The N00b Song: A Cautionary Tale

[StellarWind Elsydeon]

StellarWind Elsydeon brings you another installation of The Songs of PokeCharms - the tale of a particularly moronic n00b.

Set to the tune of Flanders and Swann's Hippopotamus Song.

A bold little n00blet was standing one day
On the doorstep of ol' PokeCharms
It gazed at the forum, gazed blankly away
And made posts at a rate that alarms

Away at the staff room, reports came in droves
Of this little new spammer's post spree
With armblades extended, Stel Elsydeon descended
And into this n00b's ear he skree'd...

Chorus:
Grow, grow, grow a damn brain
N00b, your stupidity drives me insane
So get to rule reading
Or else you'll be bleeding...
And pray, never post such dumb drivel again!

A warning was given, the n00b ran away
Knowing not what the heck he did wrong.
As he hadn't read the rules when he first came this way
And descriptions of boards? They're too long!
He gave them a read, but did not understand
For his neurons were not quite evolved
The rules disregarded, the SPAM flew unguarded
And again, the admins got involved...

Chorus:
Grow, grow, grow a damn brain...

More warnings were added, the n00b came to find
That he couldn't make new posts at all
I wonder what went through its minuscule mind
As inevitably he did fall.
He posted a whine where he ranted and bitched
in a smiley-ful eyesore-y thread
And then, in a flash, came the final blade-slash
And the n00b said goodbye to its head...

Chorus:
Banned, banned, epically banned
It tested their patience, and out it did run
So follow the rules,
Use your brain - don't be fools...
And you wouldn't need worry about being banned!

 

[Brendan Savem]

Ladies and Gentlemen! We have a new theme song!

These lyrics are epic, and flow nicely with the given song. So really well written there Stel, wish I could do that...

You pretty much described the fate of half of the entrees of Charms, so they should learn this song first hand so they know what's coming their way. It's practically Charms life.

Grow, Grow, Grow a damn brain...

 

[jertyuiop]

This is a really great song, Stel. It describes what happens with nearly all of the n00bs that there are. Also, I could sing it in my head and it's catchy! A well written song!

 

[Madremonte]

Hahaha I just laughed off my chair while I was reading the lyrics.

The lyrics were perfectly written and blended really well with the tune of the song. Just awesome, just awesome ...

(Grow, grow, grow a damn brain)

 

[Bloodless]

I saw, I read, and I laughed.

Great lyrics, well blended, and...

Grow, grow, grow a dxxn brain.

 

[Cody]

If there was any doubt that Stel was a genius, here is your proof!


(Even though he can't beat simple chain reaction games )

 

[Belle]

I willingly admit that I played the hippo song in the background and sang your lyrics in my head.
It was glorious.

 

[Blisk]

Stel, this rocks. You guys should have this play on the home page. Lulz. If only that didn't cost more money. Great job Stel!

 

[Aura]

Well I guess everyone already knew but: Stel. Is. God.

It would be funny as if this played on the home page... *hums song to self*

 

[toucheiruka]

Moral of the story, brains are not expensive.

great job Stel!

 

[Secad MS]

So true, sadly true...

However, Stel makes it funny! I just wish I could make this into an mp3 so everyone can hear it.

 

[Toru]

Hmh. Maybe you could learn the song on your guitar, Stel, then sing along and put it on your Youtube then link it on the boards XP

 

[PKMN Breeder Grey]

Aah, I remember my n00b days fondly... Well, I technically still am a n00b, but at least I wasn't as bad as that one who came by the other day and insulted us. Either way, this song is pure, undiluted genius and you should be given an award

Just goes to show: if you don't follow the rules, Stel will skree so loud, your head explodes into fragments so tiny and numerous, no magic will be able to fix you! Heed the words of Grey, mortal n00bs!!