"Wrong syllable? Sorry about that, Shi-kun," Pearlan corrected himself. "BUT... we need to get you a girlfriend, and think of my next scheme! Hey, bartender girl! What are you into?"
The young lady working the shop was in a state of confusion, half amused and half unsettled by the way the Duke told her off. A second ago he'd communicated that he wasn't interested in her, but now he was asking her the things she liked? Her bewilderment only deepened. She was silent for a moment, not because she was dismissing him, but because the possible responses in her head swirled together unrecognizably and couldn't spit out a single one.
"Um... well," she managed. "I like night walks and books and snow... and coffee, obviously. I also love cats, and-"
"CATS!" the royal exclaimed suddenly.
"What?"
"Cats! That's perfect!" he repeated, radiating inspiration. "GIRLS LOVE CATS! And I've come up with a new plan! But more importantly, GIRLS LOVE CATS!"
He stood up abruptly, tipped the last of his coffee into his mouth, and loudly set it down on the table. Pearlan marched over, thanked the woman profusely, and slapped some bills onto the counter, swiveling away dramatically and stomping out the door. As the hours of night dragged on with less purpose, his determined plod collapsed into a four-legged pursuit, and the Duke chased down all the town's stray alley cats. One by one, he snatched them up in a wicker bin, sealed the lid, and toted the large container to his next stop—Arashi's Dream Spa.
"Alright, you're quick with a blade, so deter the cats from running away as I bathe them," Pearlan told his fellow royal. "We need them disease-free by tomorrow!"
This was the easiest step of his plot, so routine that his mind wandered. Felines were touchy, high-maintenance animals, and Ara-kun was for the most part a jaded, icy-eyed, antisocial killing machine, so was he fond of them? He certainly didn't like pet names, but did he like anything at all?
The Duke wondered only because he knew his own cleverness and unpredictability well, but the similarly indecipherable Arashi was unexplored territory. Pearlan was a demon who analyzed all potential actors in his cunning designs, and his companion just wasn't someone he had a read on. One couldn't simply say Arashi gave no fucks and leave it there, because if that were true, he'd have crawled in a hole and died. Why did he do the things he did? What were his interests? Was destruction the only mistress he got off to?
As he exited the bathhouse and trekked to an empty plot of land at the town's edge, the questions cluttered his thoughts like the freshly cleaned cats did the bin he was carrying. If he knew the answers, he could help a brother out and fill the void in Ara-kun's heart. But that would take lots and lots of time.
Filling the single lot before him only took the rest of the graveyard shift, and Pearlan, who returned there the next evening, gazed proudly upon the cat café that now stood.
"And the evil part about it?" he added, producing a flyer and sticking it onto the door. "THE SIGN SAYS ONLY PEOPLE WITH CAT ALLERGIES ARE ALLOWED!"
The lighting was gaudy and the green storefront was too kawaii, prominently featuring Pearlan's chibi head with cat ears and Arashi's with his characteristic bored look. The Duke's impression probably reflected his subtle awareness of the other's disinterest, both in his plans and in romantic relationships. He was an evil bastard himself, so he understood that emotion was trivial to their kind. But he thought it a waste that someone like Ara-kun, who'd retained his human memories, was a mindless agent of chaos. When Pearlan turned, he'd married his demonic urges with the desire to compensate for his uneventful human life, dreaming big and plotting world domination. He didn't know the other royal's past and whether it had been fulfilling—or maybe he did and was too drunk or stoned to remember—but while he walked the abundant path of creation, Arashi walked the desolate path of destruction.
If the purple demon couldn't show him something better... then he'd at least give him a cool suit to wear on his journey! Pearlan opened the café door to a chorus of meowing, the felines likely as excited as he was to welcome new customers. He quickly fit himself into a cat costume with an oversized head and a hole for his face at the mouth, then handed one to his friend.
"I am PURR-lan now!!! >:3" he declared. "And you are a raccoon, A-ra-kun, but since you hate that name, put this on and think of some cat-related pun! It's good old-fashioned, kid-friendly marketing! We'll draw in whole families of allergic people who'll read the sign and notice that this joint, where common sense tells them not to go, is blatantly telling them that it's okay! Then reverse psychology will kick in and they'll enter, only to suffocate soon after!"
There wasn't any water on the menu to relieve their burning throats, just caffeinated drinks with ornate, cinnamon-dusted swirls of whipped cream and desserts that would give them the craziest sugar high. They'd roll around on the floor in a bizarre mix of pain and excitement, flailing their arms as if the fire in their mouths had spread to the rest of their bodies. And if one of Pearlan's guests was a cute girl, Arashi would find that sexy, because he loved seeing people suffer.
"...!" Pearlan gasped when the door opened and the shopkeepers' bell chimed. A family of four—a father, a mother, and a gorgeous young daughter carrying a cradle with her baby brother—entered and asked to be seated. "We have our first customers! Welcome to Cataclysm!"
The name had floated absently in the back of his head but the royal grasped it like a kitten swiping at a toy, capturing the café's feline theme and the disaster it would unleash in one word!
"What would you like?!" he asked giddily, flinging his arm out and presenting them a clean booth.
"O-oh, uh... I-I'll j-just have a double espresso," the dad stammered.
"I'll get a cappuccino!" the mom happily requested.
"I'll take the same thing, please," the daughter said sweetly.
"Hmm... no desserts?" Pearlan narrowed his eyes. The saccharine treats were secondary to the success of his scheme. He'd thrown them in to better disguise Cataclysm as a legitimate establishment, and to make his victims squirm more. If they weren't ordering any, he wouldn't lose any sleep.
"Nope, not today. My husband and I are on a diet, while my daughter avoids sugary foods so she stays popular with boys."
"That's fine! We'll be right out with the coffee!" the Duke compromised. "Feel free to play with the kitties until then!"
He disappeared behind the counter and spread his materials before him—milk, butter, coffee beans, cream, clove, nutmeg, cinnamon, sugar, vanilla, ginger, cardamom, hazelnuts, and caramel. As the coffee and all the wicked ideas in his head brewed, he twiddled his fingertips like a delighted villain. When the drinks were finished, the idle sitters would be too! Pearlan looked up, unable to keep himself glued to the roasts anymore. His eyes only wanted a taste of their slow deaths!
Instead, they were underwhelmed by mild breakouts on the mother's face and none at all on the father's. Only the daughter's was badly swollen, but she was still grinning.
"Wait, WHAT?! Why aren't you clutching your necks in agony?!" the demon panicked, dropping what he was doing and running over. "You should be on the floor dying! Didn't you read the sign?! This place is for people with cat allergies!"
"Oh yes, we know," the mother chimed back. "But the note on the door didn't specify how major those allergies had to be. My husband doesn't have any... but a cat scratched him in a sensitive area and scarred him for life, so close enough. The therapist suggested he overcome his fear, so I'm glad we found this café! The real reason we're here, though, is for our baby son. We read a study in the news saying that if infants are exposed to animals, they're less likely to develop allergies when they grow up! So despite our own, we came, because being a parent is about making sacrifices for your kids!"
"Excuse me, I think your coffee's done. Let me go get it..." Pearlan patiently replied, his face twitching like an unstable person's. He did as he'd said without any problems, setting the cups at their table, calmly walking to the bathroom, and gently closing the door behind him. A second later, the muffled sound of violent screaming and breaking mirrors could be heard.
But he returned like nothing had happened, still wearing a plastic smile.
"I think I understand the situation," he stated diplomatically, then gestured to Arashi and addressed the daughter. "If you won't die, then can you at least date my buddy over here? The one with the red hair sticking out?"
"I'm so sorry, but I can't..." she responded innocently.
"What? Do you have a boyfriend? Tell us where he lives so we can kill him."
"No, it's not that. It's just... my allergies are worse than my mom's, and your friend's a cat lover, so I don't think it could work..."
"FUCK!" he spat, as the consolation prize of getting Ara-kun laid slipped through his scheming fingers. They trembled desperately, either from the shards of the mirror or the pieces of his shattered ego that stung far worse. How convenient. In the end, his customers were alive, and the only one he wanted to harm was himself.
"Fuck," a baby's voice sympathized. The mother, father, and daughter's hands suddenly flew to their mouths in shock. The curse word that the little son had uttered was a blessing, pulling the Duke out of his depression and the corners of his lips into a devilish smirk. The day hadn't been completely lost!
"HAHA! Hear that?! Your son just swore! I've polluted his ears and ruined his childhood! He'll grow up to be a really bad kid! I'm a diabolical genius after all! Now listen carefully, young one!" the royal instructed. "FUCK! TITS! ASS! BITCH! WHORE! CUNT! PUSSY! DICK! HOE! SLUT! FAG! SHIT! COCK! BASTARD! FEAST YOUR EARS!"
"You're amazing! Thanks so much!" the mom beamed with gratitude.
"...Huh?"
"Our son said his first word! It may have been a bad word, but it's still his first! Today's a happy day!"
Pearlan was stunned. There was no way these people were that goddamn dumb. He was frustrated all over again, but for some reason, he felt that swearing was the wrong way to let them know.
"I'm not feline so good..." he instead confessed to Arashi in a measured tone. "But I'm not done yet. A week from now, I'll unveil my ultimate plan..."
~~~
Just how deep was this cave, Sena wondered. She'd already passed many cozy alcoves, so finding a place to sleep wasn't the issue. Before she could rest soundly, however, she needed to know the lair inside and out, ensure there were no dangerous beasts or man-eating demons lurking within its walls. Should she actually find her family's murderer in the middle of nowhere, the girl probably wouldn't sleep at all, kept awake by the intense relief of finally putting her nemesis to bed.
But that was unlikely. Sena knew there was something at the end of this cavern, though, as it was becoming increasingly difficult to traverse. She ducked under stalactites, leapt over holes, squeezed through narrow passages, and deterred bats with her sword, adapting to each and every one of the tunnel's natural defenses. Her eyes had been trained for areas with low visibility, since her Breath Style denied it to begin with, but she was virtually blind in this pitch-black den. She used her blade like a white cane and felt for the ground ahead to avoid pitfalls. Her skin, instead of crawling with discomfort, tingled with curiosity, fascinated by what nature had gone to such lengths to protect.
So when she reached a dead end and found a crudely made hut, it was rather anticlimactic. Still, she kept her wits about her, gripping her katana tightly and preparing herself for trouble in case anyone was home.
"Is someone there? Show yourself," Sena asserted into the darkness.
