1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Fighting to The Top

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Ked, Sep 26, 2010.

  1. Ked



    "Come on Croco! Just a little more!" a girl said to her Totodile, 'You can do it!"

    The girl had dark brown hair with copper higlights where the sunlight hit her head. She wore a navy blue jacket with a shiny silver zipper dangling fro the bottom. Her deep blu eyes gleamed with anticipation.

    "Your puny Totodile is no match for my Turtwig," the boy sneered.

    "Oh yeah!" the girl spat back, "Prove it!"

    The boy just snickered. His dirty blond hair bobbed up and down as he laughed.

    I know you can do it Croco. Even if you can't, I know you'd try your hardest. the girl thought.

    The Totodile nodded it could speak to it's master telepathicly.

    "Use your Hydro Pump!" the girl commanded, her eyes bright with excitement.

    "Totodile can't learn Hydro Pump!" the boy shouted.

    "I guess you never saw my Totodile," the girl thought to herself happily.

    Just as the Totodile started spraying a strong blast of water from its mouth the girl's eyes flashed open.

    Riing! Riing!


    Katie felt around for the off button on her Chimeco alarm clock. Once she found it she pressed it and shot up out of bed. She rushed to get her new clothes on and flew down the staurs into the kitchen.

    "Hi sweetie!" Katie's mother said cheerfully, "Ready to start you journey?"

    "You bet!" Katie replied excitedly.

    Today was Katie's tenth birthday, and the start of her Pokemon journey.

    "What did you choose to wear?" her mother asked as she made Katie breakfast.

    "You know what I choose!" Katie laughed.

    She got up to model her new clothes. These were the clothes her mother bought her for her Pokemon journey. She wore navy blue sweatshirt tied around her waist, a wrinkled white tee-shirt, and baggy blue jeans. On her feet were forest green boots. She wore a red baseball cap with a picture of Totodile on the front. She spun around slowly, so her mom could see the clothes.

    "You look fantastic!" Katie's mother exclaimed as she placed a hot breakfast sandwich in front of Katie. Then she placed a cold glass of chocalate milk next to Katie's white plate.

    Katie chugged down her chocalate milk as she finished her sandwich. She looked over to see her mom packing her backpack. Her mom walked over and handed Katie the heavy backpack.

    "Your journey is about to start!" Katie's mom said as she guided Katie to the front door.

    Katie ran through the door, and hopped onto her bike. She waved goodbye to her mom as she rode off to the lab on the other side of town.

    "I'll miss you!" Katie called back to her mom, she was already about halfway down the road.

    ~To be Continued~
    #1 Ked, Sep 26, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  2. Sure, it's pretty good for the start! But I think it should be slight longer.
  3. Nice, Ked! As Poochy said, it should be slightly longer, and putting space between every single sentence isn't very practical either IMHO.

    But I like the story, and I'd like to see more of it~
  4. Ked


    ~Chapter 2~

    As Katie slowed to a stop at the lab entrance she saw a someone crouching beside a window. She gently stood her bike on the light tan siding and cautiously walked towards the person.
    "Err...hello?" Katie said to the person.
    The person looked up and pretended not to notice her.
    "Um, what are you do-" she started.
    The person got up and walked towards her. Katie backed up, trying not to start any trouble. Now she could get a closer look at the boy. He had dark red hair that grew donw to his shoulders. He wore a black jacket with a high collar that covered his mouth. His baggy jeans were black, and he wore black and crimson sneakers.
    "You know nothing!" the boy shouted in Katie's face, "You trainers are all the same!"
    Katie just stood there shocked. The boy walked over and kicked Katie away, then returned to the window.
    "W-Wha-Who are you?!" Katie stuttered.
    "You shall never know my real name," said the boy quietly.
    Katie turned around and walked away, her long hair bobbing behind her. The automatic doors slid open as she walked into the lab. Katie looked around. The room was clean and white. The floor was made out of white tile, and had Pokeballs embossed into it. The walls were solid white with various bulleton boards and papers strewn across them. Bright florescent lights were hung on the white ceiling, shining over the room.
    "Hello?" Katie called, "I'm here to get my Pokemon!"
    "Ah yes!' and old man dressed in a long white labcoat said as he scuffled over to Katie, "You must be Katie! Please follow me."
    Katie followed the man as he led her through many rooms and hallways, all of hich resembled the room she saw when she entered the lab. Finally they came to a white room. This room had rows of shelves and tables, along with many other people wearing white coats like the old man's. The man stoppped and told Katie to stay in one stop as he continued walking, and started talking to a man with short brown hair, a white polo shirt, forest green pants, and a white labcoat. The talked for a few minutes, turning towards Katie and nodding throughout their conversation.
    After about five minutes the man with brown hair motioned for Katie to come forward, he was smiling.
    "Yes?" said Katie to the man as she stopped in front of him, "What can I do for you?"
    "Hello Katie!" the man said cheerfully, "My name is Professer Elm."
    "Your Professer Elm?!" Katie said in disbelief.
    She believed he was older, like the other professers she eard about.
    "Yessiree!" said Professer Elm, he was laughing.
    'I don't get what's so funny," Katie said gruffly.
    "I hear you want to get a Pokemon," Professer Elm stated, "Is that true?"
    "Of course it's true!" Katie shouted back excitedly.
    "Well, just follow me and I'll show you what Pokemon we have," Professer elm said as he started walking towards a tall metal table painted white. The table had three Pokeballs on it, they glittered under the florescent lights.
    "I want Totodile!" Katie squeeled.
    "Settle down!" Professer Elm said, "You'll get your Totodile!"
    Just as Professer Elm was about to give Katie her Pokeball, the white lights began to flash red and a deafening siren started.

    ~To be Continued~
    #4 Ked, Sep 26, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  5. Ked


    ~Chapter 3~

    The same man that led Katie into the room burst through the double doors.
    "P-Professer!" he huffed, "Someone's. Trying. To steal. From us!", the man could barely breath.
    "Did they get anything?!" asked Professer Elm worried, "Katie! Call the police!"
    "N-no," the man choked out, struggling to breathe, "Nothing's gone."
    As she was dialing the police number into her Pokegear, Kaite noticed something out of the corner of her eye. She dropped the phone and ran to the exit.
    "Katie!" Professer Elm called, "Where are you going?!"
    Katie ignored the professer and started chasing the same red haired kid she saw before. The kid turned his head and started running faster, his hair bobbing uo and down. A red piece of plastic fell from his pocket; Katie walked over and picked it up.
    "Katie!" shouted Professer Elm as he stuck his head through the door, "What did you find?"
    Katie walked back into the lab, examining the card.
    "What's that?" asked Professer Elm when he saw the red card Katie was holding.
    "I'm not sure," Katie replied, "I think it's a trainer card."
    "Hmm..." Professer Elm thought, "Let me see that."
    Katie handed Professer Elm the card.
    "Oh!" said Professer Elm in surprise, "Indeed it is! Where did you get this?"
    "That thief dropped it," Katie replied, "The same person I saw spying on you earlier."
    Professer Elm continued examining the card. Just as he was about to speak Katie's Pokegear began to ring. Katie bent down to pick it up.
    "It's the police," Katie said.
    "Let me explain to them," Professer Elm said as he held out his hand for the phone.

    ~To be Continued~

    I've decided to write a short chapter or two a day, so don't be surprised if some of the chapters are this long, another longer one will probaly be posted later.
  6. Well, I have to say the way your crunch your dialogue together really hurts my eyes. Please separate them, please.

    Also, more description would be nice. You have a good idea, just extrapolate from there.

Share This Page