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Kōgeki! : Pokemon Bōken ~ A Pokemon Fan Fic [PG-13]

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by PKMN Trainer L, Jan 22, 2011.

  1. The title is Attack!: Pokemon Adventures ! I know that it makes no sense but I like it. Anyway, this is my first ever fan fic and would love some feedback on it! Tell me if you like the characters or hate them. Tell me if you hate me the story or not! Be truthful and I can improve. Please tell me if you would like to see more of this Fan Fic, please! *Hoping that it hasn't broken any rules...*

    Chapter 1 is a bit boring because it let's you see some of the characters and their personalities! :D

    Warning: Rated PG-13 for:
    Mild language
    Mild Suggestive Themes​




    Kōgeki!: Pokemon Bōken

    Chapter 1
    A Rude Awakening!


    "Zach! Damnit, Zach! Baka, wake up!" sounded a voice in the darkness. I slowly opened my eyes only to see a small, white, heel coming straight down to my face. "I said wake the heck up!" called the voice as I realized that it was a foot coming for me! I completely opened my eyes and, boom!

    I laid there for a second, then, wiping the blood from my nose, I moved the foot off of my face. "Well... good morning to you too, Yorui." I said in a bored voice.

    "Darnit, Zach! Get the h*ll out of bed! Just because you're already a Trainer doesn't mean that you are going to make me late for my Starter Pokemon!" Yorui said in an irritated voice. It was that day for another Trainer. Today was Yorui's thirteenth birthday. Although Trainers usually get their starter Pokemon on their tenth birthday, Yorui's mother and father decided that Yorui was too immature to handle being a trainer until she was thirteen.

    "Yorui... how did you get into my house... and why are you wearing my pajamas?" I asked. It was a two piece set consisting of a green checkered shirt and shorts, with a hole in the collar.

    "Your mom said that I could spend the night since you live a short walk away from the Pokemon Lab. She and my parents agreed that twelve miles is too much for me to walk on my own, so I bunked in the guest room. These PJs were the only ones you had clean so I didn't have a choice. Their so ugly too..." she explained. I walk over to the window at the foot of my bed and opened it then, walking over toward Yorui. I grabbed her by the back of the collar and back of the pants. "Hey! What the hell are ya' doin'!?" she hollered as I lifted her. She was a rather small girl, maybe around ninety pounds, so it was a simple task to pick her up. Then I walked her over to the window, kicking and punching, and dropped her out the other side on her behind.

    Just as I started to close the window, my bedroom door swung open and a voice called from behind me. "Good morning, Zachery!" I recognized the voice and quickly turned around to see who it was but right when i turned, I was smacked in the face and launched out of the window, over Yorui, by something that felt like a large, squishy, pillow! " Oh no! Zachy, I'm soo sorry!" the voice said. I managed to get back on my feet and focus my still shaken vision on who knocked me out the window.

    " Rina?! You're here too?! Wait... that's my favorite shirt an-" I stopped. "Huh?"' I said, looking up. "Um... Rina, you're not wearing any pants." I said, turning my head.

    "Oh my gosh! I usually sleep in my panties at home so I didn't think twice about it when I slept over here! I'll go ask your mom if she has washed my clothes from yesterday. Seeya downstairs, Zachery!" She said as she left, tripping on the door seal.

    Rina was never a very bright girl. Kids in earlier years of Pokemon School used to make fun of her by calling her "Ri-Ri". They would say that all of her brains fell down into her boobs. One day, while we were having lunch at school, some kids came up to me and started making fun of me because of my laid back attitude. When Rina came over to ask me a question, Tex, the "leader" of the children began pulling on Rina's hair and calling her "Ri-Ri". When I saw a tear in her eye, something snapped out of nowhere, and I punched Tex in the cheek, launching him into the pile of stacked desks behind him. Of course, that day I was expelled from the Academy because Tex's mother was the School Board President and his Father was the Asst. Principal. I think that may be why Rina hangs around me so much.

    "Darn it, Zach! Stop day dreaming about Rina and help me get back through the window! I need to take a shower!" Yorui said, punching me in the nose.

    "Yorui, we were dropped out of the second story of my house. Do you really think I can help you get back through the window?" I asked, chuckling.

    "Shaddup! I knew that! I'm going around to the front door, you coming?" She asked as she walked away. When we got back inside, we were both called to the kitchen by my mother.

    "Good morning, everybody! In honor of Yorui's special day, I made her favorite for breakfast! Blueberry and Chocolate Chip Pancakes! Come and have a seat, Rina is already here." She said. We all sat down and began to eat when my mom spoke up and said, "Oh, hey Zach! I forgot to tell you that the Pokemon Dojo on the border of Johto is have a special Training Day for newbie Trainers in a week! If you and Yorui want to head there after she gets her starter from your father, you might wanna hurry. It is a five day walk from here!" My father is the Pokemon Professor in town.

    "Alright, I guess we know the first place that I'm going after I get my Pokemon!" Yorui stated with one foot in her chair and her fist in the air.

    "Oh oh! Can i come too?! You are gonna need a Pokemon Breeder to help your hurt Pokemon!" Rina exclaimed, jumping in the air. Rina was fifteen but always acted like she was twelve or thirteen.

    "Sure, Rina. Also, Mom, do you know where Buster is this morning? I haven't seen him." I asked, pointing at my room upstairs.

    Oh, he went to your father's lab this morning and I haven't seen him since." she said.

    "Well, Yorui, it is your lucky day. it looks like I have to go to the Lab today! Well, let's get going before noon." I said. We all stood up, thanked my mom for breakfast, and headed for the door.

    "Wait, Zachery. I forgot to say that Riley will be coming with you to the Dojo!" she said, waving a dish in the air.

    "Oh, God, no! Yeesh, I guess I'll stop by his house on the way to the lab. Well, I'll seeya later, Mom!" I said with a sigh. I rarely complain but I will make an exception for Riley at any time. "Well... let's get going." I said as we walked out the door into the blinding sunlight.​

    Chapter 1: End!
     
    #1 PKMN Trainer L, Jan 22, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  2. I quite like this, L~ It seems like a good story. I do think there are some points on which you could improve though:

    1: As nice as centering your text can be in some situations (*coughTun'sSpriteThreadcough*), it doesn't really work for fics; It's not very easy on the eyes. I'd refrain from centering if I were you.

    2: You don't really need to censor swear words. Swearing is allowed on this forum, when not used excessively and/or directed towards another member. Then again, if you want to, it's your choice, so this isn't really advice xD

    I'd like to see more of this~
     
  3. Thanks for the advice.

    1: Imma wait for a second opinion on that before I change it if that isn't a problem. :-)

    2: Then Imma go in a edit the sensors out. xD
     

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