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Pokemon Diamond and Pearl - TEH OMGZ FEATURES AND PLOTZ!

Discussion in 'Pokémon Games Discussion' started by Doctor Oak, Feb 17, 2006.

  1. Doctor Oak

    Staff Member Overlord

    Pokemon Diamond and Pearl will feature a plot based entirely around a Rattata and its inability to tackle. And this causes the world to almost destroy itself and for the hero to be almost killed until he can catch a Marowak and beat the Rattata to a bloody, bloody death with it's club.

    Pokemon Diamond and Pearl will also be the very first Pokemon game to feature Pokemon Crapping. As you walk around the grassy routes for Pokemon, you'll also have to watch out for that crap hiding in that thick knoll of grass so that you don't step on it and ruin your nice new running shoes. Also, if your Pokemon craps in the grass - you have to clean it up or pay a £500 fine.

    Your Turn!
     
  2. Due to popular demand, Pokemon D+P will now feature "realism like never seen before".

    Basically, you'll have to get a licence to own a pokemon. Once you finally get it (waiting period of up to 3 months), you finally get to choose one of the critters from the local Pokemon expert, Professor Graham (originally named Professor Oak, but changed after minority groups claimed that the name was prejudiced against vegetation and plant lifeforms). Want to finally start on your journey? Sorry kids, but pokemon must be kept indoors for 2 months until they've gotten all the necessary injections that ensure that the bastards won't give you rabies. After that's done, you can finally go on your trip. What's that? You aren't 18 yet? Get your ass back in the house then, no leaving home until you're an adult.

    Acquired a fake ID? No problem, you're on your way to become a pokemon master! Until you have a battle with another trainer. ASBO'd, bitch.
     
  3. Linkachu

    Linkachu Hero of Pizza
    Staff Member Administrator

    In Pokemon Diamond and Pearl, there are no Gyms. There is no battling. Hell, even catching has been banned. In these "fun for the whole family" titles your goal is to spread love and joy throughout the Pokemon world, "educating" misguided people, also known as "Pokemon Trainers", who enslave the poor creatures and force them to participate in cruel, barbaric "Pokemon battles". The more people you can enlightened, the more "Sunshine" points you earn; the more evil the "Pokemon Trainer", the greater the point gain.

    Enter a world of corruption where you alone are the key to human salvation and Pokemon freedom. The journey will be tough - many will tempt you with sin along the way - but with a pure heart and loving soul you shall prevail to once and for all bring peace to the land.
     
  4. baratron

    baratron Moderator of Elder Scrolls
    Staff Member Moderator

    Ahahahahaaaa! Brilliant ;D.

    Pokemon Diamond and Pearl will be the very first Pokemon game to feature sleep. Yep, for every 12 hours you spend running around the field, you'll need to spend 8 hours asleep. This will not be amazingly interesting to watch and will mostly be a drain on the DS battery for no real purpose - although you will get to see your character's dreams of Pokemon, which may be a way of learning about new Pokemon before you encounter one to have it appear in the 'Dex...

    12+8 doesn't add up to 24, so what happens during the other 4 hours? Well, you'll need to fit in time for Pokemon and human player feeding and grooming. Responsible Pokemon Trainers don't let their 'Mon crap in the grass, so you'll have to visit designated sanitary facilities for such things. Also, you'll need to buy or scavenge for food. This will be easy if you're training a little Pichu, who'll be happy with one or two apples, but may require more time if you have an Onix or Snorlax to keep healthy...

    In an attempt to please the My Little Pony and Nintendogs fans, you'll be able to buy collars and ribbons for your Pokemon, and they will show up on the selection screens and in battle. Putting pink frilly bows on fierce pkmn may lead you to win a battle by default, as the opposing Trainer falls over with laughter and can't continue. However, your Pokemon may object to being given a decoration that it considers unbecoming, and you may lose its trust as it refuses to battle.
     
  5. Diamond and Pearl's cartridges will probably be made out of actual diamond or pearl, in effect making the cartridges too heavy to even hold and probably break your DS in half when you try to jam it in the slot.

    It'll also have "omg teh supaa powaa", where instead of battling with Pokemon at all, you fly in the air and throw Pokeballs at your opponents to knock them out and make them fall into comas.
     
  6. Prof. Cinders

    Prof. Cinders Mathemagician
    Staff Member Administrator

    In order to please all gamers, including newbs, noobs and veterans, there will be a grammar on/off option in Diamond and Pearl. Also, the more experienced and grammar-enforced trainers will receive a choice between a grammar sword or gun, for extra influence in battles, along with the title of "Grammar King/Queen".

    Another featured option of the games is the apparently long-awaited 'Smite' system, where one player can effectively kill another in one mighty blow over the multiplayer system. This will get rid of any unwanted noobs... I mean players.
     
  7. In Pokemon Diamond and Pearl, you won't catch Pokemon. You'll catch people. And your character will either be a Pikachu (boy) or a Gardevoir (girl). You have to get a trainer training license, and you have to train people to be civil. Pokemon are tired of our disgusting ways. I mean, for years we've been pooping in the toilet!! Every pokemon knows it's only polite to go in your trainer's shoes-or, in this case, their shoes. Plus that disgusting habit of using forks and knives! And some pokemon will become a lot more common, like Torchic, Miltank, and Swinub. Why will these pokemon show up more, you ask? Where do you think people in Pokemon have been getting their burgers and bacon and cannibalism of the like?
    The goal of this game is to catch all the humans and put them to work making PokeFood. And then, when the trainers are done working, you have some fun. Let's see how they like being thrown around in a plastic ball!
     

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