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Hehe, I wanted to try a bit of a childish character, even though I'll try for Trini to be more independent, I'm not attempting to create a cry baby or any character that would need constant attention, since she's all about stealing, she knows how to manage herself in big cities or crowds. Even though, if it's more comfortable for you, I can always come up with a more mature character (and by the way, I'm not as young as Trini. Of course, I'm young and all but I'm not twelve :D).

About the heights and stuff, I always have issues with pounds and feet since I'm more used to meters and kilograms :( Anyways, I'll try converting them this time.

About the scare stuff... I was asking myself the same thing, but I can't actually see her killing someone, mostly because my interpretation of Trini isn't as someone evil. I feel like if I made her kill someone she would end up with a trauma and become a helpless angsty Sue and that's definately something I don't want for her. On the other hand, maybe I could add some injured people on her history, maybe not serious ones but enough to start a commotion. If it's okay, I'd like to add that.

And you are indeed right, my first language is actually spanish, therefore it's often hard to find the exact word to use in every ocasion. I am constantly trying to expand my vocabulary, but it's somwhat hard to learn in which context to use each word when they aren't commonly used in the society I live in. I have few oportunities to keep long english conversations with people, these reduced to my english class and, eventually, talking to any or another exchange student. When it comes to picking words I usually have to draw on Google Translator, which I like to use as little as possible since... well, it has its flaws.

But yeah, I've noticed a lot of development in my english since I first entered Charms and I'm really grateful with this comunity. Hopefully, I'll be able to experience what living in an actual english speaking country feels like soon and that would be really great. So yeah, I'll just work hard on my english someday so maybe someday I could be as skilled as people around here when it comes to english:)

Oh, and by the way, the picture is really similar to what I imagine of Trini, even though I think I'll try to make a drawing of her soon!
Personally I hate the Imperial measuring system. Metric makes much more sense, so feel free to use meters, centimeter and kilograms. It's only because I have made so many character designs over the years and have had to convert units so often that I've started getting a bit of a feeling for it.

Go ahead and add a little drama to Trini's backstory if you want. A few accidental injuries will make scare her enough to be extra careful, but not enough to be traumatized.

And you're a Spanish speaker! That's awesome, especially since Salem's native language is supposed to be Spanish, but I don't speak a single word. :p
The original Salem I mean, not this Gijinka. Would it be alright if I sometimes asked your for a little bit of Spanish assistance?

And I just noticed something, this post you just typed was nearly flawless English, a lot better than how you wrote the character bio at least. Very interesting. Perhaps you're trying too hard?

Salem sure gets around in this universe :D
"It's good to be the king."
*Twirls moustage*

But yeah, Salem's a mythical prince now, instead of a primitive tribeling from a lost island. :D

Diana sighed and began setting her bags down against the front wall of another shop—a jewelry shop by the looks of it.
She hadn’t thought to take her other bags with her to change, since she would only have been a few minutes. Additionally, this wasn’t Deliquent Town. From the stories she heard, thieves weren’t as much of a problem here.
Chrocey you amazing writer you, I applaud your building in hooks for other characters to jump right into. Very well done.

Of course the entry in it's entirety was great. Diana's story is going to be a lot of fun to follow. I am glad you joined us for this.
 
Go ahead señor @Nygenn ask for assistence whenever you want!

And well... it could be that I'm trying too hard, maybe I'll try to write more naturally the next time. I'll start fixing some things in Trini's bio, after that I'll post in the actual thread. Thanks for the help!
 
Go ahead señor @Nygenn ask for assistence whenever you want!

And well... it could be that I'm trying too hard, maybe I'll try to write more naturally the next time. I'll start fixing some things in Trini's bio, after that I'll post in the actual thread. Thanks for the help!
Tell me when that's complete and I'll update it into the list. :)

Also, I have officially added Allen into the lis the as well. I must say @Sciencewars very nice choice in chatacter name. Allen Puck is a good one. :D
 
Chrocey you amazing writer you, I applaud your building in hooks for other characters to jump right into. Very well done.

Of course the entry in it's entirety was great. Diana's story is going to be a lot of fun to follow. I am glad you joined us for this.

Thank you very much! :love: I loved your entry as well.

I very much enjoyed how you incorporated Ajax into the story as a plushie x3
 
Bam. I made a post! Hopefully it meets the standards of those who are here, I kinda feel outta my league. :/ Still! I am determined to make better posts, so here's to my first post hopefully not being total garbage!

*metaphorical/figurative clink*
 
Bam. I made a post! Hopefully it meets the standards of those who are here, I kinda feel outta my league. :/ Still! I am determined to make better posts, so here's to my first post hopefully not being total garbage!

*metaphorical/figurative clink*

Hisseki has made a post...it fills me with determination!

Side note:

I was actually about to ask if it was okay if I did another post xD I felt like mine was a little to reliant on something specific happening with her, which I immediately worried about if something didn't happen.

I made another post that kinda continues off of that one and has her start dancing, which I feel might be more dynamically approachable.
 
Whoa... I'd honestly love to join this RP! There was obviously an enormous amount of effort and thought put into the plot, setting, and even the characters. It's really jaw-dropping, actually, compared to some of the RPs I've seen around! Kudos for you two, RP creators! I'm just not sure if I'm qualified or not, or even if I'd have the time to write the amount of content I've seen in the IC thread so far, but I feel like I could manage and maybe even learn from this. I'd love to become a better RPer and writer, and this would definitely help, I believe!

I'm not too late, am I? Could I still join this?
 
Bam. I made a post! Hopefully it meets the standards of those who are here, I kinda feel outta my league. :/ Still! I am determined to make better posts, so here's to my first post hopefully not being total garbage!

*metaphorical/figurative clink*
Wow, I'm thoroughly impressed Hisseki! I love how you portray Ajani, he's really shining in this debut of his, you really gave him well deserved depth, and I'm very glad I accepted him when I did. Also his ogling of Alora's jewellery is just adorable.

Hisseki has made a post...it fills me with determination!

Side note:

I was actually about to ask if it was okay if I did another post xD I felt like mine was a little to reliant on something specific happening with her, which I immediately worried about if something didn't happen.

I made another post that kinda continues off of that one and has her start dancing, which I feel might be more dynamically approachable.
It's totally fine, Chroc. Everyone is free to post as often as they wish, as long as it's not double posting. It's a good call actually, I'm very pleased with the impressive group we've managed to collect. :D

Whoa... I'd honestly love to join this RP! There was obviously an enormous amount of effort and thought put into the plot, setting, and even the characters. It's really jaw-dropping, actually, compared to some of the RPs I've seen around! Kudos for you two, RP creators! I'm just not sure if I'm qualified or not, or even if I'd have the time to write the amount of content I've seen in the IC thread so far, but I feel like I could manage and maybe even learn from this. I'd love to become a better RPer and writer, and this would definitely help, I believe!

I'm not too late, am I? Could I still join this?
Hmm... We still have one more slot left before reaching our temporary quota actually. Write us up a bio and if it's legit and catches our fancy, we'll let you in. How about that? :)

Edit: Thus, a robbery has taken place! Since our Liepard thief operates mostly in the night time, @Blue moon, how about you take this one? That is to say, this is purely a suggestion that you are in no way obliged to follow. :p
 
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popped up a post finally.

So Pen, Ny let me know if I took too much liberty with the palace by giving it a servants wing. I wasn't sure if it had a wing, outside quarters, or if all servants not personally attached to nobility lived in city proper.
 
popped up a post finally.

So Pen, Ny let me know if I took too much liberty with the palace by giving it a servants wing. I wasn't sure if it had a wing, outside quarters, or if all servants not personally attached to nobility lived in city proper.

Well Astral, if you refer to this in my intro post,
Servants (including maids, butlers, chefs, and groundskeepers) reside in the mess hall within the palace itself.
I stated that servants of the palace all reside in a mess hall, which can be called the servant's wing if you prefer. The terms are quite flexible since I doubt they would've established real names for it. Good work with your post though, it's very well written. :)

It seems that @Storybook has rubbed off some of her magic on you already.
 
Ty Pen I promise I did read your intro post almost as soon as it was up. I just missed that part :'|

It is more than a bit daunting going after Story. Which seems to be twice now for me in this thread. I hadn't even realized Story had posted until I finished mine, and then I read it.:-O
 
It is more than a bit daunting going after Story. Which seems to be twice now for me in this thread. I hadn't even realized Story had posted until I finished mine, and then I read it.:-O
Huh.
Wow, you're right. We seem to have created a theme. I wonder how long that will last :p

I've been enjoying reading everyone's posts. Although I know some, if most, of you have participated in dark tournament, I'm afraid that I never had the time to give anyone's writing enough time to read it thoroughly, so I haven't really gotten the sense of what you guys are as writers quite yet. As such, it's been a wonderful adventure reading through the posts, and as much as I liked them all, only one comment stood out in my mind that hasn't been quite touched upon yet. Although, quick disclaimer, this is all my opinion so here's a grain of salt :p

Nygenn, you have an incredible sense of character. Both you and Espeon created entertaining and intriguing side characters, but how you play the prince was just fun to read, not to mention natural feeling. I can create themes in my characters to make them intriguing, but you, truly, can create people, and I hope that you understand this and try to build upon it if you're searching to strengthen yourself. Oh yes, and Pen, amazing hook, as you always seem to be able to create. You somehow draw me in every time you start a roleplay. Perhaps it has something to do with how you lay out the setting.

Once again, nice posts everyone :) I'm looking forward to reading more.
 
Story I hope one day you can get the time to read all of Dark Tournament. Pen has already shown her beautiful writing skill in the Graves thread, but she still shines in DT. It is a great place to see Ny's character building of Salem and the evolution of many of the writers as they have gradually gotten even better since their first few post.

I have been very happy and proud to weave a story for all of them.
 
I always feel shaky making the first couple of posts in a Roleplay. Especially when it's late at night where I live :p

Hopefully nothing's terribly confusing or broken, if it is I'll pull it and make a whole new one later if it's ahuge mistake or edit it to a good point.

Enjoy, see you in the morning ya'll.
 
I always feel shaky making the first couple of posts in a Roleplay. Especially when it's late at night where I live :p

Hopefully nothing's terribly confusing or broken, if it is I'll pull it and make a whole new one later if it's ahuge mistake or edit it to a good point.

Enjoy, see you in the morning ya'll.
On the contrary, it was quite a treat. :D
Then again, I always did love how you portray Gerald, and reading about him is a joy in itself.
 
Nygenn, you have an incredible sense of character. Both you and Espeon created entertaining and intriguing side characters, but how you play the prince was just fun to read, not to mention natural feeling. I can create themes in my characters to make them intriguing, but you, truly, can create people, and I hope that you understand this and try to build upon it if you're searching to strengthen yourself. Oh yes, and Pen, amazing hook, as you always seem to be able to create. You somehow draw me in every time you start a roleplay. Perhaps it has something to do with how you lay out the setting.
Thanks Storybook, that is lofty praise humbly received.

I have always prided myself in creating characters beyond their skills and clothing. Most of the ones I deem worthy take months of constant refining. Character designing is something I'm quite comfortable with and which initially led me to pursuing a career in game design. On that note if anyone needs help with his/her character, feel free to contact me. It's a passion of mine so don't be shy.

That said, the bringing to live of these characters on paper is still very new to me. Astral's Dark Tournament is my first forum RP and I have since been learning and discovering how to build scenes using just words. The scenes were never an issue, my mind's full of them, but translating those onto paper is a real challenge, so reading your opinion of my work means a lot to me. Thanks again, I plan on keeping it up. :)
 
I always feel shaky making the first couple of posts in a Roleplay. Especially when it's late at night where I live :p

Hopefully nothing's terribly confusing or broken, if it is I'll pull it and make a whole new one later if it's ahuge mistake or edit it to a good point.

Enjoy, see you in the morning ya'll.

Psh, you know you did awesome. 'specially with dat money you just gave Diana.

Now she's rollin' in it

tumblr_nrvbnvHsFr1s940p0o1_500.jpg
 
Wow EspeonTheBest, your first entry was amazingly written. I especially enjoyed your description of the shop. I find myself always struggling with such descriptions because that's not what I want to be focusing on yet are necessary for creating a good scene. My impatiences always shines through and I usually just end up with a list of facts and features.

Your description gave me not only a good sense of the store, but through it, of what the surrounding area might be like. Immediately this tune started playing in the back of my head. See if it fits with how you imagined the area.

Like I did with The Dark Tournament, I'll probably end up compiling an album with tunes and themes for this RP as well. :)
-

Hey Hisseki, I just want to make a few things clear. First of, I like your entry in general, and I like that your guy is so spirited. But two thoughts came to mind while reading.

The first is that if he's a soldier then he needs to report in on mornings, go on patrols or get assigned stations and the like. Remember that being a guard means being part of an organisation and isn't just running around town imposing vigilante justice. So for this post it could be his day off, though unlike with the increased need for guards during these event days, or it's just not time for his shift yet.

Secondly, I like that you're trying yourself to Alora's shop, but did you discus with her that this is the kind of shop he could get the metals he needs? I imagine he'd be better of at a smithy or ship yard, or even the guard barracks. But if Espeon states she would have those materials then it's all good. I'm just making sure no one if imposing anything on others through assumptions.

Nice touch with the poison btw ;)
 
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I will try my best to get a first post up after college, I tried writing one last night but I wasn't happy with and it and ended up just scrapping the whole thing :p
 
Hey guys, minor intervention.

I would just like to lay out a discussion I had with Nygenn earlier about the state of the kingdom. You guys are doing an awesome job so far, but please remember that it is a prosperous and overall nice place to live in, and is in no way infested or overrun by crime. Everyone seems to place themselves closely to the red light district, where most if not all crimes occur and is isolated to, and it's a bit sad to see the good qualities of the capitol wasted in favor of this (admittedly) tempting feature. However normally, in the slums even, crimes don't happen on a day to day basis and definitely not up to a case as severe as Mai's house being blown up. Someone losing their wallets or bags at the most, or perhaps being conned into buying cheap goods for an absurd price, but definitely not mugging or full on assaults. Those are very very special cases.

However, the key factor here is the upcoming festival that is drawing in hundreds, and even thousands of visitors. The kingdom isn't crowded on a normal day, hence it is also not as pumped up with crimes on a normal day. It's just that the heathens get excited when more people come in for the festival. There's bound to be more conning occurring, and even pickpockets, I imagine the city to be quite sustainable and pleasant on normal days, with the delinquents just minding their own business in the slums, or perhaps loitering at best. Occasionally committing acts of petty crime such as defacing public property or egging someone's house. But with the festival coming up, guards and knights run a tighter shift and so do the delinquents in turn.

The locals committing theft should just be the desperate and the greedy, and those should be a big minority. The kingdom isn't inhabited by vultures looking to take anything that presents itself. In fact, it's very possible that the visitors themselves are the ones causing trouble (like taking Diana's bag), but because of the prejudice against Ghosts, Darks, and Poisons, they are immediately the ones pinned for the blame.

But bottom line is, the capitol should be better known for all its amazing facilities and advance (during the time) systems with endless opportunities for everyone. Of course, it's not perfect, it still has its rough edges, but it's still a wonderful place to be and that's what we should be focusing on. I've often seen well planned cities with good intentions dwindle into a cesspool of crime and corruption because that's where most of the attention is placed, so let's try to avoid that here.

Basically, just imagine Zootopia.

Have fun!
 
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The doors were only about twelve feet tall, made of a burnished russet mahogany. Each door had intricately carved dratini slithering up and down the sides with inlaid silver handles shaped like dragon claws. It was by far the least impressive set of double doors leading to a wing in the entire castle.
Laying it on thick there Astralkitsune? :D
Way to really show the difference between our characters and those other plebs ey. :\=|:

Anyway, that was a really well composed entry. Actually a lot better than what I've come to expect based on DT. Perhaps it's just because you're more invested in a character than a group of NPC's, or is it Storybook's influence? Whatever the case, keep it up. I am all the more interested in seeing more of Mai-Lin now.
-

BurbleBurble, This Gerald reminds me of the original Salem. Hopelessly naive and good natured, giving without thinking and always smiling, especially when faced with his own misfortune. :D
 
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K guys, my first post is up! This is going great, and I gave some opportunities to hop in when needed for others who haven't posted yet, and some who have. Sorry if it's a bit short.
 
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First continuity breach detected!

Sciencewars, you're mentioning setting up stall around a time where it's getting quieter and nearing nightfall.
Now I know for a fact that the Drapion you mentioned seeing has to be someone other than Ajani because he just woke up early int he morning and came past the jeweler there. I am going to assume that Diana saw Ajani meaning she was there early in the morning as well, rather than some other Drapion window shopping there.
Allan's mention of them would mean Diana is there dancing all day, even when a lot of the crowd is already dispersing as you said.

I recommend reviewing your post Science, and make some necessary adjustments, unless you discussed this with the other players involved.

That aside, I would ask that you put a bit more effort into your entry. You are completely free to do whatever you want with your entry post, so there is really no excuse to go for a bare minimum.
 
Got it. Thanks!

Edit 1: Ok, error fixed, now I'll go for a bit longer.

Edit 2: Ok, I extended it. I'll try better next time!
 
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Question!

So I made a couple side characters to go along with Alora. Reena, Denver, and Abel. So would it be acceptable for me to possibly switch perspectives on rare occasions? For example, Diana, Ajani, and Allen all noticed the shop, but Alora is gone, so could I possibly write a quick paragraph in Reena's perspective? If I need to create a charcter sheet for that, I will.
 
Question!

So I made a couple side characters to go along with Alora. Reena, Denver, and Abel. So would it be acceptable for me to possibly switch perspectives on rare occasions? For example, Diana, Ajani, and Allen all noticed the shop, but Alora is gone, so could I possibly write a quick paragraph in Reena's perspective? If I need to create a charcter sheet for that, I will.
Yeah, this is totally fine. :) It actually helps a lot with world building as well, so I'm very glad for initiatives such as these.

Also, here's Lady Alize!
 
Question!

So I made a couple side characters to go along with Alora. Reena, Denver, and Abel. So would it be acceptable for me to possibly switch perspectives on rare occasions? For example, Diana, Ajani, and Allen all noticed the shop, but Alora is gone, so could I possibly write a quick paragraph in Reena's perspective? If I need to create a charcter sheet for that, I will.
What PentheWonderful already said. You can consider your group of NPC's your character's support cast. It's not necessary that you have them of course, but if you do you are more than welcome to use them. Again I would like to stress that you make sure you don't end up isolating your own characters with these extra's. The main drive of the RP should still be interaction between players, but you can use support NPC's as proxies of course. It's entirely possible that some of these NPC's begin to take on a life all their own of course. Should this happen I am inclined to support that because clearly it is what the story and the players demand. There is no rule against having multiple characters, just make sure you can handle them all.

On that note... Aurorus, a fossil pokemon... Denver... Are you perhaps referencing Denver the Last Dinosaur? :D
(You know, I had no idea that they remade this show.)

Also, with so many people gathering in front of your story, could you tell us if the shop has a name, and if so what it is?
 
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Finally got a post up, sorry about the low quality, it was rushed out between coursework im afraid! But I just couldn't wait to get a post up ahah
 
Nah, that was a really good entry Jake Acker. Very descriptive and it gave a nice look into the kind of life Wilhelm is living, as well as hint towards his demeanor. I also liked the notion of Salem on a playing card, I hadn't actually though of that.

Your comment about the king I really liked, but it made me realize that I need to share some of the latest developments Pen and I came up with. You see Pen was so excited about our little spin off fantasies that she just had to push this RP out as soon as possible and many things haven't quite been addressed just yet. A lot of that is on purpose so that you brilliant writers can all help shape the world.

Okay so, about the old king... He's actually dead. Been dead for some time now. Here's what I came up with;
The person with Suicune's blessing is king or queen, and remains so until death. There is never more than one person with the markings at the same time, so often the mark skips a generation. In this case Salem's grandfather carried the mark for a long time until he died an old man some years before Salem's birth. A couple of years went by in which Salem's parents ruled but neither have the mark. Then some years later Salem was born and soon after Suicune appeared to bestow its blessings on the baby. This officially marked Salem as King, except until his coming of age, that is until he evolves into a Dragonite, his parents rule in his stead.

Not long after the Passing of Suicune a tragic event occurred in which the king lost his life. The details are still open for debate, but are likely poison, or some dark type assassin. The real target had been the blessed baby of course, but the old fool got in the way and payed the ultimate price for it. This event is what sparked a major wave of discrimination against the Dark, Poison, and Ghost types. Something that let to riots in the streets and never really went away after that. The Queen, who has now been the sole ruler ever since, has been a very passive ruler, so many of the problems have not been properly addressed and left to fester. The ministers have dome what they could in the mean time of course, so the kingdom has not been completely headless.

This event has also led to an even stricter upbringing of the prince, and outside of the Palace no one has really ever seen the young royal. There may be prints here and there of course, like on the playing cards Jake mentioned, and those can be accurate, but can just as well be speculations on what the prince actually looks like. It depends on who made them really.
-

Right, so, if there are any questions or comments feel encouraged to voice them.
 
"This heat is nothing, merely my trial every day, for the honor of being able to live and serve such great beings. I would gladly endure such heat for all eternity if it meant that I may please my Lady and serve her another day. I am the only one left to carry on my family's honor and to atone for the sins that my parents committed."
Good entry, Pen will respond to it when she's conscious again :)
In the meantime, I just want to warn you not to overdo things. I understand that you are eager to show of Mai-Lin's loyalty and lack of self worth, but as with many things it is often better to show than tell, and if you can't show it yet, then keep us in suspense. When you spell it out too often it actually starts taking away from the scene and the believably of the character rather than add to it.

Perhaps you already knew this, but it can't hurt to say it. Maybe the others find it useful advice as well.
 
Yea I wondered after I read it if I had overdone it a bit.

Edit: I just wanted to get out more than two paragraphs but the scene was entering and crossing a room.
 
It's not about using a lot of words, it's about using enough. If you want more filling regardless you can always have the character think back on stuff. Like say wonder about what those maids were talking about again, and if that's something the lady should know, or maybe remember the first time she even set foot in this room and the impression it made on her. There can be some items she notices which reminds her of a section of her training and gives you an excuse to flesh that out a bit more.

There are a crazy number of things you can add to a simple enter and kneel if you really want to.
 
Those were some great posts. I'm still trying to ease into doing longer things, but I hope to improve!

I also just realized that the ability to control shadows was great for Allen, as he is a shadow of his younger self before the fire. Really fitting for a random thought, if you ask me.
 
It's not about using a lot of words, it's about using enough. If you want more filling regardless you can always have the character think back on stuff. Like say wonder about what those maids were talking about again, and if that's something the lady should know, or maybe remember the first time she even set foot in this room and the impression it made on her. There can be some items she notices which reminds her of a section of her training and gives you an excuse to flesh that out a bit more.

There are a crazy number of things you can add to a simple enter and kneel if you really want to.

Yea you are right I tend to do a lot of scene description and inner monologue. However Pen had already set the scene. The rug was as much as I messed with that and I am trying to be very careful with the palace as I know that is the play area of the STs same with introducing npcs. In hindsight I could have done a flashback scene as well.
 
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