Interview with the Weavile (Script format ahoy!)

[Snapdragon]

S: Yours truly. Just 'cause.
T: Who else? Thierry Blackwell.
B: Basil, too.


S: Okay... it's not often somebody interviews a wild Pokemon, for obvious reasons. Luckily for us, Thierry is a pretty reasonable guy, so he agreed to this interview rather than, y'know, clawing my face off. We've arranged for an Alakazam to act as translator, so... here's hoping this goes off without a hitch. First of all, thanks for agreeing to this, Thierry.

T: No trouble. It's not like I really had a choice, considering that I am your character and all.

B: Hey. Thierry. Mind the fourth wall.

T: Right. Statement redacted.

S: Actually, the fourth wall pretty much caved in the moment this interview began. So... I couldn't help noticing you have a name.

T: That's very perceptive of you.

S: ...Right. It's a little unusual for Pokemon to have names, though, especially surnames. Care to shed some light on that?

T: Gladly. The name Thierry means something along the lines of "ruler of the people." Which doesn't apply to me in the slightest. Unless we count this interview, I have never had contact with people before, and I don't rule over any territory at all.

B: Except for our cave.

T: Really, my name is meant to be a play on theory, though it isn't actually pronounced that way. It's sort of like saying Terry while faking a bad accent. Tyair-ee.

B: Tee-airy. Thierry. Rhymes with fairy.

T: Thank you, Basil, that will do. *ahem* My surname--the "black" part of it, anyway--is a tribute of sorts to film noir. Noir is French for black. The "well" part of it was mostly because Thierry Black sounded too cheesy, and... I don't know, I do my job very well? Whatever you were thinking at the time. You really fancy yourself clever, don't you?

S: That I do. So what about everyone else in Central Square?

T: They don't think you're that clever either.

S: Not what I meant.

T: Oh, right. Well, Basil's name came from Basicladus, which is a genus name for a kind of moth. Bagworms or Carolina somethings or... whatever they are. All of the members of Team Deceivers have names that relate in some way to trickery. Rook is a slang term for a swindler or cheater, Chichane is derived from chichanery, and Jazz is also slang for insincerity.

Gypsy's name is a play on gyp, which is a term for ripoff and therefore fits with the Deceiver theme. Firebrand, by definition, is either something that's on fire, or somebody who stirs up trouble, kindles revolts, that sort of thing. Possibly both. Quid... well, quid nunc is Latin for "what now," and quid could also refer that old term for a British pound, which fits with his role of informer. Stool pidgeon. Whatever Quid is.

B: You... you don't actually pay Quid to talk, Thierry, do you?

T: That would be like paying a Spoink to bounce, Basil.

B: Oh, wait. What about Hemlock and Neiro? We're forgetting them!

T: Hemlock... basically, a poisonous plant. Neiro comes from oneiro, the Greek word for dream. The less said about those two, the better.

S: Amen to that. But as fascinating as it is to hear about the meaning behind the names, that still doesn't explain why wild animals have names.

T: Wild animals? I resent that.

B: Resent? Did you already send it once? And why would you be mailing wild animals, anyway? Pelipper won't like that.

T: Basil... never mind. It's true that in human-inhabited areas and isolated communities, most wild Pokemon won't have names. Some do, but their kind take names as deeply personal things that are only to be shared with those very close to you. Amongst Pokemon, it's perfectly acceptible to call another Pokemon by their species name. In terms of formality, it's somewhere between being on a last-name basis with somebody and calling them "hey, kid." Many of the Pokemon in Central Square do have names, if only because of the high population. It's a little annoying to go by "Pikachu" when there are twenty other Pikachus in the neighbourhood. Last names are a strictly northern tradition, though. Probably because the north is even more crowded than the south.

S: Yeah, about that... explain to me exactly where you live. I mean... I played Blue Rescue Team a while ago, and I don't quite remember some of the stuff you described in the story.

T: Ugh... those silly games of yours have about as much in common with my world as a Nidoran does with a Heatran. There might be some similarities at a glance, but that's it. I live on an uncharted island, sort of an independent nation, if you will. If you dig through our history textbooks, then you'll see the land referred to as Arcadia, but nobody actually calls it that these days. No real need for a name. Most of the population lives up north, where I hail from. There are a few places of interest, but the only one you really need to know about now is Frostview, the largest city on the island. Down in the southern half of the island is Central Square, which is neither central nor a square. There are other noteworthy places in the southern end, too, but I'll save the geography lesson for another time.

B: There was a real big gold rush up north years ago, which is why the north got so crowded. Even if the weather is real ugly up there. And, uh... for what it's worth? I looked at an atlas this one time, and I'm pretty sure we're to the east of the place where that famous Go-Getters team lives.

 

[Snapdragon]

S: You don't say. So now that we're a little more clear on where this whole thing takes place, maybe you could tell us a little more about religion. It's a pretty big theme in that Darkrai case of yours, y'know.

B: No kidding! Well, it's kinda confusing, but I can totally answer this one. Thierry would just go on and on about how Mew-worship is better and all the other religions are weird, anyway.

T: They are. Why would you ever worship a hedgehog that wishes it were a chia pet?

B: Aaaanyway! So, the basic idea is that each religion worships legendary Pokemon. Up north, the majority of folks are Mew-worshippers. Basically, all Pokemon came from Mew, Mew is omnipotent, Mew only appears to the pure and the just, and Mewtwo is like... Satan or Jesus or... I dunno, what is he again?

T: If you're quite finished mangling my religion, I can answer that. Mewtwo once tried to lead the unfaithful in a coup against Mew many ages ago, but failed. Since then, he's acted as Mew's servant and messenger, trying to atone for his sins.

B: Close enough. Anyway, down south, more Pokemon worship Arceus than anything. It's pretty much the same story as Mew-worshippers, but they think Arceus created all the other legendaries, all Pokemon, and pretty much the whole universe. Aside from worshipping Arceus, they also pray to these three saints or whatever. St. Uxie, patron saint of Knowledge... uh, St. Azelf, patron saint of Will, and then there's... what's it called again? Blue Mew with pink dreadlocks?

S: St. Mesprit, patron saint of Emotion.

T: How'd you know that, human? Eh... well, lots of religions have triads like that. Regitarians...

B: Eat lots of vegetables.

T: Hilarious, Basil. Regitarians mainly worship Regigigas, but also the three sons he carved from steel, rock, and ice. There's one group that worships twin deities: Ho-oh and Lugia. Each god has three demigods beneath them. Ho-oh gets Raikou, Suicune, and Entei, whereas Lugia has Articuno, Zapdos, and Moltres. The Church of the Holy Trinity worships a land god, a sky god, and a sea god. Groudon, Rayquaza, and Kyogre, respectively. They do this yearly migration thing where they travel to three points, one to honor each god, and spend a whole lot of time using Sunny Day or Rain Dance or whatever else. It's a little silly-sounding to me, really.

B: Lots of religions do pairs, too. Latists are all big on gender. Girls are only allowed to pray to Latias, and boys to Latios. Dialga worshippers also pray to St. Celebi, and Palkia worshippers to St. Jirachi. The two churches have never really been pals.

T: Then there are Deoxologists and Shaymin-worshippers. I guess you could call them the Pokemon world's answer to Scientologists and Rastifarians. Enough said, really. There are a few dead religions, too. I don't know many dead gods, but off the top of my head... Cresselia, Giratina, Missingno, and of course... Darkrai.

S: That's... wait, Missingno?

T: Really old religion. Probably one of the first.

B: And the silliest. Everyone knows there's no such thing as a Missingno.

S: Uh... right. So, Thierry... we get a few hints as to your past over the course of your narrative, but we never really get the full picture. Care to shed some light on that?

T: Not particularily. I grew up in the north, met Quid, went on to meet Basil, then moved down south. That's all you need to know.

S: Says you. If you won't tell us, then I guess I'll just have to write it myself.

T: You're too lazy to anyway. I'm not concerned.

S: ...Guh, fine. Whatever. Can you at least tell us a little about your parents?

T: Hmph. My mother was a Weavile, no big surprise. She was always very good to me. Patient, supportive... a little bit rough around the edges, but that was her charm. My father... well, I was raised by a Medicham, and I called him father ever since I was a young Sneasel, but he was actually my uncle.

S: No kidding.

T: It's true. My real father was a Lopunny, but he ran out on my mother the moment he found out I was on the way. I inherited his ears, his speed, and his ability to throw a punch, but it seems I also inherited his yellow streak. His uncle--my father's half-brother--...the Medicham always did his best to raise me tough, and he put on a lot of pressure for me to join a rescue team when I got older.

B: We can all guess how that turned out, though.

T: The less said on that, the better. It didn't really work out, but I couldn't break the news to my family. I told them I was going south to start a rescue team with Basil.

B: Not his proudest moment.

S: I see... well, let's drop the subject, then. Any love interests, Thierry? I know there's not much of that in your story, but we'd love to hear about your romantic past.

T: I... don't see how that's any business of yours. I will say this, though. Mutts run in my family, and I inherited that deviant gene.

S: Interested in other species?

T: Something like that, yeah.

S: Any preferences?

T: Um... well, Zangeese and Raichus, mostly. I would never date anything with four legs, a Blaziken, a Slaking... or a Wailord. Never ever a Wailord.

B: Ew... Zangooses? Weird. Me... I'm all about Butterfrees. Hee. Wormadams just don't do it for me. They're too frumpy.

S: Fascinating stuff, boys. Thierry... if you don't mind my asking, how did you get into this detective business, anyway? It seems like there wouldn't be much interest in it, considering most Pokemon take their mysteries to a rescue team.

T: Yeah, I worried about that, too. But really... there are only so many jobs for an intellectual out there. You know how it is. If you aren't running a shop, then you're sorting mail for the Pelippers. Besides... the way rescue teams treat mysteries is so... crude. They rush off to the scene of the crime, beat up anything that looks at them, and then hope that the answer just falls into their lap. Everyone gets so used to this method that when they end up in a situation where that won't work, they're at a total loss. That's what I'm there for.

B: Me too!

T: No, you're there to answer my calls when I'm out. Secretary, remember?

B: I--...You don't even have a phone!

T: And you would have realized that much sooner if you spent more time at your desk.