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Pokemon PC Lockdown

Nurse Joy scurried around the Pokemon Center trying to fill all of the rambunctious trainers orders. "Where's my Toxicroak?" "Deposit my Meganium!" Many trainers gathered around the counter in the middle of the building just to watch her complete task after task with impatient trainers still waiting for their turn to start barking orders at poor Nurse Joy. It was all because somebody had hacked the Pokemon PC and now the Pokemon Center was as busy as ever.

The Pokemon Storage System was shut down about a week from that day. Nobody knows who did it or why they did it. All they want to know is when they will be able to withdraw or deposit their precious Pokemon. Nurse Joy was so overwhelmed that she commanded everyone to leave immediatly. And when all the Pokemon trainers cleared out Nurse Joy took an asprin and put a cold rag on her forhead first parting her bright red bangs. It had been a long day.

Suddenly there was a "tap tap tap" at the door. Nurse Joy glanced through the glass door only to see a boy waving his arms about wildly. The boy had neat, parted black hair and wore thick glasses. He was also wearing a brown denim vest over a dark blue shirt. The boy had on Black shorts that ended just below his knees. Nurse Joy curiously walked over to the door and opened it ever so slowly. It was only open enough for Nurse Joy to peek out. The boy immediatly started screaming.

"Nurse Joy! You've got to help! A group of shady characters is causing a ruckus down by the Evergreen City Department Store. There is some wierd odd colored Pokemon over there. Everyone is trying to battle it but it's way to strong. Even for poor Bayleef." The boy, who's name was Hunter, stepped aside showing a weak Bayleef. It was also an odd colored Pokemon. I mean besides the large leaf decorating it's head, Bayleef was a dark shade of red. Nurse Joy gathered a bag full of heiling utensils and hurried, along with Hunter down the cobblestone paths of Evergreen city, through the dark night. They past houses and store fronts when they finally came to a massive brick building.

Hunter was right. There was an odd colored Pokemon at the Department store. A silver Charizard hovered near the fourth floor of the store. It seemed to be guarding the men that were escaping into a helicopter flying just above the top floor of the store. They were thieves stealing items from the Department Store.

"Mismagius, Psybeam!" one trainer yelled. The large ghost Pokemon shot a multi colored beam as though it was coming out of it's forehead. But, the Charizard was too strong. With one blast of fire, it had Mismagius fainted. That was it. Of all the trainers in Evergreen city noone could beat that Charizard. But, it was too late anyway because theives had already gotten away.

Hunter headed back to the Pokemon Center with Nurse Joy. Once they were back, Hunter asked, "Nurse Joy, what was up with that Charizard?"

Nurse Joy looked away as if she could not bear to answer the question. But, she took a deep breath and calmly said, "It was full of rage. It couldn't control it's actions. That's what made it so much stronger." She randomly started gazing around the Pokemon Center. From the golden-yellow floor to the bright red moldings. Then, she finally turned to Hunter and said, "I bet they were the ones who screwed up the PC." It was true. The people uniformed in futuristic looking silver and navy blue outfits were the hackers. That gave Hunter an idea.

The next day, posters were put up around town all spreading the same message: HELP WANTED! RESTORING PC SYSTEM! MEET AT POKEMON CENTER AT 4:00 pm! So, it ended up that Hunter hung out in the Pokemon Center all that day. He went into the cafe once or twice and got a cinnamon bun. And one for Bayleef too. He took two naps and saw the whole movie of the Empoleon Strikes Back. And when Hunter and Bayleef were just about to pack up their stuff and leave, someone came. But, it was not a devoted Pokemon trainer. It was the mayor of Evergreen City. He was a fat man with spiked up white hair. He kind of resembled a Milktank. As he stomped in, he scowled at Nurse Joy.

Then, with a booming voice, he hollered, "Who is responsible for this rubbish!" He held up Hunter's Poster in his stubby arms.

"Me, sir." Hunter replied meekly.

The mayor glared at Hunter with cold, unforgiving eyes. "Well, I won't stand for it! I want you to take down the garbage you've posted around town. We have enough problems with this place without you hanging around here. So, I have sent out an e-mail to all of the citizens of Evergreen telling them to forget about coming here later. It was just a prank pulled by a screwed up child." The mayor nodded to Nurse Joy and left. Now, even though the mayor may not like the whole idea of restoring the Pokemon Storage System, Hunter knew people would come.
 
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Shiny Motley

2016 Singles Football
OOC: This doesn't look half bad, but it would help a lot if you used the enter key more to seperate one paragraph from the next. ^^

Lyn strolled through Evergeen City, completely bored to death. Nothing interesting had happened since she had arrived a few hours ago, though she could tell that a lot of people were on edge for some reason. Beside her danced what would seem to be a little girl with green hair at first glance. However, upon closer inspection, one could see that it was not a girl, or even human at that, but a Kirlia. Obviously said Kirlia had trouble reading the atmosphere, as it just kept skipping about Lyn in a cheerful manner.

"Would you please stop that, Prima? You're getting on my nerves," murmured the trainer, making the Pokemon promptly stop. A few days ago, the skipping would've been cute to her and made the girl laugh with glee; now, though, it made her sick to the stomach. The fact that everyone around her kept glancing in her general direction made Lyn feel even worse.

If only she hadn't let Shiny use Dig that time...

Lyn sighed, shaking her head to clear the thought away. Now was no time to feel guilty for the past; she had work to do. Walking towards the Pokemon Center, she noticed a sign on the door that stated, "HELP WANTED! RESRING PC SYSTEM! MEET AT POKEMON CENTER AT 4:00 pm!"

What the heck is Resring supposed to mean? wondered Lyn as she stepped through the automatic doors of the Center. There, she saw several trainers with worried looks on their faces, and a long line at the counter to Nurse Joy. The girl shook her head again and walked over to a seat to wait until the line was gone so that she could speak to the Nurse privately.
 
Tyler sat on a wooden bench in downtown Evergreen City. There was a cool breeze every now and then which blew Tyler's short brown hair. His Pokemon Raichu enjoyed the feeling of the wind of his fur. Tyler had never really thought Evergreen was an exciting city. That's before he heard about last night. There was a burglary at the Dept. Store. But, sadly he hadn't been awake to see it. Yes, today was like any other day. Tyler's Swampert groaned. He had that lazy Sunday afternoon feel. So, Tyler sat on the bench day dreaming when he heard lots of commotion coming from the Pokemon Center next door. As a matter of a fact he had just seen the mayor come out of it hopping mad. Tyler walked across the cobblestone paths and across the street. And when he stepped into the P.C. and saw the confused looks on a lot of Pokemon Trainers in there, he knew something was up.
 
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Sem

The Last of the Snowmen
Former Administrator
Hi. Me again. Your opening post isn't that bad. You could be a lot better, but you could also be worse, so that's a good sign. I edited your post for you and separated all the text into paragraphs. You never want to have giant blocks of text like that - it makes most people stay away from your RP. Even your second post is a little big, and you might want to split it into two paragraphs.

Also watch your spelling. Like you said 'heiling' when the correct spelling is 'healing'. 'Noone' is not right either. The correct way is 'no one' or 'no-one'. And like Shinee said in her post, what is 'resring'? I can't even tell what that word is supposed to be. Simple things like spelling words correctly make your posts look much nicer. Spell check is your friend, and it's easier to spell things out correctly when you're not rushing. There's no rush, take your time with your post. Include more details.

Also watch how you use your tenses. You want to keep everything past tense and in third person.

The Pokemon Storage System was shut down about a week from that day. Nobody knows who did it or why they did it. All they want to know is when they will be able to withdraw or deposit their precious Pokemon.

should be like this

The Pokemon Storage System had been shut down for a week now. Nobody knew who had done it or why. All they wanted to know was when they would be able to withdraw or deposit their precious Pokemon.

And you never want to insert yourself into your post.

It was also an odd colored Pokemon. I mean besides the large leaf decorating it's head, Bayleef was a dark shade of red.

should be

It was also an odd colored Pokemon. Besides the large leaf decorating it's head, the Bayleef was a dark shade of red.

So yeah. Keep these things in mind when you're writing a post and you'll improve a lot. And remember it's ok to have typos here an there, but overall there should be few mistakes. Even the best writers can have typos and a mispelling or two. Haven't you ever read a book with a typo? (Ignore the fact that that's an editor's mistake. But editors are sort of writers too.)
 
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