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The King in the Rain

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Chibi, Dec 18, 2010.

  1. ((Something I wrote in about 20 minutes..I was bored and obsessed with Goethe: This might make the story have a bit more sense, if you read it.))

    "Mom. Mom…Mom…Mom—"

    "What?" Mom snapped, cutting me off.

    "There's something out there." I said, pointing to outside.

    "Probably just a homeless person. Don't worry honey, we're in the car. No one can get us in here."

    I wanted to tell her that it wasn't true, but I knew she wouldn't believe me. It was raining outside, no very hard, but hard enough for my mom to have to keep her eyes on the road all the time and away from me, sitting in the backseat. I just stared out the window, bored and with little else to do. But I wasn't lying about the part of someone being out there, I could see him as we passed.

    The weird thing was, he was right outside the car. I couldn't see his body, just his eyes. His eyes were really scary, they were white and like mist. Every time we would pass a light, I could see flashes of his body; he was really tall, and he was wearing all black. I could see this creepy smile that was way too wide to be normal.

    "Momma, can't you see him?" I asked, pointing again. I tried not to shiver, for some reason I felt really cold even though mom had the heaters turned on.

    "No, I don't see him honey," my mom sighed patiently. She wasn't even looking. "Just play with your imaginary friend."

    But he wasn't imaginary, I wanted to whine. He's too creepy to be imaginary. I watched fearfully as the face came closer. The flashes of light against the raindrops gave the image of his face, so it looked all watery and silver and not really there.

    I could see him smiling, and those bright white eyes glowed. Suddenly I saw a hand, beckoning me closer with one finger. Terrified, I scooted as far I as I could from him. My seatbelt was too tight. His expression didn't change. "Come with me, dear child," I heard him say. I saw his lips move, but the voice was just a whisper in the rain. "Come to my beaches, where my many flowers bloom in the springtime. I will play many games with you there."

    He sounded soft and sincere, but I was still scared. I shook my head and turned to my mom. She didn't seem to hear anything. "Mom, didn't you hear that?" I whimpered, turning to look at him. He was still smiling.

    "What? The rain?" Mom asked.

    I knew she had not heard him. My heart felt like it went into my stomach. "Never mind," I mumbled, casting my eyes downward. A flash of movement caught my eye and looked up.

    I could see his full form now. He was beautiful, I know you will say that a nine-year-old doesn't truly know what beautiful means, but I do. He was pale, with long white hair and a golden crown. His clothes were black and his eyes were white, and he seemed to have this inner light that lit up the area around me. There were people behind him now, girls, who were very thin and pretty. They looked at me as well. "Will you come with me, child?" He asked gently. "My daughters would love to have company. They will treat you like a brother. They will lead you into nightly dances. They will even sing you to sleep, for they love you as much as I do. Come with me, please." He stretched out his hand.

    Suddenly I heard another voice, another whisper. Erlkonig, it said. Erl King. Elf King. I really didn't know what that meant, but it sounded like a warning. Again, I shook my head. I just wanted to go home and be safe.

    Erlkonig's smile grew wider, and I felt myself beginning to cry. His teeth were all pointed and sharp. "Oh, my dear child. Little boy, don't be that way. I love you, I want to take care of you." He came closer, so close that he was right by the window. I could see the glass frosting up as he drew near. "Do not make me have to use force, please."

    I blinked, and I saw his true form. His skin was not pale at all, but a dark blue, and his golden crown had turned into a twisted black circle with spikes. He still had white hair and eyes, and for some reason he was still beautiful, but I was terrified. "Please…" I whispered, "please don't…"

    "Alex, who are you talking to?" My mom asked, finally looking back at me.

    "Alex, is that your name? It's a wonderful name. Mine is Erlkonig, it means Erl King. Will you come with me to my kingdom? I rule over the elves, you can be their prince."

    I backed up. "There, can't you see him, mom?" I asked desperately, pointing. "Erlkonig, right outside the window!"

    Mother looked, and she sighed. "It's nothing but the fog." She said and turned back.

    "No, really! He's right there! Him and his daughters!" I protested, trying to get her to look again. She had to see them! Why was she messing with me like this? This wasn't funny!

    She looked again. "Alex, those are street lamps," she said. "Please sit down, you're making me nervous."

    "But—" I murmured, sliding down into my seat. I felt sad, why wasn't mom doing anything?

    "Don't listen to her, Alex," Erlkonig told me. "She's a grown up. Grown ups can't see me, they can't see a lot of things." He pressed himself closer to the window, and suddenly he went through it. "I'll show you what the grown ups can't see. Fields of gold, massive banquets, faeries and elves and goblins. I live with them all, you can see things you've never dreamed. Come with me, come to my palace gilded with gold and sleep in silken beds. The sun rises when you want it to, and anything is possible."

    It sounded so lovely, but I was so terrified of him that I didn't want to go, not for the world. I shook my head. "No," I mouthed, "please."

    Erlkonig smiled again, but this time it was cruel and mean. "You won't feel that way afterwards. Come, precious child." Suddenly he reached out and touched me. His hands were like ice and I wanted to scream but nothing came out. He fingers traced my face. "So lovely," he said. "Come, little one. Time is short, and we can play forever in my lands." His hand suddenly came down to my chest, right where my heart was. It was so cold, and I was so cold now that I couldn't feel anything. I felt my heart flutter, and I wanted to go to sleep. I started to doze off, but then Erlkonig picked me up in his arms and carried me out of the car. I saw his daughters come closer, smiling and laughing and petting me. "Come," they said to me, "let us go to our home. We can dance under the starts and sing every night with the faeries."

    "Don't worry Alex, we will take care of you." Erlkonig told me, smiling and carrying me off. When I looked back, I noticed that I was still in the car. It was really odd.


    The child's mother sighed as her son was finally quiet. That was the last time she gave him so many sweets. She chanced a look back and smiled to herself. He was slumped against his seat, looking like he was fast asleep. She didn't notice that he wasn't breathing at all and turned back to the road, humming softly to herself as she drove through the rain.

    ((Just wait until she opens the car door and sees that he's dead. >:D *cackle* Yes, I'm evil. ))
    #1 Chibi, Dec 18, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  2. Psycho Monkey

    Psycho Monkey Member of the Literary Elite Four

    Yes, you are evil dear Chibi and we love you for it! >:D The darkness and creepiness factor had me on the edge of my seat waiting to read what happened next. Such an inattentive mother, tisk tisk. I do hope this isn't a one-shot, I very much want to follow this chilling tale further.
    #2 Psycho Monkey, Dec 19, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  3. Brrrr... creepy story. I really like it and as Psycho Monkey said, I hope this isn't a one-shot. I would love to read more :D
  4. .....Aw darn xDD You see, this was in fact meant to be a one-shot. I just wanted to try my hand at writing the creepy Erlkonig ;_;
  5. Psycho Monkey

    Psycho Monkey Member of the Literary Elite Four

    It's cool. I figured as much after I read the Wiki entry XD

    [me:psycho Monkey]notes to always read the source material before posting :p[/me]
  6. Wow, this is good! It has a spooky, enchanted feel to it but funny at the same time! And also, the Mum is strange. Anyway, keep up the good work! :))
    #6 Louie Forest, Dec 19, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  7. Forgot to say this in my last post, but, I swear I looked over my shoulder after reading this...
  8. Oh really? xDDD I didn't even think it was all that creepy either. :p
  9. This was a really cool story! I love how you were inspired by another piece of work. I felt it wasn't as creepy as it could have been, since going with Erlkonig didn't sound too horrible. Still I really enjoyed the story, it was interesting, to say the least :>
  10. Ked


    This is so cool!
    I love it!

    I really liked your description of Erlkonig, and I could just see him in my mind. ^^
    It was pretty scary, and I'm still shaking D:

    You should really make more parts to this, I would like to read what happens.

    Great work~!

    [me=Ked]waits patiently for more[/me]
  11. ((Jeez, you people are awesome. Srsly. Due to popular demand, I decided to make this sort-of-but-not-quite sequel. This time, it was inspired by this picture. Enjoy as you did last time, although I'm not so sure if this is as creepy as the last one.))

    King in the Mist

    Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

    I kept telling myself that, keeping it in my head like a sort of chant. I smiled to myself as I skipped down the path in the woods that served as a shortcut to my house. It was only a five minute walk to my house from the store, and my parents had sent me down to the store to get a few things for them. The privilege had given me smiles all the way down to Mr. Wilson's store and back. It felt good to be important.

    The woods were covered in this bluish mist, and I could feel the coolness enter my lungs every time I breathed. It felt really odd, and it nearly made giggle like I was a child again. But I suppose I was a child still; are twelve-year-olds considered pre-teens yet? I think it's somewhere around there. Anyways, there was this mist filtering through the trees. It was late autumn, so most of the trees were bare and their wet leaves made this slithering noise as I stepped on them. The trunks of the trees were bare and thin, so they looked like these skeletal fingers poking out of the fog.

    That sounded pretty poetic, didn't it? My classmates would have laughed at me if I told that to them out loud. They think I'm a dreamer, that I don't take things seriously. That's not true. I just see things that they don't in the world. I can just about look at anything and imagine it to be something else, and I think they're a bit jealous of me because of that. After all, they were too busy with their games or their studies; I could just walk outside and entertain myself. No one would ever be able to look at the branches above my head and say they looked like spider webs, or the spider itself, with its spindly legs. Could you say they were black as charcoal, and in the fog they looked like the teeth of some creature ready to bite down on some unsuspecting prey? Some can, but most don't.

    The only thing that bothered me about this place was how quiet it was. It was like the mist had muffled all sound. My shoes scraped the leaves on the ground and they made this sort of hissing sound, but that was it. Not even the birds were out. It was pretty creepy, but I told myself to stop being so cowardly and suck it up. I tried to distract myself by looking up into the branches. I saw gaps that could have been eyes, letters, nets, and, when I turned my head a certain way, a fish.

    When I looked back down I stopped right in my tracks. I blinked a few times to make sure I wasn't imagining things this time. Nope, there was definitely someone on the path. I couldn't see them because the mist was really thick, so it looked just like this black smudge. I stood there for a moment, wondering whether or not to keep going. I remember what I've been told about strangers. After a while I realized that whatever it was, it wasn't moving, so maybe it was just this oddly shaped tree. It wouldn’t be the first I mistook something for something else. So, I slowly began to walk forward. The shape got closer and closer, and as soon as I got close enough to realize it was not a tree, it turned and looked at me.

    I gasped and accidently dropped my bags in fear. I clearly saw a head now, but that wasn't what scared me. It was the eyes. They were a pure, shining white and seemed to be covered with mist. They stared at me for a moment, and then the mist was pushed away as if a strong wind had blown it away. I could see the figure clearly now, and he truly scared me. His skin was dark blue, but his hair was white, and it was so long that it went all the way down to his feet. He wore black robes that were so long that they touched the ground, and for some reason they looked more like shadows than actual clothing.

    For a moment we stared at each other in complete silence. Even though he had glowing eyes, I thought he looked just as stunned as I was. Then he smiled and I trembled. His was too wide and he had these pointy teeth, like a shark's. "Hello, child," he said. I saw his lips move, but the voice didn’t sound like it came from him. It seemed to be in the air around him. "What are you doing out here all by yourself?"

    I backed up and nearly tripped over my grocery bags. He was so creepy, and that whispery voice was like the mist around us. "S-Stay back!" I gasped. My voice sounded so loud in comparison to his.

    His eyebrows rose, and his mouth opened a little in surprise. "How shocking! Not only can you see me, but you can hear me as well!" He began to move toward me, against what I had just told him. He didn't seem to really move though, it was almost as if he were gliding over the ground. "How old are you?"

    I shivered, but I think I managed to glare at him. "I'm not telling you," I said. I considered screaming, but I had no idea if anyone would hear me.

    "Eleven? Twelve? Surely you cannot be older than thirteen," he persisted, finally stopping in front of me. He was really tall, and rose into the air like one of the trees. Then he crouched down and looked me right in the eyes. I shuddered, his eyes were like suns and yet they didn’t hurt. His hands reached out and cupped my face; I wanted to pull away but for some reason I couldn’t move. His fingers were like ice, and they stroked my cheeks. "Don't cry, little one," he said. I hadn't realized I was. "You look too old to be any younger than ten. I'll guess and say either elven or twelve." He smiled again—that terrifying smile—and stood up. He back away from me, and I was really grateful for that.

    Carefully, I began to pick up my dropped bags and made sure to ignore him. Perhaps I could run away. I could hit him with the bags if he tried to come after me. I had a bunch of cans in one of the bags, and I knew those would hurt. I reached for the last bag, but suddenly his hand came down and grabbed it for me. I looked up into his face again, it hadn't changed a bit. He offered the bag to me. When I didn't move, he said, "I'm just trying to help. I have no use for these."

    After a moment I reached out and suspiciously took the bag from him. He let it go without a fuss, but I saw his smile get wider. I stood back up and started to go, and I noticed that he was following me. I turned around and said, "Go away."


    I jumped as the voice came from behind me and whirled around. He was standing right there, still smiling. How did he move so quick? Again I couldn't seem to form any words.

    Perhaps seeing my hesitation, he stepped forward again. "Please, I just want to know how old you are." He said, holding out his hand to me. I saw that it was covered in rings. I frowned and looked up. For the first time I noticed that he seemed to be wearing a crown, except that it was black and twisted and not at all like the pretty golden crowns that kings wear.

    Now this was really weird. "Will you go away if I tell you?" I asked, praying that he would just vanish into the mist.

    "Perhaps," he answered, tilting his head to one side.

    I really wanted him to go away, so I took a deep breath and tried to tell him. "T-Twelve," I said. There, I said it. Now will you go away?

    I saw his eyes grow wide, and then he threw back his head and laughed. It was a wondrous laugh, yet at the same time cold and distant. It echoed throughout the woods until it sounded like there were many people laughing instead of one. The laugh seemed to reach deep inside my chest and settle there, and suddenly I wanted to laugh too. The world seemed more alive when he laughed, it was brighter and sharper and clearer. But when he stopped a gloom settled onto the place, and the mist was nearly twice as thick as before. "Twelve?" He told me, "Are you really that old? Such a rare thing."

    "What is?" I asked despite myself. He really wasn't making any sense.

    His smile grew twisted and he turned away from me. "Ah, but you want me to go away. I should actually get going now."

    "Hey wait! That's not fair!" I yelled after him. "You can't just say things and go away without explaining them."

    He turned back to me. "If I tell you, then will you let me stay?" He asked slyly.

    Wait a second, I knew what he was trying to do. But, the thing was, I really wanted him to tell me. Worst was, some part of me actually wanted him to stay. I wanted to hear that laugh again, it was nothing short of pure magic. "Well, actually, I…" I fumbled for the right words.

    "Good," he interrupted me. "I was going to stay anyway. But tell me, precious child, what do you see?" He pointed above my head to a clump of branches.

    I followed his finger and frowned. "Some branches?" I asked, wondering what he was getting at.

    I heard him sigh. "Yes, branches. But other than that. Come on, I know if you can see me then you can see more than just a bunch of branches."

    Now that he said that, I squinted and tilted my head a little. "Well, it could look like a flower from this angle. But then it's like Medusa, with her hair full of snakes. Or a star, or an octopus, or—"

    His laugh cut me off. Once again I felt happy and giddy. I turned and saw him laughing, and when he stopped the familiar gloom came back. "Oh dear child, you are such a treasure!" He said, shaking his head. "Such an imagination for one so old. Tell me, dearest child, what is your name?"

    I blinked and realized that I actually had not told him my name. "Alice," I answered.

    He gave me an odd look. "Alice," he repeated slowly. "An unusual name. Do you know, where I come from the name Alice means 'dreamer'? It's very fitting for one such as yourself." He smiled again, but it didn’t show his teeth. "My name is Erlkonig."

    I giggled, despite myself. "That's an odd name." I sad, but realized that he might be offended and flushed.

    He chuckled, a ghost of the laugh that could make the world seem beautiful. "To you," he answered softly. "In the old tongue, it means Erl King."

    Now he had my interest. "So you're a king?" I asked curiously.

    "Yes," he replied. We were walking again, but now I didn’t mind that he was following me. "This crown isn't just for show." He tapped the black circlet on his head.

    I smiled at his joking manner. "So, you're king of the erls? What's an erl?" I asked.

    "Not quite. I'm king of the elves, actually."

    I stopped. "Elves?" I asked, "You mean like those creatures that live in the forest and have pointy ears and—" I paused as he hooked his hair over one of his ears; it was very long and pointy "—oh."

    He smiled, but it was no longer scary to me. It was more like he was coming alive right in front of me. It was a smile that could bring out the sun. "Yes, we really do exist. But when you get older, you lose your imagination and you no longer believe we exist. Tell me, does anyone else your age have the same imagination you do?"

    I could answer that immediately. "No," I shook my head.

    "Exactly," he said and came right in front of me. A flicker of my old fear came back. He was so tall that he just loomed over me. Even when he got down on one knee I still had to tilt my head back to see him. "Why don't you come with me? I have this magnificent palace, made of pearl and gold. My lands are lush forest and waterfalls, with beaches of gold. The rising sun paints the sky in a rainbow of colors, and you will be treated like a princess there."

    Suddenly my old fear came back. I shook my head. "It sounds wonderful and all, but I have to get back," I said and tried to walk past him. Suddenly his hand whipped out and grabbed me by the arm so hard that I tripped and fell. I turned to look at him, and suddenly I realized just how terrifying he was. How could he do that? First he was wonderful and playful, but now he was like something that you feared would crawl out of your closet in the middle of the night.

    He leaned in close to me, and I felt his hair tickle my nose. Those burning eyes bore right into me, and I just wanted to get away. "Don't be like that, Alice," he crooned at me, placing one of his hands on my face. "I won't hurt you. I could never dream of hurting you. Why would I hurt such a lovely child?"

    I swallowed nervously. "But…you're so scary..." I whimpered and tried to pull away from him.

    He sighed sadly, and the sigh seemed to travel throughout the entire forest. "Yes, I will admit that. But, just because I look frightening doesn't mean I will hurt me. My people love me, just like I love you."

    He gave me this look of such sadness that I felt tears well up in my eyes. "Well, I'm sorry, but can't I just go home?"

    "Of course you can," Erlkonig told me. "You can come with me to my home." He patted me on the head. "Do you know what a faerie tale looks like, Alice? Meadows that bloom flowers that are like jewels. Everything is bright and wonderful, with crystal statues that show rulers of the old. Creatures you've always dreamed about are there. Faeries, goblins, sprites, gnomes—even though gnomes are nasty little things—and perhaps even fauns. They can only live in a place where magic is real, and trust me, the magic makes my land a paradise. Don't you always dream of places like that?"

    His words painted a beautiful picture in my head. But if I had to spend all of my time with him…"I think I could just live here." I told him, trembling as I said it.

    Erlkonig laughed, although it was quiet this time. "You're lying to me, Alice," he said, shaking his head at me. "I can see it in your eyes. You're just a bit scared. You won't feel that way soon." Then, he reached around and picked me up.

    "Hey—" I said but right then the world spun around me and I felt really dizzy. I rubbed my eyes and opened them again, and just like that the dizziness was gone. "What happened?" I asked.

    "Nothing much," Erlkonig replied. He looked different somehow. More alive, more beautiful. "Look down."

    I did and froze. "Is that my—" I couldn't say it. The word just wouldn't come out. It stuck in my throat and choked me, yet it hovered around us, unspoken.


    "Yes," Erlkonig replied calmly. "I think you're smiling." He turned and set me down. I felt odd, lighter and freer. And all of my fears were gone. I just felt wonderful and brilliant. "Come on," he said, pointing into the mist. "Can't you see my kingdom? It awaits us."

    I looked and saw some sort of light in the mist. It was golden and subtle, and I thought I could hear laughter. I nodded slowly. Erlkonig took my hand and led me toward it. "Wait," I said, "What about my groceries?"

    Erlkonig paused and looked down at me as if wondering if I was being serious. "You really are something special." He said, "Don't worry, they'll get back to your house."

    I pulled at him as he tried to continue on. "Will I ever see my parents?" I asked.

    His pause was longer this time. But then he smiled. It was warm and reassuring. He gently petted my head. "I'm not sure, but I can guarantee that they will see you again." Then, insistently, he led me into the mist.

    I'm not so sure what he meant with that. But I think he was talking about them finding my body.
    #11 Chibi, Dec 22, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  12. O.o;

    My mind was just blown. That was one of the creepiest things I have ever read. Wait no, it WAS the creepiest thing I have ever read. I had this grotesque image of Erlkonig in my head throughout the entire story. I loved how you described the crown, I imagined it actually being a part of his body instead of just an inanimate object. I was watching a video on the 15 most disturbing videogame bosses in non-horror games just before this, so it might've helped out a bit. Wow that was freaky. I feel like drawing Erlkonig as I imagined him... You are a master of the word, Chibi.
  13. Psycho Monkey

    Psycho Monkey Member of the Literary Elite Four

    Oh Alice you silly girl. You don't ask a creepy stalker questions. That only encourages them.

    Great follow up story Chibi. I guess because I knew what to expect from reading the first story, this one wasn't as creepy but I still love how manipulative the Erl King is. He knows exactly what to say to arouse a young person's curiosity so that they open themselves to him and allow him to steal their souls. Just because I'm cynical, I don't think he really has a wonderful and magical kingdom. I think Erl King eats the souls of the children he abducts. (:<
  14. @Weeds: Oh my gods, you people are just so wonderful. ;-; Seriously? I thought it was even less creepy than the first one. Thank you so much for the compliments, they brighten my day. And a tip: listening to dark and creepy music could indeed help set the mood.

    @Psycho: Harhar, well, since the story of Erlkonig is really old then I'd say he's been at his child-stealing games for a few hundred years or so. He can probably do it in his sleep. (Hey there's an idea, a sleepwalking, child-napping Erlkonig xD ) Actually his kingdom is...well, if I get that far I'll describe what it looks like . ;)
  15. Ked


    Great story as always Chi~!

    The mist. That' just my favorite part, for some wrid reason. It's really cool how you described the mist and how it sucked up all the sound.
    Like Weeds said, the way you described the crown was neat too.

    You should make some more of these awesome Erlkonig stories and put them in a book. ^^
  16. Brilliant, simply brilliant. Thanks for the follow-up :D I must say, theese two stories were both spectacular and creepy. As I said in an earlier post, I did look over my shoulder. Erlkonig scares the heck out of me.

    Please, continue on this story. It is and will be terrific if so :)
  17. ((Okay, so I really wanted to post something for today, but for some reason I couldn't think of a happy Christmas story for the life of me. :p So we have child-napping Erlkonig, which I typed listening to "Let It Snow" along with copious amounts of Nox Arcana music.

    Enjoy! And just know that while Erlkonig often has to take unwilling children, sometimes he doesn't have to. P.S. I'm really sorry if this, erm, disturbs some people.))

    The King in the Snow

    "Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful. And since we've no place to go: Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!"

    I huddled tightly under my blankets and turned down the radio a little bit more. My parents would be angry is they heard me listening to the radio when I was supposed to be asleep. But I couldn't help it, it was Christmas! It was dark outside, but I could see swirling flakes of snow. They drifted softly down, silent and pretty.

    I heard my parents' footsteps and huddled closer and turned down the volume until even I could barely hear it. I really didn't want them to know that I was awake. They'd make me sleep. My dad would blame me, saying I was too excited and if this ever happened again then we would never celebrate Christmas again. He would blame it on sweets, presents, chocolate, Santa…anything related to Christmas.

    Really, I was just awake because I didn't want him to come again.

    He had been here for the past few days. I first saw him in the middle of the night; for some reason I woke up at about 2 AM and when I looked around I saw him outside my window. He had eyes that were white as snow and long white hair. His skin was pale, but his clothes were long and black and he had this light around him that shone into my room. A golden crown was on top of his head. When he saw me looking at him, he smiled and waved. And just like that he vanished. I was puzzled about a lot of things, mainly how he could have been standing outside my window when my room was two stories off the ground. At first I thought he was nothing more than a dream.

    When he came back the next night I knew I was wrong. I woke up again for seemingly no reason, but I knew someone was watching me. I looked toward the window and there he was. He looked the same as before and he smiled again when he saw me. His whole face actually brightened, and the aura of light around him got bigger. Something moved behind him and I could see three women, all of them very thin and pretty. They were a bit behind him, and they were staring at me too. Suddenly the man raised his hand and beckoned to me, saying that he wanted me to come closer.

    I was afraid and shook my head. I saw him laugh and beckon again, harder this time. "Oh come now, dear boy," I heard him say. I know for a fact that it was his voice, because I saw him speaking, but his voice was so quiet that there was no way it could have made it through my shut window. "You are intrigued by me, no doubt? Don't you at least want to know what I have to say?"

    "No…" I said, swallowing my tears and pulling my blankets up. "Go away…please…"

    "Oi! Jake! Who you talkin' to in there?!" My father thundered and suddenly he burst in the room with a great thud that nearly made me leap out of the bed. "Goddamnit boy, do you have any idea what time it is! Why're you still up?!" His eyes were red and wild and I felt tears building up. "Well?!" He demanded when I didn't answer. He grabbed me by my collar. "Well?"

    "Leave him alone, Larry! He's only six for crying out loud!" My mother shouted from the doorway, trying to pull my father off me.

    "Who the hell asked you?" My dad snarled but let me go anyway. They started arguing, right in front of me, and my mother managed to convince my dad to come out of the room and go to sleep. She gave me a sad look as the left and told me to go to sleep.
    All the while the man and the three women watched me. I had no idea how my parents didn't see them, not with the light coming from the window. I saw the man sigh and shake his head, his face as sad as my mother's. I didn't want to see him anymore, so I turned away from him and tried to sleep.

    He came every night after that. He tried to persuade me to come with him every time. I always refused and turned away. He told me the wonderful places his home had, how I would be treated like a prince. How he loved me and his daughters (the three women, I'm guessing) loved me like a brother. His words were kind and gentle, unlike my father's. He seemed to truly mean what he said, but I was just so scared of him that I said no every time. The past few nights the women stopped showing up and he seemed to be more desperate than before.

    But tonight I didn't see him. I was grateful for that. I think it was because I was awake, because every time I saw him I had just been asleep. I just stared at my ceiling and hoped my parents couldn't hear the music. But, I think they were focused on other things.

    "I found this in your bag just now, Larry!" I heard my mom's voice come from downstairs. "Jesus Christ, are you ever sober anymore?!"

    I wasn't sure what she meant, but her tone made me afraid. I curled up and tried to pay attention to the music. I mouthed the words along with the man singing, and even though I was covered with two blankets I was shivering. When my dad's angry response cut off my mother, I closed my eyes and prayed for it to stop before they came upstairs.

    "Jake, why do you let them treat you so badly?" The man's voice suddenly said. His voice was soft, like the falling snow, and seemed to be coming from every direction.

    I gasped and shot up, immediately looking toward the window. How did he come this time when I was awake? But oddly, I didn't see him there. I only saw one of his daughters, who watched me with sad eyes. Then I felt something to my left and I looked over, and I slapped my hand to my mouth before I could scream.

    The man was in my room!

    He stood at the foot of my bed, and to me he seemed so tall that he towered straight to the ceiling. He just stared down at me with those cold, glowing eyes that froze me in place. His clothes were so dark that, in the middle of my already dark room, he looked like a black void. The scariest part was he didn't seem to be really there, he somehow looked as if he were just coming straight out of the floor instead of actually standing there. His light shone down upon me, and even though there was no wind or anything his hair—which went down to the floor—was gently waving around him as if there was.

    I whimpered and he smiled at me. "Do not be afraid, Jake. I won't hurt you. I could never hurt you." He told me, coming closer. He made no sound as he walked.

    "P-please," I whispered, edging away from him. "Why can't you just go away and let me sleep? My parents will get angry if they see you."

    "Your parents cannot see me anyway," he answered smoothly, stopping near me. "Why should you care anyway? Unlike them, I actually love you."

    I swallowed and rubbed my face, brushing the tears away. "They love me," I mumbled. "They always have—"

    "Oh really?" He cut me off, his voice disgusted. For once he actually showed some emotion. "Tell me, do people who love you do this?" He reached forward and lifted my shirt up.

    "Hey!" I yelped and scooted back, pushing my shirt back down. But I knew he had already seen the bruises that covered my chest like some disease.

    His face was blank. Terrifyingly blank. It was so cold and distant that it seemed as if the temperature were dropping. "He hit you again, didn't he?" He asked quietly. "That bruise wasn't there before." He pressed a spot under my ribs, right over the bruise that had been from this morning.

    "Ow!" I gasped and twisted away from him. It didn't exactly hurt, but his hand was so cold that it went right through my shirt and felt like ice against my skin. I shuddered and tried to scoot away as he leaned closer. "Stop…" I whispered and saw my breath steam from the freezing chill that was creeping into the room. "Please…I just want…." But I had no idea what I wanted.

    He reached out a hand and brushed my cheek. It was so cold, and it raised goosebumps along my scalp. "Please don't cry…" he said softly. "I hate it when children cry."

    I sniffed and rubbed my face angrily. I wasn't supposed to cry, I would get yelled at if I cried. "D-Don't hit me," I begged. "Please don't, I'll stop."

    "Oh, dearest child," I heard him answer. "Can't you understand that I would never hurt you? I would rather harm myself before you." As he said that, he reached out and hugged me.

    "Wha—?" I said and then my voice was lost against his cloak. He was cold, so very cold. I shuddered and then it was so cold that it was just numb. The pain on my chest started to fade, and even my fears were frozen in this icy numbness. For once I didn't feel anything; no fear, no pain, just the cold. It was odd, but it was such a change that I welcomed it. My tears did stop, and when I went to brush them away I realized it was because they were frozen to my face.

    "Better?" He asked me, stroking my hair.

    Normally I would have freaked out, but I just nodded. My parents never held me this way, not even my mother. She used too, but every time she did my dad would yell at her. Now she was scared to even touch me, to comfort me. "I'm sorry," I sobbed and shuddered, begging the tears not to come again.

    I heard a sigh above my head. "Jake, there is absolutely nothing for you to feel sorry about. None of this is your fault." Somehow I felt safe with him, as if he were a shield from everything that could hurt me. "Why don't you come with me, please? I promise nothing shall ever harm you again. Everything is wonderful and beautiful where I rule."

    "But mister…" I began to say, then I trailed off when I realized that I didn't even know his name.

    "Erlkonig," he replied. "My name is Erlkonig."

    "Erlkonig," I repeated, "what about my parents? What will happen to them?"

    "Nothing," Erlkonig told me. "Your father doesn’t care. Your mother does, but she could never leave him and take care of you at the same time. It's because of you that she stays." Just then a yell came from downstairs. It sounded like my mom. "You see there? Even now she bears the pain and the beatings, all for you. Don't you want to make her happy? If you come with me she can be free at last."

    A hiccup came in my throat. Yes, I wanted my mom to be happy, but I was scared of what was to happen with me. Where would I go? How could I live without my parents? "Why?" I asked, "Why me?"

    I felt Erlkonig tilt my head up, and suddenly I was looking directly into his eyes. "Because your life is miserable. I hate nothing more than to see a child in misery. It's sucking the life out of you. Soon there will be no joy left in your world, and your soul will be scarred for the rest of your existence." He spoke quietly and calmly, and I quite believed him. "You don't want that to happen, do you?"

    No, of course I don't. I wanted to answer, but I hesitated. It felt like the world was holding its breath in anticipation for my answer. As if my next words would shape the rest of my life. The tenseness of the room made my words bundle up and block my throat, so I just shook my head.

    "Then why don't you come with me?" Erlkonig asked gently, standing up and taking my hand. "You can leave any time you wish, you just have to say yes."

    Even though I was still reluctant, my feet seemed to have a life of their own and they were soon stumbling after Erlkonig as he gilded towards the window with me in tow. "W-Wait a moment," I gasped. "Please."

    Erlkonig stopped just by the window. I saw it begin to frost up. "Integra, open the window," he said, and the woman outside drifted nearer. Her arms were thin and sticks and she somehow reached under the window and opened it without making a sound. The rush of snow and cold air made me shiver. "What is it?" Erlkonig asked, looking at me.

    "Can we just…just…" I fumbled for words. I wanted to stay here and never see Erlkonig again, but another part of me wanted so desperately to go with him that I was shaking. The two ideas battling inside my head and I had no idea what I wanted.

    "Surely you don't want to stay here?" Erlkonig asked, as if he couldn't believe what I was saying.

    "N-No," I stuttered. "But-But-" The tears started up again.

    "But what?" Erlkonig asked. I saw his put his foot up on the windowsill, and then he stepped out. I cried out, fearing that he would fall and seriously hurt himself, but to my amazement he walked on the air as smoothly as if he were still on the ground. He reached out his hand to me. "Come on. I won't let you fall."

    I sniffed and looked at his hand. "I-I'm not sure," I said, trying to keep my voice under control so my parents wouldn't hear. It was hard. "I barely even know and-and-and I'm not sure what I want!" Oh, why couldn't I just make up my mind?

    "JAKE!!!" I heard from outside my door. A bellow from my father that was like a punch to the stomach. "What are you doing?! What the hell are you doing?" My door burst open and there was my dad, with my mother tugging on his arm. Red spots were all over her face and arms. The furious expression on my dad's face made me want to run. He took in me and the open window and his face screwed up. "You little brat! Have you lost your mind!" Just like that he rushed for me.

    I was scared, terrified actually. I turned back to Erlkonig ad his daughter, Integra. They were beckoning to me frantically, Erlkonig's hand still outstretched. I jumped onto the windowsill and prepared to grab it.

    But I didn't quite make it. Just as I reached out I was slammed into from behind, and suddenly my father and I were tumbling through the air, my mother's scream following us down. We hit the ground and I felt this horrible, awful crack in my leg, along with the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. I screamed, but a hand slammed into my face and cut off my scream. I could hear my father screaming "You little bastard! You'll regret that!" I flailed and tried to get away, but my father was on top of me, pressing down on my broken leg. The snow on the ground was so cold that it felt like my skin was peeling off, and I grabbed it uselessly. I was screaming Erlkonig's name, even though my dad was trying to get me to shutup. When I opened my eyes again I could see Erlkonig above me, but he was different. His pale skin had turned a dark blue, and his golden crown had become black and twisted. His eyes were bright and so furious that for a moment I felt the pain vanish and once more I was numb.

    I saw his hand coming down for me, reaching around my father for me. I saw it more clearly than I have ever seen anything before in my life, and I knew that hand would save me. Then, he put his hand into my chest. It was so cold that I yelled and I could feel my heart, which I had never really noticed before, spasm. I twitched and suddenly Erlkonig took me in his arms and carried me upwards, away from my father. I was left gasping and panting and holding onto Erlkonig so I would fall.

    And then I heard my mother scream. It was a terrified scream that echoed throughout the entire street. Now that I was high up I could see that the lights in the neighbor's houses were turning on, probably because of all the screaming. "Oh my god!" My mother was yelling. "Oh my god, Larry! You killed him! You killed our only son!"

    I looked down and froze. I could see my father, who was standing still, and below him I could see myself. I was completely still and looked asleep. If it weren't for the blood on my face you probably couldn't tell. The sight and the sounds of blood and screaming felt wrong in the silent snowfall. It didn't belong in something so peaceful. "Erlkonig?" I asked, huddling closer to him.

    He patted my shoulder comfortingly. "Don't worry, Jake," he whispered to me. "This is for the best. Nothing can hurt you now. Nothing will ever again." He turned so I couldn't see the sight below me anymore. "Come on, let's go to my place. Away from this disgusting mortal realm." He began to walk, climbing into the snowy sky as if he were on a pair of invisible stairs.

    Even though it wasn't possible, I know I could hear my radio still playing softly, the music surrounding us with its playful melody.

    "But as long as you love me so: Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!"

    ((Merry Christmas! Mwahaha!! (It still is the 25th in America, techinally.) Sooo, someone was saying something about a children's book. Oh and this is the last child-napping story, I swear.

    Oddly enough, I didn't find a single spelling mistake in this bit.))
    #17 Chibi, Dec 26, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  18. This one was very different from the previous ones. We never got that much detail on the children's lives before. At the halfway point I was waiting for Erlkonig to show himself to Jake's dad and use some super magic to kill him or something >>; Only flaw I can find is that your writing is a bit too mature for a six year old. Basically I thought he was acting a bit too mature for his age. But the story in general was very good. I'm starting to actually like Erlkonig >>;
  19. Ked


    This one is my favorite out of all of them.

    I like how you actually made Jake want to go with Erlkonig, instead of being child-napped, sort of.
    Jake's father obviously needs to get some help with his anger issues, breaking your kid's leg because they won't go to sleep? Come on!

    Please don't make this the last one, they are too good to end now. ^^
    #19 Ked, Dec 26, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  20. Psycho Monkey

    Psycho Monkey Member of the Literary Elite Four

    Chibi you evil little demon. Writing such a horror story on Christmas? You make me proud! :'D

    For once the kid is better off going with Erlkonig than living his normal life. It makes me wonder if the other kids whose backstories you didn't elaborate on came from broken families as well or if Erlkonig just picks up children that interest him like some kind of pedophile. I agree though that the dialog and reactions were a bit grown up for a six-year-old. I have a cousin that age (ironically named Jake ;>>) so I know kids aren't as articulate or reasonable as that at six. Yours might work for an eight or nine-year-old though.
  21. Aww, thanks! I feel happy now. ^^

    And yes, I am quite aware that Jake speaks a bit differently. That was done on purpose, to show that Jake was not that....normal, I would say, for a kid his age. Basically all of the kids Erlkonig steal are very different from others in some way, and this story made it a bit more obvious.

    @Ked: I didnt say this would be the last story. I said that this would ust be the last one that shows Erlkonig kidnapping someone. >:3 And Jake's leg-breaking was a bit more of an accident, I'm sure your leg would break too if you fell out of a two story window and had some huge dude land on top of you.
  22. Wha... How... Bu...


    How in the hell did I not see this? These are great! You've done an excellent job thinking of all of the different stories, so, congrats.

    The king in the snow is my favourite.

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