1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

The Ry Burst Chronicles: Chapter 2: Dennis the Menance.

by Ry_Burst

Ry_Burst This is a continuation of my series, Ry Burst and the Sinnoh Leauge Challenge. Please enjoy.
Ry walked along the rainy Route 215, with his partner Fuego, kept safely in his pokeball. Route 215 was pretty rainy overall, but other then that it was nice. He looked over to see a small Poliwag, stumbling past a river.
"Pool, poli," it happily cried. It loved the rain. Then a boy with green hair, came out of the forest with a evil grin on his face. He kicked the Poliwag into the river, and it fell in, unable to keep up with the strong current. Without thinking, Ry jumped into the river to save the Poliwag. The water was cold and the current was fast. Ry struggled as he slid down the river. "Poliwag," shouted the small Poliwag.
"Come here, bud," said Ry scooping up the Poliwag with one arm. Then he grabbed at the river bank with his free hand. He tossed the Poliwag onto the bank and struggled against the current as he tried to drag himself up. Then the Poliwag, came back with a vine in his mouth. Ry grabbed onto the vine and, with the Poliwag's help, he climbed up onto the muddy riverbank.
"Really, why would you save a weak Pokémon like that?" Asked the green haired boy who had kicked the Pokémon into the river.
Ry stood up and the Poliwag hid behing his legs. "You shouldn't ever treat a Pokémon like that!" Shouted Ry at the boy. "Who do you think you are?"
The green haired boy smiled. "I'm Dennis and I'm gonna be the Sinnoh champion."
"You'll never be the champ, if you treat your Pokemon like that!" Shouted Ry, "and I'll prove it by beating you in a Pokémon battle!" Ry reached for Fuego's pokeball and tossed the fire type out.
"Is that all you got?" Shouted Dennis, tossing out a Gyrados. "Use Hydro Pump!" The large sea snake fired a blast of water straight at Fuego.
"Dodge and counter, with Fury Swipes!" Shouted Ry. The Monferno, leapt up, narrowly missing the blast of water. The Monferno rushed the beast and let loose a barrage of sratches. The attack hit the Gyrados.
"Counter with Aqua Tail!" Dennis screeched. The mighty beast raised his water covered tail and slammed it down in the fire monkey.
"Fuego!" Shouted Ry as Fuego was knocked back. Fuego struggled to stand back up.
"You're just like your Pokémon and that Poliwag. You're weak." Dennis said with a smirk . He thought this battle was over over.
"Fuego, hold on!" Shouted Ry. Fuego got on his feet and raised a fist. It was covered with a crackling yellow energy.
"That wimp knows Thunder Punch," mumbled Dennis.
Ry who overheard him, shouted, "Sweet you learned Thunder Punch! Now let's use it to teach this punk a lesson!" Fuego, charged forward, fueled by the insults of this horrible trainer. He socked the Gyrados with his electrified fist, knocking it out.
Dennis returned his Pokémon to its Pokémon and started to run off. "I'll get you back someday!" He shouted as he ran off.
But, Ry wasn't listening. He turned and kneeled down to face the scared Poliwag. "Do you wanna join me on my adventure. We'll grow stronger together."
The Poliwag nodded and let Ry toss the pokeball at him. "I'll name you Splashy," he said to his new friend. Then he was off again. With his partner and new friend there was nothing they couldn't do.
  1. Shiny Blue Gardevoir
    Shiny Blue Gardevoir
    (And away we go again!)

    I'll start with technical errors first, as I did with the previous instalment of the story. Like I have said before, you need to split your paragraphs up with spaces. Just starting a new line isn't enough. Also, Monferno can't learn thunderpunch naturally (I.e, by levelling up), it's not an electric type.

    The plot really, and I'm sorry to say this, fell flat, when it could have been an exciting chapter, with a satisfying conclusion. I was expecting Ry to have to work around his pokemon's obvious weakness to water, in order to win the battle, but what I got was an impossible deus-ex-machina, and a victory that was really handed to him far too easily. If the rival is supposed to be an ace trainer, and the main character a beginner, then it really needs to show. Give me, as the reader, a reason to root for the main character. Give him SOMETHING that makes him weak, and show me how he overcomes it.

    Moving onto the subject of villains. Bad guys are never bad guys just for the sake of it, and the same needs to apply to the one you have created. What did the rival have to gain from abusing that poliwag?

    But, in saying all of that, you've cleared up your dialogue tags, and one has to wonder when Ry and Dennis will meet again, and what will come of their rivalry, now that Ry has the poliwag.

    Expect to see me next chapter,

    Mar 27, 2017
    Ry_Burst likes this.
  2. Ry_Burst
    Thx Im working on chapter 4 (On and Off again) and i have some plans for the storyline. Kinda excited about it.
    Jan 14, 2017
  3. Mystic Zander
    Mystic Zander
    I was thinking about starting a story for my main character but I feel that i'm not articulate enough. This seems interesting though, keep it up.
    Jan 14, 2017
  4. Ry_Burst
    Thx. I have more planned in the future! :)
    Jan 9, 2017
  5. Eevee is who I am
    Eevee is who I am
    I mean chapter
    Jan 9, 2017
  6. Eevee is who I am
    Eevee is who I am
    Wow great story
    Jan 9, 2017
  7. Ry_Burst
    For those who played Pokémon Diamond or a Pearl, you might remember, the two trainers outside of Veilstone City. On my first play through of Pearl, one of my first Pokémon games, the male trainer, of the duo, Dennis, always caused the most trouble for me. It took me about 5 tries to beat his Gyrados. That character is the inspiration for Dennis, who I plan to have as a major rival for Ry as he travels the Sinnoh Leauge.
    Jan 9, 2017