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Winter Sun

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by dzero, Jan 9, 2012.

  1. Hello, 'Charms. So, I used to RP here back on what apparently was the old server and since then my account has gotten lost somewhere in cyberspace. Yoshi (El) persuaded me to sign up again and post some prose I wrote today up here, so here it goes.

    Please note: I am not a writer. I don't have much experience with it, and this was simply an exploratory (explorative?) exercise. It's basically just thoughts and feelings developing into something. There is no plot or specific character in this passage.

    Long story short: I'm (eventually) turning it into a story about dragons. Yeah, you heard me. Dragons. Human-form, bad-ass, 21st century dragons. Don't ask how, just go with it. I only really realised this towards the end so it does take a bit of a turn in the last couple of paragraphs.

    Anyway, enjoy. This is very much a first draft (I cannot stress that enough!), I will most certainly rewrite the majority of it and make it better, but let me know what you think. Be gentle! But constructive. I aim to write more, if anyone cares I will be happy to post more at some point once I work out a general plot.

    Thanks, and without further ado, here is draft one of a short piece named Winter Sun. Dzero, out! Peace. x


    ___________________

    Winter Sun

    It was nearing the end of winter when things began going wrong in my world. The sun was shining through the windows, warm and friendly light, filling my little box of a bedroom with the lie of a summers day. Outside it was quiet, only the gentle hum of the city below, faint whirring by of cars in the distance. There was something soothing about city noise on a day like this, it reminded me of long summers as a child, long empty hours letting the world go by without a care. And then I was filled with images of sitting by the sea, breathing the warm, salt air, listening to the gentle ripple of waves. Stillness. All these things took me home in so many ways, some I could not comprehend but for a oddly stirring in my soul. A longing ache.

    It didn’t matter that it was really winter, that’s just how this day was. In the end, it didn’t ever matter what day it was or what time of year or the weather or where the earth had come to be in it’s orbit around the sun. Sometimes I felt the earth was moving backwards. Or not at all. Yet the days changed, the cold had long set in and in a few months warm southerly winds would come to greet this part of the world and I’d see much more of these sunny days and the world would keep spinning and everyone would carry on, just like they always did.

    Birds sang in the distance. Seagulls - I didn’t know they had them so far from the sea. I’d grown up with their bird-call, every morning they would fly over the houses and call into the salt air. I didn’t know where they were going. I guessed they went anywhere. Anywhere they could to find what they needed for the day. How easy it would be to spread my wings and fly away.

    I think I’d find a better place, somewhere far from here, where the sun always shone like it did today. Where I could always be near the sea, I could sit and listen to the waves and let them flow over my mind and wash my soul ‘til it was clean and pure. I’d spend the days in serene bliss, for as long as I needed, then fly back again and carry on with my life, with everything. Everything. That word sent a weight heavy down upon me like the heavens on Atlas’s back, and suddenly the cool blue sky above me felt like it did indeed need holding up lest the universe collapse on top of me.

    I saw one, flying high above. That lucky creature. Sure, perhaps my perception of the animal, how it must be so entirely free and happy was an illusion. I remember hearing somewhere that the majority of animals in the world live in stress. I thought to myself that humanity is just a lot more complex in that respect, our stress is painted with illusions and delusions of the world going round and things being just ‘how they are meant to be’. And everybody is okay, of course. Everyone everywhere, in the TV and in the media, all shiny happy smiley people.

    So many pictures of the world, images, noise, nothings, pervading my conception of it, yet so much of that world evading my existence. Like ships, and I was an iceberg in a frozen black sea.

    And something was moving in my soul. Curling, unsettled, coiling around my heart, and radiating throughout my body, my blood - red and hot. It pulsed out from the heart and shot straight back and out once again. Again. Again. Again.

    It filled my day with a fire. I struggled to understand the sensation, like caffeine and alcohol and sugar burning through my brain, my mind searing. The whole day I was on some flighty flux between high and low, and shooting off in every other direction. My soul whipped, hissed, rattled inside of me, let out an inaudible snarl.

    I must be going mad.


    ***
     
  2. And you dare say you're not a writer? I don't think I've ever seen such a good first draft. You, sir, are talented. No doubt.

    What I especially like about the way you write is how strangely poetic it is. It reminds me of Dwayna's writing, but with a less heavy tone and more impact in your words. (By the way, Dwayna, that's not an insult- That's a compliment to both of you :p)

    I say keep it going, and I look forward to reading more of this ^^
     
  3. Thank you so much, that honestly means a lot to me. =] I plan to keep going with this and expand on plot and character (well, introduce), just needing some inspiration right now. But I'll post some more up soon.
     
  4. Dwayna DragonFire

    Dwayna DragonFire 2014 Little Cup Champion

    Not a bad story at all. I agree with DS in the fact that is seems very poetic in a way. (I don't take it as an insult, because everyone has a different writing style.)

    I think I might like to see more from you as well, especially if you're writing about dragons. :p Good luck with finding some inspiration.
     
  5. Thanks for that Dwayna. =]

    Okay, I have something new to post. Warnings for some mature language. Also, this is going to be a bit of a depressing one I'm afraid! And perhaps a bit lofty. Like I said with my first post, I'll no doubt go back and rewrite the whole thing and make it all polished and structured. I'm not really expecting much in response to this, it's just going to link on to something a bit more solid. It's meant to be airy. I'd describe it as a fragment.

    I haven't used capital letters; this is intended. The character describes that he is typing the words himself. This is how he typed them; this is how I typed them. One in the same. This is intended.

    I promised to expand on plot and character, but this won't come now. Soon. There's no point forcing it right now. It's also going to get happier.

    Here we go.

    WARNING: mature language and themes.


    _______________________

    2.

    "the process requires the subject to destroy his or her body. it is a shell. a dragon needs to be free, only then will it be able to fly and its fire be unmuted. the subject must relinquish his body, the body must be destroyed in the fire which the subject will now breathe infinitely."
    - graffiti found near an English suburb, Anonymous. (early 20th century?)

    ***

    comatose

    i thought the cold could take me. i could sit here on my bed with the window open, let the crisp winter air fill the room and like a bitter choking white mist consume me whole. i’d feel the slowing down of all my bodily functions, my mind, sense my conscious slowly growing smaller and smaller ‘til it was just a tiny circle of light in the black of my mind. then a sharp white dot, then nothing. and i would be comatose, and silent, and liberated. no longer would reality have it’s grasp upon me, shaking and stirring me like some cocktail of chemical emotions. i’d be solid, a stone. and i’d still be sitting here, a statue, with my laptop on my knee and typing these very words, my music playing. like a museum feature. like i’d been somebody well-known and they’d set up an installation of this very moment, with the music i listened to playing in the background to give the audience some atmosphere, to capture the essence of my existence as i froze...

    i closed my eyes. i continued to type. i could sit here and wait and it would eventually happen. my breathing slowed, this was serene. like falling asleep.

    any moment now.

    alas, the world would not be so merciful to my wishes. i opened my eyes and all the colours were off as my eyes readjusted to the light, everything tinged with blue.

    i wanted it to be red and burn.

    is this some sort of karma? some cosmic joke. was the universe laughing at me? was it all as good as we wanted to think? it would be a futile search for the answers, so i stopped thinking and decided i’d just be. i’d thought that a long time ago, but the thoughts travelled back to me now like a thread from the present to a dusty memory. i’d given up on any notion of god or a universal, it was all chaos and unrelenting waves of inane cosmic vigour. it was all bullshit basically. i knew that. i knew i could do whatever i wanted with it if i applied myself. but i wasn’t the only influence in my world, i had to admit that, and the optimists should admit it too. sometimes you are not enough, sometimes you can’t take control.

    i thought i’d just contradicted myself, but i wasn’t sure which idea i really agreed with. could i take control? right now, i felt like i didn’t really have any other options than to wade through the bullshit that life was giving me. there wasn't any kind of escape route, fire exit, no option other than to sit here tongue-tied and comatose. a body, a statue with a mind of it’s own burning beneath the surface, my stone flesh cracking at every structural weak point. i wanted to escape my stony prison but to do that i would have to destroy my body. because stone can’t turn to flesh. i’d have to destroy my body. then i would be free.

    through the cracked window, i saw a bird fly high above me.
     
  6. Oh wow, I'm really liking this so far ^^

    It's completely different from what's usually seen here and that's a very good thing in your case. As Dway and DS have already mentioned, I loved the poeticness of it all. I can feel the desperation from your character so I hope that's what you were going for. I agree with your decision to not rush it because then it just wouldn't feel right.

    I'm so happy I didn't miss out on this.
     

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