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    This is clearly stated in our RP forum rules. If you've not read them yet, do so BEFORE posting anything in the RP forums. They may be found here (for Pokémon Role Play) or here (for General Role Play). Remember that the Global Rules of Pokécharms also apply in addition to these rule sets.

Kingdom Hearts: To Conquer

Discussion in 'General Role Play' started by snetonobre, Nov 22, 2010.

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  1. OOC: Before anything, the first RP I entered in this forum was ruined by a newbie doing autoing, so if you're reading this before the General Role Play Rules, get out of here now and go read the rules. After that, I would be pleased if you returned to this topic.

    EDIT: Tentative Title.

    If you're not familiarized with the Kingdom Hearts universe, the site Kingdom Hearts Wikia is a full database of what is actually known about Kingdom Hearts so go check. To whoever will participate, some little rules: It would be better if everyone controls only one type of magic, (though in special cases one may use more than one, as long as you pm me with permission). Also, I'll let up to ONE humanoid heartless and ONE humanoid nobody in the RP, but in this case it would be better if the first paragraph of your first post was a background story about how the character turned into a Heartless/Nobody. Also worth noting, while the description of your character becoming a Nobody may simple be a flashback from when he was attacked by Heartless, a Heartless won't retain human form and intelligence unless it have willingly released his Heart. And you need to pm me first if you want to be a Heartless or a Nobody.

    Now, the most important thing needed to be known by whoever play this RP: we will play as a evil group. That's right, we're going to be a evil organization like Organization XIII.

    So, without further ado: the start!

    BIC: In a town where kids spent their free time after school battling in a sport called "Struggle". Where a blue ice cream mix the two best flavors. Where the giant clock could tell the hours better than the immovable sun. With train stations linking it's many parts. Where rumors of ghosts and other unusual things made children curious, instead of scared. There was a stranger, someone that was on that town for the first time.

    There he was, eating the blue ice cream, watching the Struggle matches, with most of his body covered by his white cloak, with a hood covering his head. Still, his face could be seen, if only partially. While the hood itself wouldn't hide his face, his long black hair would cover his eyes.

    "Incredible! Ha ha! Fighting is a sport in this town! Maybe I'll find a fighter worth to join me!"

    Afterward, he started walking around the town, without a single idea as to where he was going. Even with his mysterious look, one would never say he wasn't good. Always with a jovial smile on his face, he would never think twice about agreeing to help someone. Why think he would desire to conquer the universe, like any villain? After walking aimlessly for some time, his ice cream had disappeared. He threw the stick on a trash can, not noticing the word "winner" on it, and continued to walk, in search of someone that could be a powerful warrior.
  2. Yoshimitsu

    Former Moderator


    Hey, look, I know you're trying really hard, but this just isn't the quality we're looking for.

    You say to read the rules, I suggest you read the grammar stuff that should be within the rules. Check for a link. Just poke around until you find it. It's basically required reading.
  3. StellarWind Elsydeon

    StellarWind Elsydeon Armblades Ascendant
    Staff Member Administrator

    Alert. Alert. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance levels over nine thousand.
  4. Linkachu

    Linkachu Hero of Pizza
    Staff Member Administrator

    Okay. I had the chance to read through your post, so I'll tell you what's wrong with it.

    You have far too many commas, and far too many run-on sentences because of it. You're trying to say too much in a single line and it's just creating a huge mess. The entire point of what you were trying to say got lost after the first few commas.

    While your usage of capitals and spelling is great, I honestly couldn't follow what you were trying to say for the majority of that post. An English school teacher would tell you the same. Don't use loads of commas in order to create a detailed sentence. Break your sentences up into smaller bits to emphasis your ideas. It'll make your posts flow MUCH better.
  5. OOC: Okay, Linkachu helped, Rex too, already edited the thread and will always consider the advices you guys gave. Anything else?
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