even though I thought it was a pretty effective argument. I finally won when I bribed him with the promise of setting something of his choosing on fire other than his or my clothes and a Cheri pie.

I had to assist the monkey as he was very unfamiliar with how to put clothes on. When the time came I even ripped the seam on the back of his pants so that his tail could move freely.

I look ridiculous.” groaned the Infernape checking himself out in a mirror.

“On the contrary, you look absolutely badass.” I complemented. We were, after all, wearing the same thing and he did look pretty good in it. “Just think of all the amusement it will bring us.” I predicted. That got a devious laugh from the Infernape. I held out my hand for a high five which he accepted meaning we were both fine with the arrangement.

Despite how much screwing around the two of us did, we were the first ones ready and the only ones in the meeting area. I’m not entirely sure how to label these rooms other than what we’ve used them for so far. Joining me five minutes later was Eve who wore a green shoulderless dress that came down to her mid-thigh. She had on green eye shadow drawing attention to her bright emerald eyes. At the sight of us she started laughing, not mockingly but out of enjoyment.

“Oh wow! You actually got Axel to wear a suit! I love it!” she praised. For once she sounded sincere about something. Axel and I turned to each other with the same confused look. “Oh what? Can’t I complement my favorite boy toy without him getting suspicious?” Yup, should have known better.

“I’m not your boy toy.” I said flatly.

“Ladies! Your prince has arrived!” announced Zack jumping into the room in his gigolo costume with his usually messy red hair neatly combed. Eve laughed harder at him than she did Axel.

“You’re right, HE’S my boy toy!” she declared. “Oh Zacky poo. Could you say fabulous in a really high pitched voice for me?” she sang.

“Fabulous!” Zack shouted as instructed getting a giggle from Eve.

“I love you.” Eve said figuratively.

“If you love me so much can we make a love child?” Zack proposed.

“Don’t push your luck.” warned Eve in a scary tone giving him an evil eye.

“I didn’t hear a no.” he indicated playfully.

“Uh… Um… H-how do I look?” Chane asked nervously slowly walking to join us. She wore a long black dress, much more modest than Eve’s, and had her hair tied into an upside down ponytail on the top of her head. It was a cute look that screamed moe.

“That outfit looks beautiful on you Chane.” Zack complemented.

“R-really! Th-thank you!” she responded happily.

“Of course it would look better on my bedroom floor.” he added. Chane’s face turned bright red at the implied implications of Zack’s comment.

“W-wh-why would you s-s-say that?” she questioned fretfully.

“Because he’s a womanizing jackass.” Eve said angrily. “Look Kaguya, don’t go breaking my toys before I’ve had a chance to play with them. Otherwise I’ll just have to play harder with you.”

“Oh good, I like it rough.” Zack said excitedly not realizing he was poking the Arbok with a short stick and she was about to strike. Eve simply smiled devilishly at Zack’s declaration. In one swift motion she clamped her hand on the poor bastard’s crotch and began squeezing. Zack’s blue eyes grew huge as he realized the horrible predicament he was in.

“Rough enough for you?” inquired the demon woman sweetly. Zack simply laughed pitifully trying not to show her the pain he was in, but she saw right through the act. “Say the safety word and I’ll let you go.” she teased.

“I am not sure what Zack did to receive such brutal treatment, but let him go so that he can participate tonight.” ordered Raiden apathetically as he too arrived in the meeting room. The way he was dressed was like he had just gotten out of a fight. His black slacks looked like they were a size too long with the extra length of the legs bunched up at his ankles over top black tennis shoes. His white dress shirt was untucked, the collar popped up, and his lack of a tie showed that the top button was also undone. On top of that was a black vest that came down to the base of his ribcage. Just when I thought my admiration for Raiden couldn’t get any higher, he does this. While the rest of us try to blend in, he openly sticks it to our hosts by proving he’s a commoner.

“Fine.” Eve said releasing her victim. The now freed Zack began gasping for air once his torturous ordeal was over. Seeing the lecher’s pain gave Eve a satisfied smirk.

Fifteen minutes later Lt. Deter came back to make sure we were ready. If I was part of the mafia like Zack suggested earlier, then the lieutenant was my don. He had on a custom white suit with a black dress shirt and a white tie complete with a white fedora with a black band on it.

“Are you people ready? Johan’s limo pulled up just as I got here.” the little man informed us. “No you’re not ready! What the hell is this?” he demanded looking us over. “Raiden! You look like a lazy slob! And you!” he yelled pointing to Zack. “You look like some sideshow clown! And why are you icing your balls?” Zack didn’t say anything nor did he remove the ice pack, he just silently pointed to Eve who started acting innocent at the accusation. Lt. Deter growled shaking his head in disgust. “And you! Why is your Infernape wearing a suit? Return it to its Pokéball this instant!” he commanded me.

“No can do Lieutenant.” I said snarkily as I showed him Axel’s busted, duct tape covered ball. “He stays.”

Too bad Tiny Tim.” the monkey out right mocked. I could have sworn I saw an anger vein appear on the midget’s forehead, but it was kind of hard to see under his hat.

“Fuck it. We don’t have time for you all to fix this so just get your asses downstairs so we can concentrate on getting this mission over with.” Deter said getting tired of us already. I’m so glad I’m not his direct subordinate.
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The ballroom where the party was being held was gigantic. It was a circular room that could be only entered from the main lobby. Directly across from the lobby entrance there were several glass doors that led out into the hotel’s garden. Lining the top of the room was a balcony that I wasn’t entirely sure how to get to. On the ceiling directly overhead was a massive glass chandelier. Scattered throughout the ballroom were tables for people to eat and drink at. An area devoid of tables was used for dancing with an orchestral band at the far edge playing soft classical music. Traversing the floors were waiters carrying an array of appetizers and drinks. For those who wanted something specific, there was a mini bar set up and a banquet table. My first priority was to find and devour all of their shrimp.

“Hey Brian! You want to get some drinks?” inquired Zack making a cup shape with his hand and tilting it to his mouth.

“I assume you mean alcohol. I really don’t think it’s a good idea to be drinking on the job.” I said straightforwardly.

“Aw come on. Just one?” he persisted.

“Forget it. It’s not nice to make a toddler drink.” Eve teased. She put her arm around my shoulders bringing her face close to mine. “Besides, even though the drinking age is eighteen, I doubt BriBri has ever had one in his life.” I lowered my head to wiggle out away from the she-demon.

“You are correct.” I admit. “I am already borderline psychotic, so why push the madness further?” I finished the sentence with a short but sweet maniacal laugh.

“You won’t wuss out on us will you Chane?” Eve asked in a won’t-take-no-for-an-answer tone.

“B-b-but I can’t! I-I’m seventeen, I’m… I’m underage!” she resisted. No way! She’s that young! That officially makes her the youngest human member of the team.

“Damn. Chane’s jailbait. I can’t hit that for at most a year.” Zack said pretending to be distraught. “When’s your birthday so I know when you’re legal?”

“I-I’m not telling you.” Chane defied assertively. Zack looked like he was about to say something else, but the sound of Eve cracking her knuckles quickly silenced him while giving him the look of a Stantler in headlights.

“So where are Master Raiden and Lt. Deter?” I asked in an attempt to change the subject.

“Watching the entrance as bouncers. Now let’s have our drinks already!” continued Eve relentlessly. Unbelievable! Were they that intent on getting drunk?

“Right! It’s a party so no reason we can’t enjoy ourselves!” Zack agreed heading off to the bar.

“No…” pleaded Chane.

“Sweetie, if you’re worried about being underage, don’t be. We’re Team Neos, we have fake IDs.” Eve reminded snidely. If that was her attempt at being comforting, it failed horribly. If anything, it only made Chane more fearful.

“Brian!” cried Chane holding out her arm hoping I’d help her as Eve dragged her to the bar.

“C’mon Axel. Looks like it’s up to us to keep those two out of trouble while protecting Chane.” I said exasperatedly.

It’s pretty sad when the most mentally unstable one becomes the voice of reason.” Axel said reading exactly what was on my mind. Team Rocket better show up soon so that we can get this night over with.
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