Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Streams of Light and Darkness (Redo)

[BlackAmber]

OOC: Okay as some of you may know and a lot of you not know I previously made an RP However it was
Torn into a big mess so I have to start over.
My Rules are simple 1. Don't Control other Characters to much like don't control what they say i.e. Blah said Blah Blah there. Just have them Blah blah there. 2. Don't Evolve I will grant special Permission of Evolution so you will have to ask me for the evolution.
3. You may be a citizen an explorer or an Shopkeep, or even an apprentice of some random Pokemon, (IDK). Anything else ask me.
4. Each action or storypart has to be at least a Paragraph long so about the size of these rules
Starting completely over TAKE 1!!! ;D
BIC: Angelo Awoke to the sound of thunder it was raining he seemed to have floated ashore from the water how he survived he didn't know however he needed to get out of the rain He ran Into a Town with the Sign that said "Sunnydale Town" He ran and ran and came to a Abandoned house and went inside he waited for the rain to stop but it didn't stop for awhile and he heard Thunder and Lightning and He then Fell asleep after the Rain stopped later that night he slept and he dreamed.

 

[Sem]

I'm stopping you right now. Ok. This could be a lot better. First off it's silly to include rules like no autoing since those are the forum rules and already apply to every RP, so it's a no-brainer.

Secondly, your actual post. You almost have, like, negative detail in that post. That paragraph could easily be at least a page long. Half of me actually wants to make it into a page just to show you what you should be doing, but I lack the patience for it at the moment.

What does Angelo look like? What time of day is it? What's going on around him. You said it's raining, so that's good. What's the beach that he's washed up on like? Write out some of the emotions he's feeling, what's going through his head. What's he smelling, feeling, tasting? How far away is Sunnydale? How long was he running to get there? Is it on the beach or is it away from the beach? What did the town look like? Was it big? Were there people out? He just randomly found an abandoned house? How? How did he know it was abandoned? How did he get in? What was it like inside the house? Where in the house was he? Where did he fall asleep?

You. Need. Details. Lots of them. You don't need to include all of those that I listed, but you need to include enough detail to paint a clear picture. You also need to check your grammar and stuff. I don't see any punctuation marks in your post. Do you see this: "."? That's called a period, or a dot, or a full stop, whatever you prefer - use it. It's important and one of the most basic things you're taught in elementary/primary school. I dunno how old you are but I assume you're older than six. You would not turn in what you wrote up there to your English teacher I hope, because he/she would fail you. We don't want to see it either! Pretend we're also your English teachers =|

Also stop capitalizing random words in your sentences.

He ran Into a Town with the Sign that said "Sunnydale Town"

What is with that? Stoppit. Also if I recall correctly you're the one who "likes to bold your dialogue." Stoppit. There's no need to bold dialogue.

I'm going to lock this. Send me a PM when you've edited your post and if I find it satisfactory I will unlock your RP.