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The Island of the Morphs

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Killian, Jan 25, 2009.

  1. PG-13, not for little kids. It's not... Too bad but there's blood and angst... Now don't say I didn't warn you!


    The damp room was icy cold even though it was summer and the moonless night only seemed to chill those trapped in the horrifying place. Many had been killed by their kidnappers but there were still a few who had managed to survive the merciless attack... And they themselves wished for death.

    None of them knew what the cruel darkly cloaked men wanted with them, many feared the worst but others prayed it was all some cruel joke. Their captors were not from Team Rocket... Nor were they from any other criminal group known throughout the regions. Every single member that the victim met had the same cruel glimmer in their eyes and wore the same strange cloths.

    Each member had a black shirt and black pants, and every one of them had a black cloak with a strange symbol on it. The symbol twisted and curved in an unknown pattern that frightened the people just as much as the people who wore it... But no one knew why.

    The youngest, only five, looked around her with broken jade eyes. She had been too young, she hadn't even learned about death and now she had to witness hundreds killed before her very eyes. She clung to one limp form though, one of a woman with empty green eyes and messy brown hair... Her mother.

    One of the kidnappers turned and gave them a cruel grin, "It's time." Then he pressed his thumb down on a strange button and they looked around in horror at what was in the blood-stained room.

    Strange tubes filled with glowing, gray liquid attached to strange pipes lead to computers with letters and numbers all over the screen. There were only twenty tubes in the room... And in one they saw a mutated human. She, or at least they thought it was a she, had fine, lavender fur all over her body and her feet were paws. Her hands were shaped like a human's but covered in the same fine hair and had frightening claws, her humanoid face seemed almost cat-like. Her eyes were closed but centered on her forehead was a round, scarlet gem and long, blond hair fell down to the center of her back. She had a lavender, split tail and two lavender ears...

    The little girl had seen nothing like her. She looked around sadly and watched quite a few adults turn away with disgust and shock on their faces. Other just stared at the creature with a look of horror... The green-eyed girl didn't understand what was wrong... Only that the girl was strange.

    Another bulky man patted the glass that separated the creature and the room, "She's the only one that survived the last batch of idiots like you... But she fell into a comma and we can't get her up." He scowled and then turned back to them, "Hopefully a couple you will live." Many of them screamed as they were dragged away, one even stabbed himself with a knife he had hidden but it was in vain, all it did was cause his carrier to drop him.

    The little girl wailed when they plied her away from her mother and was dragged into another, even darker room... And then everything went black.

    Is this long enough? I wrote it down on notebook paper and it seemed big enough...


    I changed it, I hope it's a little better.
  2. Psycho Monkey

    Psycho Monkey Member of the Literary Elite Four

    It is kind of short, but it's just long enough to build suspense for the next chapter. You may want to consider typing on MS Word first to get an accurate idea on how long the chapter is, that way if it's too short you can extend it to your liking.

    So far this sounds like it could be fun :)
  3. It's nice, but like Pyscho Monkey said it's a little short. I feel that you could have kept the suspense a bit better if you didn't actually say what the Morph'ed creature was, just described it.

    I'm not totally sure on the common use of ellipses, but it doesn't seem right to me to have them followed by a capital letter if the sentance is conitued rather than ended, if you get the idea. I'm sure that someone else can fill you in on the specifics of the three little dots though.

    Also, for a warning that says there's blood, I found that amazingly clean. (Darn, got the mop out for nothing :D )

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