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It's All In How You Look At It

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Pheonix, Apr 26, 2008.

  1. Well, I have had this idea kicking around in my head for awhile now. Finally sat down to write some kind of outline or something, and a few hours later came out with a solid backstory ready with a decent start to a story too. I was amazed at how it just flowed out of me, I usually suck at creative writing and haven't written anything of this magnitude in quite a while. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the start of this, I plan to write more as I can, and please critique! I want to know if and where I can improve. I know my grammar and punctuation might be a little rusty, but it looks passable.

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    Chapter 1: What some would call training, others call having fun.

    The sky was a beautiful clear blue. Clouds slowly scuttled across the sky. Lake Valor looked to be the picturesque tourist spot. Burlane certainly thought so as he pulled out his training equipment for the day, a can each of black and red spray paint, biodegradable and water soluble of course, and a few scarves and bandanas. It was apparently time to boost his younger companion's spirits, and one of his so called ‘legendary' training sessions was bound to perk up the young man's demeanor.

    Burlane Sartanus was just an average looking man in his early twenties, standing at around 5'10", he was dressed in just a pair of slightly baggy carpenter jeans with white tennis peeking out underneath and a black hoodie with a neat tribal design on the front and down the sleeves. Pushing up his small frame glasses, he leaned over and grabbed his small extra back pack and shoved the newly purchased cans of spray paint inside, and pondered over whether he should bring any healing remedies. He thought about it for a minute, and rustled out some potions and full heals just to be safe, he knew how rowdy some of the pokemon might get, and decided to be better prepared than sorry.

    Kicking out of his small tent he looked across the fire at the young man sitting in front of his tent moping. Lanis Patrell was an oddball, that was for sure. His sense of fashion was definitely jarring to the senses. He wore an amazingly bright purple t-shirt with a small tye dye motif on the back with a long sleeve dark olive green shirt underneath. A grungy pair of cargo shorts and black military boots finished the outfit. He sighed and looked up, brushing his mangy shoulder length brown hair out of the way when he heard the movement of Burlane coming out.

    "You know, there just might be something I have to cheer you up with," Burlane grinned, shaking the small backpack in his hand and casually scratching back through his short dirty blond hair with the other.

    A small light seemed to brighten in Lanis's dim green eyes. "I don't know, I took an awful beating from Volkner yesterday. It might take an extra big surprise to make it all better." He gave a small grin at the end of this, knowing full well he was fishing for a sure thing.

    "Hrmm… fine, if you don't want to better yourself then you can sit here and mope all day, I am going out for some fun, and I am going to take your pokemon with me, one way or another!" Nonchalantly walking over to the small pile of equipment next to Lanis's tent, he started digging through his stuff looking for the young man's pokeballs. Smiling to himself and knowing full well that the pokeballs weren't there, he waited for the inevitable response from his young partner.

    "Wait wait wait, you are gonna ruin my organized pile of stuff! Fine, I will come with you if only to stop your gloating." Fully smiling now, Lanis reached inside his tent and pulled out his belt with all his pokeballs on it. "I still can't figure out how you got past Volkner, you made it look so easy!"

    "Pfft, yeah right, I had a whole lot of luck there. I still can't believe Frosty evolved in the middle of it, I am so proud of him, I can't wait to see what he can do now! Now come on, get off your lazy butt, we have productive goofing off to get to!" With that, Burlane turned away towards the nearby treeline and started pulling pokeballs from under his hoodie.

    "Come on out guys! Time for another fun filled day of making Lanis think we are training!"

    White flashes burst out all around him forming into the shapes of some rather large pokemon. The first one out was a large Swampert with a mottled black and purple streak along his head fins that looked like nasty but identical bruises mirrored on each side of head. The long time companion and first pokemon of the man, Argent gave a joyful "Swaaamp!" at being let out and looked eagerly at the water. Next came a short but powerfully built being of muscle, hollow horns, and a large mouth. Screech looked ponderously over at his trainer with mouth closed, giving a small toot out of one of his many horns. An elegant green and white pokemon was next to emerge. With a quick covert look around, Alysandra deftly pulled out a small Oran Berry from the folds of her ‘skirt' and, giving the equivalent of a Squeee!, she bit into the juicy fruit with a look of happy contentment on her face. A massive bulk of shiny steel plating and dark armor was next to emerge. Zenith stood carefully, looking around to make sure nothing squishy was underfoot before giving a contended "Gron" to her trainer. The long blue and red dragon Grunthor was next to appear, shouting a blissful "Saaalll" before leaping into the air to drift in lazy circles around the gathering. Finally the stout tall form of the green and white yeti pokemon emerged from the glow, wiping his eyes groggily, Frosty gave a questioning "Snoooww?" to his trainer.

    The entire team assembled around him, Burlane ran to his recently evolved Abamasnow and hugged him fiercly. "I know I said you would have a super long rest after yesterday, but today we have to cheer up Lanis, think you are up for a little fun buddy?"

    An immediate "Snow, Aba abama ma snow ma!" came from Frosty, with a glint in his eyes and smile on his face.

    "Great! Come on everyone, we got some set up to do! Argent, you can play in the water later. Might even make a race out of it. Heaven only knows how long you and Torpedo have been waiting to race again." Grinning at the mentioned race, Argent turned towards the rest of the group and started moving towards the forest edge.

    Noticing something was amiss, Burlane looked around. "Ali! Where did you go?" Glancing around, he noticed a Pecha tree growing near the edge of the tree line with the bottom frill of a white dress and green feet dangling below the foliage. Grumbling to himself, he thought, "I still don't get how she does that, five years later and she still manages to find the nearest berries and proceed to gorge herself silly. I swear she must be a divining rod just for berry trees." Staring at the tree he yelled after his mischevious Gardevoir, "Ali, get down from there, I promise we will get a good pile later that you can go to town on." Turning to Zenith he said, "Think you can get her down and help out before everything is done?" An affirmative nod came from the gentle giantess, and she turned to plod slowly towards the fruit tree.

    In all the bustle that was taking place with everyone moving away from the campsite, the skinny gangly teen rushed to make sure everything was squared away before he ran after his mentor. His lithe frame topped out at around 6 feet tall, and he stumbled as he finished lacing his boots up.

    Grinning, he pulled out his pokeballs and started calling out his own team. He was very proud at how far he had come, his steel and psychic dominating team had come a long way since he had started his journey. He owed a lot of his success to Burlane and these "training" sessions of his. Ever since he met him way back in Jubilife City when they were both registering to be official trainers, he had looked up to this older man with his exotic pokemon from Hoenn. The beautiful Zenith had only reaffirmed his want to train steel types.

    "Time for training! Come on out Torpedo! Optimus! Seregil! Zap! Buttons! Barricade!" Flinging his armful of pokeballs into the air the resounding noise and white flashes nearly made the ungainly teenager stumble again.

    Torpedo the Empoleon was first to emerge from the blinding white light. Standing next to her trainer she calmly surveyed the ruckus currently going on and started contentedly quickly waddling after him, her thick frame moving smoothly side to side with each step, belying the power underneath. Next was the massive Metagross, Optimus. He sank an inch or two into the soft soil and then proceeded to glow with a soft blue aura around his body, using his innate psychic ability to hold his heavy frame out of the soft ground. Torpedo gave a soft squawk at Optimus, a challenge that went unanswered as the Metagross followed silently behind. The lithe but exuberant Seregil emerged with a flourish of his blade arms, the Gallade was light on his feet and looked ready for anything. He soon sprinted ahead of the rest of his team to see what kind of trouble he could get into. A small yellow form uncurled from the light next, stretching to its full 4 foot frame. Looking timidly around, Zap the Ampharos gave a small squeak and ran after her trainer, sticking close behind so as not to be left all alone. Quick as a flash of light, Buttons sped off after Zenith, having spotted her "mother" figure quickly after materializing. The tiny Mawile cried Fake Tears the entire way just to make sure she got some attention. Last to show, but not interested in moving, was the large and bulky Barricade. The Bastiodon promptly laid down and got ready for a nap, enjoying the sun on its back.

    Lanis could tell that his pokemon (well, at least MOST of his pokemon) were ready and raring to go, ready for another unique yet fun playtime that honed their skills. It was just the thing the doctor ordered after his defeat at the last gym. He would be ready next time, he just knew he would.


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    Hope you enjoy the first chapter, more soon to come! Comment please, I love to hear feedback, and constructive criticism is always welcome.
     
    #1 Pheonix, Apr 26, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2014
  2. Magpie

    Magpie Feathered Overseer
    Staff Member Moderator

    This seems like an interesting story. As far as I can tell your grammar is fine, and so is your spelling. Great first chapter, I like how it starts 'in the middle' of something, rather than completely at the beginning, like from tarting out as a trainer - it gives more background. So far so good :)

    Only thing that did confuse me was all the Nicknames - I had to read it twice to get what Burlane's pokemon were.Buts that probably just me and my fragile little mind :p

    Will look out for chapter two ;D
     
  3. OOC: Well, I have putzed around long enough on this, even though the chapter isn't quite done it was taking me too long. Lol, I figured that I went through the Burlane's pokemon a bit fast but I figured eveyone would get the idea about them. In case it wasn't clear Argent = Swampert, Screech = Exploud, Ali = Gardevoir, Grunthor = Salamence, Zenith = Aggron, Frosty = Abamasnow. Hope that clears up any confusion. I should finish this chapter in a few days and be able to post it, but I wanted to at least put something more up.

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    Chapter 2: Let there be games!

    "Okay, let's see what we have to work with around here." Burlane stood stroking his scruffy chin as he pondered the surrounding area. The area surrounding Lake Valor was perfect for what he had in mind. Closely growing trees started a few hundred yards away from shore, a few large boulders scattered around, nice grassy fields, a small beautiful beach, and the wonderfully clear water gave the almost perfect mix of terrain for just about any pokémon to train on.

    Wandering towards the tree line with his team trailing behind, he began to formulate just what he would put together for today's training session. An idea started to coalesce as he took in the available resources. Pieces and parts materialized in his mind's eye, placement of each forming a small training course that would be just challenging enough to be fun.

    Grabbing a large stick from ground near the forest edge and propping it upright next to him Burlane gauged the thickness and toughness of it. It was a good 4 foot tall and probably around 2 inches thick. "Just about the right size. Now we just need about a dozen more."

    Turning around to face his team he was about to issue a command, but thought better of it. Waiting for Lanis to show up with his team (minus Barricade of course, but that could be remedied later), he watched the group of pokémon gather before him. When Zenith finally joined them, with Zap, Buttons, and a slightly sullen looking Ali trailing behind, he cleared his throat and addressed the assembled teams.

    "Alright, for the first part of today's training we are going to do a bit of a scavenger hunt." Holding the stick in front of him he continued, "We will need about 12 more sticks or branches of this size, maybe a bit bigger, but a lot thicker. To make it a little bit more fun, the first 4 of you back with one will each get a personalized poffin made by yours truly!"

    "Any other requirements we need to worry about?" Lanis looked a little apprehensively at the two biggest trouble makers in the group, Seregil and Buttons.

    "Hrmm… how about no teleporting, no speed enhancements like Agility or Dragon Dance, and you can work in pairs if you like?"

    All the gathered pokémon shuffled around and looked at each other, sizing up potential partners, before each giving an assenting nod or grunt.

    "Ok, everyone get in line with your partners if you like, face the trees and get ready to go on my mark. Zenith can you stay behind and help set up part of our next session?"

    With an assenting "Gron", Zenith separated from the rest of the pokémon while they paired up and assembled into a line facing the trees. The pairings were pretty much as Burlane thought they might go, Argent and Screech, Ali and Seregil (with Seregil looking a little bewildered at the attentions of the female Gardevoir cozying up next to him), Buttons and Zap, and Grunthor, Torpedo, Optimus, and Frosty all opting to go it alone.

    "Everyone set? Ok, get ready, get set, go!" and with that they were all off. Looking off to the side he noticed Lanis watching after his pokémon as they ran off. "Ya know, I thought you would probably go with them. Show a little support, know what I'm saying?"

    Lanis looked a little sheepishly at his mentor, then back towards their campsite where Barricade was still lounging. "I was thinking maybe I could cajole Barricade into a more active role today, instead of just laying around all day."

    Looking back at the Shield Pokemon, Burlane just shook his head. "Don't worry about him, I have a feeling that we can get that lazy bum moving easier than you think. It will only take a few choice words, if you catch my drift?"

    Sighing, Lanis nodded. "I still feel that is a little dirty, but hey, go with what works I guess." He turned and headed towards the greenery after his comrades.

    Turning to Zenith, Burlane nodded out to the open field before him. "You and I are going to do a slight remodel while they are all out looking. Hopefully they will do what I think they will and try to outdo even me with size." Laughing to himself and shaking his head he continued, "We will probably have a few logs by the end too." The Aggron just smiled along with her trainer and followed out into the field.

    Finding a large hard patch of ground that was relatively clear of vegetation he paused, experimenting with a few quick stamps of his feet. Satisfied he started scratching in the dirt, making a large rectangle with the stick he was now dragging around. Looking down at his handiwork he gave a satisfied smile.

    "Alright girl, we are going to make a small wall right here. To start off let's see a few Iron Tails along the edges here to break up the ground, and then follow up with some Rock Slides to pile a bunch of rocks into the rectangle."

    Zenith walked over the shape on the ground and took a steadying breath, then with a mighty shout she whipped her glowing white tail around and slammed it into the ground repeatedly along the general outlines of the simple rectangle. Stepping back and observing her own handiwork she moved to a new spot on the far side to carefully keep along the general outlines of the shape sketched in the ground. Lining herself up again she let fly a couple more Iron Tails. Now that she had a rough outline gouged out of the ground she stepped away and slammed the ground, bringing large rocks and boulders into the air which she then proceeded to bat into the marked area using whatever part of her body that was closest.

    Glowing a faint yellow she roared and concentrated her energy into the four sided polygon in front of her. The ground trembled and the rocks bent to her will, sliding UP out of the ground making a tall pile around 7 feet tall.

    Beaming proudly, Burlane regarded Zenith with a glint in his eye. He had left out how exactly to use the attacks when he commanded her, giving the rough idea and let her determine how best to carry it out. She had performed exemplary. On the many reasons he was determined to let a pokémon tap their own elements and bring their unique powers forward. His training and faith in his pokémon had once again surpassed his expectations.

    "Excellent! This will do nicely. Let's just shape it up a bit into more of a box shape and see what everyone else will think of it. How ‘bout using Stone Edge to make it to a slightly smoother surface. Not to smooth, we don't want a sheer surface, just a nice rough vertical wall on each side."

    Zenith once again regarded the pile before her, stepping up and tapping here and there. She lined herself up with the plane of one side and threw her arms forward along the face of the pile. Small stone bits flew from her forearms chipping away at the surface quickly. After a few moments she stopped and regarded it. A nicely rough hewn surface lay before her. She quickly repeated the steps all around and was rewarded with a nicely settled rock wall roughly 7 feet by 6 feet by 3 feet.

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    Next time is a cut away to what everyone else is up to inside the treeline, some mischief and funny stuff ensues!
     
    #3 Pheonix, May 25, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2014

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