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Wanna play again?

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Lukenblaz, Feb 18, 2014.

  1. I wrote this Crepypastu a while back.
    “One summer night…

    I was writing a paper for school and I needed some inspiration so I searched around on the internet for some good ideas. I found the website for “creepy pastas” so I opened it. It had several scary stories on all subjects. Just the right inspiration I needed. (No plagiarism) As I was searching the websites I found a section for pokemon. I thought “Hey lets ruin my childhood!” I was reading through some and found one that really was odd. I think it was called Stay please? or something like that. As soon as I finished reading the story I say my anti-virus say it found a “malicious file”. I looked to see what the name was. “Notepad.exe? Challenge accepted!” Boy how ignorant was I. That thing gave me nightmares for months to come. I will give you a brief overview. You start off the “game” (If you could call it that) like any other pokemon red game go to the top of Pallet town Oak brings you to his lab yada yada. Anyways This time there were only two pokemon. One was called Run, which looked like a Charmander, and the other Now, which was a squirtle.

    Run Now.

    I should have been smart and shut my computer off but no I had to be curious. I picked Now because it was the obvious choice for the long run. My rival showed up and we did the routine fight but the move-set I had was odd. The only move Now had was swift. I used it but Run attacked first. “Run used swift! Critical hit!” I screamed in frustration as my poor squirtle was now a 1 hp. “Now used swift!” Pure chaos ensued after that. An earsplitting screech of “Too late child” blasted through my headphones. With my ears ringing I looked at the screen. The screen of my computer was now black. I tried mashing the keyboard and nothing happened. Moving the mouse produced no result. Neither did left nor right click. My only choice left was to click the scroll wheel. The most ungodly laugh was then played through my headphones. My computer shut off after that. When I went to turn it back on something started to appear on my screen. It was my squirtle. Except it no longer looked like that anymore. Its shell was ripped off and all of its legs and arms were missing leaving bloody stumps. Its face was the worst of all. It had soulless eyes full of hate and malice and a maniacal grin that stretched from both sides of its face. Slowly text appeared on the bottom of my computer. When it was finally readable I was shocked. “Wanna play again?” I tore out the power cable from my computer and turned off the pc. (10 points for naming that reference.)

    I had no sleep that night. The next morning when I turned it back on everything was wiped from my computer except the operating system. The only thing left on my computer was a background of that horrendous picture and a word document. I opened the file and read “You should have listened to me” followed by a creepy face. My screen started acting up, glitching out in weird ways. The background started to morph. The end result I cannot describe the initial horror I felt. The lavender town music was playing and a picture of me showed up. Mind you I had no pictures of anyone on my computer nor did I have a webcam. The face, MY face, was distorted. I had no eyes and blood was running down my sockets. My smile was stretched from ear to ear and all my teeth were fangs. I had bloody stumps where my ears where and my hair was gone along with my scalp and the top part of my skull revealing my brain. Words were under my face saying “Are you ready?” All the power in my house went off at that point but still the picture stayed. I felt something on my shoulder then I passed out. I woke up in my desk chair with the computer off. I went downstairs and found my gun. I shot that computer so many times it was nothing but wires and twisted metal. I threw it in the trash and forgot about it. Now I have a new computer. And I will never ever read a creepy pasta again.
     
  2. Green Dragon

    Green Dragon Formerly supertrainer300

    Way to nightmare fuel. I will now not sleep for a few months.
     
  3. I don't know if this is only me, but this wasn't to scary. (Hell, I wasn't scared while playing 'Five Nights At Freddy's', 'The Evil Within', or 'Silent Hill', so I think it's just me.)

    One of my criticisms about this was the sort of nod off to Pokemon Lost Silver, (which in my opinion was a below average creepypasta) with the Pokemon nicknames spelling out sentences.

    I suppose another would be the cliche 'I should've turned it off, but I was curious'. That is used again and again and again in a lot of different creepypastas, and to your credit, it can be used creatively, but it wasn't used very well here.

    The overly grotesque imagery used here really detracts the horror that the pasta previously had, and I don't know if it's because I have played Team Fortress 2 to much and I am somewhat used to imagining a limb exploderizing off of someone, but it just did away with the whole horror thing going.

    And I really didn't like you breaking the fourth wall during the creepypasta- That completely interrupts the tone you were trying to set- Like, I mean, I could no longer take the pasta seriously after you said 'Ten points for naming that reference'.

    Overall, I'd say it was a good effort, but this is definitely not the best pasta I've read- Remember, practice, practice, and for the love of Helix, practice. This is a great start, but that's what it is- A start. Begin the ignition, and fly off into creepypasta stardom!
     
  4. I wrote it over half a year ago and I really didn't care how it was story wise. I think I purposely wrote it bad because it's a creepy pasta lol
     
  5. Don't ever do that. I know what you're doing.

    Don't lose passion for the piece, improve on it. Treat that creepypasta like it should be treated- As a work of art. Continue to work on it and DON'T EVER ACT LIKE IT WAS NOTHING.
     
  6. Hard to lose passion for a piece I never had passion for lel
    You should probably read the short story I was writing though.
     

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