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Toru's 'Awesome' Notepad

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Toru, Jul 22, 2012.

  1. Well, isn't this a suprise! Toru? Making an actual thread for once!?

    Yes, that's right. If any of you remember, I tried to do a big writing project about Pokecharms once before. It was very, very bad and made me look like a self centered ass. I tried to do it again, and that wasn't very good either. So I table flipped and decided I'd make this little thread. This thread shall contain a collection of fiction - updates won't be periodical, but I'll try my very best to keep you hooked, even when I get back into school (hopefully).

    Some stories will be a short one - off, and some will be little series. Either way, they all will be coded (I kinda stole this idea off Karu, sorry man xD) as listed below.

    Green pages on my 'Notepad' will be related to Pokecharms and all of it's crazy glory. Expect the usual whacky adventures and happenings!

    Red pages will based on video games or other pieces of fiction, so it's mainly just fanfiction.

    Blue pages will follow the adventures of Alistair Aurelio (not Tobias anymore because he isn't a vague self insert anymore), The Geokinetic Knight and his friends and enemies. I'm too lazy busy to make a big story that goes through the whole idea, so it will be bits and pieces to entertain and refine characters I have created.

    Anyway, without further ado I'm going to start us off with a fresh Green page! Some of you may remember this idea, especially if you were an avid follower of Tun's Sprite Thread, but whether you do or you don't here's...

    The Light Earth Patch Trio - Part 1

    “Well, are we finishing these ones off or what?”

    “Thaaaat sounds like a plan, Jesp~!”

    “ALRIGHT KIDS, LET’S DO THIS!”

    The warm blue skies covering the large Pokecharms Colosseum were suddenly blotted away by colossal grey storm clouds, brought forth by the (ever so slightly) tallest of three mysterious figures. The arrival of rain on the battlefield would normally disappoint anyone, but this only increased the cheering from the crowd, their motivating cries echoing throughout the arena, where three powerful figures stood confident and prepared for anything their opposition may throw at them.

    The opposition in mention were 3 very new users to the website Pokecharms, stepping back in fear from the immense power coming from the three regulars. The rules were simple; beat the Light Earth Patch Trio as a three man team, and win a grand award that was only known to the trio themselves. The only thing everyone on ‘Charms knew about this prize was it was something very special. The problem was that the combination of three creative forces was a little too much for most of the people attempting the challenge set out and it was about now that the current challengers were realising that the combination of Dark Soul, Tunduli and Toru were a little too much for them. The three of them took prepared themselves to make the large gap in skill level obvious to the newcomers.

    Sparks of lightning started to gather in the storm clouds, the pressure in them building under Dark Soul’s control. The cloud made a foreboding shadow above the challengers, signalling the dark feeling of a near defeat. DS (Dark Soul) ran a hand through his lightly spiked dark brown hair, and brought the same hand up, as a clap of thunder bellowed in the cloud. Whilst holding up his hand and keeping his attack at bay, DS turned to his small female cohort, “Tun, if you’d be so kind.” With an adorable smile to her good Dutch friend, Tunduli cast her arm out in a revised fashion to bring forth a large sewing needle, big enough to be wielded in one hand like a staff.

    “Okay guys, no running now!” Tun gave a confident smile, pretending to pull something from her plum – coloured trouser pocket with another delicate, controlled action. From that movement, a deep purple strand of energy slowly crept out of thin air and tied itself around her needle staff. Spinning said staff around and pointing the eye of the staff at her opposition, the purple ‘soul thread’ reeled and floated off the staff with speed and tied the three challengers together, making any movements useless. Chills ran through Tun’s spine at the success of the attack, and the crowd praised her with more cheers. Now that they were incapacitated, DS quickly swung his hand down. Using his electrokinetic powers, he forced a large bolt of lighting to fall down from the storm cloud above and shock the bound fighters in more ways than one. Looking pleased at the results of his attack, DS watched as Toru leapt upward into the air; this last move from the Geokinetic would finish them.

    Audaciously roaring as he quickly descended to the ground, Toru made the ground tremble and crack around his two feet as he made solid contact. A cluster of various sized boulders started to erupt from the cracks and float around the egotistical fighter. Toru took a good look at the three newcomers; a boastful grin gave them their proper welcome to Pokecharms. Toru’s arms swept up above his head, before being cast forward with a stylish flick. The boulders hovering under the control of Toru’s geokinesis quickly responding to his commands and colliding into their targets. Smoke covered the battlefield, and as it subsided, Toru stood looking smug with his arms folded, looking at the battered wrecks of people on the floor. “Now let me guess,” he said, slowly walking up to them. “You’re probably wondering: ‘How is he so good!? There’s no way we can possibly defeat this amazing beast of a man!’ Well I’m glad you asked! It’s because...” Toru slowly brought his left leg back, the very limb shaking as it tensed. This was it. He had gone through this moment hundreds of times in his self – centred head. It was time to show the crowd and his two younger accomplices who was the boss.

    “I’M AWESOME!” Toru’s leg rocketed down to kick the group away, and display to everyone his amazing skill, power and his ability to hog the limelight.

    That is he was, except he completely missed and fell flat on his coccyx. Toru’s cry of pain exploded from his mouth and filled the coliseum, causing the ever eager audience to stop cheering him on and instead burst into laughter. Tun and DS simply looked on with faces straighter than a ruler. Once again, Toru’s overconfidence got the better of him. This gave one of the three punching bags time to wearily raise a hand and shout out: “Alright! W-w-we surrender! You’re obviously too strong for us!”

    ---

    Pokecharms City in the evening was definitely a sight to see. Vibrant yet smooth shades of orange red and yellow would paint the ever fluffy cumulus clouds in the sky, and make the main square look completely different. Several different Charmsians both new and old poured out of the big entry doors, conversation flowing around them.

    “Eheheh, they all did very good. Especially Toru!” One person giggled, hiding a lone tentacle almost oozing out from behind him.

    “Aw, leave the kid alone bro. He just needs to stop being so arrogant.” A shorter man with spiky black hair nudged the other one, adjusting his precious scarf.

    “Well, it’s very nice to see the three of them doing something together, I’d say. Maybe I should go and –“

    “PINGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!”

    The tall sleek Charmsian with brown locks was interrupted by a loud cry from the back of the crowd. KoL maniacally laughed to himself, and dropped through a large black hole in the ground. The void was the type of place no average Charmsian would want to step foot in. Either way, this was all the norm for the crazy inhabitants of Pokecharms.

    As the mad mob walked through Pokecharms City to head to their usual haunts, the tired trio sat down at a table in Tunduli’s very own café. Tun took a small sip of some lemon and strawberry cordial before giving an adorable sigh of satisfaction. Both of Toru’s hands tapped on the table next to his glass of water, mainly to stop him from resisting hugging his small little friend. DS on the other hand was quenching his thirst with an intense bassline that could be heard faintly from his large black and yellow headphones. Aside from that, the café was empty and mostly silent, aside from a massive drop. Tun wiped her mouth and looked up inquisitively at the two boys.

    “Weeeell, today went okay didn’t it!?”

    DS took a second to pause his track and slide his headphones around his neck.

    “Yeah, it really did. I felt a little bad beating on those guys though. Just a little. Think we scared them off the site?”

    “Hnyuu, maybe~ Hey, Tobiichan, what did you think of today?”

    Toru’s priceless expression pretty much described what he thought. Pouted lips and eyes glaring to the side both opened up, mumbling back in response.

    “Mmm, guess it was alright.”

    “Aw, come on Tobii! I know you slipped up, but we all did really good!”

    “Yeah yeah, I’d be saying that if everyone wasn’t laughing. Anyways, I don’t want to stay on a low note; I think that it’s really good we actually went back to this little trio idea we had. I mean how long has it been since we brought the idea up? One whole year?”

    “Mhm, that’s right~”

    Jesper shuffled in his chair a little and got up, walking to the large notice board near the entrance of the café – the big cork board’s main attraction was the Light Earth Patch trio advertisement. It seemed many people had become interested since Tun designed the poster and spread it around the city. DS took some time to admire the brilliant design, and then turned back to the two youths sitting down. The three of them being this calm was actually quite surprising.

    “So I’ve been thinking. We’ve been holding this little challenge for a while now, haven’t we? Don’t you think some of the veterans will start getting involved?”

    Toru casually leaned back a little, masking the stabbing pain in his coccyx a well as he could, brushing his hand through the air and redirecting DS comment to the side.

    “I wouldn’t worry too much, man. The three of us together are an immense power,” Toru then got up and clenched his fist in false brilliance. “And even though the vets are strong, we’ll crush them no matter what!”

    “So you’re saying we could easily take an armblade to the everywhere and take a trip through the void and live to tell the tale?” DS jokingly poked at Toru’s enthusiasm, leading the geo to awkwardly sit down and assess what he said slowly, the lummox that he was sometimes.

    “Well, um, maybe I guess… “ Toru then got up again, his motives and reasons reignited. “It doesn’t matter! We’ll show no mercy if the odd are against us!”

    Tun applauded Toru with quick and quiet claps, while DS shrugged, shaking his head and laughing.

    “You’re starting to sound like Zacky. Has he been rubbing off on you again?”

    Toru sat back down, joining in with DS’ banter.

    “Maybe. Next thing you know I’ll be wearing scarves on my neck AND all of my limbs!” The three young ones laughed hard in unison, laughter masking their fatigue, which slowly came to light as the fun died down. DS slowly made his way to the entrance, and turned back to Toru and Tun.

    “I’m getting a little bit tired now, time I went back home and got some rest. Make sure you two do the same, okay?”

    A slow ‘Okaaay, bye Jesper’ oozed from their tired bodies in an odd unison. Toru decided to get up and leave too, clipping his sword and its holster around his waist.

    “I’m going to do the same too. Here’s hoping we have another good time tomorrow, alright Tunnu?”

    “Yeah, good night Tobii. Sleep tight~”

    Toru nodded with a smile and suddenly hesitated before opening the glass door.

    “And remember – “

    “’No sweets before bedtime’ right? Heehee, I know Toby~”

    “Good to hear. Take it easy.”

    Tun took a long breath and prepared to close the shop. Tomorrow morning would be busy at breakfast time, and the afternoon would bring another amazing fight. For now, sleep was her forte as she put on a little striped purple sleeping cap on top of her dark caramel hair and heading up the stairs behind her counter up to her room.

    She knew that her, DS and Toru would still be awesome as always.

    (Thanks for taking your time to read this guys - if you could give me any CC, I'd be very grateful.)
     
  2. Damn.

    I am terribly jealous of your talent for writing. Despite the fact that- As far as I'm aware- Your posts in Angels were the only major pieces of writing you've done in a long time, you're even better now than you already were!

    This was incredibly enjoyable to read and I'm not lying when I say I have no constructive criticism to offer you. I love your detailed style of writing, your grammar and such are flawless and... Pfft. I just love everything about this story.

    I can't wait for more stories, no matter the colour coding!
     
  3. bluh bluh I'm bad at writing feedback on fics, especially on my phone, but this is amazing and I'm in it so I'm kinda obligeddddd

    I like this.

    I like this a lot.

    I've already given lots of c+c and comments and stuff on MSN, but I must let you know I do adore your style of writing. Your description of the battle scene was excellent and you build up atmosphere and climax very well. I also love how your fic was very serious but I giggled and smiled the whole way through! You've improved an awful lot, I dare say I'm proud~ :'D

    I think you described me, you and Jesper very well, our characters were really clearly portrayed and I could definitely believe ourselves to be amidst these happenings. I just adore this work and it amused me very much <333

    I anticipate your next writings and I apologise for not commenting very well here! It's hard to not just babble on about how amazing and awesome I think this is. C:
     
  4. One thing that has always irked me was the use of the tilde (~) in writing. What is it supposed to convey? I do not know.

    Other than that, this was an amusing, cute fic. With the high standard of writing on 'Charms, there is often not much to nitpick with, other than the occasional typographical error or awkward phrasing.
     

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