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My first sprite comic.

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by rinokwedjnfalwa, Feb 23, 2006.

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  1. My first comic "Red Lucario battles #1"

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  2. Part 1 of "Red Lucario battles #1" alternate ending

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  3. Linkachu

    Linkachu Hero of Pizza
    Staff Member Administrator

    Well... at least your grammar is pretty solid with these (unlike some other first attempts). The rest of it seems kinda pointless, tho, not to mention just plain wrong :p

    Since this is your first sprite comic I can see a lot of room for improvement. Give us something more than just some random (unrealistic) battle between two trainers we can't even see. A point/plot would be nice.
     
  4. Yeah I'm still working on the plot but but I'm not that good with writing and as for the trainers I would have shown them but i don't havesprites for them yet.
     
  5. Part 2 of "Red Lucario battles #1" alternate ending

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  6. You would probally should have a different stroy...
     
  7. Prof. Cinders

    Prof. Cinders Mathemagician
    Staff Member Administrator

    You could use a lot more plot to it. And the repetitiveness doesn't help either. :p Ok, I can definitely tell it's your first. (No offence meant, I'm just tired and hungry) Try to introduce some characters, add some interesting little bits for the attacks and not just attack after attack. Add some proper conversation. Also, the commentary from Lucario is a bit dry. Excitement would be good. Add some backstory to any characters you make to make them believable, and keep up the good work. ^_^
     
  8. Would that include pokemon or just trainers?
     
  9. Prof. Cinders

    Prof. Cinders Mathemagician
    Staff Member Administrator

    Both, preferably. :p Depends whether the pokemon are huge characters. If they're not, then just their history with their trainer should be appropriate, I think.
     
  10. I think this one's better.

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  11. Prof. Cinders

    Prof. Cinders Mathemagician
    Staff Member Administrator

    *notices several refridgerators all over the place* ... Why is there a fridge in the corner of the town and boy's bedroom? Anyway, you could use a bit more background - and please remember punctuation! Otherwise, good.
     
  12. Doctor Oak

    Staff Member Overlord

    You could do with speech bubbles too...
     
  13. The fridge is alive and has to do with the plot but I'm telling you what it has to do with the plot.
     
  14. Part 2

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  15. Linkachu

    Linkachu Hero of Pizza
    Staff Member Administrator

    Hmm... A trainer comic. As Oakster once said in the past, those are hard to do. I look forward to seeing how you manage the battling.

    Thought bubbles would help, though I can't say I'm totally against the style you're currently using. Almost makes it seem like a story book.
     
  16. A map of Hoenn that shows where Starter Town is.

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  17. I made some trainer cards.

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  18. Here's the other one.

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  19. Part 3 has word bubbles.

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  20. Part 4

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  21. Will is a very lazy trainer who despite getting his first Pokemon(Treecko) the day before David and Amy hasn't set out on his Pokemon journey.

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  22. Wowzers! I really like this comic. Most everyone attempts at some sort of 'new, hip, keen, random sequenced' type comic that draws on the concepts and Animutation styling as opposed to traditional means.

    This is more of a story, which I enjoy. It is plot and depth versus random funnies.

    Lemme guess... Will lives in that fridge..

    >xD

    OMG, I love that part.

    One thing to make it funnier - don't stress the fridge. Just have it happen automatically on random panels, like you did on the first fridge-appearance.

    It kinda takes away from it when you mention it, or get carried away.

    But the concept is funny, or at least to me. I'm reading, going 'Gee, I wonder what is going to happen next' when all of a sudden I catch a fridge that wasn't there before and I go... 'what the??'

    Anyhoo, good stuff. I would like to see more.

    Speech-wise, I think maybe you should color code it or something

    David- hi
    Ami- yo

    Doesn't really work too well, though visually, the current style is very appealing.

    The quality of this comic has greatly improve imho, and I would like to see where you take this. =)
     
  23. First battle ...... sort of.

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  24. WOW I'll say its an improvement!! Congrads....
     
  25. Ha, took me three reads to find the fridge. >xD (Not the one outside)

    Anticipating the battle. =)
     
  26. Prof. Cinders

    Prof. Cinders Mathemagician
    Staff Member Administrator

    I get the feeling this is turning into as much a game of "Find the Fridge" as it is a comic... Oh well. :p Can't wait to see the battle! Great work so far!
     
  27. I think they are good but the first three I think are completely weird and make no sense
     
  28. I like it...I can't wait until a plot actaually starts to unfold!! ;) That refrgirator with the eyes... :o *scary orchestra music* :D

    ~wad11656/Americanoob~
     
  29. where did you get background
     
  30. where did you get the background for the comic with david and amy in it...
     
  31. comic number 1 is funny
     
  32. Doctor Oak

    Staff Member Overlord

    Reviving a dead topic and double posting.

    Warnings #1 and #2, third strike and you're n00b'd.

    Since the original poster of this topic isn't even around any more, topic locked.
     
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