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Tila-Story of a Pokemon Trainer (CH3!)

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by 888Warrior888, Sep 18, 2010.

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Like it so far? Should I add another chapter? What do you think about it?

  1. It's awesomeness material! Make another chappter, please?

    3 vote(s)
    27.3%
  2. It's not bad. Pretty good!

    1 vote(s)
    9.1%
  3. Eh. It's alright. Needs a little more information, etc though.

    5 vote(s)
    45.5%
  4. Uh...don't count on making another chapter...

    1 vote(s)
    9.1%
  5. It's horrible! It's so lame! Don't ever make a story again, you dunce!

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  6. It's soooo bad! Make another chapter annd I'll throw you off a cliff!

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  7. Other (if so, then explain in a reply.)

    2 vote(s)
    18.2%
  8. It's awesomeness material! Make another chappter, please?

    3 vote(s)
    27.3%
  9. It's not bad. Pretty good!

    1 vote(s)
    9.1%
  10. Eh. It's alright. Needs a little more information, etc though.

    5 vote(s)
    45.5%
  11. Uh...don't count on making another chapter...

    1 vote(s)
    9.1%
  12. It's horrible! It's so lame! Don't ever make a story again, you dunce!

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  13. It's soooo bad! Make another chapter annd I'll throw you off a cliff!

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  14. Other (if so, then explain in a reply.)

    2 vote(s)
    18.2%
  1. I will work on this story as much as I can :) I hope school doesn't step in my way, though.
    Prolouge
    When Tila finally finished organizing her supplies, she loaded them into her backpack. Finally, after all these years of waiting, she could finally
    become a Pokemon Trainer! She was very egar to hurry and leave to Prof. Rowan's lab. It wasn't too far. It was about ten miles or less away. With rests at a Pokemon Center, she'd be there in no time! Tila also lived in a small town called Bluebridge Town. It was usually calm and sunny and loud cars never muffed the sound of a tweeting Starly.
    "Tila, time to eat!" her mother, Luanna called. Luanna was a pretty bright woman. It was unknown of what happend to Tila's father. But Luanna never talked about it.
    "Coming, Mom!" Tila called back and ran into the bathroom and began brushing her hair. When she finished, she ran downstairs and into the kitchen.
    "Mom, I'm here." she said, perfectly tying her hair into a ponytail.
    Luanna picked up a plate that had a golden, peppery, fresh and homemade omelet on it.
    "Breakfast is served." She placed the plate onto the table. "Now take a seat."
    "Okay, I will." Tila pulled a chair from the table and sat on it and scooted it back in. She pulled the plate closer to her and Luanna handed her a fork and a butter knife.
    Without hesitating, Tila dug into the omelet. Luanna, handed her a glass of milk, laughing.
    "Slow down, Tila! Gee, how excited are you? I don't want you to choke right before you become a trainer." Tila nodded, smiling. When she had finished wolfing down her omelet, she drained her milk. "Thanks for the meal, Mom!" she quickly said before dashing upstairs to her room, where her heavy backpack was. A few minutes later, she came back down with her dark blue backpack with a Pokeball design on her back. "I'm ready, Mom." Tila announced.
    Luanna, stroking her pet persian said, "Is that so? Then you'd better get going." Tila gave her a warm smile and approached her mother and Persian. "I'll miss you both...but I'll do great!" she promised. "I know you will, Tila. Now run along." Luanna patted her shoulder.
    Persian meowed. "Peeersiaan!" Tila stroked Persian's soft fur. "Don't worry, Persian. I'll be back soon. See you later!" Tila ran out of the kitchen and approached the front door. She opened it. The door squeaked. But that didn't bother her. She left the house. When she was outside, she grabbed her bike from opened garage and jumped onto it and rode away.

    It would be a while until she'd see her mother and her hometown again, but that didn't stop her.

    She rode away from BlueBridge town, which was just outside of Veilstone City. She was riding for about an hour until it began raining. She had a yellow rain jacket in her backpack. But it was useless if she put it on because a Pokemon Center was right next to her. Tila got off her bike and hurried to the Pokemon Center, walking her bike to a bike rack at the same time. When she made it to the Pokemon Center, she put her pea green bike on the bike rack, where another bike was.
    (And thankfully, since the bike rack had a roof over it, her bike wouldn't rust.)
    And when that was done, she barged into the Pokemon Center, dripping wet. Pokemon Trainers stared at her. Tila chuckled, embarassed.

    She sat down at a table, where another girl Pokemon Trainer Was. Tila squeezed the rain out of her charcoal black hair and said, "Hello!"
    The trainer smiled. "Hey. I'm glad you made it here before it the rain got worst. I heard some trainers don't make it in time and they have to face the storm." she said. "I'm Skyler, by the way."
    Tila gasped. "W-what happend to the trainers?"
    Skyler cackled. "Nothing! I was just joking!"
    "I'm Tila. Where do you come from?"
    "I come from Jubilife City. What about you?"
    "BlueBridge Town."
    "BlueBridge Town? Where's that?"
    "It's a little outside of Veilstone City. It's a little hard to find."
    Skyler nodded. "Cool. So where are you heading to?"
    "Professer Rowan's Lab!" she cheered. "I'm going to become a powerful Pokemon Trainer!"
    "Really? Me too!" Skyler replied happily.
    "Why don't we head there together? We should travel together. That would be great!" Tila squealed.
    They both nodded and shook hands.
    "Friends?"
    "Yeah, friends!" Soon enough, the rain cleared up and it was nice and sunny again. They both left the Pokemon Center and grabbed their bikes from the bike rack and headed out, egar to make it to Prof. Rowan's lab.

    To be continued...
     
  2. Re: Tila-Story of a Pokemon Trainer (Prolouge)

    Its a great start. But some of the diaologue is a bit corny, and the surroungings arent described enough. E.X
    "She handed her a plate with an omelet on it."
    add more description.
    She gave her plate and on it was a fresh and warm omelet.
    See what i mean.
     
  3. Re: Tila-Story of a Pokemon Trainer (Prolouge)

    Oh, ok. Thanks. :)
    People barely say corny any more though Lol
     
  4. Re: Tila-Story of a Pokemon Trainer (Prolouge)

    It's a decent start (though I'd recommend you begin the story after Tila gets her starter, just briefly describing it, as it allows the story to get to its meat faster, but hey, it's your story). The main issue I have is that the dialogue really doesn't reflect the personalities of the characters, and just comes off as lifeless.

    For example, instead of saying:

    "Slow down, Tila! I don't want my fine child to choke."

    Say something like:

    "Whoa! Don't eat so fast! We wouldn't want you choking when you are so close to becoming a Pokemon trainer, right?"

    It sounds a little more like what a person would say, doesn't it? Delivery of lines is important when trying to give a reader a sense of just who the characters are.
     
  5. Re: Tila-Story of a Pokemon Trainer (Prolouge)

    (I changed up the Prolouge a little. I did my best. But anyways, here's the first chapter! I hope you like it! I promise you I did my best Lol! Hope it's not too short ;D)

    Chapter One
    Tila and Skyler were busy riding their bikes to Prof. Rown's Lab and were engaged in a conversation.
    "So you said that you want to get Chimchar?" Tila asked once more.
    "Yeah! Fire-types are my life! What Pokemon are you going to get?" Skyler questioned.
    "Hmmm...I want to get Turtwig. Turtwig are Grass-type. I bet it'll be stronger than your Chimchar!" Tila bragged and began to speed up on her bike.
    "Turtwig? Turtwig against a blazing Fire-type? Who are you kidding? Grass is weak against Fire! You might as well get Piplup!" Skyler replied.
    "No, I'm not getting Piplup. I want a challenge! So Turtwig it is. Now come on, I think we're getting close to Solacean Town." Tila said.
    Skyler nodded and they both sped up. And in about twenty minutes, they were pulling up into Solacean Town. The town seemed to be filled with ranchers, cowgirls and other farmland. Skyler and Tila guessed it was just a farming community.

    "I see the Pokemon Center." Skyler said to Tila, nudging her left arm as they both walked their bikes.
    "Really? Where is it?" Tila questioned, looking around the town for a buidling with a Pokeball on it. "I don't see the center anywhere."
    Skyler pointed to the building. "There, right there!"
    Tila looked at what she was pointing to. It was the Pokemon Center at last! Together, they walked their bikes up to the bike rack and perfectly parked them and headed inside the Pokemon Center. When the Pokemon Center doors opened, the two felt a cool breeze.
    "Ahh....we're finally out of the incinerating heat!" Tila cheered.
    "Yeah, I'm relieved. Now let's go and ask for some of those orange drinks." Skyler walked into center along with Tila. They approached Nurse Joy and a Chansey.
    "Hello, welcome to the Pokemon Center. How may I help you?" Nurse Joy asked.
    "We'd like two of those orange drinks." Tila answered. "With extra ice cubes."
    "Alright, I'll be right back." Nurse Joy smiled.
    "So how far away are we from the lab now?" Skyler whispered to Tila.
    "Well....I'll have to look at my map sometime today...it's buried somewhere in my backpack."
    Skyler fixed her backpack straps. "Oh..that's fine. I just want to be sure where we are."

    "Here you are, ladies." Nurse Joy handed them two colorful drinks. Skyler grabbed one. And so did Tila.
    "Thanks Nurse Joy." they said at the same time.
    They took a seat at a table and slurped their drinks.
    "I can't wait to get my Pokemon." Skyler told Tila, who was draining some of her drink.
    "Me neither. It sounds so much fun to raise Pokemon! You get to battle and feed them and become popular!" Tila squeaked.
    They both went on about raising Pokemon, sipping their orange drinks at the same time.


    When they finished their drinks, they asked Nurse Joy if they could stay for the night. Nurse Joy allowed them to.

    They decided that they'd leave tommorow and continue. Because a good night's sleep was always essiential.

    So was making to Prof. Rowan's lab. To get a Pokemon.

    To be Cotniued.
     
    #5 888Warrior888, Sep 19, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  6. Re: Tila-Story of a Pokemon Trainer (CH1)

    (Another chapter! Please enjoy it. If you want tell me something about my story, then please reply!)

    Chapter Two
    Tila's eyes weakly peered open as she yawned. She remembered she had spent the night in the Pokemon Center. And still on her way to Prof. Rowan's lab.
    She also remembered that she had a new friend, Skyler. Carefully, she got out of bed and shook Skyler, who was in a deep slumber. "Hey, Sky', wake up! C'mon, we'd better get going!" Tila whispered. Skyler's blue eyes flashed open, frightening Tila. "AHHHHH!" she yelped.
    "What's wrong, Tila?"
    "Oh, nothing...you scared me...that's all."
    "Sorry..." Skyler stepped out of bed and scratched her blonde hair. "...so what's the next town or city we'll run into?"
    Tila grabbed her backpack and searched for her map. "Hmm...let's see." she said to herself. "...ah-ha...!" she pulled out a colorful map and walked back over to Skyler.

    "We are here..." Tila pointed to Solaceon Town. And pointing to another area on the map, Skyler said, "And here is Hearthome City...where we'll be heading." Then she broke into happiness. "...wait...we're going to Hearthome City!" Skyler cheered.
    "Yeah, what's so great about that?"
    "Hearthome City, I heard, is a wonderous city of delight! I heard it's so amazing!"
    Skyler danced around the room and grabbed her backpack. "I'm going to get changed!" she went into the bathroom.

    Tila had never been out of her hometown, Bluebridge Town. Well, occaisonally she would have to run to Veilstone City to get a few things from the large department store.
    She guessed that Skyler hadn't been out of her hometown a lot either. "Hey, Tila, you can go change now." Skyler came out of the bathroom with a blue T-shirt, black shorts and dark blue shoes, and her blonde hair in a ponytail.
    Tila nodded and grabbed some clothes out of her backpack. "Alrightie then...I'll go change." And she walked into the bathroom. A few minutes later, she returned wearing a dark green polo, corn yellow shorts, plain white shoes and her shadow black hair was being worn long.
    "Ready to go, Skyler?" Tila questioned. "I am."
    "You betcha'!" Skyler exclaimed, putting on her backpack and handing Tila hers. They left the room, thanked Nurse Joy for letting them stay, and left the Pokemon Center.
    Then they grabbed their bikes from the bike rack. "Alright, let's go!" Tila got onto her bike. "You ready?"
    "Yeah, I am!" Skyler got onto her bike too and was ready to start peddling.
    "Let's go!"
    They both started riding their bikes to Hearthome City, which hopefully wasn't too far away.
    They were just about ten minutes away from Hearthome City when people wearing suites that had Gs on them were blocking the way.
    "I'm sorry, but you cannot pass." one said.
    "W-why not?" Tila asked.
    "We are doing a little bit of planning and reconstruction, etc." he replied.
    "You have to let us pass!" Skyler growled.

    "T-that cannot be done!"
    "Let us pass, NOW!"
    "I'm guessing you want to fight us for it?" the man chuckled.

    "Yeah, it's on!" Skyler snarled.
    "No, Skyler." Tila whispered. "We can't we have no Pokemon, remember?"
    Skyler got even angrier. "I'm talkin' about a fist fight here!"
    The man rolled his eyes and got out a Pokeball. "Go, Golbat!"
    A bat-like Pokemon came out of the ball. "Golbaaaat!"

    Skyler look at the Golbat. "What Pokemon is that?" she asked.
    "I don't know, but it's going to attack!" Tila screamed.

    "Quick, Tila and Skyler, come here now!" a voice called to them.
    Tila and Skyler turned around to where they heard the voice. A man who was probably about in his 50s was right behind them with a briefcase.

    To be continued...
    Spoiler Alert!
    coughcoughcoughcoughcoughprofessercoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughrowancoughcoughcough
     
  7. Re: Tila-Story of a Pokemon Trainer (CH1)

    (Another chapter! Please enjoy it. If you want tell me something about my story, then please reply!)

    Chapter Three
    It was Prof. Rowan! Everyone gasped. And the people with Gs quickly scurried away.
    "Professer!" Skyler said in relief. And she noticed that Prof. Rowan was standing right by a smiling Officer Jenny and an Arcanine.
    "And Officer Jenny!" Tila added. "Boy are we glad to see you! Who were those guys anyways?"

    "Criminals. Criminals that need to be arrested and thrown in prison! They are Team Galactic. I would say more, but what they do is so horrible." Officer Jenny replied.
    "Team Galactic?" Skyler began. "More like a bunch of green nerds!"
    Skyler and Tila began cracking up.
    "Now then..." Prof. Rown interuppted their laughter. "Follow us, we'll go to my lab."
    "Is it far?" Skyler questioned.
    "Well, it's in Sandgem Town. We are in just outside of Hearthome. But we'll make it by car." Prof. Rowan warmly grinned.
    "Yes, the Professer is right." Officer Jenny walked over to a black car. "Arcanine, return." She grabbed out a Pokeball and a red beam shot at Arcanine. It vanished back into it's Pokeball. Tila and Skyler were facisnated. They had barely seen things like that. After all, they hadn't obtained a Pokemon or Pokeballs yet. Well, they actually had seen stuff like that. But only on TV back in their hometowns. Watching it in person was even better though. Way better!

    "Hop in," Officer Jenny opened the door to the backseat.
    Tila and Skyler nodded and walked up to the car and went inside and slammed the door shut.
    Prof. Rowan took a seat in the front seat, beside Officer Jenny, who was carefully driving to the lab. They were driving for about two hours when they stopped in front of a large building with glass windows. "Here we are. Professer Rowan's lab." Officer Jenny said.
    "Thank you, Officer Jenny. I really appreciating." Professer Rowan said.
    "Us too!" Skyler blurted. "Thanks for the ride!" It was just about 7:18 PM when they made it. Or even less. But they made it fast enough. Officer Jenny drove away and everoyne else headed inside the lab. When Tila and Skyler walked in, they smelt the fresh air that mingled with the sound of speaking scientist. They followed the Professer through his lab until they made it to an empty room with a long table on it.
    "So is this where we obtain our Pokemon?" Skyler asked egarly.
    "Yes, it is." Prof. Rowan answered. The two cheered with delight. They had finally made it! Yay!
    Prof. Rowan opended his briefcase and took three shiny Pokeballs out and put them on the table. Pokemon came out of them!
    It frightend Skyler and Tila, but they recovered quickly.
    "Pokemon!" Tila squealed. "Woohoo!"

    Prof. Rowan introduced the Pokemon to them. Tila and Skyler thought for a few minutes before choosing their Pokemon.
    "I choose Turtwig!" Tila said.
    "And I want Chimchar!" Skyler added. They grabbed the Pokemon they wanted along with their Pokeball.
    "Are these the Pokemon you two want?" Prof. Rowan asked.
    "Yeah, sure is!" they said together.
    "Then I guess you two are set." He handed them each a device. "This is a Pokedex. You it to review what moves a Pokemon has, what kind of Pokemon it is, and other great things involving Pokemon. You'll find out."
    Skyler was handed a dark blue Pokedex, while Tila was handed a yellow Pokedex.
    "Wow!" Tila said, holding Turtwig tightly. "This is too amazing!"
    They thanked Prof. Rowan. And just as they were about to leave the room, "Hey, I'm here for my Pokemon!" a voice said. A boy who was Tila and Skyler's age barged in. He had a black T-shirt, gray pants and a charcoal black hair along with blue shoes and a green backpack.

    "Awww...two trainers already got Pokemon. At least there is one left, for ME!" he walked up to the table, and snatched up Piplup.
    "Piiiplluuuuup!" Piplup screamed as it was suddenly swooped up.
    "Be gentle!" Tila snapped. "Don't hurt the Pokemon!"
    "Aw, shush. I won't." he hugged the Piplup tightly. "I wouldn't ever do that.." he said in a soothing voice.
    Skyler rolled her eyes. "Who's this, Professer?"
    "This is Harry. He's also getting a Pokemon."

    "I'm Skyler."
    "I'm Tila. Nice to meet you."
    "Whatever! I'd like to challenge you to a battle!" he pointed to Tila.
    Tila gasped. Her first battle was waiting!

    To be continued...
     
    #7 888Warrior888, Sep 23, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  8. Oh thanks. Another chapter will be coming shortly :)
     
  9. Chapter Four
    Before Tila knew it, she, Skyler, Harry, and Prof. Rowan were out in a large grassy field, with a Turtwig clutched in her arms.
    "So, Teabag, ready to battle?" Harry asked.
    "My name is not Teabag! It's Tila! And you're going down!" Tila called back at him.
    "Whatever. You might get close to beating me, but then I'll have a comeback!" Harry said with confidence.
    "Alrightie, then! Go, Turtwig!" She set Turtwig down.
    "Piplup, make this trainer cry!" Harry set Piplup down.

    "I call first move!" Tila cried out suddenly. "Now, Turtwig, use Razor Leaf!"
    Turtwig began flinging leaves at Piplup.
    "Piplup, quick, use-"
    "Piiiipllalaaaaaa!" Piplup wasn't told to do something in time and took the attack.

    "Oh! That was a powerful blow!" Skyler exclaimed.
    "Yes it was." Prof. Rowan said, standing by Skyler.
    "Huh?"
    "Turtwig's a Grass-type and Piplup is a Water-type. Grass is super effective aganist water."

    "Now, Piplup, use Peck!" commanded Harry.
    Piplup's beak began glowing and turned milky white and charged at Turtwig.
    "Quick, Turtwig, grab Piplup's beak using Bite!"
    Turtwig nodded and charged at Piplup. When Turtwig was close enough to Piplup, it grabbed Piplup by it's beak!
    Piplup's beak stopped glowing and Piplup began struggling and panicking. "Piiipluuup!" it cried helplessly.
    "Now, Turtwig, give it a throw!" Tila shouted.
    Harry gasped. "No!"
    Turtwig gave Piplup a weak throw into the air.
    Piplup's cries could still be heard.
    "Now, Turtwig, finish it off with Razor Leaf!"
    Turtwig flung more pointy at Piplup as it returned to the ground. "Piplup, Bubblebeam!" Harry shouted.
    Piplup managed to stop panicking and fired bubbles at Razor Leaf.

    WA-BAM!

    The attacks clashed and made a smokey explosion.
    "Wahhh!" Tila gasped as the smoke slowly began to clear up.
    When the smoke vanished, they saw that Piplup was lying on the ground, KO'd.
    Turtwig was still hanging on, but weak.
    "I won!" Tila blurted out and ran over to Turtwig and scooped it up. "Woohooo!"
    She began cheering. Skyler happily ran over to Tila and she congratulated her.
    Harry was shocked. He had been beaten. Beaten by a girl!
    "Congrats," Prof. Rowan said to Tila and Harry. "You both had a fair battle. You three should all take your seperate ways. Become wonderfl trainers or coordinators. Whichever you'd like."

    After saying goodbyes, Harry slowly walked away.
    Tila, feeling bad for the trainer, ran over to him. "Harry, what's wrong?" she questioned.
    "I lost! You beat me! In my first battle, too!" he replied, with a tear streaming down his face.
    "That's why you're upset? Because you lost?"
    Harry shyly nodded. "Yeah."
    "You shouldn't be. I mean, we'll lose battles, we'll win battles. But no matter what, we'll make new friends and have fun." Tila stopped him from walking any further and put her hand on his shoulder.
    "Yeah but...losing ruins my reputation!"
    "Hahaahaaa! What reputation? You've just become a trainer."
    "But still, I'll be considered a loser..."
    "No you won't. I promise you."
    With regained confidence, Harry said, "Tila, can you travel with me?"
    Tila blushed heavily. "W-why?"
    "You keep me confident. And you're very nice. Why not?" he asked.
    "I would, but I was going to travel with Skyler instead."
    "Fine then....I'll see you soon..." he removed Tila's hand from his shoulder and walked away.
    "See you..around." Tila said weakly and headed back to Skyler and Prof. Rowan.
    "Oh, hey, Tila. I was looking for you." Skyler said. "Where were you?"
    "Just chatting and saying goodbyes to Harry." Tila responded.
    "Looks like someone's in love!" Skyler teased, blurting out into laughter.
    "Oh, shush! I don't like him. Well, I do. As a friend."
    "Alrightie then...whatever. Let's go to the next place...hmmm....Jubilife City! My hometown!" Skyler cheered. "But I don't want to slow us down by visiting friends or family, right?"
    "Right, let's get going!"

    Together, they waved goodbye to the professer, who also gave them each six Pokeballs.
    And headed to Jubilife City.

    Where more adventures awaited...

    To be continued..
     
    #10 888Warrior888, Sep 26, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013

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