Funny Quotes you'd put in your Sig

[Hoenn Master]

[size=15pt]This topic is not to complain about the small Sig space.[/size]​

Here you post the quotes you would put in your sig. Be it funny or noble, or small or large, I don' care! Again, don't complain about the small sig space! I already have two...

I watch Home Improvement on Nick @ Nite, so I have one from last night.

Tim: Is Brad here?

Creepy Girl, Holy: ... Are any of us here? Or are we just random collections of subatomic particles?

Tim: ... Oooo eeee ooooooooo.

Another form Hannah Montana. Yes, I watch it. Jackson had just been fired.

Jackson: Dude, this water is overpriced! 3$ for one bottle?

Rico: Then open you're own shack! You can call it IHOF: International House Of Failure!

Jackson: Fine. I will. And I'll call it the International House of... Reasonably Priced Water... and Food... and Stuff! Yeah, IHORPWAFAS!!! Here the name and fear Rico! IHORPWAFAS!!!

AL has LOL'ed! *POOF!!*
P.S. Did I mention that this is not for complaining about small sig space?

EDIT: 11/23/07- Because of sig space returning to normal, this topic is CLOSED!!
EDIT: 11/23/07- OMG!! While I was gone, the sig spaces shrunk! Okay... topic REOPENED!!

 

[Rayn_Shyu]

Oooh...I've got a ton...*runs to get list*

Losta random quotes I've gathered:

Without ME it's just AWESO.-Shirt
I would become a vegetarian but meat tastes too good.-Me (>_>)
Ingenious people are rarely tidy, tidy people are rarely ingenious.-Albert Einstein
10% of life is what happens and 90% is how you react to it. Mr.Vaghn (my Middle School band teacher)
Work is what a man is obliged to do. Play is what a man is not obliged to do.-Mark Twain
Hard work never hurt anyone but in some countries it's illegal.-Mr.Taylor (my friend [not a grown up])​

 

[Pichazard]

Detective Green : Hey would a lawyer lie?

Detective Briscoe: First Time for every thing.

tis from Law and Order

 

[Gardevoir Master]

"It's the abominable snowman! And I don't think he appreciates my honesty!"
-- Shaggy, "Chill Out, Scooby Do!"

"Imagine... A world where e-mail is sent before it is written, and replied to before it arrives, by people you've never met, in places you never even heard of..."
-- Frylock, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

 

[Hoenn Master]

I just remembered one from the Jonas Brothers Episode of HM.

Jackson: I may not be getting any taller, but I'm about to get a whole lot richer.

Rico: What? Are you going to open a 'take your picture with a moron' booth?

Jackson *mockingly*: Are you going to open a heebee-jee-bee-whoshee NO!!

Then two from Bionicle Books:

Brutaka: Don't you realize you're fighting for a lost cause?"

Axonn: Maybe, but don't you realize those are the only ones worth fighting for?

Avak looked at Reidak and said, "I'll flip you for it." When Reidak nodded in agreement Avak lunged forward, grabbed him, and flipped him over the side of the boat and into the water. "Looks like I win."
Reidak's response was a string of curses that could have seared the scales off of a Stone Serpent.

AL has Spoken
P.S. Yes, I like Bionicle. So vat!

 

[Satoren]

lol well you could always quote me...

"You know there's something wrong when the chef asks YOU what the lumps in his soup are."

"Do you have to tell us everything that comes to mind? I mean, at least when I think, no one even knows about it."

That last one just came out in the middle of an argument...

 

[Gardevoir Master]

"It's funny 'cause it's treason..."
-- Stephen Colbert

 

[Rayn_Shyu]

Here's s'more...
Make sure there aren't any bees around when you stop to smell the roses. -My friend.
Be who you are & say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who do don't mind."-Dr.Suess
You may be disapponted if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.-Berverly Sills
I don't think she could've done it. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands.- From somewhere evil...Legally Blonde.

And I just thought of one...

Justice is blind. Justice also likes money.-Me​

 

[Gardevoir Master]

"I'm really good at card games, and that's all that really matters!"
-- Chaz, Yu-Gi-Oh! GX

 

[Red Silvers]

"And when I go to Jail in Monopoly, I DO pass Go, and I DO collect $200... and nobody can stop me!" - Puzzle Wizard, Captain SNES.

 

[Hoenn Master]

You should recognize this one, Rayn.

SMOOOOOOOORG!!!!

- Smoorg, Paper Mario Thousand Year-Door

And some other favorites. Suite Life:

Moseby: You are forbidden to sell unauthorized cookies in my lobby. Hoppin' hippoes! These are fantastic!

More PM quotes:

Paper Bowser: Huh? Waht? Wuzzat? There's something in the grass. Yes, right here. I got the Twilight Blade. ... Just kidding. Suckers.

AL has More, but they are terrible...

 

[Shiny Motley]

KOHL SAYS:
(this happened in mens choir at school)

Teacher: About our upcoming concert, it's at a church. while this might not be your house of worship, it is still somebody's house of worship.
Grant: And it's my house of pancakes!

 

[Hoenn Master]

I've got a one more from Bionicle. It's noble and slightly humorous.

Axonn: I'll fight for an eternity to keep you from getting your hands on that mask!

Brutaka: Then prepare your self, old friend. Eternity begins now.

A few from iCarly.

Carly: I don't wanna move to Yakima! It sounds like someone throwing up!

Spencer: It's true. *bends over* YAKIMA!!! YA-HAKIMA!

Spencer made a statue of butter. He turned up the AC to keep it cool.

Spencer: Why is it warm? Toasty the Baker. GOOD ***!!

The *** is not a cuss word, it's just for those who don't like people to use THAT WORD.

He's remaking Toasty.

Spencer: Don't worry, Toasty. You're gonna be back and butter than ever. *looks around* Thank *** no one heard that.

AL is a Spence fan! *POOF!!*

 

[Evening Chateau]

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You put him on Lupron?
Dr. Gregory House: Uh-huh.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: And you told them it was like milk?
Dr. Gregory House: Yes.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Is there any way in which that is not a lie?
Dr. Gregory House: [pause] ...It's creamy.

--------------------

Let go of my cane before it becomes your new boyfriend.

-------------------

[someone is groaning in the restroom stall]
Good lord, are you having a bowel movement or a baby?

------------------

Dr. Cameron, Dr. Eric Foreman, Dr. Robert Chase: [speaking about patient's symptoms] We've got rectal bleeding.
Dr. Gregory House: What, all three of you?

 

[Gardevoir Master]

"Pants are an illusion, as is death."
-- Swamp mystic (Hugh?), Avatar: The Day of Black Sun

"Time is an illusion. Lunch time doubly so."
-- Ford Prefect, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

 

[Chibi]

Yay! Another Bionicle fan! I have some from Bionicle too:

Takadox: Every night, Mantax vanishes beneath the sea floor and stays there for hours. I waited here so I could follow him."

Kalmah: What possible reason could Mantax--or any of us--have for wanting to go down there? There's nothing below but the prison in which we were held in for thousands of years.

Takadox: Ah, dear Kalmah. Try using your head for something besides scaring small animals. Perhaps he's hidden something down there...The Mask of Life perhaps? (lol)

Kalmah: It would be just like Mantax to get his claws on a treasure and keep it from the rest of us.

Takadox: It would be just like you too. Are you angry at him for doing it, or at yourself for not thinking of it first? I knew there was a reason I never liked you Kalmah...Now I remember what it is.

And:

Okay, after their little argument, Kalmah and Takadox have become trapped in their old prison with Mantax. To make things worse, while they were gone, something else moved in, and are now after them. Nocturn is swimming outside the entrance, wondering why it's sealed.

Nocturn: That was open before. Somebody's probably trying to hide something from me. I'll show them...Open it up! *He smashes open the entrance* What? *Kalmah and Takadox swim out. Mantax has already gone.*

Kalmah: Move, you idiot!

Takadox: Pardon us, coming thruogh!

Creatures: Vengeance! Vengeance!

Nocturn: What are they?

Kalmah: Zyglak. A shunned species that lives to destroy.

Takadox: In other words, our kind of people. But really, the things they said about Nocturn were terrible... I've never heard such language.

Nocturn: What? No on insults me and lives!! *turns to the Zyglak*

Kalmah: You really are sea slime Takadox.

Takadox: And I'm so good at it too.

 

[Jisatsu_no_Tenshi]

There are only two things that are infinite. The universe and human stupidity and I'm not so sure about the former

A. Einstein

 

[Gardevoir Master]

Again, from 8-Bit Theatre:

Black Mage: Does that look like an invisible castle in the sky?
Fighter: Sure, maybe. I've never seen one.
Black Mage: Can you imagine why?
Fighter: [Thinks about it] Because they're quite rare?
Black Mage: I... You...
Thief: Technically, he's not wrong, you know.
Black Mage: But he should be!

 

[Psylark]

I have an army of South Park jokes. However, most of them contain swearing, and then my asterisk key would fall off from too much blocking of swearwords.

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all of its students. - Robin Williams

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

 

[SolaceonIsCowboyLand]

This isn't really a quote but... xD

Retards
Attempting
Poetry

For those of you who detest Rap xD (Including me >w

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

If your a ghost, then I'm straight!---Atem in Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged

Jiraiya: Now, Naruto..I'm gonna teach you how to walk on water.
Naruto: Like Jesus?!
Jiraiya: Yes, like Jesus...
Naruto: YOU MEAN JESUS WAS A NINJA!?
Jiraiya:Yes...Jesus was a ninja...*sigh*
Naruto: Really?
Jiraiya: NO!---Naruto Abridged.

"Oh, God with the flying!"- Yusuke from YuYu Hakusho Abridged

"I'm hear to kick gum and chew @$$, and I'm all outta @$$! ..Wait"- Piccolo in DBZ: Dead Zone Abridged

 

[Chibi]

These are more humoruos thn anything.

Optimists see the glass as half full, Pessimists see the glass as half empty. Scientists see the glass as completely full: 50% water and 50% air. -Humor Book

Some people thirst after power or fame... some people thirst for wealth or knowledge... but everyone thirsts after popcorn

 

[Tsuki]

My friend makes a lot of these:

Funny:

"Your the reason people like me need medicine..."
--My friend

"The inspiration of asprin? You."
--Same friend.

"You're too young to die. Don't make me kill you."
--My freind's dad.

"She's not a girl."
--My freind's dad.

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back, sip the grape juice and wonder how the heck you got grape juice."
--Friend

"Sometimes at night, I lie in bed and look at the stars. Then I wonder where my roof is..."
--Friend.

Serious:

"Why do humans look to the sky when they have no way to get there?"
--Wolf's Rain, Kiba

"Even if I walk this earth forever, the same path lies in front of me."
--Wolf's Rain, Kiba

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

"Don't shoot for the stars...I don't think the bullet can go that high."---Me

"No one's a virgin. Life screws us all"----somewhere on the internet

"Life's short...and we shouldn't be wasing it at school. I mean, we don't even use half the stuff we learn."--Me.

 

[Cinder]

Here are a couple I've used on Smashboards

How many Smashboards members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1...and 15+ to tell them that they fail

Sakurai was gonna make Waluigi playable, but then he realized that he is made of 99% fail and 1% hot gas

I'd use either one of those, or a line from my story...I know...they're not funny >.

 

[Chibi]

Here's another one from Reader's Digest.

How many plumbers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to get the beer and the other to call the electrician.

What do you give a gorilla for its birthday? I don't know but you better hope he likes it.

 

[Shiny Motley]

I got this from Kingie.... I think it's from Pirates of the Carribean.

"Mr. Gibbs"
"Aye Cap'n?"
"You may throw my hat"
*throws hat* "Hurray!"
"Now go get it"

 

[King of Rhinos]

hey! when did I say you could quote my quote?

and to stay on topic:

He who laughs last thinks slowest

and 5 more Pirates quotes

but, why is the rum gone?

why is the rum always gone?

hide the rum

*sees rope tied to cannon about to be pushed off the boat* "You're mad" "Thank you, Because if I wasn't this would probably never work"

And that was without a single drop of rum

 

[Chibi]

Pirates!

"Lord Becket desires what is in that chest. I give it to him, I get my life back."
"Ah, the dark side of ambition."
"Oh, I see it as the promise of redemption."

"Tia Dalmah and I go way back. Thick as thieves we once were... Have been... Before."
"I'll watch your back."
"It's me front I'm worried about."

On the island:

"C'mon men! It'll take all of us to crew the Pearl!"
"Acutally, you wouldn't need everyone! 'Bout six would do!"

And if you noticed that there were six people in each of the cages.

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

Yay, Pirates!!

Ah. I love those moments. I love to wave at them as they pass by.

 

[Hoenn Master]

Hey! I've been gone so long, you all kept this topic alive! Thanx! ;D

And, I've a couple things myself.
This one's from Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney Channel.

Alex: To start the spell, take out one dollar.
Justin: *takes out 1 dollar* Why?
Alex: I need one buck. *takes buck*

I've been addicted to Stargate lately, so here are some from it.

Doctor McKay: Well, Replicator Planet, you are a constant pain in the ass, so I'm glad to say- *clicks button* *Erased from map* goodbye.

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

Here's something that happened on the bus the other day...

Radio:"I'm Barack Obama, and I approve this message."
Random kid: "No you don't!'

Now onto other stuff....

Arnold Schwartzenagger(sp?):

"I believe a gay marriage should be between a man and a woman"

From DBZ: Fusion Reborn:

Vegeta: NO WAY KAKAROT! Not in a million years! I'd rather die!!
Goku:*scoffs* You've been dead. Besides, didn't you just say anything was better than your life here?

 

[Baskerville666]

Its all fun and games until someone loses an eyeball. Then hey... FREE EYEBALL!
I got that from a shirt ^^

o.o.... what color does a smurf if its choking?...
Got that from the almighty Dane Cook xD

 

[Cinder]

Here's a conversation between two of my mods:

Twiddle: Yeah, but if I ever got lost in a Blizzard, you would never be able to find me.
Project-05: Sure we would. You'd be the mound of snow talking s*** to everything that passes by.

I love my staff ;D...they're so awesome...

 

[Shiny Motley]

This is from some movie I watched in chinese last night. Translated and abridged for your convenience.

Yinyin: If you truly loved me, you would drink this poisonous wine!
Lifujiang: I love you so much I'll drink it! *starts to tip cup*
Yinyin: *snatches cup and drinks the wine*
Lifujiang: Idiot, what did you do that for?!
Yinyin: It's not really poisoned.

Ah, the idiots that make Chinese movies...

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

The jungle. A place without mercy.....or cream cheese

That was from the narrator on George of the Jungle.

 

[Cinder]

And my staff provides again XD...granted, it's not as funny as the first one, but...

Twiddle: Way to make things awkward...lol
Cinder (me, duh XD): Praytell, how is it awkward?
Project-05: You saying "praytell" is awkward. That's a British Catholic schoolgirl word.
Cinder: *opens mouth*...*closes mouth*...

 

[King of Rhinos]

from Spaceballs:

I'm a mog, half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend

I just love that line...

oh, here's another:

I see your Schwartz is as big as mine...Let's see how well you handle it!

...

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

Yay! Spaceballs!

Helmet: "What's the matter Sanders? 'Chicken'?!"

Scroob: *gets beamed* *head is backwards* *looks at his butt* "What the-- how come no one told me my ass was so big?!

*alarm goes off* Lone Starr: "What the hell was that?!"
DOT: "That was my Virgin Alarm! It's progammed to off before you do!"

 

[Chibi]

Spaceballs!!!

Barf: Nice dissolve...

You have to see the movie to actually understand the joke.

Helmet: My brains, are going into my feet!

Always makes me laugh.

Playing the 'Spaceballs' DVD
Helmet: No past this part, go past this...In fact, never play this again...

I can see why.

Yogurt: *continuing his rant* Space balls the cereal box, Spaceballs the flamethorwer! *picks up a flamethrower and shoots fire* The kids love this one.

You have no idea.