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Discussion in 'Small Talk' started by Linkachu, Nov 25, 2010.

  1. Linkachu

    Linkachu Hero of Pizza
    Staff Member Administrator

    ... something us staffers know all about. ;)

    How do you handle confrontations with other people? Are you the direct/blunt type who likes to deal with everything head-on, do you completely avoid uncomfortable situations in hope that they'll blow over, or do you run somewhere in between - you pick your battles depending on who's involved and how important the situation is? Tell us how you work.

    Myself, I definitely fall in the middle. I pick my battles and test the waters before launching into a confrontation with certain people, especially certain friends, acquaintances, and co-workers/my supervisors. If it's over something minor, I'll often let things slide unless I receive the perfect opportunity to bring a situation up. Other times I may show my distaste towards a person's actions/comments subtly in hopes that they'll take a hint. I find it much easier when someone can figure out their own mistakes and apologize for 'em without me having to directly confront them on it. This is a bit of a fault of mine, but I'm a firm believer in personal reflection and people taking responsibility for their own actions.

    That said... we're human. We screw up all the time and don't always realize it, so I will directly confront someone on something if it's really bothering me and they're not addressing it themselves. In a position like Admin on Charms, I'll often confront someone in someone else's place too, if I feel it's the right thing to do. I can be blunt and harsh at times because I feel it's necessary, but I honestly hate being so. I get really rattled up when directly dealing with a tense situation, to the point that I'll dread the other person's reply. If the confrontation was done via email or PM, I'll feel sick every time I log on in anticipation. But again, even though I hate confrontations I know that it's a necessary evil. Avoiding it out of fear tends to make things worse in the long run.

    So, that's me. What about the rest of you?
  2. I'm far better at confronting on someone else's behalf, but my opportunities to do so are limited because I typically believe that someone else would be better off doing it themselves (except in certain circumstances).

    I absolutely suck at confronting someone on my own behalf though. Even as a child I was never good at it and a couple of times I did confront someone as an adult, it went badly -_- I didn't realize it until very recently but I pretty much blame myself when my feelings get hurt by someone else's words. There have been about two or three people I really should've confronted irl, but I ended up talking myself out of it every time. I feel that conflicts should be settled directly and in a timely manner but for someone reason, I can't bring myself to take the stance myself because I'm always afraid that I'm just seeing the situation wrongly. It's a major character flaw of mine that I'm -still- working on.
  3. Doctor Oak

    Staff Member Overlord

    I generally pick my battles depending on whether or not I can be bothered. If I can be bothered, good luck shutting me up.
  4. Shiny Pyxis

    Shiny Pyxis 2016 Singles Football

    I pick my battles pretty much only when I'm pissed extremelly angry, frustrated, pissed, etc. at my buddies. I end up as some raging monster who's stubborn and won't listen to your opinion and will continue ranting for a long time. I don't usually explode on people, and I've never confronted anyone that I don't know. However, if my friends make a mistake or we end up disagreeing on something, I will give them a piece of my mind and be as blunt about my thoughts as possible. I don't believe in beating around the bush, and letting them know your feelings is the best way to get your point across from what I've experienced. After all that, though, I end up feeling extremely guilty and will usually go in a corner by myself and reflect on what's happened and how I can prevent that from happening again... even though I always end up doing the same thing later.

    Other than that, I don't usually have a short fuse, and I can continue going on if someone picks on me for a while. It's something I've picked up from when I was younger, because boys loved calling me "chubby cheeks" and "fatty" and stuff at that time, so I've grown an immunity to harsh words. Only people who're looking for a fight get one from me, and that happens only, what, once every other year or so.
  5. There's typical Alex for you! But im more of the silent type and I try to hold my anger in but if I get too angry, man you had better watch out! That is kinda like bide :p Like Alex I usually can't be bothered!
  6. Generally, I try to keep to myself. If I get pissed at someone, usually only my close friends find out. I tend to only go in to battle for people I deem worthy of my effort- in other words, the idiots in my Composition class, infuriating as they are, do not get the brunt of my anger because they're not worth my mental energy.

    When it does come to the confrontation itself, it really depends on how close the person is to me. If it's a peer that has been bothering me for a while, I can get quite angry and mean. I feel incredibly bad about it afterward, though. If the person is a friend, or even a good friend, I actually tend to shut my mouth. I have a fear of losing people close to me, and it takes me a long time to get rid of it, so I end up putting up with a lot of things. But when I lose that fear, that's when I tend to point out things that bother me more often. Problem is, at this point, I'm highly emotionally invested, and when I get frustrated with someone I'm close to, I tend to lose all logic and cry. It's a personality flaw that the little jerks in elementary school used to mock me for. I'm getting better, but I still end up crying in arguments.

    That all being said, if I'm going up against a peer, someone who I have no emotional investment in (or, in other cases, someone that I dislike), things can get scary. And I don't mean "potential violence" scary, as I would never hurt another person unless they're about to kill me and I had to. I just mean that, with no emotional attachments, I tend to find out their weaknesses and go for the throat. I do feel guilty about it later, though, no matter how much the other party deserved my strike.

    I also have a relatively short fuse, and anger is one of my more powerful emotions. I get most of that out in traffic, so I don't levy it on to others XD
  7. Tell me about it.

    I very rarely find myself in these arguments or confrontations, but when I do, I always feel guilty. Before, during and afterwards. Guess its just in my nature.

    ...wow. This made me think a lot, might have to come back to this topic.
  8. I mostly tell the blunt truth to others, and when something bothers me I won't let it end until the one I'm talking to understands how right I am and how wrong he is (and the worst part is that I'm not always right, but I'm too prideful). Saddly, whenever I enter a discussion with someone that person ignores everything I say, and so I never win a discussion, but only because when I'm right people acts ignorantly. Also, if the thing that bothered me is a defect of the person I'm discussing with, I keep saying to that person to stop being that (like "stop being stubborn" or "stop being ignorant"). But I normally only gets in discussions with my brothers, and normaly only ignores any insult or similar people calls me, they're just a bunch of babies that don't know how to really discuss and then keeps calling people names.
  9. KoL

    KoL Expert FPS Player
    Staff Member Moderator

    I think most will know how I'd react to confrontation...but I'll go into detail anyway.

    Anyone who knows me knows I become blunt, sarcastic and very scathing towards anyone who irritates me, and there isn't a whole lot that irritates me more than a person who thinks they're smart but is in fact a complete moron - naturally, my razor-sharp tongue is perfectly suited for dealing with people like that. Beating me in an argument is almost completely impossible due to my tendency to play troll cards during arguments, essentially making points that are impossible to argue against despite having horribly flawed logic. An example of this kind of point would be a Boondocks episode where Riley argued that R. Kelly should not have gone to jail for pissing on a minor because the girl should have moved out the way if she didn't want to get pissed on - it's definitely a stupid point, but what can you really beat it with? Either way, getting in an argument with me is bound to frustrate anyone to no end, so I'd avoid it wherever possible (because you will lose.)

    As for other real-life issues, if someone is fucking something up or being stupid, they're usually prone to a vicious ear-bashing from myself if it happens to concern me. Whatever I think, I say, and I don't ever shy away from confrontation, even physical confrontations where I've told people if they want me, I'll be waiting for them - they already know I have no qualms about putting a boot through their head if it comes to it. I'm not a violent, war-mongering sadist by any stretch of the imagination, but I never back down from anyone and I show no remorse either - if someone needs to be utterly crushed, one way or another it will be done.

    I think you have to be able to enjoy confrontations just a little in order to work the way I do, and I will be honest and admit I enjoy beating people and being the "winner" no matter what it is I'm beating them at.
  10. It all depends on whats going on. I couldn't care less about who it is, if someone needs a talking to, they'll get it from me. My jokes may be crude, but when I'm serious, I'm a very stern and down-to-the-point person. I can argue on my behalf or the behalf of others, but only if it's a topic worth discussing over. Words don't bother me, but I'll still throw 'em back to bother you, that is MY flaw. To really get me angry, you'd have to hit me, but other than that, I'm usually collected, I may say "Hey, Shut up!" But then, thats only when they NEED to shut up, and then people don't listen to me because I don't shut up either. In my oppinion, confrontation shouldn't be avoided. But Conflict, whether its verbal abuse or physical dispute, can and should be avoided. (I still don't take my own advise, though... ._.)
    #10 The iFlare, Nov 26, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  11. It all depends on the person, some people I run into confrontations with I just don't even bother my time with them. Let them blow out hot air and whatever else. But only will react if I feel the need to actually shut them up with what's really going on and to shut up. So depending on the situation, I'll be up front with it or I'll just step aside and leave the matter alone. Some people are just stupid and see the world in a different and more negative way than they should.

    This is why people can't be bothered with is if their view on everything, life, and the world is just messed up, you can't quite change that, you can help push them the right direction but you can't force them, they gotta change themselves.
  12. I fall in the middle most times, however if I'm pissed off enough I'll confront directly (on one occasion I didn't even say a word, and just let my fist do the talking). If I don't like the person, or if I really love the person, I'll be as blunt as a rock. I don't want to hurt you (except if I don't like you, in which case I do mean to), but I don't want you thinking that the wrong thing you're doing is right.
  13. In person, I'm generally blunt. My Asperger's impedes my ability to pick up social cues, as well as my belief that people dance around the subject too much. It wastes time and muddles the message.

    Online and in letters, I'm extremely apologetic and better at picking up cues, as text is all there is. Everything is simplified. However, since those are recordable methods, impoliteness is something I do not want held against me. In addition, my family has taught me to be very polite in formal discourse. Stupid submissive-making politeness. :p
  14. Dwayna DragonFire

    Dwayna DragonFire 2014 Little Cup Champion

    I remember I used to avoid confrontation as much as possible, though there were times I would completely freak out at a person. It usually ended up in tears, more so for myself but sometimes the other party. I am scary good at figuring out other people's emotional weaknesses and using that against them. >> I tend to feel very guilty for doing so, but sometimes I can't help myself if I get angry.

    Nowadays I tend to yell at people when I get angry or frustrated at them. I can change my inflection of voice and my expressions to fit the situation, another scary trait of mine. I will find people's buttons and I will push them... I am not a nice person if you piss me off. Not only that but I find a certain fascination (and, regrettably, enjoyment) with making people's days horrible if I am angry at them.

    That said, my temper has significantly decreased over these last four months. :3
    #14 Dwayna DragonFire, Nov 30, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  15. I'm somewhat psychotic. I have two different personalities, one that I show when at home and one for my friends.

    I tend to be almost evil when I'm at home. My parents tell me I'm really selfish. I scream a lot. The confrontations I've had with my parents are countless. I believe that this is because they're my parents, and I know they'll forgive me and love me anyways. It's a very dicky move, I know, but whenever they treat me or my brothers unfairly I'll start screaming. And I don't give up easily. On the other hand, neither do they, so our confrontations tend to be very hot.

    With my friends, however, I try to avoid confrontation as much as possible. I can think that I'd like to beat up a guy, but I never do it. I have almost no confidence, so I have a really hard time making friends. That's why I avoid confrontations as much as possible, because unlike my parents I can lose my friends because of an argument. So I am a very interesting personality. I scream and take out all my frustration at home, while in school I'm really shy and in general I don't talk to anyone that I don't know. It's not fun, being as shy as I am.
  16. Magpie

    Magpie Feathered Overseer
    Staff Member Moderator

    That pretty much sums me up XD

    I have to deal with confrontation a lot at work. For those that don't know me, I'm a Team Leader at Tesco, so I deal with all the lovely customer complaints. Most people turn slightly angry, but quickly come round once they realise I'm going to do my best to sort them out. However, there's usually one or two every day that are really aggressive. Usually of course though, they're kicking off at some random member of staff who just happened to be the first person they saw in a Tesco uniform. I go and ask them to stop yelling at my staff and ask them to come and talk to me properly - that way I can do my very best to help them. I'm very good at calming situations down.

    Refusing to sell someone alcohol is what causes the most confrontation though. No ID, no sale and seriously some of them can turn nasty. They threaten, throw stuff and scream. I really hate those, because it's really quite horrible when there is a group of them and just tiny little me refusing them. Once, a lad actually came running into Tesco to escape another lad who was trying to beat the crap out of him. I stood in the guy's way and refused to let him in - which got quite nasty, but I didn't move, even when he was screaming in my face. I can't stand people who pick on others - the lad who'd ran inside was tiny in comparison to this other guy.

    So pretty much, I hate confrontation. I tend to try and calm the situation etc, to prevent real fallout. However, I won't shy away from it. If I know I'm right then backing down just isn't in my nature.

    On a random note I don't think I've ever completely lost my temper. It really does take a lot to anger/annoy me. Even if I do get really angry, I tend to seethe inwardly rather than let it out on people. I'm sure one day I'll totally lose it and they'll just be a little patch of scorched earth where I've exploded :V
  17. Linkachu

    Linkachu Hero of Pizza
    Staff Member Administrator

    Same. When it's something that matters, I know I'm right, and I actually can make a difference (because in many situations you truly can't, regardless of how much you care), I won't back down. If it's something work related, you can bet I'll talk it out until the situation is settled somehow. I'm generally firm but tactful, mind, because losing your cool in a professional setting really doesn't look good, but if I have something to say then I'll definitely make myself heard.

    I've been hassled by my students on various occasions, but it either ends with them shutting up or leaving the room. Rules are rules, and if they're constantly breaking them - they're told. If they don't like it, tough. They can get the hell out of my computer lab and never come back.
    #17 Linkachu, Dec 2, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  18. Doctor Oak

    Staff Member Overlord

    Pretty much no-one here will ever have seen me lose my temper. It's not something I'm prone to doing on a regular basis (and those that know me the most will know that I can get a bit angry and vocal anyway - so trust me when I say that's not me losing my temper), but on the few occasions that I have, it aint pretty. Things and people usually end up fairly broken...
  19. *Backs off* I wouldn't like to get in your way when you're on a rampage! I can sometimes be a little too confident with confrontations Which ended up getting me banned off mibbit because I get so angry I just forget my position on pokecharms and don't care who im lashing out at. Sorry Sem and KoL...
  20. Sir Red

    Sir Red Charms' Caped Crusader

    I usually try and stay away from confrontations, as they really don't serve any purpose in my eyes. I consider myself to be a pacifist, therefore even if I do get mad I won't resort to violence (although I will threaten to use violence, but that's usually to get somebody to shut the hell up or something).

    Really I just try and shrug things off and let cooler heads prevail. I used to be a bit of a hot-head, though. But, with age comes wisdom and patience and I have it under control now (plus, it's just not worth it really :T).
  21. Nim


    If there is an argument about something that doesn't concern me
    I'll kinda just go along and let the person say what they need to say but if there is someone talking about something as if they have all the detail when they actually no nothing about the topic at all I tends to come out of my shell and really get into the argument because it just angers me when people do that. If it is a person I don't like no matter what the argument is about I naturally try and stir up trouble, even if they are Alot bigger then me. I reallydont know why because I am gonna get my teeth kicked in one day but I just naturally do it.

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