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The Journy of 5 { Pokemon Fiction }

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by kinu, Jun 9, 2008.

  1. We'll before i write the first chapter i should let you know a bit about myself and my work. I usely dont do fan fiction but write short stories on other fourms baced around emotions and such, but being a big pokemon fan scence god knows when i decided to write a little fan fiction, see some fans reactions and see if i should go on or not. I usly write fictionl stories about american history or mid-evil Euope so this is truly a first time project for me. Pleas pleas pleas let me know if you liked it or hate it i dont care if you show any sort of disrespect this is indeed my first time working with fanfiction or working with a mytholgical world, i also would enjoy if you could be paitent with my grammer and spelling areas i do have a mild fourm of dislysia, but other than that i just suck with my grammer skills, well other than that thank you for reading lets start the first and possible the last chapter of The Journy of 5.
    Edit: Pleas notify me of any spelling errors or grammer errors and i will fix them

    Chapter 1: The Depaters
    The last thing Avery heard as he left the boat was two kids flirting he was sure he would never meet again, he back at the Sinnoh Region, just left the docks of Canalave City. He was Prepared to go to the nearest game corrner and his home town. AVery Dealshed stood 6'1 at 142 pounds. He was very white for always being inside and he was only 15 1/2, and wanted in the Johto and Kanto Regions for underage gambling. He normaly wore Black sunglasses but undeneath his shades stood a pair of Bright Green eyes. He had messy hair that went to his mid-neck, and a smile that you dont forgot after you see it. He wears whight suits into casions but his street cloths are a pair of Black pants and a Whight V-neck shirt. He carryed with him only one pokemon, and Zangoose that he came accrose when visting his cousin in the Hoenn region. He started walking torawrds Jubilife city, with money to rent out a boat to get there.

    Mansoon Tiki and Violet Sunshore were following a man not much older than them, they just got off a boat in which they meet one another. Mansoon was a 14 year old boy and grandson of the Gym leader Blane of cinabar island, he had two pokemon a grolwth that he caught before he abbored the boat for sinnoh and a magby grandchild of Blanes Magmator. He stood 5'5 and weight 111 pounds. He hade a dark tan from living on the island of Cinabar, one that would never leave him. He wore Skatter shorts and a T-shirt repesenting his favorite band, Avanged Sevenfold. He hade Dark brown eyes and light brown hair that went to his shoulder, he grew it out in fear of going bald like his grandfather. Violet was a Girl who was also 14 years old, she lived on the beach of slateport and hade a seel and a hoursea. She was 5'7 and 123 pounds. She was a great swimmer and had a light tan, she had long black hair that went down to her mid back and light blue eyes. She wore short shorts and a blue tank top. The two have been sitting togather on the boat before they left and decided to travle with one another around Sinnoh and there next destation was Jubilife City in which Violet's water pokemon would get them across, or so they hope.
    Rose Slursh was in Oreburgh City visting her family, when she heard a new trainer was getting ready to leave to Jubilife city, it was her perfect chance to get over there and to show off her Snubbule, he favorite and most beloved pokemon. She was 5'10 and weighted 123 pounds, she was oftenly called anorxic. She grew up in Floaroma Town and oftnly travled to Oregburgh city. She hade blond hair that went down to 1/4 of her back. She hade very light eyes that were hazel, and many guys easly fell for her because of her looks, although she hated that. She normaly walked around with colerful miniskirts and over revealing shirts, she was also use to the words whore and skank although she has never even kissed a guy before. She knew the boy who she was going to bring to Jubilife city from seeing him playing as a kid. His name was Zaviour Withory, he was very muscule to be a 12 year old boy and grew up in Oregburgh town. He hade his first evry pokemon and a very rare one Kabuto. He hade Black as black could be skin and was 5'1 and waighted 120 lbs. He was very queit and layed back, he wore a Bright yellow T-shirt and Camolugh pants. He walked outside and met Violet.
    None of these kids can see into the futura, none of them would know that they will all become depend on each other as there travles go on, they never knew they would all meet in the next day, and become best freinds in there first week of knowing each other, None of these kids know of the danger, fun , adventues, and Drama that would await them as there lifes went on, only one creture would ever know this and far in the futar will meet these children and fulfil there greatest wishes, I welcome you to the beggning and hopefuly not the end of this exiting story of 5 kids who did not know how screwd up the world is.
  2. Okay before chapter two begings i want to ask people to pleas be patient with the spelling and grammor erros i am getting microsoft word re-programed inot the computor tomarow or wednesday, till then i need you to point out the errors for me so i can fix them, other than that i havnt really goten any sort of reply so i dont know if this realy sucks or just not enough people saw it yet, i already had alot of the story written on a peice of paper so it will be quick and easy updates, probably 2-4 a day.

    Chapter Two: Were here!!! Jubilife City

    Avery was sitting on a little cannoe to get accrose to Jubilife City, route 218's water is rough. Avery was not happy with the rain that was falling, it was bothering him. He saw to little kids, helplesly trying to cross with a seel and a hoursea.
    "Need a lift" Avery said camly.
    No reply
    " NEED A LIFT!?" Avery yelled.
    Moments later two kids not much younger than him came onto the ship. Avery figured out there names were Violet and Mansoon.
    "What a weird name" Avery said to Mansoon's face
    "I was sorta raised on a island bitch" Mansoon replied
    "Mansoon this guy was nice enough to let me... us on his canno boat thing, dont use such launge with him" Viloet tryed to say acting older.
    "It's okay atleast he did hade the balls to say that: Avery quickly said to defend Mansoon.
    " Look land" Violet said without emotion
    The trio got of the cannoe, when Mansson and Violet noticed Avery reached for his pokeball.
    " Come on out Zangoose" Avery cried as the pokeball hit the ground and a Zangoose appeared.
    "Go now Crush Claw the boat" He cried so loud.
    Zangoose jumped in the air, claws huge, the two stared in shock. Zangoose destoryed the boat is one hit and it sunk the ground.
    "Good job" Avery said as the redlight returned his Zangoose.
    Lets go, he said as they crossed the bridges.
    "So you two need a traveling compion who knows his way around Sinnoh?"
    "Count me in" The two young love birds said at the same time
    "Good" Avery said as he opened the door to the boreder between route 218 and Jubilife City. They saw a fisherman and a Police officer in the border house thing. The police man opened the door for them and they walked in.

    Rose and Zaviour borded the Pidgiot that would take them over Oreburgh Cave and the route that Rose forgot the name of and straight to Jubilife City. The Pidgiot flew high and swooped down right infront of the towns East Entrence. They entered the city Happly.
    As they walked Rose saw a boy, who she thought was really cute so she ran up to him even though there were two younger kids with him. Zaviour followed her but slowly.
    "Hi there" Rose said
    Avery looked to his side "Can i help you" He said in an annoyed voice.
    "Do you have a Jersey?" she said while playing with her hair
    "What the hell do you need a jersey for?" Avery said pissed off
    Violet whisperd to Avery" She means a phone number"
    "Um no i dont" Avery said nervusly
    The two were staring at each other as if a battle was about to happen, and then it happened all at once.
    " Here we have it folks to young lovers about to battle" A news lady said
    "What the hell?" Avery sighed to himself
    "Um what?" Rose yelled loudly
    "We'll pay if you guys have a good battle to put on T.V. were really runing out of good storys scence team Galica we driven out" The news Reporter said softly so the camera wouldnt hear it
    "I'm game" Avery said as he cluched his pokeball
    "Why not" Rose said happly
    "Time to crush em Zangoose" Avery yelled as Zangoose came out of his pokeball
    " Go get em cuti" Rose yelled as her snubbull came out.
    " Snubbule let zangoose get close to you" Rose yelled
    "Zangoose i have no need to guid you in this battle just do what you do best" Avery said and Zangoose jumped in the air.
    Zangoose used crush claw but it missed.
    "Snubbule use your egg move: Close combat" Rose yelled trying to sound smart
    Snubbule got a Critical hit as he hurt Zangoose badly, but Snubbule felt a bit weakend in the deffence area.
    Avery noticed, and was shocked "Zangoose use slash!" Avery Screamed
    "snubbull TM 35 now Flamthrower!" Rose yelled again trying to sound smart.
    As Zangoose went to slash Snubbull the fire hti Zangoose's Fur which knocked Avery's Pokemon out cold.
    "Snu..snubbull!" Her Snubbull yelled while jumping for joy.
    " Aww you cute little thing" She said while picking him up, and giving him a Poffin as a reward.
    During the battle Mansoon Zaviour and Violet got accounted.
    "Avery would you like to join me for dinner" Rose said
    "Can the kids come?" He asked
    " Of cource i am watching a child of my own" She responded
    " Didnt those news people say theyed pay us?" He asked
    "Yes they left us a I.O.U.2 before they left" She said
    " Mansoon, Violet come on bring your new freinds, were getting a free meal" Avery said with a smile on his face
  3. Yoshimitsu

    Former Moderator

    Try not to tell your stories through dialogue - it gets really dull and repetitive to read.
  4. 1) More detail like Yoshimitsu said.

    2) Double space and separate the detail from the dialogue. It also helps if you have descriptive dialogue yet more descriptive details

    Good luck with your dyslexia and I'm glad to see that it isn't holding you back any.
  5. okay and thanks for the tips, i was sorta expermenting with the dialogal and i guse it was a succuseful experment to see it is a faliour to readers, again thanks both of you.
  6. Chapter 3: A walk in the town, Enter Heracross

    Avery layed in a bed at the pokecenter. How could i lose to a god damn snubbull i mean yea i ant the greatest trainor but... that battle i want to become stronger. He Jumped out of his bed trying to be silent. He walked out of the boys dorm and into the main room. The doors were shut and locked, if he tryed to get out a chansey or nurce Joy would try to stop him. He walked back up stairs grabed a book that Mansoon was reading titled, How to be the Very Best by Ash Ketchum. How lame Avery thought to himself. He broke the window open and jumped out of window. He went for a walk in the city.
    He was walking around wondering what to do when a man in a large black coat came up to him. He snikered at Avery

    "Is something funny?" Avery said

    "Lets battle kid" The Man responded

    Avery threw his pokeball and Zangoose came out ready to redeam himself for his lost. He hade burnt fur in the middle of his belly and he was intense he wanted to fight, to show his master that he was stronger than he was in the battle. The Stranger threw a pokeball and mumbled something, a Magmar came out of the ball.

    "Zangoose i want you to avoid any fire hits and try to cut him up" Avery said

    Zangoose ran torwards Magmar and Crush Clawed him on the top of his head and it sent Magmar down. Magmar ran torwards him with a firepunch Zangoose easly avoided it and used slash while it back was turned. Magmar used flmathrower which barly missed Zangoose, Zangoose got on all fours and ran torwards Magmar and then a fire blast hit Zangoose on the top of his head. Zangoose was scared now, he was scared of getting burned again. Zangoose flintched for his next move because of how scared he was. Magmar ran up to Zangoose and K.O.ed him with a firepunch. Zangoose was bruised and burnt. The smell of Burning flesh and fur was vast. The stranger was laughing.

    Avery looked down " how did i... how could i..."

    He returned Zangoose, the strange man thought there was more. As the man turned his back and so did his Magmar and pokemon attaked Magmar from the air. A Heracross came in and used Horn attake. Magmar turned around and used flamthrower that the Heracross easly avoided. Heracross went forward and used close combat on Magmar and Magmar was down.

    Avery looked around and noticed no one was around to guid the Heracross. It was just standing there like a little kid with nothing to do. He pulled out a great ball and threw it at Heracross. Heracross flew torawds the balls and went in. The ball shock once, twice, three times. The Heracross hade just joined Avery and Zangoose.

    "That was cute" Rose said

    Avery sighed cause Rose was here again. He started walking and she followed him. The city was big with flashing lights everywere, the city seemed so beutuful with the man-made stars in the low sky. They walked for about a half houre just next to each other not even talking. Avery sat down on a wodden beanch and Rose sat next to him. They talked about life, how they grew up, what they wanted in life, Avery even let her know about him being wanted and how he illigaly gambles, which he never told anyone. They walked back to the pokemon cent and they entered though the window that was broken. No one would know it was them in the end after all.

    Morning came but Avery did not sleep. He woke up Mansoon and Zabiour and rushed them outside were they meet Rose and Violet. They Started there way to Sandgem town for a tournment. They hoped that route 202 would not have any trouble, even though trouble was to follow. Avery showed off his new Heracross to eveyone in the crew.

    They were about to go off on the road when Mansoon saw a flyer. A double battle tournament was going to be held in the town squar and the winner would get 10,000$ cash, and it was going to be in 3 days. They could eather stay here for this tournament or go to the other town. At first only Mansoon and Violet but then Avery though it would be good experince for Zangoose, so Rose wanted to stay with him, which sorta fourced Zaviour to stay with them.

    The New Trainers spent a normal day taking walks and training there pokemon. They hade two more days to train before the tournament would start up and they were no where near ready for what is in store.
  7. Chapter 4: The chapter with no title

    Avery was staring at route 202. Tress tall patches of grass. The smell of campfire wood burning reached his nose. He knew he could get some training done in there before the tournament. He did not know if he should tell the others though, if he went byhimself more training to him and more wild pokemon to him, but what if he could not do it by himself. He headed back to the city entrence. He walked in on the paved ground, looking at the busy people.

    He walked torwards the Pokemart to stock up on potions and other items he might need for his journy into the wildernes. He only hade 15 dollers. So instead of buying any sort of potions he bought a mask. He went to a nearby house that was empty. The house hade a classy fell to it, like some old people were living in there. He headed for the bedroom. He stole some cloths and changed into them in the house. He put on the mask.

    He entered the pokemart, with a grin underneath the mask. The mask was suppose to be of a mudkip but it looked like a mudkip magicarp fusion mutated baby. He walked up to the potions grabed a few and threw his two pokeballs to the ground.

    Zangoose and Heracross came out. A child began to cry loudly. It got on Avery's nervs.

    "Take the f***ing child out of the store now" Avery erupted

    The child left as did eveyone else even the clerk. Avery did not care at all. He stoked up on pokeballs and potions, and anything else he found useful. He gathered soem food and some pokefood. Then a tranior walked into the pokemart.

    The tranior was a girl wearing tight jeans and a t-shirt. She looked about the age of 17. Her hair was to her shoulders and she wore a headband around her forhead. She looked at the masked man.

    "We'll now stealing at so nice now is it" She said trying not to laugh

    Zangoose and Heracross got into a fighting postion. Avery took off his mask to relaveal that he hade on sunglasses and a bandana around his mouth. His hair was combed to look neat, so he couldnt be told who he was.

    "Heracross Zangoose dont attke her unless she uses a pokemon...then attake the poor pokemon and than you can hurt her" Avery whispeerd in a soft voice so his voice would not be recourded on camera.

    The girl stood there smilying. She reached into torwards her back. She grabed a pokeball and a greatball from her back poket. She threw them in the air shouting something that was not the launge of the area. And out came a Wartortle and a bright orange Charmeleon came out of the two balls. The wartortle stood there in a perfet stand with a shell that looked as hard as rock. The unnatrual colored Charmeleon stood there with a burning flame that was bigger than most Charmeleons. Both of there claws and teeth looked sharp and ready to tear anything apart. You could see exrta musscul on both of them, and they gave you the felling that they could of evovoled already but liked there bodies as it was.

    "Wartortle use hyrdo pump on the Zangoose, Charmeleon fireblast the Heracross with hast" The girl yelled.

    Wartortle got into his shell and Charmeleon kicked him way up in the air and then water started comeing out of the shell. It hit Zangoose but it was mearly effective. Charmeleon shot his fireblast but with no aim and it missed and hit a shelf. The store was begining to burn on fire. The Wartortle noticed the fire and did nothing to stop it. Avery also noticed it and started hiting it with a bag, but it was uslus. Avery turned around and noticed the girl was gone and Zangoose and Heracross were both trying to take out near by fires to. Avery got out there pokeballs and sent a bright red light at them. When the light touched them it brought them back to there pokeballs. Avery rushed out of the store and noticed police were on there way. He took off the bananda and put his hand in his hair and started moving his hands to make a mess of his hair.

    Avery was walking around the exit of town and the enrance of route 202. Then out of no were he heard a beutful yet annoying voice calling torwards him. It was Rose with her Snubbull. They finaly caught up to Avery to talk to him.

    "What do you want?" Avery said trying to keep his cool

    "To let you know i was going to go out to route 202 for some pre training along with Zaviour becuse we both need another pokemon and some training" She replied quickly

    "So what does that have to do with me?" Avery said in an anger tone

    " We'll um i saw you on T.V. you know robbing the pokemart you forgot to wear gloves and you sorta have a scratch on your left hand and it was on the T.V. to so i figured you stole that stuff for a reson." She explained to him.

    "Hmph, i dont know what your talking about but sure you two can join me" Avery said with a grin on his face

    "Mkay!, I'll go let Zaviour know that your going to go with...let us go with you into the route" She said "O, yea also Mansoon adn Violet are staying in the town because they both have two pokemon, like you but you know there going to battle trainors as they come into town and stuff"

    "Alright I'll meet you here in a few" Avery said.

    Rose ran torwards the townsquare were she was going to meet Zaviour but saw somethign else instead. Mansoon and Violet were sitting on a bench. Rose ran up to them and hid behind them awhile. She could smell sweat coeming from Mansoon, he must of just got done training with his magbey and growithe, and Violet smelt like a flowlry purfume.

    " So what are you to doing two, shouldnt you two be in the pokecenter it's nearly 9:00'clock. " Rose said

    " We were just um talking" Mansoon replyed quickly with a hint of lei in his voice

    "umm yea" Violet said while scratching her neck.

    "mhm" Rose said while running off.

    She meet Zaviour who was training his Kabuto. He returned Kabuto quickly and they ran back through the town square. Rose ran to the spot were she saw Mansoon and Violet but they were not there anymore. They ran to the begining of the route were they meet Avery. They all let there pokemon out of there balls. A Zangoose, Heracross, Snubbull, and a Kabuto all came out. The big group entered the Route togather as the sun set over the wildernes.

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