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Poetry Corner

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Coreysawrus, Mar 31, 2012.

  1. I'll start of with a little introduction. I'm Rileyixx you can call me Riley for short if you want and I will be writing a series of poems that will vary in length, they will be based on popular culture e.g. Films, Events and Video Games.

    Today's poem will only be a short 4 liner but hopefully you will enjoy.

    Oh man, standing there,
    Please my life, will you spare,
    Oh, the barrel of your gun,
    Must signal, that my time has done.


    I would love feedback, I personally like it apart from line 3 but I suppose that is what you get from a quick 10 second idea.
     
  2. That's actually quite alright! It's certainly a lot more poetic then most of the stuff my brain farts out every now and then.

    I'm a little bit confused about the fourth line, though- It's either supposed to be 'has come' or 'is done', but I think the first one'd be better? I'm not sure if it's a typo or not.

    Care to share some more?
     
  3. I just realised that last line. I think I must have kept switching ideas between 'has come' and 'is done' so it ended up with a combination but I agree that 'has come' is better

    I was actually pretty happy with this seeming though I haven't done any poetry in about 2 years and I based this on the opening of Fallout: New Vegas when the character wakes up and Benny says 'This game was rigged from the start' and shoots you in the head :p I had watched it earlier that day and I thought about that and poetry at the same time and this was obvious result :3
     

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