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  2. A reminder: If you want to ask an RP thread creator if you can join their RP, do so in private - via conversation or profile messages - or via the thread's discussion thread, if one exists. Do NOT ask if you can join an RP on the RP thread itself! This leads to a lot of unnecessary OOC chatter and that's not what the RP boards are for.

    This is clearly stated in our RP forum rules. If you've not read them yet, do so BEFORE posting anything in the RP forums. They may be found here (for Pokémon Role Play) or here (for General Role Play). Remember that the Global Rules of Pokécharms also apply in addition to these rule sets.

The Road To Pokemon Master![Sinnoh Reigon]

Discussion in 'Pokémon Role Play' started by PKMNTrainerRaineSkymin, Jul 5, 2009.

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  1. "Mom, do you think i'm ready for a pokemon? I've been DYING for one so badly!!" Raine said shakily.
    "Maybe, Just maybe your father and I could organise a meeting with Professor Rowan." Her mother replied.
    The trees swayed and shook against the kitchen window, as Raine was about to speak.
    "Thanks mom!" She exclaimed.
    "But, how old are you again, dear?" Raine's mom asked her.
    "10. That means I can start my pokemon journey!" Raine Cheered.
    Her mom looked out the window.
    "Yes... Yes you can! I want you to be happy, Raine. So... You better take this." Raine's Mother said, handing her a postcard with the three starter pokemon on it.;Piplup, Turtwig and Chimchar.
    "Oh thank you, thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!"Raine Cried, as she took her bag and jumped on her bike.
    "Bye mom!" She called, cycling away to start...Her very own pokemon journey.
    "HEY RAINE!!"*Thudd!*
    Raine gasped and nearly fell off her bike. Who called her name? It sounded alot like her friend who was her secret rival... His/Her name was...
     
  2. StellarWind Elsydeon

    StellarWind Elsydeon Armblades Ascendant
    Staff Member Administrator

    I don't see any real rule violations here quite yet, but this RP hardly meets the quality standards we want the RP forum to have.

    I don't have anything to say about the plot (or lack thereof) so far - oretty much a bog-standard "new trainer RP", but that's quite alright, as RPs like that do happen. However, I do have to say something about the lack of anything else. Description, detail, paragraphs... Think of it like this - you are writing a story with other people. You need to captivate them. Give them some sort of image of what the Arceus is going on, so they can continue.

    I recommend reading this thread thoroughly before continuing this RP, and following its general guidelines.

    On a side note. Though nothing is blatant - I would have to point out that some of this may be mild autoing. You should never end a post with something like "It sounded alot like her friend who was her secret rival... His/Her name was..." - it forces another person to create a character that would fit this role, and that is something you should not be doing.

    For the record, Rosafae, things like "and a little -( Would it be ok if I used eevee? or should I use one of the normal starters?) came out!" shouldn't be within the course of an RP. Keep them out of the post and in OOC format, or, alternatively, PM the thread creator and ask her. Either way, posts should be written story format, properly, and NOT like this.

    I expect improvement or action may be taken.
     
  3. StellarWind Elsydeon

    StellarWind Elsydeon Armblades Ascendant
    Staff Member Administrator

    Slightly better, but the character's description should be integrated INTO the post, as opposed to just being posted on the side in an OOC. More detail is also advisable - what is her body structure like? What does she wear? I see that you've gone more into her demeanor - bubbly, hyperactive, cheerful, and obviously very excitable. That's better, but you could do so much more with that given the right descriptions. I don't get any feeling from her character.

    Also, you say that 'writing stories' is your main "dealio", but there are enough punctuation errors here to show that perhaps you should be writing less and reading more to see how it's done. For example:

    "It was her friend Rosafae who had gone to see Prof. Rowan yesterday! The girl looked extremely excited to see her friend. She stopped when she noticed her friend had been riding her bike.

    "Are you going to get your starter pokemon too?! Guess what Raine!" She chirped excitedly throwing back her brown hair."


    No. Just no. That exclamation point, for example? Does NOT belong there. Exclamation points are valid when used in speech, like in the following example.

    "I am the great lord Jim-Bob from the castle of Dur!" bellowed the one-eyed ogre, striking an ominous glare (the effects of which slightly lost due to his frilly dress) at the hero "You shall not pass, Puny Human!"

    It does not belong in the middle of a narrative, like what you did.

    The reason I highlighted the second sentence was the fact that it is lacking something very significant - punctuation. The sentence COULD have been constructed like this.

    "Are you going to get your starter PokéMon too?" the girl chirped excitedly, throwing back her brown hair, "Guess what, Raine!"

    Which would have been much better.

    Also:

    Autoing, in the RP Forum Rules Thread, which you should by the way read before making any further attempts at posting, is defined as "Controlling another RPer's character without his or her permission."

    "raine rolled her eyes at the hyper girl" and ""What is it?! I was going to go see Prof. Rowan soon too!" She was on the edge of her bicycle seat as she craned her neck to get a better look at the ball."

    See? THIS is BLATANT Autoing. You are not allowed to write another person's actions for them. This particular offense is not one that is generally tolerated here. You have one chance to edit this post to make sure it does not violate the rules.

    And read the grammar thread I pointed to as well. It will help you in your solo-writing endeavors, too.

    Good luck!
     
    #3 StellarWind Elsydeon, Jul 6, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2014
  4. Sorry, I don't want to put that kind of effort into a game. I don't think that the author would either, seeing the quality of their first post doesn't fit normal criteria for RPing. I'll be deleting my first posts.
     
  5. StellarWind Elsydeon

    StellarWind Elsydeon Armblades Ascendant
    Staff Member Administrator

    A game?

    Does this forum's title say "Forum Games"? I think not. It says PokeMon Role Play. And if you didn't bother to read the rules and choose to implement the effort, then I'm sorry that's how you feel, but this is how things are done around here. If you have a problem with it, then stay away from the RP forum.

    That goes for the topic author too.

    I'm locking this. There is little point for the existence of this thread.
     
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