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Pocket Hearts (Pokemon/KH fic)

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Fist of the Beast King, Jun 23, 2009.

  1. This isn't an entirely canon fic for either Pokemon or Kingdom Hearts. Sora and Kairi will be replaced with my fancharacters Eric and Peggy. Riku, Donald, Goofy, Queen May, and King Mickey with Mewtwo, Barry, Paul, May, and Ash, respectively. Teams Rocket, Magma, Aqua, and Galactic will be villains spread through this fic, while Team Snagem and the Pokemon Rangers of Fiore and Almia will be good guys, helping out the main trio of Eric, Barry, and Paul. Finally, instead of Gummi Ships, there will be portals spread out all over Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh, leading to the other worlds, from Destiny Islands and Traverse Town to Agrabah and NeverLand, and even End of the World. On a lighter note, "Ansem" will be called his real name (Xehanort), to avoid confusion with Ansem the Wise (aka DiZ).
    Other than that, the plot will be pretty much the same.

    Eric wields the Keyblade, and has Infernape, Tropius, Floatzel, Dusknoir, Skuntank, and Rhyperior for Pokemon.

    Barry wields the Staff, and has Empoleon, Roserade, Gardevoir, Staraptor, Heracross, and Garchomp for Pokemon.

    Paul wields the Shield, and has Torterra, Weavile, Drifblim, Electivire, Bibarel, and Scizor for Pokemon.

    Mewtwo saved Eric's life recently, but was persuaded by the power of Darkness, hoping to get revenge against Team Rocket, especially Giovanni, to go against the main Trio, not having much control over its own actions, due to Maleficent's sheer power over Mewtwo.

    Queen May and King Ash's Pokemon will not be revealed until Pocket Hearts II, same going for Gonzap's Pokemon.

    Chapter One "Destiny Islands"
    Eric, Barry, and Paul were on a ferry to the Battle Zone from Snowpoint City. Eric's village was recently destroyed by Team Rocket. Only Eric and his girlfriend, Peggy, survived. Eric stole all of his Pokemon (excluding Infernape), from Team Rocket, as part of his retaliation. If it weren't for Mewtwo saving him, Eric would be dead. Unfortunately, Peggy disappeared, and there is no sign of her anywhere. Eric was angsty because of his recent past. Eric muttered to himself, "I hope Peggy is fine... Wherever she is... And why did Mewtwo save me like that?" Barry then told Eric "Don't worry, we've got free tickets to the Battle Zone thanks to my dad being a Frontier Brain. You can be free of all worry while we're battling others." Paul then looked around, and said "Uhhh. Guys.... We're almost there."

    As they got there, Eric, Barry, and Paul's Poketches suddenly got glitchy. Eric shouted "This can't be happening! My Poketch is brand new!" Barry tried to push one of the buttons on his own Poketch, and said "That's odd... My Poketch is glitchy, too! Hey, Paul! Check to see if your Poketch works!" Paul touched the screen of his Poketch and muttered "Nope. It's not working."

    They finally got out only moments later, and they all heard a seemingly divine voice saying "Welcome... Chosen Ones. Eric, the Keyblade has chosen you. Barry, you were chosen by the Staff. And Paul, the Shield has picked you." Eric then said "Hey!Who are you and how do you know our names?"" The voice then replied "I know everbody and everything. I am Arceus, and ou shouldn't be so rude to the Legendary Pokemon that watch over this world. Look up. Do you see a disturbance above you, in the sky? That would be a portal that leads to another dimension. They have somehow appeared overnight, and you three are the chosen ones to go in there and save the fate of each world from beings called the Heartless. That is why the Keyblade, Staff, and Shield have chosen you. Now, stay near each other, close your eyes, and hold your weapons toward the portal. You will be teleported inside it to another world. I must go, now. No need to thank me. I have much to do."

    Eric then said "Wait a sec!", but it was too late, and he got no reply.

    Barry then said "Let's do what Arceus told us to do. Ready?" The trio held up their weapons, closed their eyes, and when the weapons touched, they all were sucked in.

    They were on a pleasant-looking tropical island, and Eric thought about his recent past, and how the island he lived on was attacked by Team Rocket.

    A flashback started. in Eric's mind, he remebered how a Rocket Executive shouted "BRING ANY SURVIVORS TO ME! KILL ANYBODY WHO DEFIES US! LET NOBODY ESCAPE!" Rocket Grunts, their Pokemon, and even an army of Heartless attacked the island at midnight. Peggy was in her Ranger uniform, and she and her Pachirisu fled the island by befriending a Gyarados, with her Styler, then jumping inside its mouth. She told it "Take us to the mainland! HURRY!" The Gyarados closed its mouth, and dove down so the Rockets wouldn't see anything. Eric's Infernape had just evolved from a Monferno. Eric's parents were killed by a Rocket Executive. Eric punched a Shadow Heartless, but his fist went through it, not dealing any damage at all. Eric was knocked unconscious by a Rocket Grunt, and his Infernape went back inside its Pokeball right before. The Grunt thought Eric was dead, and after they left, Mewtwo came along, hunting down the Rockets, took pity on Eric, and teleported him to safety.

    The flashback ended, and Eric noticed the pleasant skies over the Destiny Islands turning very dark instantly. Eric shouted "Barry! Paul! Be careful, this is exactly what happened the night Team Rocket attacked my island! I saw the strangest things that seemed to come out of the sky, they were pitchblack with bright yellow eyes. I tried to fight back.. but I couldn't even leave a bruise on them."

    A Shadow Heartless came out of the ground right in front of them. Eric said, and pointed "It looked exactly like that thing. It must be a Heartless!" Eric then killed the Heartless with his Keyblade, but more Heartless came from the darkness. Our Trio's Pokemon were to scared to even come out of their Pokeballs, so they had no choice but to fight the Heartless themselves. They killed hundreds of Heartless in a matter of minutes. They ran toward the dock, and the Darkside Heartless appeared out of nothing.

    Eric, Barry, and Paul flinched for a second, but realized they couldn't flee.

    Eric then had a strange vision about how to defeat the giant Heartless, and said "Hey, guys! We should attack its hands! Don't ask me how I know this, but just do it!"

    They gracefully dodged its attacks, and performed a powerful Trinity Limit that sent blasts of light to both of Darkside's hands. Barry attacked the right hand, Paul countered dark blasts and deflected them back at the left hands, and Eric finished the job with a swift attack to both hands.

    Paul can now perform Defend.
    Barry can now perform Glide and cast Fire, Thunder, Blizzard, Gravity, Aero, Stop, and Cure.
    Eric can now perform Dodge Roll and Slide Attack.

    Eric, Barry and Paul watched the skies above them clear up, and they heard Arceus again, who said "That was very good. You took care of that giant Heartless with ease. And to get back to your world, just say 'Out', but make sure you say it exactly at the same time, or it won't work, and upon entering some worlds, you will change your form somehow, but I'll tell you more when you get there. Also, your Poketches have a new function to check where those strange portals are. One just appeared in Pallet Town, so you better hurry!"

    Our trio shouted "OUT!', and ended up back in the Battle Zone.

    Our trio stayed at a local motel, and rested for the night. All that fighting took a whole lot out of them.

    the next Chapter will be "Traverse Town"
  2. Yoshimitsu

    Former Moderator

    I... you...what? Did you choose to take two entirely random series and fuse them together?

    Not to mention that it looks like a glorified KH story, but with your characters in place of Sora and co.
  3. You're certainly original, that's for sure.
  4. With this, a crossover could be possible, but I agree with Yoshimitsu and Moosechu. You just stuck different characters in place of the Kingdom Hearts ones.

    If a crossover were possible, there would have to be reasons for it, and less cheesy (I know that's not the right word, but I can't think of it right now) dialogue.
  5. Psycho Monkey

    Psycho Monkey Member of the Literary Elite Four

    Congradulations, you took my two favorite series's, merged them together, and botched it up. You could have potentially made this good but... no. Just no.

    If I had a heart, I'd be pretty pissed right now.
  6. I have not played Kingdom Hearts, so I can't comment on any inaccuracies you may have there. However, your writing style is somewhat tedious and childish.

    Let's start with the basics: new speech from a new person starts on a new line. You have a few instances where Paul or Eric or whoever starts talking on the same line as the previous person, making the scene jumbled and also unclear as to who is currently speaking.

    You state everything but describe nothing. From what I read in that frist chapter, with more dialogue and description you could have made it into two, one being the... uh... I'm guessing up until Arceus arrives and then the second being the Heartless fight.

    Your flashback makes no sense. How could Eric know what Mewtwo and all the Rocket's were doing if he were unconcious? Surely a Ranger's ability is not called a 'Styler' in the actual Pokemon world? It's bitty, which flashbacks are adimttedly, but it doesn't appear to be deliberatly fragmented. It seems you rushed through it without much idea of where it was going. Also your beginning and ending of the flashback scene: 'A flashback started'; are you writing out a play or a story? You can make memories and flashbacks appear with force if you describe physical or mental sensations in the character who is having the event before and after the fact. For example, you could say that Eric (who I assume is having the flashback) feels light-headed and that the world around grows hazy as he slips into his memories and experiences the horror of that night. At least, I imagine that there should be horror, you don't actually say, you merely state it as fact.

    Description would work far better for this story, at present it feels washed-out, pointless and like the framework of a story rather than a story proper. I suggest revisiting that first chapter of yours and adding in proper detail.
  7. Yoshimitsu

    Former Moderator

    Hold on just a minute... That's... but that... I don't...

  8. Thanks for showing you took the time to actually read my post and consider what it said. It really comes across in that post of yours (not that I'm bitter or anything).

    I do hope your next chapter is vast improvement on the one above.
  9. I need to help my dad move, so after I settle into the new place, the Traverse Town chapter will soon be up.

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