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The Ry Burst Chronicles: Chapter 1: The Training Ends, but the Journey Begins

by Ry_Burst

Ry_Burst This series is about my character, Ry Burst and his original journey through the Sinnoh region.
Chapter 1

"Lucario, use Bone Rush!" shouted Maylene. Her Lucario obeyed and a white bone shaped bostaff appeared in his hands.
A trainer with brownish red hair and in a training gi smiled. "Fuego, counter with Fury Swipes!"
A Monferno with a crooked smile, much like his trainer, charged towards Maylene's Lucario. The two Pokémon traded blow for blow. Each a very strong fighting type Pokemon, who knew their opponent very well.
"Time for our special combo! Flame wheel and spin!" shouted the young boy. His monferno hit the ground and burst into flames, knocking Lucario off his balance. However, Lucario did a back flip and landed on his feet.
"It didn't work," said Maylene.
The boy smirked. "Check again." Maylene looked to see that her Lucario had been burned.
"Pure luck! Now use Aura Sphere, Lucario." She shouted.
"Counter with Mach Punch." The boy shouted. Lucario fired a blue ball of energy at the Monferno, while the Monferno countered with Mach Punch. Fuego's glowing fist hit the Aura Sphere and knocked it back at Lucario. The hit slammed into Lucario pushing him back. "Ember, now!" Small flames launched out of Fuego's mouth and slammed into Lucario. Lucario knelt over defeated.
"Wow Ry, you finally won a battle," said Maylene smiling, " And on your fifteenth birthday too."
Ry smiled as he walked towards the changing room to change out of his gi.

After ten minutes, Ry, along with Fuego were showered and changed. They stepped out of the he changing room to talk to Maylene. He came out wearing, a black t- shirt, open red jacket with hood, grey jeans, and white and red sneakers. "You look ready to start your adventure," commented Maylene smiling when she saw him.
"Thanks for everything," Ry said shaking her hand, "I'll be back soon to win my gym badge from you." Fuego reached over and shaking Lucario hand. Then the trainer and his Pokémon partner, went to visit his mother, and to say their parting goodbyes to her.

When Ry and Fuego reached their home, they were greeted by Ry's mother's faithful partner Budew.
"Budew," she squealed as Ry entered the door. From another room, Ry's mother walked in holding a present in her hand. "I don't want to keep you long, but I have a gift for you." She said.
Ry nodded and took the present from her. "Thank you mom," he replied before opening the gift. Inside the box was a blue Pokegear. "Its so if you need to talk to me or anyone, you can no matter where you are." She said to him. After saying their final goodbyes, Ry and Fuego headed off to Route 215. It was time to get to Solaceon town.
  1. Ry_Burst
    Okay thank you for that first review. A few things I would like to mention is what I meant to say, but never added into the story. With the Monferno, Ry's been training with Maylene for about 5 years, and this was the first victory he had won against with Maylene. Also with name I forgot the correct way to spell it, and guessed.
    Mar 23, 2017
  2. Shiny Blue Gardevoir
    Shiny Blue Gardevoir
    Ok, here we go. First chapter, first review, and to start with, I'm going to address some minor formatting errors:

    When starting a new line after dialogue, you have to make sure that there is a space between the previous line, and the new line. You've also changed the way that you tag dialogue halfway through. Choose either 'X said', or 'said X', and stick with it the whole way through. That, and the name of the gym leader is Maylene, not Mylene. They're completely different names.

    Now, I'll address the plot. The main character is supposedly a beginner, but he already seems very competent in battle, and is able to defeat a gym leader, which leaves little room for him to grow as a character. Why go on a journey to become the very best, if you're already a decent trainer, whom is also able to defeat one of the top thirteen trainers in the country? That, and his starter has evolved, despite him being a new trainer. There's nothing about this character which makes the reader need to, or want to, root for him.

    In saying all of that, I do think that this story has potential. You need to give the character noticeable, and in some scenes, debilitating weaknesses, and pokemon who can evolve, preferably more than once. There needs to be a sense of progression, and when you've implemented that, you'll have a much better story

    Mar 23, 2017
    Ry_Burst likes this.
  3. Ry_Burst
    If you review some of my threads, that Ry Burst is in, you can learn about the Pokémon Ry Burst catches. Without spoiling my future intentions, Ry will have a Lucario, named Aura, whom he ends up training with, by using Mylene's way of training. Trying by Very Best not to spoil major plot events. It's so hard.
    Jan 10, 2017
  4. Eevee is who I am
    Eevee is who I am
    Lucario is my favorite pokemon
    Jan 10, 2017