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Super Smash Bros. Final Smash

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Chris_Masters, Aug 7, 2009.

  1. Prologue

    The green hero of time ran through the thick forest, slashing his sword this way and that to get though the heavy branches and leaves blocking his path. The mountainous terrain mixed with trees and all sorts of green plants blocking the way made it a dangerous climb. The region's history and location made it even more, if possible, horrifying, as he had to watch his step, time, and be alert for any creatures lurking somewhere behind a bush covered with dark colored berries. Several times he had to slash his way through a small pack of Dark Space Beetles that had somehow adapted to this environment. He stopped when he saw what he was looking for. He was finally here, at the temple ruins.

    Where there should be high built pillars supporting a ceiling encrusted with jewels and diamonds, there was every pillar broken in half laying on the ground, diamonds scattered everywhere. A broken stone statue looked as if it had previously shown a warrior, his leg perched on top of a rock. His body pointed towards the sky, but you could not tell anything else from it. The whole upper half of the statue seemed to have shattered into boulder-like pieces, which were also scattered along the ground. An ominous wind blew, making Link shiver at the thought of what person could have done such a thing. This could not have been an act of nature, but an attack. Although he knew almost everything of this precious situation, he was not sure who or why anyone would do such a thing? He was not even sure Ganondorf would cause such a disturbance to this temple. Link took a second look up at the broken statue and went deep into thought. It did look oddly familiar... But there was no possible way that it could be that person. No way.

    Not the time to stop and think though. Link had to find a way to go back in time, once again. He had to warn other of the incoming danger, again. His earlier attempts failed, and now everyone was gone. The collection of people who destroyed Tabuu last time had broken apart, and when Link tried to put them back together, they all vanished. There were others willing to help, but before Link could get to them, they had already been gone. His worst enemy at the moment was the key into getting his friends back, so he could end this war finally. A war that had gone on for too long.

    At that moment, a huge roar filled the air. The sudden shock and the power of the roar threw him to the ground, his sword flying from his hand and landing a good four feet away. A huge monster had appeared, but this was no ordinary monster. Passed through legends in a region far off called Sinnoh, this was supposed to be the dragon that controlled time. A hero to most people at Sinnoh, but a great fear to others who didn't even know that collecting monsters like these were a hobby. At the time others would run and plead for help, Link stayed calm, slowly getting up to his feet, a shine of hope in the pit of his stomach. Something he hadn't felt in such a long time. Time. This was going to help him.

    The diamond across the monster's chest armor gleamed in the light that came from the setting sun. His eyes focused on Link for a moment, then to the sword laying on the ground. There was another massive roar, and the monster slashed his claw at the sword on the ground, splitting it in half. Link stood frozen in his spot, his eyes fixed on the sword split in two on the ground. Would it matter that it was gone? Would he need it now? Link was starting to sweat, his hands clenched into fists, a symbol of three triangles formed together was staring to glow on the back of Link's left hand. The one sword that had gotten him through so much was gone. For a moment, Link thought of trying to attack the monster with his bare hands. He didn't however, because another roar sent him flying strait into one of the broken pillars.

    Link had no time to think as he gasped for the air which had been knocked out of him. The monster was starting to attack again, a bright ball of light forming in its mouth, a signal for another attack. Link couldn't move to get out of the way. His legs were hurt too bad. Was this the end? Was it all over? Link's breathing speed up as there was a dark twinkle in the monster's eyes, the ball swirling with energy. For that one moment, Link knew, as the ball of energy flew at him with tremendous speed, that his time would soon be up.
     
  2. It's a good amount of detail that you, but it is rather sparse. We can infer the state of the forest, but it would be nice to know whether this is a jungle, bamboo or more European type. On that note, due to the lack of greater explanation your story is short and - at least to me - somewhat unengaging. It has potential, as does your style, but currently it needs more push, more 'oomph' as it were, to really grasp some long-term attention.

    Having said that, you can improve this by adding some description of the monster Link encounters. Lovecraft was able to descripe that with no name and no true form, so forming this creature shouldn't prove difficult as it already has claws and a mouth. Also it will stop me thinking it's just a generic dragon with a hunt of carbon stuck to it's chest ;D

    Link, I'm guessing as I've never played the games, is most likely a being of emotion. Describing how he feels - not just bodily but emotionally as well - will help the reader get a better sense of your main (or side, however this pans out) character and will also make it more likely that are going to like him.

    I don't mean to be discouraging, if that's how it comes across, as I'm just trying to help you achieve a good story. It's about the plot, but also how it's told.
     
  3. Wow, thanks. I'm rewriting some of the story again. (Just to add more detail and stuff.) That could have been the best criticism I've every received. :p

    My chapter usually aren't very long. I just write what's needed to be written.

    ---

    Chapter One

    "Hmm.. Yes, yes! Very nice!"

    The money hungry raccoon scribbled something down in the note pad he held up to his nose, and continued on eye shopping at one of the most expensive furniture stores in the city. Walking over to another store window, he noticed his reflection. Most people stared at the forest green business suit that this strange raccoon wore, but Tom Nook thought that it was the best quit in the world. He passed the store window and began writing down numbers and patterns. He needed to buy all sorts of things for his summer catalogue before his store reopened in the city. It would have a hair boutique, a section for furniture, a section for items, and a small section for cloths. It was a big change from the small town he used to live in. More customers and more publicity. He had to look his best and sell the best to maintain his shop. He hoped Gracie Grace wouldn't be a challenge (Since the prices were so high.) but he had to make sure that he had quality things. The Able sisters were helping him out with a few things. Forty Percent of everything purchased in the clothing and furniture department was theirs. The sisters seemed to think that they had made a good deal. Timmy and Tommy were the ones who had the great deal, however. They had half of whatever Nook made for the week. The sisters didn't mind, they had less work anyway. It gets tiring to follow people around all day, pack the furniture up, and help keep the store clean at the same time. They all would have liked to have a fruit bar open for paying customers too, but fear of staining the merchandise restrained them from putting the plan into action.

    Tom Nook nodded his head in satisfaction and made his way over to another store window, which was showing off some new type of tile that changed color every few seconds. It would probably be too expensive to order, Nook assured himself. "Children and their new-style furniture!" Nook muttered silently under his breath, scribbling down numbers harder then he usually would have. "When I was a kid, it was what looked nice. Now it's all flashy and expensive. Then they update it and everyone wants the new product." Nook's mind had traveled from furniture to actual tools. Nobody used normal shovels anymore. Not in this region at least. Here they used electrical scooper's, which were the heads of shovels attached to a wire which was connected to a small control box that the user carried. Press a button and the work is done for you. Nook thought about buying a few for his shop, but Redd (Nook's nemesis yet somehow his closest friend.) advised him not to, since Redd had just ordered a new shipment of the wireless electrical scooper's, which were not to be in stores until winter. Of course, Redd had all the connections so he could get his hands on anything he likes for a cheap price. Nook however had to walk around the city on a hot summer day to find merchandise suitable for the store.

    As Nook walked over to another furniture store in the town, (A tall building with a large window showing off retro-styled furniture) a tall man bumped into him, knocking Tom Nook and all of his things down on the ground. As if Tom Nook couldn't get angrier enough, an idiot walks right into him. As Nook angrily looked up at the man, he had taken a good look at his features. His emotion stuck out first, a look of panic and worry on his tired out face. The man responded quickly, however, putting his head down and helping Nook pick up his things. Nook's anger vanished as soon as the man pulled him up, a strong feeling of anxiety surged through him as he was brought up to his feet. For a moment, Nook just stared at the man, and the man stared back, breathing heavily. The feeling went away just as suddenly as it came, and a parade of questions entered Nook's head.

    "Oh I'm sorry, let me help you with that." The man said, bending down to pick up Nook's note pad and pen.

    The man had short brown hair, which was receding. A long-sleeve blue shirt and bright red pants. Attached to his belt, were two holsters for something shaped oddly. A weapon of some sort? Two were held in place. He helped Nook up and picked up the note pad and the other pieces of paper about.

    "Sorry again. I'm just looking for someone!" The man said rather loudly, dusting Nook off. "I'm Duster, by the way."

    "I'm Tom Nook." Replied Tom. His voice was seemed quiet compared to Duster's shout. He politely shook Duster's hand. Although he would have laughed at such a strange name, he felt that he shouldn't show any emotion just yet. To just stay calm.

    "Have you seen a small kid with yellow hair?" Duster said, starting to breath fast now. His coal black eyes shimmered slightly.

    It was a sudden question. Nook stood quiet for a moment, thinking it over. He did see two boys running by him before. "Actually, I did someone of that sort running by me with another youth, yes yes."

    "Who else?" Duster asked, grabbing Nook tightly by the shoulders. His breathing was very heavy and fast now.

    "I'm sorry?" Nook asked, trying to get free, but Duster's grip was too strong. Tom Nook could feel Duster's heart pounding with excitement. His own heart was beating very fast.

    "Was anybody after them?" Duster asked, his cold black eyes flashing white for a second. A small drop of sweat made its way down the side of Duster's face.

    "I- I don't know!" Nook said, now fully struggling. "Get off!"

    "Sorry!" Duster shouted out suddenly, letting go of Nook. He turned his head away so Nook couldn't see his face and wiped his forehead with his hand. "Something's happening, and I need your help."

    "Excuse me?" Nook asked, a new feeling coming over him. Excitement.

    "I know this is sudden to ask," Duster added, turning around, a helpless look of pleading across his face. "But I really need your help. We need all the help we can get."

    "For what?" Tom Nook asked. Nook now wanted more then anything to help now. This sudden burst of emotion. He felt like flying, but of course raccoons cannot fly. Tom Nook half expected an answer, but he never got his response, because Duster was already dragging him along the city streets, surprisingly empty.
     
  4. KoL

    KoL Expert FPS Player
    Staff Member Moderator

    I don't know about the fic, but I can tell you right now your signature is way too big. You have 24 hours to shrink it or you get a warning and your sig gets removed entirely.
     
  5. Tailon

    Tailon Gryffindork

    was that a mario 3 reference there chris?
     

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