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Is Love Really Worth It?

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Yoshimitsu, Nov 30, 2011.

  1. Yoshimitsu

    Former Moderator

    New fic. Deals with sexual situations (nothing too graphic, don't worry) and homosexual themes. Don't read if easily offended. However, other than that, go right ahead.

    Chapter One: University, that annoying thing in between naps.

    Predictably, everyone was in the refectory. Or rather, everyone who was too lazy to go home and cook themselves something was there. As usual, it was loud and warm with people wandering around, looking for a free table. Even some of the lecturers were there, probably discussing notes for an afternoon lecture or complaining that no one paid them any attention. Nothing particularly interesting, because that didn't happen here. Not in the refectory at any rate. It was just a filled pause in the day, between classes and societies. As soon as it hit five to one, half of the people eating abandoned their meals and left, their afternoon classes starting.

    Justin fucking hated the refectory.

    It wasn't because it wasn't a nice room or anything. Built into what he said closely resembled a church and with the insides completely revamped to accommodate the kitchens and tables, it was pretty enough. The food wasn't bad, not exactly gourmet cuisine but edible enough, and the chairs were comfy for university furniture. No, he hated the refectory because it was boring. Nothing ever happened in there. He wasn't interested in listening to the lads talk about football or the girls bitch about whatever that skank did on friday night. He definitely wasn't interested in any of the societies' propaganda that they were planning. He had his interests, and they usually took him where he wanted.

    "Queens tonight?"

    His best friend, Violet, was sat with him. They weren't even eating anything, just taking up a six person table on their own. Pretty normal for them. The table at the back that was too far for anyone to want to sit at it. They wouldn't have minded, as long as no one actively tried to talk to them.

    "It's thursday, innit?"

    And that was that, as far as Justin was concerned. Every thursday, like clockwork, he'd be there. Always having one too many shots, dancing for one hour too long, and usually ending up in someone else's house for the night. Violet came along too, maybe brought one or two of her friends so she didn't end up alone when Justin disappeared. She always seemed like she was having a good time, so Justin never questioned it. She liked the music as much as he did, and it was a given that teenagers liked alcohol, she there weren't any issues.

    "I'll bring Lauren and Sarah too."

    "Sounds good. Predrinks?"

    "At mine, about eight."

    "Got a lecture?"

    "Yeah, I should get going for it, really."

    "Alright, I'll head home. See you later, Violet."

    "Bye, Justin."

    Justin sat there for another few minutes as Violet shouldered her bag and walked off. Normally, people thought they were a couple. They were very close, holding hands, cuddling, kissing, the works, and always chatting about whatever came to mind. People were always very wrong about them though. Today was an exception, though. Sometimes, Justin didn't feel like talking about anything and Violet understood that. A group of people wandered over and asked if the empty seats were free. Justin smiled, a forced smile, and told them that he was just leaving. He hadn't brought a bag so there wasn't any delay in moving. Shame.

    The union was a good place to mill around aimlessly though, so he didn't immediately set off home. It had a few random essentials shops and smaller food places, like a pasty and sandwich shop. A lounge area that Violet hated going to because it was too quiet, but it was the only way to the smoking area. Justin checked his pockets quickly, pulling out a near-empty packet of cigarettes. May as well, he'd just end up buying more anyway. A couple of heads turned and watched him as he passed through, but he didn't know why. It wasn't like he was wearing his red jeans. He pushed through the doors, sparking up as he did. No one was outside though, so he was rapidly running out of reasons to prolong going home.

    Justin was one of the few people he knew who didn't move to the university. His parents didn't want to fork out money for the rent, even though they were loaded. It was alright, though, since he only went back for a change of clothes or a shower. If he hadn't crashed at some randomer's house, he'd be at Violet's. She understood, and she didn't mind. Very understanding, Violet was. Justin took a deep drag, then sighed it out. No point in waiting around if there was no one to talk to. Best get moving then.

    The walk wasn't a long one. Only twenty minutes, or a bus that took five if he bothered to catch it. A shortcut through the park nearby cut off another couple of minutes, but he never took it. No point, and at night it looked like a death trap. No, he always walked the road route and stopped at every traffic light. He was crossing a road when someone shouted his name.

    "Justin! Hey, Justin!"

    He wasn't always the most sensible person, but he at least knew he couldn't stop in the middle of the road. He turned his head and saw a blond girl running up the pavement to meet him. He thought her name was either Sandra or Leah, but he couldn't quite remember.

    "A'right?" He greeted her, his hands in his pockets. She was smiling, showing off teeth so white they probably glowed in the dark.

    "Are you going to Queens tonight?" She asked, rummaging around her handbag for something. She pulled out a packet of cigarettes and looked inside it. Evidently none left since she crumpled it up and threw it away. "You haven't got a spare cig have you?"

    "Just ran out, and 'course I'm at Queens," Justin replied with a smile of his own, though his was a lot more forced. "You coming?"

    "I think so, is it drinks at Violet's?"

    "Yeah, same as always. Listen, I've gotta jet, wanna grab a shower and something to eat," Justin said. "Nice to see you again."

    "You too, we need to have a catch up some time!"

    "Yeah, 'course. See you later."

    Sandra-or-Leah hugged him briefly, then carried on back up the road. Justin didn't watch her go, not actually that interested in her at all. If he couldn't remember her name properly, there was no chance he'd make any real plans to do anything. She probably felt the same anyway, so whatever. Justin just carried on walking. His pace slowed down though, and he was near motionless when he finally reached the road his house was on. Well before reaching the front door, he fished his keys out of his pocket and picked out the right one. He glanced around the road. Neither of his parents' cars were there. Thank Christ.

    He had a spring back in his step as he walked up his driveway and let himself into the house. The first thing he did when he was through the door was check the hallway table. As he expected, a credit card lay in wait for him with a note saying "Justin, have fun". If he was right, he'd have some food in the kitchen too. That'd hopefully give him just enough time to have a shower and grab his stuff so he could go over to Violet's well ahead of time. He kicked his shoes off, then ran upstairs to his room.

    Again, as usual, his room was immaculately clean. Obviously his mother had gone in and cleaned it up for him, as well as left her credit card behind. He grabbed some shower gel and shampoo, then rushed to the shower. He wanted to be done as quickly as possible. He stripped and threw his clothes in the laundry basket, then turned the shower jets on. No point in looking in the mirror just yet, not until he felt cleaner. He stepped under the hot water, grateful for the way it felt on his torso. He allowed himself a minute to just enjoy the soothing sensation before hurrying himself along.

    He grabbed a towel from the rack and dried his hair as quickly as possible, only now stopping to look in the mirror. His dirty blonde hair was spiked all over the place thanks to the water, but he'd fix that later. As much as he didn't want to look, his eyes were automatically drawn to his toned chest. Purple, vibrant bruises covered his skin. Some of his skin was still yellow from the last bruises he got, but mostly it was black and blue. He turned around to look at his back, but it was much the same as the front. At least there were none on his arms or face this time. Not the worst he'd had. He patted down the rest of his body with the towel, a little gingerly around the bruised areas, then wrapped it around him and went back to his room.

    The downside of his mother tidying up his room was that she tended to put things in entirely new and exciting places for him to find. The only thing he could ever find was his underwear, top drawer with his pyjamas that he never wore. He threw on a random branded pair, then looked around his room to try to figure out where his other clothes would be. It took a few minutes, but he finally located an outfit he wanted to wear. A blue vest with a black sleeveless jacket, some tight-fitting jeans and a pair of black canvas shoes. His mother had apparently decided that under the bed was the best place for his clothes, and his chest of drawers was where he needed to keep his electronics. He'd never understand women.

    After putting on his outfit and filling a bag with a few essentials, such as hair gel, cologne, a spare pair of boxers, wallet, keys and phone, he ran back downstairs to see what food was available. A chicken casserole was waiting in the oven. Starving, Justin pulled it out of the oven and ate directly from the pan it had been cooking in. Sure, his parents might complain but screw them, he figured. After wolfing down his fill of chicken, which he noticed was a bit better than usual, he shouldered his bag and was out of the door again. No point in leaving a note, they wouldn't give a damn anyway, though he made sure to grab the credit card on the way out.

    He checked his phone to see if Violet was out of her lecture. Sure enough, she'd sent him a text message half an hour ago to let him know she was on her way home. His walk was suddenly a lot brisker, and a lot happier. A smile was on his face again.

    The above is Copyright Elliot Joy
  2. baratron

    baratron Moderator of Elder Scrolls
    Staff Member Moderator

    Holy crap. See, I started off thinking I'd get to the end then post a sarky comment along the lines of "Is this an autobiography, El?". And then I got to the bit where he's obviously been beaten up. What? :O

    Now I need you to write the next chapter, because I'm desperate to know why Justin is getting hurt. (Also TELL ME on chat when you do post it :) ).
  3. Yoshimitsu

    Former Moderator

    Chapter 2: Rule One, Never Go For Closeted Boys

    Queens pretty much said what it was on the tin. The courtyard with a cobbled floor, umbrellas in the rain and rotating lights accompanying the thumpa-thumpa music. Rainbow flags hung from the walls, rustling lazily in the light breeze. The loft was a long room with the bar covering half of one wall, with a square dance floor that got progressively stickier under alcohol as the night went on. A smoke machine and strobe lighting made it the perfect place to dance. Justin had fun making a prat of himself, dancing on the stripper poles that had been installed on some of the podiums. After a while, the entire place got so busy that people danced back-to-back, not that anyone minded.

    Justin sat at one of the tables in the courtyard, a smile on his face as he chatted with Violet and Lauren. Sarah had an essay due in, so she hadn't made it, but Justin didn't mind. He had a pint of beer in front of him, half gone already, and kept on ruffling his hair to keep it spiked. A quick glance sideways told him that Violet had straightened her black hair and put on some pretty heavy
    eyeliner. She probably wasn't trying to pull tonight, then. As far as Justin was concerned, she was going about it entirely the wrong way. The eyeliner just made her eyes look bigger and more noticed. She could be a silly cow sometimes.

    "So she was, like, determined to get my number," Lauren continued, pulling out a packet of cigarettes and passing one each to Justin and Violet. "After a night like that, I gave her a random one off the top of my head."

    "She'll get a jolt when she calls one of your straight girls instead," Justin commented, grinning. He lit the cigarette and took a deep drag. "Fuckin' lesbians, I'll never understand you."

    "How was your last, anyway?"

    "Big dick, tiny brain," Justin answered, flashing his winning, lop-sided smile.

    "The best kind, right?" Violet chipped in.

    Justin laughed, and cast his gaze around the courtyard. A couple of people he knew had already arrived, waving to him when they caught his eye. He smiled back, but made no move to talk to them. Even though they'd already been drinking before coming out, he wasn't nearly drunk enough
    to actually approach anyone. He picked out Sandra-or-Leah and nodded to her, thankful that she clearly had no intention of coming to say hello. Last time they'd met, she'd probably clung to his arm and introduced him as her gay best friend. Fucking straight girls. He'd never understand them either.

    The music shifted, from one generic dance tune to another. It was exactly the sort of music Justin loved, but he still ached all over. It'd be nice if Violet would stop shooting him all these covert, concerned looks, though. Not that he didn't appreciate the concern but it got a bit
    irritating when all he wanted to do was have some fun. He absent-mindly rubbed his chest, trying his hardest not to wince as his hands skated over a bruise. Better stop thinking about it. He had another couple of mouthfuls of his beer, and tried to re-insert himself into the conversation.

    "I mean, I know it's all about equality and stuff, but I get a bit pissed when all the straight girls turn up," Lauren bitched, twirling the ice in her glass with her straw. "I know I shouldn't be such a cow about it, but it's so awkward when you try to pull and they're just... there."

    "It's a nice atmosphere, though," Violet countered fairly. "It's like Canal Street, everyone turns up
    because there's none of that rivalry or competition like in straight bars. People can just come and dance and drink and have fun."

    "Your gaydar must be shit if you can't tell a straight girl from a dyke," Justin commented, a sly smirk on his face.

    "Like you can!"

    "I'm a fag, though, I don't need to tell a dyke from a breeder," Justin replied with a laugh. "You could always follow my rules."

    "You have rules?" Violet asked, genuinely surprised. Justin downed the rest of his drink before replying.

    "Rule one, never go for closeted boys," Justin said, fishing his wallet out of his pocket. "Or girls in your case, I guess. Just gonna go grab a drink."

    He stood up and pushed his way through the crowd that had gathered at the door. All those people who were torn between needing to smoke and staying warm. It wasn't even that cold. Other than the crowd at the door, the bar was pretty quiet. Outside was always the place to go. A couple of people at the bar, no big deal. He leaned on the counter, money in hand already, and glanced at the
    entry stamp on the back of his hand. Nice, red, said 'Queens'. Almost like he'd been branded for life.

    "Here you are," the cute boy behind the bar said, placing another pint in front of him. Justin stared at it for a second before looking at the boy.

    "I didn't even get asked for a drink yet," he said slowly.

    "Yeah, the hottie down there sent it up," the boy said. Justin glanced at his name badge. Charlie. He felt rude thinking of any cute boy by anything other than their name. "Must be a first-timer, no one sends people drinks any more. Not here anyway."

    Justin laughed as Charlie went to serve another customer, then glanced down the bar to see who had sent the drink. Tall guy, sort-of rugged, nice muscles. Maybe not the best choice of shirt, but if he really was a newbie then it could almost be forgiven. He flashed the boy a smile and a wink, before raising the glass in a thank-you sort of way. It was sort of nice, someone trying to hit on him
    by buying him a drink instead of sticking their hand down his pants.

    "That was fast," Violet commented, stubbing her cigarette out as Justin sat back down at the table. "Did you blow the bar boy?"

    "I wish. Nah, some cutie bought me a drink," Justin replied.

    "People still do that?" Lauren asked, skeptically. "Is it spiked?"

    "Nah, Charlie poured it then gave it straight to me."


    Lauren sipped her drink and cast her gaze around the expanding crowd, stopping, Justin noticed, on the girls she'd slept with. Both he and Violet had been treated to far too many explicit stories surrounding Lauren's sex life. Violet, bless her, was always polite and listened but Justin very obviously cringed whenever the details got a bit too... well, a bit too detailed. As much as he
    liked Lauren, he did wish she'd talk less about certain things. He noticed her eyes linger on someone for longer than a second. A glance told him it was Sandra-or-Leah. Violet reached across the table to briefly squeeze Lauren's hand. It was their secret sign for 'Don't go there'. Even though her face fell for a second, Justin knew that she was better off listening to Violet.

    It was a little while before they noticed that the crowd was thinning out, an uncoordinated flow that vaguely headed upstairs. The entry fee was so cheap, thursday nights being the busiest with the cheapest drinks. There'd be no need to lend anyone any money, since anyone could get hammered with just a tenner. Justin downed the rest of his drink and motioned for Violet and Lauren to
    follow him upstairs.

    "A'right Cass?" He greeted the bouncer, not bothering to fish his driving license out of his pocket. Cass was a terrifying bouncer, a black pixie-cut and built like a brick shit house.

    "Justy, keepin' safe?" Cass replied, patting down his pockets to make sure he had no drugs or booze on him. Not that he would have kept those in his pockets anyway.

    "Always safe me, ain't I?" Justin laughed. "Anyone worth lookin' at inside?"

    "Couple new faces, mostly the same fags and dykes as ever," she answered, slapping him lightly on the shoulder. She didn't notice him wince.

    The loft was exactly like it always had been. The seating area, apart from a couple of people shouting over the music to each other, was mostly empty. Nearly everyone had gone straight for the bar, as per usual. Violet nudged Justin, her palm outstretched. He dropped a note into it, then made his way to the dance floor. Violet was good like that, especially when she knew what condition he was in. She'd go to the bar for him, while he went to dance. It worked both ways, though, since he could claim a spot on the floor for them. He pushed his way through the mass of bodies between him and the music, the smoke getting thicker as he went.

    Dancing. Dancing was safe. Dancing was sexy. Dancing was the way to lose himself, even if just for five minutes, in the rhythm, the beat, the tempo. Just there, moving to the tune and feeling it in his whole body. He swung up to one of the podiums with the stripper poles, something he'd gotten very good at. The smoke was thinner but the music was louder, and he spun around the pole easily, his hips moving easily and his eyes closing for just a moment. One of the only places he could forget about everything, about his studies, his parents, his home, his life. He could just dance. Feel the music pulsing through him and coming out in the way he moved.

    He opened his eyes again as the song changed to see Violet and Lauren making their way through the dance floor towards him. Even with the ladders, Violet wouldn't make any attempt to climb up. She was wearing that really short skirt which, fabulous though it looked, wasn't practical in any way. He reached down and grabbed her hand as Lauren climbed the ladder and pulled her up in one neat move. She pushed his drink into his hand and glanced over the dancefloor. Justin wondered if this was actually her pulling outfit, and she'd just said it wasn't to stop him from being suspicious or protective. The dancefloor was busy already, so many bodies moving against each other in the smoke. A few eyes glanced in his direction, but it was too early for him to be interested. He just wanted to dance with his best friend.

    "You're popular tonight," Lauren shouted over the music. Justin didn't know how much time had passed yet, but it couldn't have been that long since he hadn't quite finished his drink yet.

    "Always popular, me," Justin yelled back with a grin. "Seen anyone you like?"

    "Too many fags, not enough dykes," Lauren replied. She cast her gaze around too. "Though maybe not."

    The blonde girl slid down to the floor and disappeared into the crowd. Violet and Justin shared a quick look, amused but a bit disparaging, then carried on dancing. He moved to the edge of the podium, miming to Violet that he was going to get another drink. She nodded and pushed a fiver into his hand. The crowd was slightly more manageable this time, probably because people were eager to make more space by letting people leave. It could have something to do with a couple of the people clearly trying to get his attention, though. He could never tell. In any case, he made it to the bar quickly enough. Full staff out tonight, clearly busier than it usually was. He leaned over the counter and waited for someone to ask him what he wanted.

    "Here you go," another bar boy said, putting down a drink in front of him. Another pint. Justin kept his face controlled this time.

    "Bought for me?" He asked.

    "Yeah, the newborn down there, Charlie let me know," the bar boy replied. "You've got a fan, Justy."

    Justin looked down the bar again and, sure enough, the cutie from before was looking his way. He looked a bit awkward this time, though. Every time someone got too close, he almost flinched away from them. Time someone took pity on him. Justin pushed through the herd of people at the bar, very careful not to spill the pint, and made his way to the boy.

    "So you're the one who's trying to get me drunk?" Justin asked, keeping his tone flirty but cautious. If this boy was a newborn, the first sign of intimacy might send him running. Such a shame for a cute boy.

    "I, ah... I wasn't trying, I mean, it's..." The boy started, looking pretty hesitant. Justin interrupted.

    "It's cool, thanks," he said quickly. "I appreciate it. It's nice, y'know? Better than raped on the dance floor, innit?"

    "I, uh... Yeah, I guess," the boy replied. "It's uh, it's my first time here."

    "I guessed, don't worry," Justin said quickly. The boy was hot, hesitant and a little bit awkward. It was weirdly endearing. Sort of sexy, even. "I'm Justin."

    "Nathan, nice to meet you," the boy replied, showing a real smile the first time.

    "Wanna dance?"

    "I'd love to."

    Justin grabbed Nathan's hand and lead him back towards the dance floor. Again, the crowd seemed to part for him. Another couple of people looked jealous, or shooting glares at Nathan. Justin didn't care. He'd had most of them already anyway, so they didn't really have any room to complain. He swung back up to the podium and smiled at Violet, who'd also found someone. Cute girl, short hair, jeans and tank top. He turned around to check on Nathan, who was looking a bit skeptically at the podium. Justin laughed, then reached down to Nathan's hand to pull him up. Despite looking awkward, still, he pulled himself up. Justin had another mouthful of his beer, then both of them put their glasses down. The shorter boy put his hands on the cute boy's hips and started to dance again.

    Nathan wasn't a bad dancer, not by any stretch of the imagination, but there were a few issues. For one, he was still far too hesitant. He wouldn't move his arms closer or away from Justin's shoulders. He moved in a very different way, too. His hips were moving as though he was dancing with a girl, not a guy. Justin, at first, thought it was because he was nervous to be up on the podium but somehow he knew that wasn't the case. Nathan had never danced with a boy. It was just a gut feeling, but Justin was pretty sure that Nathan had never fucked a boy before. Never even danced. There was only one way to tell, he guessed.

    It was a simple thing to Justin. Just a kiss. He took Nathan's cheek in one hand and moved in. Standard for him, he did it every week. What shocked him was Nathan's return. He was eager, and changed the way his mouth moved to accommodate Justin. He was willing and adaptive, trying to seem like a good kisser and to please the person he was kissing. The weirdest bit was that, while Justin had kissed people like that before, this was better. It was almost nice. He pulled away, only slightly breathless, and looked at Nathan's eyes for a second. Very dark, a very dark blue. He tore his eyes away and looked at the dance floor again.

    "What's up?" He heard Nathan's voice ask, concerned and a little frightened.

    "Nothin', you're just a good kisser is all," Justin replied, then laughed. Nathan looked away, clearly embarassed. "It's a compliment. Take it."

    "I, thanks," Nathan said, still clearly unsure. Justin laughed again, then moved in close to press their chests together.

    "Dance like you want to, and don't give a shit about what people think."

    He flashed another look at Violet. Neither of them were going home alone tonight, clearly. He grinned, then pushed his forehead to Nathan's. Despite Nathan being a fair bit taller than him, it sort of worked. Time to educate the boy. With his hands on Nathan's hips, he moved the taller boy in time to the beat. He was willing, he could move. Out of the corner of his eye, Justin saw Violet and her girl head off.

    "Got some place?"

    "Some place?" Nathan asked, confused.

    "To take me back to," Justin replied with a smirk. Cute boy was oblivious.

    "I... live in a student house," Nathan answered, nervous again.

    "Perfect, unless you mind?"

    "No, not at all." His answer was a bit quick.

    "Are you sure?"

    "No, I'd like that, yeah."

    Justin took a step back from Nathan and looked at him. Ignoring the fashion issues, the boy was hot. Guess there was no choice, then.

    "Alright, lead the way," Justin said, flirting slipping back into his tone.
  4. Oh..my..God...This is -amazing-. Honestly, I just want to know what happens next sooo badly T_T WRITE MOAR NOW DAMMIT! D: Also, out of all of the lovely writers we have here, I like your style of writing the best. It holds my attention like I would want any good book to do. And trust me, I'm an extremely picky reader.
  5. baratron

    baratron Moderator of Elder Scrolls
    Staff Member Moderator

    I have no gaydar for women either ;).

    Also very amused by the gay guy getting squeamish by descriptions of lesbian (or indeed, straight) sex - not that I know anyone like that, oh no. My gay best friends are even scared of my underwear!
  6. Linkachu

    Linkachu Hero of Pizza
    Staff Member Administrator

    There were a few points while reading this that I lost track of who was speaking, but otherwise this has been a solid read. I'm quite enjoying it and looking forward to the next chapter. Keep 'em coming! :)

    I've been curious to know how much of Justin reflects in yourself, and how much of this is based on real world settings and life experiences. Got me intrigued, especially since my life as a teenager was, well, very, very tame. ;x
  7. Demelza

    Demelza Eevee Tamer
    Staff Member Moderator

    I find this hard to picture. :p

    I really like this El and lemme know when you put new chapters up. :)
  8. Yoshimitsu

    Former Moderator

    It's sort of loosely based around where I go to uni, and the area surrounding it. Sort of a fantasy version of the area (hence why no name is given).

    As for Justin, he's got similar fashion tastes to me and goes out every Thursday like me, but otherwise we don't have loads in common. I know nothing of abuse, and I don't go out with the intention of pulling random guys (even though it usually happens).
  9. *sing-songs* Disappointing Gay Best Friend! I love that Youtube series. Both this work and that series makes me more aware of the stereotypes women alone hold about gay men. It makes me want to laugh and gag at the stupidity at the same time.

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